Monthly Archives: September 2013

Talking law with M. Protesting in Wellington. Met with Auditor-General

Busy few days, finishing up on a real high after my protest at the Office of the Auditor-General.  I was there to get another trespass notice, sing, recite poetry and hold them accountable.  But as I have said many times before you just never know what is going to happen when you go on a protest mission.


What happened is Lyn Provost (the Auditor-General) was in the office and wanted to see me.  I have a video of my protest up until that point as she didn’t want it recorded.  She told me they had started preparing the performance audit for ACC and WINZ and me and M could be part of it as we were just the types of people that were being hurt by the current processes.  I cried most of it, a voice at last – though I know it is going to take ages – will come out before the elections next year – which is good and will be something the Labour government better address.  (Can’t help feeling suspicious about the timing, as a political tool for Labour – and a sure don’t trust them.)

I intend to keep up my protests and should hear next week if the Director of Human Rights will represent me against ACC and the police.  In fact I intend to escalate my protests and start breaching bail conditions and trespass notices very soon, along with some ideas I have got about using pigs blood as an artistic form of protest.

Call for Justice letters – Part 7

23 September 2013


Attention: Secretary for Justice

Mr Andrew Bridgman

And others


Dear Mr Bridgman,




Rough day today, lots of anger and extreme sadness, I couldn’t escape it no matter where I went – every part of my day was controlled by the NZ government.  The NZ government have had control of my life since I was raped, I thought I had some control but I didn’t, they made sure of that by brainwashing my community to resent, judge and ostracize me for not working & needing extensive health care.


Thankfully I have a suicidal friend and we could talk through the extreme suicidal thoughts of putting a gun in my mouth and blowing off the back of head which were on auto repeat.  I wanted to cut myself so badly, it was the like the only way to release some of the stress/psychological pain was physical pain and blood.  I cried a lot, I hate crying, I could barely move, just wandered around the house mostly, I wanted to be numb but I have no money for alcohol or pot – I wanted to forget the impossible situation I am in and the fact I have no control over it.  My bulimia has been bad but today I could barely eat and felt nauseous all day.  I know why I feel sick – because what the NZ government are doing to abused people like me is sickening.


Watching TV has become almost impossible, I want to self-harm every time I see anything about the America’s cup, knowing people in the NZ government made the decision to give those rich sports people $35million dollars at the same time as stopping abused people like me getting the health care they are entitled to.  Sick.


One of the programmes I saw was about families, babies, children and parenting, I was overcome with grief when I think of the past 11 years as my girls were growing up.  What they missed out on by having a severely stress disordered disabled parent, what ACC and others put me and my children through in order to stop me getting treatment, care, rehabilitation and justice (ie to save money and pander to their cruel immoral neo-liberal political beliefs).


My girls were 6 and 7 when I was raped, they don’t remember what I was like before the rape, they never knew me to be happy (except for a fleeting moment), for months on end I couldn’t touch them (I used to cry and tell them I was sorry it wasn’t their fault)…………………… I can’t go on what ACC and others put us through – for what?……………………. Why, what has all the rejection and persecution ever achieved???????……………….  I don’t understand?


All the ‘health professionals’ that lied, wrote reports that didn’t make sense, were not true, not based on medical or scientific fact, were degrading, incompetent, unprofessional.   Comments stated as fact that were created out of their imaginations so that ACC got the report they wanted and the assessor got paid over $5,000 for it – THAT IS CORRUPTION!  Those that weren’t paid such big money were threatened with the loss of their jobs if they tried to professionally support the abused person.  It has been proven that ACC favour health providers that give them the answers they want – that achieve their neo-liberal goals of getting rid of ‘the tail’ or ‘low hanging fruit’ or high needs long term claimants.  ACC stop using health providers and assessors that don’t say what they want.


What ACC and mental health have done is drive people to suicide and dysfunctional ways of coping – abuse victims, mostly children driven insane due to lack of professional care – gross neglect.  And no, it doesn’t happen to all abuse/trauma victims that they develop Complex PTSD, but then people have different support networks and personalities.  I remember a counsellor saying once that about 80% of families handle sexual abuse badly, I know many of the really screwed up abuse victims have been abused by their own families.  So when the television talks about families sticking together and supporting each other, for people like me (where my family hate me because I don’t work) and those who have abusive families it is like being hit with a softball bat as a reminder what you don’t have.


Talking with my friend last night she mentioned the Hyundai family adverts and how bad she felt when she saw them.


My children missed out on holidays and time with our extended family, my family considered me insane so I was never allowed to have my nieces and nephews to stay.  The seldom visited because I was poor and my house wasn’t as flash as theirs, plus I usually had little food in the house and they would have to buy more.  They all love my girls and say how great they are but we were never a priority in any of their lives, no matter how poor or unwell I became.  I have family who are well off financially but they would never ever help me out, except for a few times and I was made to feel really bad about accepting it – as far as they are concerned love is a word not an action.


There are some good health professionals but they are rare and organisations like ACC always make sure they employ the most corruptible health professionals as assessors.  People like Anne Walshe who is obviously mentally disturbed and because she was caught up in an attempted murder with her psychiatrist lover only ACC would employ her.  That gives them huge power over her and she would say anything they wanted.  The report she did on me was ridiculous, she had no previous medical history and did not talk with friends or family about my behaviour/life prior to the rape.  I can’t go into just how bad it is, as they would require me to go over it again and I cannot.  One day I hope to have legal representation and bring that vile woman to justice.


When I read something untrue or degrading written by a ‘health professional’ or bureaucrat I become extremely agitated to the point of self-harm.  When I get really down, which I often do as my situation is so dire, the words they have written will go over and over in my head and I start thinking of myself is the most vile piece of human sewage in this country.


I failed my children over and over again, they are ashamed of me as they are getting older and I don’t work, my family are ashamed of me – I am an embarrassment for not working and protesting.  They would have had a very very different life if I hadn’t been raped and then neglected and persecuted by ACC and others.  I have cost the country hundreds of thousands of dollars in welfare and other services, including the loss of taxes I would have paid.  How has spending thousands of dollars trying to stop me getting health care and rehabilitation been cost effective.  ACC, mental health and others made me suffer – for what?


They manipulated and tried to confuse me with their processes – which are extremely complicated and impossible for any traumatised person to use.


Cooking shows are really starting to upset me lately – now I only have $50 for groceries for Megan and I every week.  I can’t afford ANYTHING they cook, why do the government think it is a good idea to ensure the lowest possible income for those rotting on welfare?  How do they think poor people feel having food and items they can’t afford shoved down their throats.  How many times a day do you think I see an advertisement that I can’t respond to because of poverty or my disorder.


I cried today because I just can’t understand how so many people could be involved in this gross miscarriage of justice and nobody does anything about it – NOBODY.  You all know it is going on but the complaints processes are so bad nobody gets justice and the thing that annoys me the most – nobody has to look you in the eye when you are devastated by rejection.  In fact the government has become very good at avoiding every situation where they have to take responsibility for the deaths, harm and suffering of people due to years of deregulation, reforms and austerity aimed at the poor and mentally injured/ill.  I can’t actually recall any cuts to the rich, they tried to get rid of their tax free carparks but they all kicked up a stink and won.  They tried to shut down a heap of extravagant embassies in small countries but everybody kicked up stink so they stopped.  Yet they stopped poor people getting physiotherapy and professional mental health services through ACC and nobody really said anything.


I am being tortured, discriminated against due to my disability, experimented on and the community is being brainwashed to resent, discredit and degrade me – why?  Why is this cruel immoral neo-liberal political ideology allowed to dominate medical science and remove a person’s rights under law to be treated with respect and dignity?  Why?  Where are the Bill of Rights and Human Rights laws to protect us from the rich and powerful, why aren’t they being applied?


I have had the police here again today (I probably already said that but I am very tired) I get scared now when I hear a car go past or stop – I’m always looking out the window worried the police are going to come and try and take me away.  Take me away, mental health will commit me, they will load me up on drugs and incarcerate me until I tell them I am never going to protest about abusive health services again.  By then I will have lost everything I have, my home, all my belongings, my dog, my children will have to fend for themselves – or try and organise my things.  Where will the furniture I have collected over the years go?


You people wonder why I have a morbid fear of mental health services, but these people destroy lives, they don’t repair them.  Every mentally ill or injured person I have spoken to has told me mental health services are abusive and never ever get committed if you possibly can avoid it, as you will be far worse when you come out than when you went in.  My suicidal friend was committed years ago and is petrified of them, everybody I know is.  How come mental health services are so abusive – it is called health care – many of the techniques/treatments they use for controlling people who are self-harming, eating disordered, violent/enraged, etc could not be found in any medical text book.


Things like isolation, incarceration and drugging are methods of torture, not methods of health care – how do these people get away with this??  I don’t understand how or why they would do it – what does refusing people begging for help achieve?  All it does is pander to cruel immoral survival of the fittest and persecution of the weak behaviour.  …………………….I am so tired.


Have to try and organise the doctor in Wainuiomata tomorrow as the lump under my breast has got bigger and it is worrying me.  Along with not knowing how I am going to live, that I need a flatmate but am too scared to look for one, that Megan’s exboyfriend will hang himself in our garage or start stalking Megan with the intention of hurting her, that my family don’t speak to me, that I owe $300 in bills and I can’t pay them (in 11 years I have never incurred a bad debt) I always paid my bills, that my life is about to get a lot worse, that I have to watch TV with all the things I can’t have and never will have, that now I am not buying any café or takeaway food at all I have no reason to go out.  I can’t join clubs, I try to participate in my community and get hurt over and over again.


I was a respected person in the community before I was raped, ACC, Wairarapa mental health, NGOs and social agencies in my area have done everything they can to ensure I am ridiculed, degraded and discredited.  In Greytown they call me Crazy Jayne, I’m crazy for needing help, knowing what I am entitled to and asking for it????  What sort of country do I live in – how have you people in charge of it been able to get away with what you have done to me and around 500 000 other people rotting at the bottom of the neo-liberal heap. ……………………….. I am so tired………………………….Its 1 am, I’ve been awake since 4am along with being really upset several times during the day.


Will tell you tomorrow how it went trying to get health care today.




Have taken to bed, can’t get up, just want to sleep this hell away – I know other people who do that just to escape the hell their lives are.


Yesterday I started to organise trying to access health care about the lump I have because I knew I could not return to the last doctor I saw at the Masterton Medical Centre.  Last time I had a cancerous lump I was turned away by Masterton Hospital, Lower Hutt hospital, Whaiora (twice), Featherston Medical Centre and Martinborough Medical Centre.  Eventually I was taken by a friend (because I am scared of people at Mstn Medical who have rejected me before – Dr Maunsell particularly) and saw a doctor at Mstn Medical who burnt off the cancerous lump.


The next time I heard from Mstn medical staff was about three weeks later – a phone call from some woman, after she had received a phone call from ACC saying I was going to kill myself and was told to contact me.  I was having a bad day and when she phoned I just hung up immediately and left the house as I knew the police wouldn’t be far behind.  I HAVE NEVER EVER SAID I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF – EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have said repeatedly that I want to kill myself as my life was so bad and explained what the suicidality is like and the thoughts going through my head.  ANYBODY WHO LIVES THE LIFE I AM FORCED TO WOULD BECOME SUICIDAL!


When I thought the coast would be clear I returned home, I was afraid because the time previous the police had turned up Sgt Basher was with them and had been extremely degrading and insulting (I made a formal police complaint).  There had also been three police cars – which is extremely frightening and embarrassing as my neighbours see this.  The police did eventually turn up that day at 11.30pm at night, they knocked on the door and I freaked out because I thought it was Josh (my daughters suicidal exboyfriend), they questioned me as they usually do and left.  I always feel intimidated by these visits because of the potential for me to be locked up and committed, they were nice police officers and left quickly.  It is only 10% of them that are really bad, most are good and don’t really know what to do for me – they see how bad mental health services are every day – they pick up the pieces.


When I got home I discovered on my mobile phone 18 missed calls and a text msg.  I answered the text message with very abusive language – I don’t know why – I wanted them to leave me alone I suppose, they are the enemy.  I saved the two texts they sent and my reply, they did reply to my abusive text but I couldn’t read it and just stored it, so I don’t know what was said.  I never heard another thing from them.


Masterton Medical betrayed me, they sent the police to bully me into shutting up about not getting the health care I am entitled to and exposing how corrupt the system and people involved truly are.  When I needed to see the doctor about this latest lump I could not go back to Masterton as I don’t trust them, so in order to accommodate the impairments related to my disorder I have had to move doctors yet again.


Yesterday I attempted to get my notes moved from Masterton to Wainuiomata (I have a friend there who can support me to go to the doctor), I was told there was no way I could do it without them seeing a signed change of doctor form.  I had no ink in my printer and no money to pay for a fax, eventually I decided to risk it and take my car, which was on empty (a 30 minute round trip from Carterton).  When I got there I tried to stay calm but I was forced to wait and that always makes me more anxious.  When I got to speak to the receptionist I became upset, saying I needed to sign a form, could I please just sign the form and go.  Apparently I wasn’t using the exact procedure they needed as the Wainui doctor was supposed to provide the form – I had phoned Mstn Medical earlier and been told I could go in and sign the form as it would speed up the process of my new doctor getting my notes.  Until the new doctor had my notes they would not make an appointment for me, no matter how urgent.


While at the desk I started to tick badly, shake and cry, barely able to speak and obviously very distressed.  I find it really hard to hold my head up, I am so ashamed, you feel like a complete nutter when your body responds like that in front of strangers – but there is nothing you can do.  At one point someone put their hand on my shoulder from behind and I freaked out, like I have never freaked out before.  I recoiled like something really bad had touched me, moved 3-4 metres from the person and strongly told them never ever to touch me and how dare they touch me.  The woman was one I had used to support me to make the complaint to Inspector Register of Masterton police about ACC and mental health (under Section 157 of the Crimes Act).  Of course relatively recently Register had sent me a letter saying he didn’t believe a thing I said, ACC and mental health had advised them I was refusing their care and that was the end of that.


I know why I recoiled so badly, it is part of the rejection I experience at the hands of ACC and mental health.  Again proof of the psychological torture ACC, mental health and police are putting me through.  From my own studies I think it is part of an ‘attachment disorder’ associated with my Complex PTSD.  Complex PTSD is called that because of the variety of different dysfunctional behaviours that come from it, eg eating disorders, anxiety disorders, violence, addictions and phobias.


Currently ignorant and bigoted ‘health professionals’ are looking at the symptoms of Complex PTSD as the cause of the dysfunctional behaviour.  For example I was first diagnosed as having a Personality Disorder by Anne Walshe because of the dysfunctional behaviour she was told about when she assessed me.  It was completely irrelevant to her that I was a normally functioning human being before I was raped, who had been in a long term relationship with children and running businesses (which if I had a personality disorder would not have been possible).


Currently in New Zealand there are large amounts of money being spent on drug counselling – due to the idiot Paul Holmes one man crusade to blame drugs for his addict daughter and not his own poor parenting.  All incompetent health professionals who believe drugs are the cause of dysfunction rather than a symptom of it have been brainwashed into this neo-liberal belief.  Easily done when the government took money out of mainstream mental health services, in order to funnel it into drug addicts.  The sad thing about that is, those of us who don’t use drugs or alcohol to the point of abuse are penalised even further (ie you have to be a drug addict to get therapy).


At one point when ACC dumped me I started going to a drug counsellor as it was the only access I had to therapy.  He was quite useless, promised to find out about eating disorders but didn’t, did several therapies with me one of which was about intimate relationships which of course I could not have due to fear after the rape.  After this particular therapy our regular sessions ended as he was regularly away and then he resigned.


At the moment the DHB elections are on and I have to look at those vile people on the Wairarapa DHB who have ensured the degradation of mental health services in this region to the point of abuse.  I have written several times to these people and been ignored, one of the members knew me a little from Greytown and I had written to her about my problems getting care – she discredited and ignored me.  I have been sending a copy of these letters to the Wairarapa DHB but was told by their administration person that I should be making a formal complaint and it was not appropriate for them to receive my letters.  I replied to her saying if she didn’t pass on these letters to every member of the DHB then she would be held personally responsible.


This separation between Boards and governance is really really bad – it is what stops those at the top from being held accountable for the damage, suffering and murders they are causing in our communities.  The Wairarapa has one of the highest rates of suicide and child abuse in New Zealand, all the DHB ever do is marketing campaigns.  Treatment care and rehabilitation are not available, what is there is someone to talk to, who will keep and eye on you and make sure you are doing what is needed to function or they will commit you.  The threat of that hell works on 80% of mentally ill/injured people – people know this is happening, health professionals know this is happening, thousands of mentally injured/ill people know this is happening – WHY IS THIS HAPPENING????  This isn’t health care this is psychological torture and abuse.


Of course I know why this is happening, human nature being what it is and studying the history of human conflict and basic instinct behaviour in humans.  A study of the rise of the NAZIs in Germany mirrors perfectly what is happening in New Zealand society as cruel immoral neo-liberalism replaces medical/scientific fact and Christian principles of caring for the poor and less fortunate.  Of course as said before the Human Rights and Bill of Rights Acts were supposed to protect us from this sort of oppression and abuse – it hasn’t.


I get money tomorrow so can go and see my suicidal friend and help her with her court case against ACC etc as well as see the doctor about this lump.  Today is going to be another long long day, I hope the policeman who was here yesterday doesn’t come back like he said he would.  Although he is one of the good guys he cares to much and asks me questions that make me cry when I have to answer them.  Especially about not getting care or the support of my family.




Just had another melt-down, when I tried to phone Wainuiomata Health Centre and get an appointment.  The young woman was so stupid, I said the information was signed and on its way could I please make an appointment and fill out the form when I got there.  She said no way, the right form must be filled out, she didn’t care if the issue was serious, I started to freak out which made things worse.  She said go to a hospital I said I tried that last time it didn’t work.  I offered her $100 (I don’t have) if she please made me an appointment, I begged and pleaded with her, she just got angry and more belligerent that I had to fill out the form.


So now I am going from a medical centre that I can’t deal with and doesn’t understand my ‘terrets’ type behaviour and considers me rude and abusive and person who doesn’t want care.  To an new one who already thinks that about me – great.  Every time I am rejected it is like running head on into a brick wall – rejection is my worst trigger, not being listened to is a huge trigger.

I was so freaked out after I got off the phone I started getting really strong visions of smashing everything, especially windows – I have to use every piece of will power and spiritual strength to not act on these thoughts.  The visions of a knife slicing down my forearm ……..   this is what hell is.  This is suicidality and what I have to live with, these thoughts come from my subconscious I have little control over them.  I started smashing my fist down on the desk I was at, as hard as I could, the pain was a relief, I stopped myself about the 6th time, I knew if I let it escalate I could have broken my hand or started giving in to the other violent thoughts.  It is now bruised, sore and swollen.  I have had experiences like this dozens of times over the past 11 years, ACC, mental health and many others know about them but still refuse to provide the health care I am entitled to (and have won two reviews to have reinstated).  They refuse to accommodate my disorder, a symptom of which is violence – or what I call ‘toxic rage’ – rage at the injustice I am subjected to by health services.


After I got off the phone and stopped smashing things, my friend phoned, I reakon spirit told her something was up, I could barely speak to start with.  We talked it through and I came down a bit from my escalated state, I planned to do some messages in town, take dog for a walk and come back home.  You have to try and get back to a routine as soon as you can – the less time you spend in that angry state the better.  It is definitely a pressure valve though, but extremely tiring as your body is rigid with rage/fear.  You are so traumatised you become unable to speak, this is part of my disorder and completely ignored by the health services I deal with.


I found the form from Wainui in my letterbox along with a pile of junk mail which is currently strewn all over the footpath because I threw it everywhere.  I HATE JUNK MAIL just more reminders of what don’t have and can’t have – it is sick.  I filled out my name on the form and signed it, I was so traumatised I couldn’t fill out the rest of it.  I wrote a note in really ‘angry’ writing (it is really hard to write when you are freaking out) saying I had a disability and could not fill out the form.  Could I please do it with the help  of the doctor.  I posted it with my last two stamps fastpost, also with a photocopy of my Community services card, because I couldn’t fill out the details and I figured they wouldn’t see me without seeing my ID card that confirms I am poor.


What disgusts me about mental health services, is they try to oppress, discredit and medicate my rage, when it is justified and part of my communication issues.  If I had the Occupational Therapist and mental health worker (5 hours a week, like in my ACC rehabilitation plan) none of this would have happened.  Other disabled people get help with accessing health services – WHY NOT ME!


These deluded mental health professionals also believe by doing nothing my disorder improves and I will get over it.  This is a neo-liberal fantasy, my disorder, dysfunction and ability to communicate with my environment becomes less and less without professional health care/support.  Any of my friends will tell you how social I used to be compared with what is happening to me now.


My current worry about a growing lump under by breast and other marks on my body are not the only health issues I have.  I have sexual issues and physical issues that have not been dealt with because I have no relationship with any health professional.  Again if I had the treatment care rehabilitation and support I am entitled to under ACC, health disability, human and bill of rights laws then this would not be happening.  Glenda van der ven Long, my old OT would be able to tell you what support I would have got if still working with her.  Of course I wouldn’t be in the position at all of not having a GP if Glenda and Dr Alan Doris were still involved in my health care.  Why can’t I have these people again?  I am entitled to professional health care?  I live in a sick and corrupt country.


My whole right arm is sore, my shoulder, the same one I hurt several years ago in a similar melt-down situation with a social worker from the local Salvation Army.  My daughter hasn’t been home for days, all this time on my own is not good.  I’m going to see my friend tomorrow, work on her case and spend some time together.


Planning some protesting when I’m in Wellington, annoyed I could not afford to attend the meeting last night by the Sensible Sentencing Trust about Mad or Bad and the levels of insane pleas.  11 years I have studied that very issue and I couldn’t be there because I had no money.   Although in the fragile state I am in I probably would have nutted off and been arrested or suffered serious abuse from people for speaking out against discrimination of mentally injured/abused and mentally ill people.


Will try not to worry about the lump, to much other stuff to worry about – money, josh, my mental health, home, kids, etc.  Another day living as a piece of human sewage in the darklands of New Zealand.  Note this letter is not proof I am going to kill myself, do not phone the police to come around and hassle me – it pisses them and me off – listen to what I am saying and DO SOMETHING!

Yours sincerely




Evil Lives Inside Me

I have finished writing up the black book of poetry and thought I would post a selection of poems from the past 10 years.  Evil Lives Inside Me was written around 2004.

For to become that which I dream of
To start the journey as a holy being
Living in syncronicity
Living with holy meaning

To be enlightened by the darkness
Surely the greatest human feat
To feel my heart smashed to pieces
See the light within extinguished

Standing at the ledge of death
Battered by a hurricane
Feet rooted like a mighty tree
Trunk broken but not in vain

Those spiritual roots stay alive
Through the greatest power that reigns
The power of the universe
Is coursing through my veins

When the evil overtakes me
No-one to pull me out
Let the evil live inside me
Show it great respect

Don’t empower it with anger
Don’t feed it with fear
Let it find expression
In the tom tom, bass and snare

All those kind and gentle people
Calling on God to bring us peace
For those so angry and afraid
A mere wish to slay a beast

Research marketing meeting conference
And really so little difference
At the cliff face nothing changes
Still not enough funding and so much ignorance

A meteor burned in atmosphere
A shooting start to wish upon
All the pain that I have suffered
Will change the system because its’ wrong


I remember the night I saw the shooting star that inspired this poem.

Religous, cultural and ethical beliefs in NZ law – Bill of Rights superior law

Been talking with a friend about her case against ACC and how the Bill of Rights should be applied.

In my case I have always said my decision not to take medication was a religious, cultural and ethical one.  I know what I need to heal and I know what I am entitled to.  How to articulate that…………

Religious – I am guided by spirit, my foundation is in Christianity but I have spiritualist and Buddhist beliefs as well.  My religious/spiritual beliefs are part of me, when I asked mental health how the psych medication they were demanding I take would affect my ability to protect myself spiritually, they had no answer.  Why should I take their drugs, if they can’t answer this simple question.

My culture believes in holistic care, social rehabilitation – as outlined in the ACC legislation.  That is my culture, not the current corrupt neo-liberal climate of neglect, cruelty, self-interest, elitism and inequality – despite what the medical science says about caring for people.  Despite what the bible says about caring for the poor and less fortunate.

Christianity is the basis of New Zealand society, we swear on the bible in court, many of our politicians say they are Christian (yeah right), our country was founded on Christian beliefs of equality, of freedom from slavery, justice for all men irrelevant of status, before parliament sits every day they say a Christian prayer, our military follow Christian traditions (the hypocrisy).  So why aren’t people listening to what the bible has to say – especially about corruption of power and protection of the poor and vulnerable.

The Human Rights Act is part of the Bill of Rights Act and therefore the Human Rights Act has equivalent status to the Bill of Rights.

I have the right not to be subjected to torture or inhumane treatment – I can assure you the way ACC and mental health treat you, manipulate you, degrade and discredit you is torture.  I am a poet and a songwriter, I talk about the torture – and as torture is defined in the Oxford Dictionary, psychological torture is part of this – which is what they do.

You are not allowed to experiment on people which I have noted above.  What ACC and mental health are doing by not following health models or rehabilitation protocols, employing corrupt health professionals and not accommodating people’s beliefs is experimentation – without consent.  I do not agree with what they are doing to me, neither does Dr Alan Doris and several other health professionals and friends.

You are also not allowed to brainwash people and years of anti-violence propaganda which put the onus for violence back on the person (no matter what they medical/mental health state) has done that.  Of course it doesn’t help society, because the social costs are huge.

United Nations human rights year to make your voice heard – we’ll see.

A Corrupt New Zealand Government – 2013

I have always been good at jigsaw puzzles, able to find the pieces to fit – I know what the problems are in this country and where the corruption lies, I know how the law is supposed to work and currently doesn’t.  I should have been a policy analyst – maybe in my next life.

Still waking every morning with some issue from the day before, linked to the past 11 years of torture at the hands of the NZ government and politicians.  I don’t like the judiciary but I have never been given the chance to talk to them on the human rights and bill of rights issues so its difficult to work out if they are corrupt or not.  What am I saying —— of course they are corrupt, they know there has been a huge increase in people being acquitted because they are insane, also they know the statistics for mentally ill/injured people in jail and have been looking into it.

I don’t understand how they can allow this when they know it is a violation of these people’s human rights to be given woefully inadequate or no care then be incarcerated when they flip out.  Why havn’t these mentally ill/injured people’s lawyers taken a case against the government for neglect and harm under Human Rights on the basis of disability.  I just don’t understand what is wrong with these people.

I was thinking this morning about how to get hold of a graph of the huge increases in income for the top earners in government and paid for by government (ie lawyers, accountants, consultants, etc).  This would prove corruption and so would the current rates of higher salaries.  I wonder who the top earners (or increased earners) were.

Corrupt adj. Willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain. – evil or morally depraved. – rotten or putrid. v cause to become corrupt – debase by making errors – infect, contaminate.

As far as I can see those occupations/people who benefitted the most from shutting down mental health services and NOT providing people with enough care so they caused dependency and social problems are the most corrupt.  There are perhaps 20% of people that are not corrupt, but from the public policy lectures earlier this year they have absolutely no power to stop what these politicians and compliant bureaucrats are doing to people.

These corrupt people have also purposely restricted people’s access to legal representation and protection.  The human rights and bill of rights laws are completely ignored for mentally injured and ill people.  The criminal and trespass laws are well used however to keep people like me out of sight – out of mind.  Hopefully never out of mind – as they continue to get a series of letters from me pointing out what they are doing wrong and demanding they stop it/fix it.

The pen is mightier than the sword they say – we’ll see.

I just can’t see how someone can’t see how serious the situation is here and how corrupt the government and legislature are.  People are killing themselves and I would like to see a graph of suicide rates in this country – especially when we were top of the class for youth suicide, see if it is linked to the closure of mental health facilities in the 80s and onwards, combined with unemployment?  Wish I had a secretary who could just whip those sorts of statistics out of their arse ——   ahhhhhhhh dreams are free.  It is of course the sort of statistics any one of the people I am writing to about abusive neo-liberalism could find out – will they – I doubt it.

The people doing well in this country refuse to accept what is happening and do not want to see it – which our compliant media panders to, mostly because of the cuts in jobs in journalism etc.  Even cameramen are free-lance and held to ransom by their bosses.

You must always remember that New Zealand has the highest rate of bowel cancer in the world – which means it is in our culture DNA not to deal with shit.  A flaw in our culture that we need to acknowledge and work to correct – because that is what intelligent people would do.  I believe it comes from all the immigrants to this country that were running away from problems in their own countries.  I know our drinking culture came from miners who drowned their sorrows in huge numbers.  Our greed from all the miners who came to New Zealand in the gold rush years.

Of course we also got good people, those who wanted to create a different society – one of more equality, where everybody could be a landlord and people were provided for at all levels of society.  Where everybody had jobs that were relatively easy and freedom.  I know it wasn’t perfect by the way, nothing ever is.


Complaint against abusive neo-liberalism in government & legislature – Part 4-6

Also sent to: Chief Justice, Auditor General, HRC, UN High Commission for Human Rights, Ombudsmen, media, Katrina shanks MP, Judith Collins, Paula Bennett, Russel Norman, David Cunliffe, Wairarapa DHB, Law Commission, Health & Disability Commission, Director of Mental Health (blocked from him but referred to this website so he has access to the letters), Chen Palmer, ACC complaints, etc.

19 September 2013

Attention: Secretary for Justice

Mr Andrew Bridgman

And others


Dear Mr Bridgman,




I’m on a roll now, every day I want to write a letter, it is your responsibility to stop this gross miscarriage of justice towards traumatised people – especially people unable to cope in our abusive, self-serving, immoral country.  That is what 25 years of neo-liberalism has done to us made the rich rich and the poor poorer, which has ensured the suffering and poverty of hundreds of thousands of people.  That we had human civil and political rights to protect us that did not, is a sad indictment to democracy and an example of the true immorality of our political, legal and business leaders (ie the rich and powerful).


This morning I woke up with the thought of just how obvious the corruption is, so obvious I know there must be mental health professionals who know what is going on and saying little.  Or is it the scenario expressed by those at the Constitutional/public policy lectures earlier this year, where our politicians don’t listen to the advice of their ministries any longer if it doesn’t suit their political agenda.


How can I explain this simply – the brain is the most complicated organ of the body and yet the people working in most mental health services now are some of the most uneducated health ‘professionals’ we have.  A suicide attempt is someone almost dying and yet the majority of people who aren’t successful are told they are doing it for attention, to snap out of it, are abused and degraded by police, etc, that they are not mentally ill and therefore not the responsibility of mental health services.


When I first became suicidal I went to a doctor called Craig Cherry, a long-time Carterton GP, when I explained what was happening and how I was feeling he told me to make sure I did a good job because health professionals hated cleaning up the mess from unsuccessful suicide attempts.  At the time I am sure I was just stunned and didn’t know as much as I do today about the science and reason behind my suicidality.  I used to see this man and his wife sometimes if I was out at a local music venue, after I saw him as GP, he always looked down or away when he saw me – it was quite obvious.  I have been through 12 or is it 13 GPs since I was raped and developed this stress disorder, each one abusive and ignorant – but some much worse than most.


I suppose that is one of the hardest things when you educate yourself and become a lay-expert in your disorder and the law, when you meet people who are ignorant, bigoted and corrupt you know it – even if they don’t.


Another really simple fact to grasp is behaviour is studied under psychology, psychology is the responsibility of mental health services – mental health services have decided not to provide health care for anybody who is not ‘mentally ill’.  I am unable to find out just how they reach a distinction between someone who has just tried to commit suicide being mentally ill or ?????  actually I don’t know what the other option is using their language.  I have a theory that those people being turned away are actually mentally injured, normal people who have suffered severe unresolved trauma such as sexual or physical abuse and neglect.


Another no-brainer, nurses (CAT team) spend less than an hour assessing people as to their mental state if they are in police custody as a result of suicide issues.  I can confirm the times I have seen them the maximum was about 20 minutes.  In what other medical profession would one 20 minute consultation by a nurse be considered ethical and appropriate diagnosis of a life-threatening health issue.  I have been assessed when highly suicidal and in extreme psychological pain by the Masterton CAT team which included an Occupational Therapist and a social worker.  That lasted about 10 minutes from what I remember – then the police took me home to my two kids – all of them knowing I had none or woefully inadequate support.


What happened the day the OT and social worker assessed me will be etched in my memory forever like any other life and death event a person goes through.  I recall being in the police interview room after someone called them (ACC or the Ombudsman I think) because I had phoned yet again begging for health care and telling them how unwell I was.  I was extremely distressed and begged them for health services, the Occupational Therapist told me plainly that mental health did not provide health services.  When I fell to my knees hysterical and crawled towards the two men I grabbed the social worker around the ankles begging both of them for help.  The OT told me I was embarrassing myself and should get off the floor.  All of a sudden something triggered in my brain (this has happened before when I have been extremely traumatised by rejection/neglect) and I stood up and became calm.  I wiped away my tears, stood to my full height and told them I was fine could I please leave now.  They both looked at each other and didn’t know what to do.  I repeated, there is nothing wrong with me I am fine, can the police please take me home now.


The two men left the police interview room, I was alone and the calm went back to ‘internal’ hysteria, which took everything within my power to stop from flipping out and smashing up the room.  I could not let them see how freaked out I was or I would not be able to leave and I was scared of the police for good reason (once the CAT team tell them you are not mentally ill some feel they have licence to insult and degrade you even more).  I wanted to get back home, to be away from this abusive enforced environment.  I remember hearing a policeman outside the door say to the two men, you’re not allowed to leave her alone in there, you know that – but they did anyway for what seemed like an eternity.  This was several years ago and I am sure police CCTV footage of what happened in that room (to confirm my story) would have been deleted by now.  Is it any wonder that one of my current barriers to health care is I refuse to participate in any treatment care or rehabilitation process without the meetings being recorded.  I have had some success at demanding they be recorded but other issues related to the violent aspects of my disorder have meant I cannot access services – ACC and mental know of these impairments and choose to ignore them.  They refuse to provide me a safe environment to meet – please refer to Louise Grant (advocate), I will talk about this later, its starting to upset me).


NOTE:  SUICIDAL THOUGHTS HAPPEN TO YOU, YOU DON’T CHOOSE THEM!!!!  They come from your subconscious, they are not something you CHOOSE to think about – no matter how much people want to believe it.  Honestly what person would choose to visualise killing themselves in all different ways, the very idea is ridiculous.  When you develop these debilitating thoughts you have repeated near-death experiences which of course makes your stress disorder even worse.  A lot of my poems will describe what it is like to live with suicidal ideology – bought on by abuse, neglect and discrimination in society.  Living with suicidality is the greatest hell on earth – I envy people who kill themselves – the relief, the end to suffering.


I think it is time to talk more about what it is like to be suicidal and how you are treated when you are.  A few stories are in order:


Years ago when I was working/doing art at King Street Artworks (a mental health NGO that trespassed me for doing art that criticized ACC and mental health services).  I spent around three to four days a week there, they were like my family, I was always mistaken for a tutor, probably because I was more helpful and considerate of the other artists disabilities and needs.  I am a kind and compassionate person I feel comfortable and confident around vulnerable disabled people with mental health issues.  I was doing a lot of therapy art about how bad I felt and how suicidal I was at the time, this was not encouraged or approved of by the tutors and many of the other artists (with less severe mental health issues) – weird when they are supposed to be a health provider.


People knew they would get good support from me and I always encouraged and praised people for their efforts – at the same time as being honest and genuine – I believe people should be encouraged to do more than they think themselves capable of in a diplomatic and sensitive way.  Some of these people are extremely fragile and vulnerable – I can pick up on that and adjust my behaviour appropriate.  I became friends with a teenage boy who was partly intellectually handicapped and bought in by a caregiver to do art on a regular basis (I can’t recall his name) – I have been trespassed from King Street for years now.


On this particular day they came in I was doing some art around my suicidality, he came over to me and whispered that he knew how I felt but I shouldn’t tell anybody, because you can get into trouble and they would hurt me.   It was one of my most defining moments, even now it brings tears to my eyes.  I can’t remember what I said to him, words of comfort and assurance I would be OK probably.


This same boy (I think his name was John) I saw a few years later at the carboot sale in Masterton every week.  I had started going to sell my poetry and other art objects I was making, it was one of my first times so I was still unsure of myself.  I was sitting there about 9am (it starts at 7am) when a small group of people walked past me between my car and the next, it was a Maori lady (obviously a care giver) with two handicapped young men in tow (one of them was John, now a young man about 22).  She stopped to talk to someone in the next car and the boys behind her were forced to be blocked in between my stall/car and the next.  She was talking for a long time when the Maori boy was obviously agitated because he couldn’t go anywhere and felt trapped – she ignored him until he was almost beside himself.


She moved off past my stall, I said hello to John briefly, he just smiled but didn’t interact much – even though he looked like he wanted to stay and talk to me.  On the other side of me were two women doing a sausage sizzle, the caregiver obviously knew them and ordered herself a sausage in bread with all the trimmings.  Then, while they were making it she turned around and said to the boys in a very loud voice, that there was no way they were going to get anything to eat, they already had their breakfast and they weren’t allowed to eat again until she told them.  The two woman at the stall tried to say something and I just sat there stunned.  She said more, but I can’t remember the exact words, only that they were extremely degrading.


The body language of John and his friend told the story, they backed away from the woman (I remember John was in bare feet, which I thought odd as well), lowered their heads, their chests sunken and shoulders curled forward.  She degraded those two young men in a way no man should ever be degraded, no human being should ever be degraded, especially two vulnerable people like that.  Because at the time I was too scared to confront people in a new situation like that I said nothing.  When I got home I couldn’t get the event out of my head and attempted to find out where John lived and who the caregiver was so I could make a formal complaint.  But I couldn’t remember his name, only his description (though I know he would be easily recognisable to most people working in community mental health services).


I had no contact with mental health services at the time because of my own neglect and abuse by them.  However I did write to my MP John Hayes and tell him what had happened, gave a description of the boys and my concerns for their welfare at the hands of this abusive, unprofessional bully.  He did absolutely nothing!  If you want a copy of this email please advise or please request from John Hayes, although I cannot give an exact year it was around Waitangi day because there was some big new cultural event being held at Masterton park.


Every time I see a news item about the appauling immoral abusive behaviour of some independent mental health providers I think of John, I wonder if he is OK I send him white light and love to protect him.  He still lives in Masterton I think (I don’t go there much anymore – I don’t go out much anymore, no money and to many bad memories about what King Street did to me.  I wish I knew if he was OK  – I am sure he won’t be because I know just how abusive services are here and how corrupt, cruel and abusive the complaints process is here for people with mental health issues.




I have always been interested in the concept of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs with regard to the most basic psychological and physical needs of person.   Recently I found a copy of it and realised there was not one item on the list that was being fulfilled in my life – which is why I believe I am so suicidal and so are many other people.  After years of abusive and degrading neo-liberalism the poorest and most vulnerable people in New Zealand suffer this cruel immoral injustice and nobody does a thing about it.  I often think of the government as inhumane and completely devoid of rational thought and compassion – no matter how great the scientific evidence that neglect harms all of society or how contrary to our Christian society this appauling  behaviour is.


Why are disabled, human, civil and political rights that are supposed to protect us from immorality and corruption by government not being applied??






I am the bottom of the pile, the bottom of the 10%, the human sewage created by cruel immoral neo-liberal bigots devoid of empathy or compassion and filled with greed and ignorance.  I am rotting on long-term welfare with a life-threatening debilitating stress disorder, I cannot get the care I am entitled to by law and I am persecuted for speaking out and demanding my rights under ACC, health, disability, code of rights, human rights and bill of rights laws, I am so broke.  These letters are from the Darklands of New Zealand in 2013, I am ashamed, I am hurt but I am fighting with everything I have.   The pen is mightier than the sword I’m told – we shall see.


NOTE: I consider the national anthem as part of our current constitution and therefore a promise to me as a citizen for a certain standard of government, justice and treatment.  What I am currently experiencing is cruel and immoral torture at the hands of corrupt neo-liberal bigots ignoring all scientific and medical evidence as to the harm they are causing to hundreds of thousands of New Zealand citizens.  This is not my culture!


The role of the media as a propaganda tool and creator of dissension envy and hate.


I havn’t been able to stop thinking about what the glazier said to me about not fixing windows in rental properties, as well as the Renters programme I flicked past recently on the TV.  This programme is really really bad for creating the dissension envy and hate I talked about.  How is this even allowed on TV, going into people’s homes while they are not there – how would any of the people reading this like it.  You don’t know those people’s stories, they could be really unwell, have mental health or physical health issues that stops them from cleaning up after themselves.


This programme ridicules and degrades people, without knowing why they are in the state they are, it is immoral and makes people not trust and fear all people who rent houses.  No matter how many good tenants there are.


Why are there no programmes about bad landlords?  Then maybe people like me would get necessary work done around our homes by professionals rather than handymen who don’t give a toss about you or your families safety or comfort.


What about doing some background on these people, what about getting these people the help they need to get cleaned up and get into a decent house of their own.  Somewhere you can put your own art on your walls and you can have a dog – which is a cultural right in this country.   Instead our media make it a form of ridicule and shaming, which permeates through the community and ends up at my door with the glazier refusing to fix a window because I am a renter.


This also incites class hatred and again, how can anybody think it is OK to go into someone’s home with a camera and put it on national television – it is perverted.




This is another show that really upsets me, firstly because I see so many police uniforms as a threat in my life due to my ongoing disability and associated suicidality.  Also we only see one side of the story, what about all the times police have assaulted and degraded me for protesting about the appauling state of ACC and mental health services – no cameras there.  (I now have a video and have captured two bad experiences with police, but there were many more).


It creates a lot of fear and discrimination in our communities against teenagers and drinking.  My daughters are 18 and 19 so I have been around teenagers for a few years and always encouraged their friends around.  I saw several instances where the police bullied, degraded and insulted teenagers, held them unnecessarily, made them do what they wanted just because they could.  You never got any of that on TV.


It also paints the picture of a perfect police force and they certainly are not that.  Why not have a programme exposing the bad side of the police – I am sure there would be lots of stories and camera phone footage to use.  Like the time they tried to shut down the college ‘after-ball party’ because the three 18 year old girls didn’t have a liquor licence.  Which nobody knew was required because nobody they had ever heard of a private party (that wasn’t selling alcohol) needing one.  The event was supervised by parents and went with little incident.  I was thrown out of the Featherston Police station by Lord Nelson (Sgt Nelson) after trying to reason with him about not shutting down the party.  In the end we ignored him, had the party anyway, it went with little incident, the kids had a good time and we spent the next six months with Lord Nelson trying to prosecute the three 18 year old girls, until the charges were eventually dropped.




I have just been to do the weekly shopping with $50 and I almost broke down in the supermarket three times.  I had to stop and compose myself, hold back the tears, trying not to let a panic attack develop so I had to run out.  I havn’t had panic attacks for years – its all the shit that’s going on at the moment, along with money worries and knowing there is no care for me.


Have had a few melt-downs today, where I just stop in the middle of doing something and almost burst into tears.  I think this is why.  I’m worried about money and how we are going to live on $50 food a week – I have had to change our diet – no meat this week.  I’m going to post a photo of the docket on my website.  My second daughter is talking about going flatting and I won’t be able to live here but I have no money to move either.  My mental health is really bad and I’m scared of everybody.


When I was in the supermarket my body language was one of fear, I purposely avoided looking at people, in case they saw how sad I was, I felt nervous my eyes darting around (which is a bad sign of my PTSD) my body feels under attack.  I was scared of people – like they knew what a loser and bludger I was (someone on long term welfare that said they were suicidal for attention).  Several men walked past and I wanted to burst into tears again, how many years with no partner – mostly due to the rape and resulting stress disorder – what man wants a destitute suicidal nutter with an attitude.


I forgot my calculator so all the way round I had to count up in my head how much I had spent.  I had to start again every time I started to have a panic attack.


I saw Josh (daughters ex-boyfriend) get in the car with the neighbours today, its good he’s getting some help and he hasn’t text my daughter for a couple of days so that’s good.  But it made me sad that everybody else got support through this while I’m left freaking out with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.


The policeman upset me yesterday as well, while I was trying to sort out Josh getting help so he doesn’t commit suicide and leaves my daughter to get on with her life, the policeman at the end of the conversation said what about you Jayne.  I wanted to yell at him but what’s the point, I just said you know as well as I do I get absolutely nothing so please don’t ask and don’t pretend you give a shit either.


For some reason I miss my useless family at the moment, havn’t spoken to any of them for months – why would I after what my mother said about me protesting as proof I could easily work and was just being a bludger.  I know my whole family think that, they’ve got their easy lives.


Then there is my best friend? Sarah, we can’t be friends anymore the difference in income doesn’t allow it.  She has just come back from a month in England, while she was away I house sat, I would go there every day, open and close curtains, mowed the lawns, stayed a few nights, did a bit of housework so it was nice when she got home.  I dropped her off at the airport and picked her up – I had to get $30 out of my $50 savings to get the petrol to pick her up – it freaked me out but I couldn’t tell her how broke I am.


I phoned her yesterday to see how she was and got told how she was going to a (rich) friends for tea that night and how they had all booked tickets to Melbourne in November.  This friend has just bought a third house in Carterton, just a small place because she can rent her big place out for about $600 a week.  She just sold a large local café as well.  She is a nice person and we have birthdays on the same day, my life would have been similar to hers if I hadn’t been raped and neglected by ACC etc.


You try not to look at what other people are buying because it makes you feel even more worthless.


There was so much nice food that I couldn’t buy it was so so sad – eg 2 onions in the vege department, nothing in the meat department.  I didn’t even walk down all the isles – no cereals or fruit.


This is how ostracized you feel in New Zealand when you are at the very bottom of the pile.  You don’t belong anywhere, if I had seen the glazier I would have ran out of the building.  You don’t want to see people you know because you can barely speak for fear of bursting into tears.  You walk around with your head hanging low, trying to avoid people and seeing all the nice food you wished you could buy.


You think about all the people who put you here and don’t care, all the ACC staff, mental health staff, mean police, politicians, justice officials and people in your community (like the glazier).


Now I’m again asking the question what possible benefit could it be to my community to be left without mental health care, isolated, ostracized and freaking out – trying to parent teenagers and having just been through a suicide attempt and abuse by an ex-boyfriend.


Why are you doing to this to me?  I don’t understand, it hurts me, it hurts people around me, it wastes my talents and knowledge, it is torture, it is experimentation without my consent and it is brainwashing of my community.  Propaganda like There’s no excuse for child abuse” – tell that mother who cut her babys throat and slit her wrists after being refused health care three times.


I am entitled to everything in the business plan and rehabilitation model I created, see my website  Solutions Page.  This is what me and thousands of other people need.  When I read that Rio Tinto got a $30million handout from the government, when I know people like me can’t get care because they say there is no money – I am furious.  I phoned Rio Tinto in Perth today, got hold of a manager in their media team and told him exactly what I thought of this payment, and who paid for it really.  The guy tried to defend himself but I was in full flight, swearing and all.  Told him I was from New Zealand and people couldn’t get decent housing, have enough food for their families and were going without heating because of the huge cost of power.  How I was disgusted in this sort of greed and irresponsibility.  Felt really good – I’ll post on facebook the phone numbers for other people to ring.  I like holding people to account.






I have learnt several new facts in the last few days, which has inspired this letter.


Firstly a psychiatrist earns over $5,000 for an assessment of a sensitive claimant.


Corrupt = adj 1. Willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain. (tick) evil or morally depraved (tick) 3. Rotten or putrid (tick) v. 1. Cause to become corrupt (tick) 2. Debase by making errors (tick) 3. Infect, contaminate (tick)


I believe ACC to be corrupt by paying health professionals money, they manipulate them by denying them work if they don’t provide the answers management want.  Like achieving targets at getting rid of the tale or the low hanging fruit.  Payments like those above have corrupted some of our more neo-liberal and greedy mental health ‘professionals’.  The psychiatrist that assessed me (Anne Walsh) is mentally disturbed and was involved with another psychiatrist in an attempted murder of his wife.  She should be struck off but there is no way of making a complaint about her when ACC are paying for the assessment – because she is not your health provider, even though she has a say in every treatment etc you get.  It is sick.


There are good mental health professionals in New Zealand, like Dr Alan Doris and Dr Mason Jury but they are ignored.  I have a report by Alan Doris that says how appaulingly ACC have treated me, it is ignored (please contact me if you would like a copy, or those authorised please request from ACC.)


I know for a fact ACC management staff were paid huge cash bonuses to achieve cuts that were only achieveable by denying claimants entitlements – and they did it in every deceitful, manipulative and fraudulent way they could think of.  There are thousands of examples of ACC claimants taking them to court, especially follow the National party appointment of John Judge.  Nothing has changed for me, I am assuming nothing has changed for other people.  That YANK they brought in to clean up ACC after the Bronwyn Pullar debacle only bought in more measures to stop severely disabled abuse victims from accessing appropriate, adequate and professional treatment care rehabilitation and protection/justice.  I thought it was an interesting tactic to cut all public telephone access to management staff and force people wanting to get through to abusive management and The Board to go through the call centre – who of course refuse to put people through to anybody except their managers.


I also learnt that there has been a 600% increase in the numbers of people being acquitted of crimes due to insanity.  This is more proof that mentally ill and injured people are being persecuted in the justice system.  The government know the current NGO mental health system does not work – they were advised of this by KPMG consultants at the Crime Punishment and Fiscal Responsibility lecture two years ago.  The UK dumped this method 17 years ago because the social statistics shows the NGOs were not providing services to those people they considered difficult or high needs – the very people the community wanted to get help as they were hurting others and highly dependent on the state.  I can confirm this is exactly what happens – current NGOs are lazy, greedy, abusive, oppressive, degrading and self-serving – more interested in their jobs/money and the praise they get from corrupt neo-liberals that ‘manage’ them.  Look at how corrupted ACC top level staff and the Board have become due to money and power – it is disgusting.


There are a few good people trying to work within the system but mostly they get out as they can’t bear to watch the abuse and persecution.  Like most people in this country they ignore it, trying to pretend people like me don’t exist.   I am human sewage, many people decided so, when they all stood back and did nothing, let them keep up this torture show!


Why am I sitting at 4.30am in Carterton having to write this letter?  Why is someone like me having to point out the gross miscarriage of justice going on here?  We know people are suffering and killing themselves and hurting others?


All I see the government doing is passing more laws to punish dysfunctional people, continue to allow them to be persecuted and neglected by mental health and social services, police and the courts.  I am part of this process – this is TORTURE – this is EXPERIMENTATION and there is BRAINWASHING of the population to believe mentally ill or injured abused people choose to do harm to themselves or others.  A complete lie, I live this, I understand this, I know my behaviour cannot be controlled in certain situations – that is why I am refused all health services because I am refused a safe place to meet with those who have been persecuting me for years.


Why is this being allowed to happen?  What the hell is going on?  Why would the government, knowing that the current NGO system doesn’t work keep doing it?  Why would they create dissension envy and hate against mentally ill and injured people in the community –they dumped them into?  Why would they put our communities at risk of further victimization – my case a perfect example?  I was raped by an abused child who became a man, recently my house was smashed up and an abused ex-boyfriend of my daughters tried to hang himself in my garage.  These people should have been helped, there are laws that demand it.  If ACC, mental health, the government, police and our politicians don’t have to follow the law, then neither do I.


This is a gross injustice and I cannot get a lawyer or this issue in front of a judge except by sending these letters to the Chief Justice, Secretary for Justice and many others.


And where are the media in all of this – this persecution of the most vulnerable people – sexually and physically abused men women and children is cruel, immoral and shows blatant corruption of our government and parliament.


Time to prove the judiciary aren’t just as corrupt and prepared to allow this abuse by government any longer.  There needs to be an urgent police inquiry into this – people are dying.  They need to implement urgent changes to mental health services for abuse victims and an appropriate allocation of resources to clean up the mess neo-liberalism has left.  I would also like to see $millions of charitable money going into this area.  Sport IS NOT CHARITY! A flash new playground for the local kindy IS NOT CHARITY!  A cultural event that charges money so poor people can’t go IS NOT CHARITY!


I have had enough, do you hear me, had enough.  My protests are going to escalate, there will be more peaceful civil disobedience and more graphic and confronting art.  You will not silence me!


If I am taken into custody I will not eat or drink, if I am committed by mental health I will not eat or drink in protest at being tortured and held as a political prisoner for protesting about the abusive state of mental health services for abused men women and children.


THIS MUST STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YOU HAVE THE POWER TO STOP IT – WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING IT TO GO ON???????????????  Get me a lawyer, hear my injustice, DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yours sincerely


Jayne Routhan



The Fight Goes On

Been busy had The Professor visiting, it is like having a walking encyclopaedia, of New Zealand history, especially socialist and political history, facts and dates (hundreds of them).  Also world wars and why they happened, the similarities between what is happening in New Zealand now.

He’s out doing some gardening at the moment, it is a beautiful day in Carterton, we bought some rocket to plant alongside the lettuces, spring onions, radishes and coriander.  Spring is in full swing, still cleaning up from the storm, have a large box of grapefruit sitting at the front gate for the neighbours to take.  The Professor and I made marmalade yesterday, was delicious on toast for breakfast this morning with his ‘cowboy coffee’.  Cost about $1 a jar, in the supermarket they were $3.50 – I like having a few extra preserves so there is something to trade with people.

There is a community trading basket at the local GAS station, so I took down some grapefruit and picked up a few mushrooms someone had dropped off.  The Professor and I thought how great it would be when there weren’t petrol stations and buildings like that were trading posts for people to swap food and other items – no money.  People had cars/methods of transport that didn’t pollute the planet – ahhhhh.  A brief respite from the red tape war against greedy cruel immoral neo-liberals.

Dreams worth fighting for, a society worth fighting for, peace and prosperity for all people……….

From the darklands of New Zealand to the twilight zone of Island Bay.

The Professor loves books and poetry, art, classical music, it is so good to have someone here at last – if only for a while.  It is like brain food when you talk to him – such a waste of a knowledgeable man, he should be a history tour guide – we are going to start some Utube videos soon about different topics, so will keep you posted.

Now to send some more emails, I found out recently that people using the insanity plea had gone up 600% – just more proof that disabled mentally injured and ill people were being denied care by the government and as a result ended up persecuted by the justice system for behaviour THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER.  Especially when they are left to fend for themselves in the ignorant bigoted darklands of this shit hole country.

Have got to get working on my judicial review of the police decision not to act on my complaint of harm by ACC and mental health under Section 157 of the Crimes Act.  Phoned Inspector Register of Masterton police and told him exactly what I thought of him, he hung up of course.

There is also a meeting planned by Sensible Sentencing Trust called Mad or Bad, in Wellington next week, I will definitely be going.  Can’t wait to see what they are saying, will be making sure they hear what I have to say.  Would’nt be surprised if I get arrested or asked to leave – but will go with an open mind – you have to know what the enemy are thinking in order to plan your marketing/communications strategy.

Fight against neo-liberal corruption in New Zealand – Part 3 – draft

Just wanted to get this posted before I leave, it is only in draft so excuse any typos or bad gramma.  The sooner this information is in the public arena the sooner maybe (God I wish) people like me will get the health care and justice we are entitled to by law.

10 September 2013


Attention: Secretary for Justice

Mr Andrew Bridgman

And others


Dear Mr Bridgman,




After my last letter I spent the rest of the day trying to recover – for me that meant a hot shower until the water ran out,  a behaviour people who have just been sexually abused predominantly perform.  A talk with a friend who has Complex PTSD (is anorexic, extremely thin and currently not eating because of abusive ACC and family) and knows what I am going through.  Most of the day I spent in bed, I used to feel guilty when I have things to do but I realise now it is part of the trauma/grief process and do my best to get up regularly and do something small.  Several angry phone calls to people, just so I can yell at someone about what is happening to me and my community (ie MP McClay – minister for mental health, John Crawshaw director of mental health and John Key’s office – I’m never allowed to speak to the minister responsible so I give their staff the message).


At one point I checked my website and discovered some abusive comments on my first letter posting.  Pathetic unsubstantiated abuse telling me I was the bludger, blamed everybody else bullshit – the usual neo-liberal NAZI crap.  It makes you realise just how the NAZIs were able to kill so many innocent people – the hatred towards people telling the truth is vicious.  I will keep a copy of the comments if you are interested – they do prove the level of brainwashing in society.


As I often call up relevant information more easily when answering questions – the first thought that came into my mind after reading a little of the abusive message was the seminar I attended two years ago at Victoria University – called Crime Punishment and Fiscal Responsibility.  I discovered a lot at that event and the following is the reply I posted:-


Last year (or was it the year before) I attended a lecture held by Victoria University called  Crime Punishment and Fiscal Responsibility.  There were some amazing speakers:

A government consultant from KPMG got up and spoke about the experience in the UK – he was English.  He advised the current structure of mental health services (ie NGOs) was dumped 15 years ago in the UK because the social, crime and suicide statistics escalated significantly and it was proven not to work.  He said what was happening, the NGOs that had been created and given contracts to provide mental health services to mentally injured or ill people were only choosing those clients who were easy.  The people that were more difficult and needed more resources were being rejected – these of course were the people the government/community wanted to get support for but these NGOs were unprofessional, abusive and incompetent.  Their focus was money and no matter how many glossy reports and promises they made about service delivery they didn’t carry it through.

The NGO mental health system we currently have does not work, it is abusive and hurting our society, the government know it and CHOOSE to keep it that way.  I believe due to their cruel immoral neo-liberal bigotry and for political gain, as they always use crime stats to persecute people and turn them away from voting for ‘the left’ – from helping people.

(So a message for any ignorant, bigoted neo-liberal NAZIs reading my site – the evil and insane are who?)

There were two woman from Rape Crisis who spoke and repeatedly explained how many abused women where committing suicide.

There was an economist, who pretty much said the current form of abusive economics was completely unnecessary and economics was supposed to work for all citizens, which wasn’t currently happening.  I spoke to him after, what a cool guy – I’ve always thought of economists as my most violent enemy – who set up the whole torture wheel of hell.

The head of Victoria University psychology department not only spoke but him and I had a heated discussion in the foyer.  I don’t like psychiatrists because of the numbers who have rejected, discredited and abused me, along with the way they drug people up to keep them quiet and don’t use medical or rehabilitation processes.  During the break I talked to him and I was pretty blunt about what I thought of his profession and what they were doing to people.  He lost it and bit back – blurting out that it was not his fault and he had resigned and was moving to Australia because the NZ government refused to listen to the medical/scientific evidence about providing professional comprehensive rehabilitation to heal these people and make them safe in society.  (Poor bastard must be shitting himself now the neo-liberal right-wing NAZIs just got into government over there, they won’t want a kiwi telling them to treat abusive people with professional care.)

There was even a book published about the lecture  – the saddest thing for me was the government responded to this by pumping millions of dollars into educating, training and supporting violent criminals and sex offenders.  They also get free health care, social interaction, guaranteed three meals a day, no family responsibilities and more.  Apparently it is more cost effective than providing anything for their victims.  The media have been incredibly supportive of this – the same media who censor and refuse to acknowledge me.  This scenario is when Bessell van der Kolk’s explanation of why society hates victims comes into play.

What their victims get, if they develop Complex PTSD is – degraded in the media and community if they are rotting on welfare with kids and poor, repeatedly degraded and insulted for having mental health issues when I ‘look normal’, mental health services that are so woefully inadequate and unprofessional they are abusive, not able to afford health care or having to beg for it, not enough food to eat, or have to beg for it and no way of knowing whether you can live the following week, social isolation and more.

I agree that abusers should get the professional help they need, but not at the expense of their victims, who lose more services every week and are degraded and put down every day in the media and our community – its sick.

I am sure those people with authority could get copies of the KPMG report produced for the NZ government.  I intend to make an Official Information Act request for the information – lets just see what our politicians know, about what should be provided by law for abused people (and abusers).  If I can find proof they have ignored scientific advice (which I know they have) then we can start prosecutions under the Electoral Act and Crimes Act.

Another important piece of the puzzle was shown to me earlier this year when I attended a series of free lectures on public policy and the constitution, again run by Victoria University.  It is these sorts of events when you realise you are a lay expert because the speakers often use jargon – 90% of which I understand.  I couldn’t help but make comment during some of these lectures I was so horrified at what was being said and what wasn’t known by some of these people.  There are photos on the internet and some comments.

The lectures were full of academics, top civil servants and a few others (eg Max Rashbrooke journalist and equality advocate), what they were saying was our politicians now refuse to listen to the professional advice of their ministries if it doesn’t suit their political beliefs.  For example, if a minister wanted to do something and asked the ministry for advice, but didn’t get the positive response that they wanted, they would either send it back to be re-written (often multiple times) and put huge pressure on public servants for a report to support their idea.

What the public servants would do is either stick to what they knew was right (which could easily mean they would be demoted, sacked and discredited at any time in the future) or manipulate the information so it said what the minister wanted to hear.  Considering the CEO of WINZ gets $600,000 pa plus perks I would suggest this type of money and power have corrupted the most senior of our government officials.  Those in authority, that as we know from my last letter, have influence far beyond what they should in a decent society.

I did write notes at all the meetings I attended but I feel unable to go over them at the moment, I am not sure why.  I know I wrote letters to the School of Government expressing my horror at what I had just learned.  That our politicians were ignoring expert advice and choosing to implement cruel immoral neo-liberal policies based on no scientific fact.  Policies that are ensuring the neglect and persecution of thousands of abuse and severe trauma victims at the hands of irresponsible, unworkable and abusive mental health sevices. People like me – but sadly as said before those justice agencies supposed to protect the poor are useless and abusive.

Having been rejected from every mental health provider in the Wairarapa, about six of them, for being too unwell and too outspoken about the professional health care I needed and was entitled to.  Every one of them a story that when I recount I still can’t believe myself, they violate the health, disability, human rights and criminal laws so badly.  How those brainwashed and manipulated by neo-liberal NAZIs respond in our community to people like me.

The difference with me (and I know there are others fighting like me as well) compared with most mentally injured and ill people is I have educated myself and know my rights.  As a result of this I suffer significantly more abuse from government organisations (which includes any organisation that relies on public money).  Also I have balls/courage (so I am told), I am a good person – how can a good person who knows a gross miscarriage of justice is being perpetrated against sexually abused and traumatised men women and children which is impacting badly on our entire society not protest?  Sometimes I get so abused by ignorant neo-liberal NAZIs in the street for protesting it is shocking – mostly affluent white men (sadly to say).  Even the act of protesting is portrayed by the media and politicians is wrong, so I suffer the consequences in the street.

I recall earlier this year standing alone on a corner in Masterton with a sign saying stop the war on the poor.  Some people showed their support, with thumbs up and short comments.  However the majority tried to pretend I wasn’t there and showed faces of contempt or yelled comments like GET A JOB BLUDGER.  My response to that particular ignorant bigot was THEY’RE ALL IN CHINA A-HOLE.  Again this shows the level of ignorance and bigotry being perpetrated by neo-liberals – brainwashing that all people on welfare are bludgers and can work.

If ignorant bigots give me a hard time on the street it is always as they are walking past and they are ridiculous one-liners.  So I always get angry in retaliation and demand they come back and discuss the issues I raise and tell them what I know is the truth – I have had one person who did – all the others keep walking, insult me saying I am mentally ill and leave as fast as they can.

I have been protesting in Wellington about three years now, when I first started the abuse and degradation from the suits going past was really bad, really offensive, even when it was obvious I was really upset and desperate.  I remember one young man in an expensive suit told me I should kill myself and go stand in the intersection.  Sadly being hit by a car is one of my brains methods of suicide and often when I get into that dark place that young man’s voice starts echoing around my head.  I recall for several years I could not cross the road without wanting to stop and let cars hit me – I would have to consciously tell myself to keep walking.  Personally I would rather my brain was filled with thoughts of work, family and good times, not how to deal with the suicidal thoughts I am plagued with after years of persecution and neglect by health, welfare and justice authorities – along with my own community.

Also back then the police were pretty bad as well, not really knowing what to do with me – the police at the front line can also confirm just how bad mental health services.  Now I have a few local enemies in the police, like ‘The Sheriff’ but mostly they are good guys and try not to arrest me if they possibly can avoid it.  Once you are arrested however you get put in the ‘criminal’ basket and get treated like one.  I believe it is a violation of my civil and political rights to treat me like a criminal when I am protesting – especially in the way I do.  I don’t need to go through the fingerprint and criminal process down in the cells, I should be treated with respect and allowed to enter the police station through the front door and be put in a room with carpet and a window so I can see outside.

Yours sincerely






KPMG Government Consultants Advise current mental health service process a failure in UK

Last year (or was it the year before) I attended a lecture held by Victoria University called  Crime Punishment and Fiscal Responsibility.  There were some amazing speakers:

A government consultant from KPMG got up and spoke about the experience in the UK – he was English.  He advised the  current structure of mental health services (ie NGOs) was dumped 15 years ago because the social and crime statistics escalated significantly and proved it did not work.  He said what was happening, the NGOs that had been created and given contracts to provide mental health services to mentally injured or ill people were only choosing those clients who were easy.  The people that were more difficult and needed more resources were being rejected – these of course were the people the government/community wanted to get support for but these NGOs were unprofessional, abusive and incompetent.

The NGO mental health system we currently have does not work, the government know it and CHOOSE to keep it that way.  I believe for political gain, as they always use crime stats to persecute people and turn them away from left – from helping people.

(So a message for any ignorant, bigoted neo-liberal NAZIs reading my site – the evil and insane are who?)

There were two woman from Rape Crisis who spoke and repeatedly explained how many abused women where committing suicide.

There was an economist, who pretty much said the current form of abusive economics was completely unnecessary and economics was supposed to work for all citizens, which wasn’t currently happening.  I spoke to him after, what a cool guy – I’ve always thought of economists as my most violent enemy – who set up the whole torture wheel of hell.

The head of Victoria University psychology department not only spoke but him and I had a heated discussion in the foyer.  I don’t like psychiatrists because of the numbers who have rejected, discredited and abused me, along with the way they drug people up to keep them quiet and don’t use medical or rehabilitation processes.  During the break I talked to him and I was pretty blunt about what I thought of his profession and what they were doing to people.  He lost it and bit back – blurting out that it was not his fault and he had resigned and was moving to Australia because the NZ government refused to listen to the medical/scientific evidence about providing professional comprehensive rehabilitation to heal these people and make them safe in society.  (Poor bastard must be shitting himself now the neo-liberal right-wing NAZIs just got into government, they won’t want a kiwi telling them to treat abusive people with professional care.)

There was even a book published about the lecture  – the saddest thing for me was the government responded to this by pumping millions of dollars into educating, training and supporting violent criminals and sex offenders.  They also get free health care, social interaction, guaranteed three meals a day, no family responsibilities and more.  Apparently it is more cost effective than providing anything for their victims.

What their victims get, if they develop Complex PTSD is – degraded in the media and community if they are rotting on welfare with kids and poor, degraded and insulted for have mental health issues, mental health services that are so woefully inadequate and unprofessional they are abusive, not able to avoid health care or having to beg for it, not enough food to eat, or have to beg for it and no way of knowing whether you can live the following week, social isolation and more.

I agree that abusers should get the help they need, but not at the expense of their victims, who lose more services every week and are degraded and put down every day in the media and our community – its sick.


Fight against neo-liberal corruption in ACC, mental health & police – PART 2

8 September 2013

Attention: Secretary for Justice

Mr Andrew Bridgman

And others


Dear Mr Bridgman,




Rise Above It – I wanna vomit

No Place for Violence – I wanna chuck

It’s Not OK – I have no stomach for



This poem is one called Vomit in The Black Book of poetry, please read, also note some of the strong language I use is how people in my culture speak when they are really really angry.  Any attempt to discredit or ignore what I am telling you because of a few completely valid swear words is discrimination.


This second letter has been like giving birth, a very painful birth with a labour that took 11 years of contractions and is now at its height and all consuming.  And of course I am giving birth to multiple babies alone, except for another woman in labour like me (Michelle).  I am also feeling a lot more philosophical and am prepared to stand up for my religious cultural and ethical rights in this letter.  As I sit here preparing to start I am petrified 11 years of information and analysis, 11 years of disappointment and persecution/neglect at the hands of people who we are supposed to trust, 11 years of dealing with neo-liberal discrimination and bigotry of NAZI proportions – all trying to come out in one document.


The nausea is overwhelming, it’s part of my stress disorder, I have an eating disorder called bulimia.  I know other sexually abused people who have eating disorders, like anorexia and and over-eating.  Eating disorders are a symptom of Complex PTSD, so is violence, anxiety, phobias, addictions, compulsions, suicidality and homocidality, plus a few more.  Please refer to any medical information on this disorder, Bessell van der Kolk is a leading authority in this area but there are many.


Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder was identified as a disorder in its own right after the study of war veterans and people who had been held prisoner and tortured for long periods of time.  The very fact any person in New Zealand has this disorder (who is not currently being raped or beaten regularly) is in itself proof that the treatment care and rehabilitation being provided is abusive torture.  Which I can confirm, so can Michelle and many other people I talk to while protesting or working on social media.


Nigel Latter a celebrity psychologist on television said last year that neglect is just as psychologically damaging as physical abuse.  I can confirm this is a fact and over the years mental health services have been decimated by neo-liberals, under the guise of human rights, neglect is what they have done.  When an 18yr old dairy farmer working a 12 day week for minimum wage tries to hang himself in my garage, gets taken away by police and told by mental health he is not mentally ill and so there are no services – you know there is something seriously wrong.  What human being in their right mind would send someone who has almost died away?  Only two weeks ago I read a news report saying how many dairy farmers were committing suicide.  The police HATE mental health in the Wairarapa but most of them don’t mind insulting and degrading me/or other disabled people for wasting their time when someone concerned persons them saying they fear for my life.  In my case it is the people I am begging for help from, who are supposed to by law be helping me – they don’t.


Complex PTSD is a serious life-threatening traumatic stress disorder with a very high rate of death and extreme psychological suffering.  My book of poetry hopefully conveys the level of suffering, eg Mean Hearted People


…..How I wish I could touch you and then

You would know how much pain I go through

Then you might help me get the rehabilitation

I am legally entitled to….


At the moment I keep getting the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes popping into my mind and I am the little boy being honest about what they are seeing and I know other people are seeing too but ignoring.  I see who the swindlers are stealing all the money for something that isn’t really there (mental health is just marketing, telling people they must help themselves and/or drugging people into submission).  That I can apply this story to the current situation for abused/mentally injured and mentally ill people who are being persecuted by the government for needing the professional health care they are entitled to, again makes me nauseated.  I know the science, I know the law and I know what is going on in this country is a gross miscarriage of justice.


Until I can no longer live with the constant suicidal thoughts going through my head and end this hell on earth I will fight, I will fight with everything I have, I will write, I will beg, I will scream, I will hunger strike, I will talk, I will protest in the streets and in the places those supposed to protect us work.  I will also never ever stop writing to you and demanding you take responsibility for this injustice and act to stop it!  And even if the day of suicide comes because you havn’t listened to me, I will make sure as many people as possible know why I did it.


Of course our judiciary know about the neglect and persecution already.   On one of my earlier chalking protests I was outside the Supreme Court in Wellington (where I think human rights cases bought by citizens against the government should be heard) with a few friends.  Two well dressed young men came out and asked why we were protesting, so I told them.  They told me that the numbers of mentally ill people in the justice system was currently being looked at by the judiciary and was of concern.  This is of course a violation of the Human Rights and Bill of Rights Acts on the basis of disability.  Bill of Rights because this is inhumane and cruel torture, people are being experimented on by immoral corrupt neo-liberals who want these people to rely on their own resources to live (which has no medical/scientific support) and the rest of the country is being brainwashed to hate degrade and ostracize anybody that does becomes violent as a result of their disability and severe neglect.  There is an Act currently going through Parliament designed to persecute people who flip out and hurt a child for the rest of their lives – they don’t get the health care they are entitled to, just persecution.


I know first hand what persecution is, I have learnt the hard way, as soon as I use the word of course I am discredited, people refuse to believe the extent the government are prepared to go to in order to stop people getting mental health care.  This is especially true for sexual and physical abuse victims who are the SOLE responsibility of ACC and we all know how bad ACC are.  It is quite bizarre that everybody thinks and verbalises this to me but when I relate it to services that are damaging and abusive for sensitive claimants they refuse to believe it.  Bessell van der Kolk explains it best.




Reason and objectivity are not the primary determinants of society’s reactions to traumatised people.  Rather, as noted earlier, society’s reactions seem to be primarily conservative impulses in the service of maintaining the beliefs that the world is fundamentally just, that people can be in charge of their lives, and that bad things only happen to people who deserve them.


Bearers of bad tidings are generally considered dangerous; thus, societies tend to be suspicious that victims will contaminate the social fabric, undermine self-reliance, consume social resources and live of the strong.  The weak are a liability and after an initial period of compassion, are vulnerable to be singled out as parasites and carriers of social malaise.


Society can only make a commitment to victims if it accepts these two ideas: (1) that victims are not responsible for the fact they were traumatised; and (2) that if victims are not helped to deal with the memories of their trauma, they will become violent and anxious people, unreliable and easily distracted workers, inattentive parents, and/or people who use drugs and alcohol to help them cope with unbearable feelings…..”


Bessell is an American and they have been far more abusive and neglectful of their most vulnerable citizens for a lot longer than New Zealand.  As NZ media and our leaders have aligned themselves so strongly with America and adopted many of their ‘witchhunt’ mentality this is why we are only now seeing crimes more common in there.  In my opinion our incarceration statistics, which are now 2nd in the world behind America, are an example of this.


I am 48 I was bought up in a culture a lot different to what I am seeing today and I demand my cultural rights to be respected and accommodated as any person would, and is entitled to.  Inequality is not my culture, greed, hatred and degradation of the poor, corruption, governments ignoring the people and ignoring the law (eg ACC law), not my culture.  Most Maori of course like to blame all European New Zealanders, when there are thousands of us that find neo-liberalism abhorant and immoral.  I have as many Maori friends as Pakeha.  Like I tell them, this is a class war not a race war and rich and powerful Maori treat poor disabled and powerless Maori just as badly as Pakeha treat their poor disabled and powerless.  Although I have Maori friends that believe Maori mental health services are worse than others.  With the government propaganda machine ensuring people know the ‘bad’ statistics about Maori, they incite dissension envy and hate in our community.  Which goes unchecked thanks to our media.


Another quote from Bessell about the part artists can play in this issue follows and has inspired me to continue trying to make my creative works public at every opportunity (I have been ostracized from the local arts community for what I do, story to follow another time).  From other studies I also know that during trauma blood flow to the right side of the brain is significantly increased and decreased to the left.  Right brain is creative, left brain is communication – hence why when I am really stressed all I want to do is draw and why often I cannot speak when dealing with the authorities.  In my last letter I begged that if I am incarcerated by the police again, even for a short time that I could have paper and pen, as it is psychological torture to leave someone like me isolated with nothing to do.


Another extremely important piece of scientific evidence that proves beyond doubt that traumatised people are NOT responsible for their actions is tests done of brain activity in traumatised people.  Unfortunately I cannot find the reference to this but I am sure it is available with some investigation.  A few years ago scientists measured brain (electrical) activity on traumatised people.  The results showed that traumatised people’s brains do not fire in the neo-cortex where decisions/choices are made, they are most active in the Amygdala (instinct brain) and limbic part of the brain (where emotions are held).  So the propaganda the government produced saying ‘there’s no excuse for child abuse’ is just that propaganda designed to degrade a disabled and very vulnerable group of society.


Sociology and social anthropology



IDEA:  The people I am writing to have the authority and resources to organise phone taps and hide a recording device on someone investigating a crime.  I volunteer to do this, send me into mental health services and the police and I will get you the evidence you require to prove just how abusive the ACC, mental health, police torture wheel of hell is for suicidal stress disordered people.  This may not work because I havn’t got protection from being stripped naked – which is police policy (and not been subjected to constitutional scrutiny) from information I received under the Official Information Act.  The last time I was threatened by police with it I had a massive stress event, started shaking and ended up curled up in a ball in the corner of the processing room hysterical, screaming there was no way those perverts were getting my clothes off me and swearing A LOT.


I wish I could have presented what I know face to face, didn’t have to write yet again.  It is so much easier for me to provide the evidence required to challenge any objections or questions people have.  Than just trying to write EVERYTHING down as it pops into my head.  At the moment that is all I can do so I am.




This morning I woke up with the issue of how to challenge corrupt incompetent and bigoted health professionals (especially mentally disturbed mental health professionals).  That bought flooding back all my worst dealings with health professionals, the degradation, the lies, the rejection and abuse when I was so desperately hurt and needed them so much – and so did my children.  I will try and discuss some of the worst episodes but it is traumatising and ‘breaks my heart’ all over again that people, who are given authority & power over me by law, could get away with such cruel, immoral and unprofessional conduct.  Conduct I know to be criminally negligent, politically motivated and I would expect several corrupt ‘assessors’ within ACC to be prosecuted for criminal negligence.


I looked up corrupt in the dictionary yesterday, I often do that just to confirm that my words are correct.  It is the Oxford dictionary I had to buy for my law studies in 2001, it is well used.  People get angry and discredit me when I use words like corrupt, torture and persecution but I know what is happening to me and many others.  Last year I collected together the list of words I use to describe how we are being treated.  It was surreal and confronting, I will add corrupt to the list below, now I know its true meaning.


Change tact, freaking out – one of the things I have evaluated and tried to understand over the past 11 years was why was the care for me/us is so abusive, so inadequate and so different to the treatment care rehabilitation and justice services we are promised by laws, ‘marketing’ brochures and politicians.


The greatest clue was a documentary I saw on television a few years ago about a famous experiment (in the 50s I think), however I am not sure of the name of it or the scientist who performed it.  Anyway in this experiment a group of average people were taken off the street and asked to participate in an experiment.  They had set up a situation where they were asked to administer an electric shock of ever increasing pain to the victim and were given some bogus scientific reason as to why (I can’t recall what it was).  The victim was an actor they could only hear through a microphone, who over time got increasingly louder and obviously in extreme physical pain, begging them to stop, until finally he pretended to die.


In the room with the person was a man in a white coat, taking notes, he kept reassuring the person this was a valid experiment and to continue, no matter what the person was hearing from the victim.  60% of the people that were put through the experiment went to the point of killing the person.  This was an experiment about the influence of authority on people’s behaviour and just what they are prepared to do to others because someone in authority said so – no matter how immoral it was.  This is the most serious issue in ACC, mental health and the police today, this is what is killing us and allowing the corrupting influence of cruel immoral neo-liberal political theories into our health, welfare and justice systems.  It is also how the NAZIs rose to power while intelligent educated people stood back and did nothing, or even participated in the persecution.


This is what is happening in ACC, mental health and other government (or government funded) organisations.  It is causing the suffering and suicide of thousands of people, I deal with those at the front line who I know are being influenced in this way, it is frightening.  Especially when you have educated yourself and know what you are entitled to under the law.  You can tell these people as many facts as you like, they take the word of authority not you, often apologetically even, but they leave you suicidal and severely dysfunctional (with the responsibility of children) and think it is OK.


Over the years and thousands of phone calls I have seen a pattern to the personality types ACC and mental health employ (the police are a slightly different story).  In fact I believe the current ACC case manager they have assigned me has a psychological disability, a speech impediment (which sounded like she was either on heavy medication or just ‘slow’).


The threat of unemployment has contributed significantly to this corruption where money and advancement for the most corrupted (often neo-liberal – National Act voters) of employees in ACC is standard practice.  I worked for ACC in 2000 as a temp, relevant experiences from that time I can call on are as follows:


Firstly Ruth Dyson was Minister and was caught drunk driving – I know staff at ACC were devasted and disgusted – all good Helen gave her job back as soon as she could.  I worked in funding in pricing administering contracts to businesses, at the time the manager got a $30,000 bonus for cutting costs – he bought a boat.  At the same time it was all over the media how little call centre staff were getting.  The woman I replaced while on leave was an amazing woman who had worked for ACC for 30 years – she told me. “All the good people leave”.  My analysis of this situation is that ACC is run by the dregs of our workforce – which is true – it is run by those who are most compliant to authority and corrupted by neo-liberal political theories with no basis in medical or scientific fact.


ACC was happy with my work and kept asking me to stay on, so a 3 month contract ended up six months.  I have always been involved in politics and at one point went to a NZ First conference in Hamilton over a weekend.  I was seen on the news in the audience.  When I returned to work the following week, it was big news where I had been for the weekend.  People knew I had an interest in politics as I used to join in with staff discussions about different current issues and it was plainly obvious that all the staff had right-wing neo-liberal ideals.  They were often abusive and hostile towards Green MPs especially, they ALL hated their jobs, which I found interesting but several told me the money was just too good and they would never get it anywhere else.


Corrupt . adj. 1. Willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.  Oxford English dictionary.


I have hundreds of emails, letters and phone calls (probably thousands) where I have challenged staff about not following its own laws and processes, quoted sections of the act, discussed medical evidence etc, to no avail.  I had absolutely no authority or say in my health care – which is also a violation of disability and health laws – but that will be discussed at a later time.  In response to these challenges ACC have set up an elaborate but very effective system for ensuring claimants – especially traumatised sensitive claimants are not given the professional health care they are entitled to under the law.


This system of neo-liberal control is fundamentally the same as what happened during the rise of the NAZIs in Germany.  A good friend, historian, told me the reason Hitler happened was because of extreme punishments inflicted on Germany after WW I, which lead to poverty and unemployment.  Poverty and unemployment are an accepted consequence of neo-liberalism.  It is required to bring down wages – please refer to Inside NZ – Someone Else’s Country and Mind the Gap documentaries about the Treasury document adopted after Muldoon was ousted in the 80s.  In that document it spells out that wages and welfare are too high to compete in the international marketplace (against people that were being used almost as slaves).  As a result the corrupt neo-liberal government cut welfare and as all the poverty indicators, like disease, poor mental health, violence increased they started a campaign of propaganda to degrade and discredit the suffering & disabled poor.


The fundamental principle of neo-liberalism is we are all responsible for ourselves and success in life is completely within our control, irrelevant of circumstance or environment.


After WWII the United Nations was created and several very intelligent and enlightened people developed international laws to stop a repeat of the rise of NAZIism.  These are now under documents such as the Declarations on Human Civil and Political rights, documents this country is signed up to and continue to tell the UN that they adhere to – however they do not.  People who realised it was censorship and discrimination of minority groups (who were perceived by some as the cause of poverty and unemployment) that enabled Hitler and his generals to gain so much power and kill so many innocent people.  Remember thousands of Germans died to protect their rights to kill thousands of Jewish, disabled, mentally ill and gay people.  It is naïve to think the current climate of discrimination against the poor, disabled and unemployed (especially abused people with stress disorders who become violent) history is not repeating itself.


Of course it is not just the NAZIs, I would suspect it lead to the fall of every rich and powerful empire in human history – all which have eventually been overrun by persecuted peasants – due to this very ugly side to our humanity.  You would think people would learn from history, but as it says in the bible, power and money corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.  In New Zealand parliament is supreme, when they disbanded the Upper House, they introduced other measures to ensure democracy, laws and justice was not able to be corrupted by cruel and immoral groups of people.  Measures like the Auditor-General – I will talk later about my dealings with these revolting people.  Also adoption into NZ law of human civil and political rights as defined under international declarations and administered/upheld by organisations like Health and Disability Commission, Human Rights Commission and office and the Ombudsman.  These are the channels for justice for the poor.  Sadly Human Rights abuses are considered civil law in this country and my attempt to get the police to prosecute ACC and mental health organisations and individuals under criminal law have failed (particularly Section 157 of the Crimes Act).


Would any person who is reading these letters be prepared to work for minimum wage, doing a mind-numbingly boring job – like Josh (my daughter’s boyfriend) – working a 12 day working week with 2 days off for a boss who is degrading and abusive?  Is it any wonder he tried to hang himself.


The other failures have been the organisations set up to protect citizens from persecution by governments – they do not work and have been corrupted to the point of abusive, towards the very people they are supposed to protect.  I have a few thousands emails and letters of the past 11 years demanding my rights to professional health care and justice provided under law be applied to me.  These letters are available on request or can be accessed through my ACC, mental health, medical files for those who are authorised to access them (refer to my first letter).   All of my protests/occupations/trespasses are from those agencies supposed to protect my rights – they do the opposite.




While working for ACC in 2000 I also attended a meeting by Garry Wilson (CEO at the time), all staff at head office were ordered to attend in work time.  It was held at the theatre in the National Library, I recall thinking at the time how what I was watching would be important in the future but I didn’t know why.  Mr Wilson started to praise a group of around five senior managers for reaching their objectives and getting rid of a large proportion of ‘the tail’.  I remember thinking yeah but what have you done to people in order for this to happen.  At the time I did not need ACC care so thought nothing more of it.  What I now recognise it as brainwashing and psychological manipulation of people.  By praising and rewarding the behaviour of these senior managers they in turn put pressure on the next level of management who in turn did whatever was necessary, irrelevant of the law and morality to stop people getting the health care they were entitled to under ACC, health, disability, code of rights, human rights and bill of rights laws.  Any thorough investigation of how ACC implemented processes to complicate and confuse claimants over the past 25 years, in order to achieve their objective of saving money, would expose this corruption.


There has been some publicity around Bronwyn Pullars case against ACC, she was subjected to dozens of assessments – which is how they psychologically torture you.  What ACC are looking for in these repeated and traumatising assessments is a health professional who will say the person does not need health care.  Once they have found that person they use them as much as they can.  It has also been news that ACC manipulate health providers and do not use those who ‘cost’ them to much.  Health providers lose contracts when they represent their clients, I believe this is what happened in relation to my contact with Adapt Therapy and their refusal to take me back on as a client after I won the first ACC review.  I made a complaint about their refusal and another Occupational therapist who abused and refused to organise the reinstatement of my care.  My complaints were ignored and there was no investigation.  None of the contractors are going to speak out against ACC and lose their jobs or businesses – again the threat of unemployment is used to control the population and establish neo-liberalism.


Assessments are a form of psychological torture for me and I have developed an extreme phobia of the process and health professionals as a result – this manifests in serious communication issues.  Communication issues that are supposed to be accommodated under ACC, code of rights and disability laws but are not.


On my 11 year journey I have met a handful of health providers that were intelligent and professional.  After seven years of fighting for my rights to professional rehabilitation, in 2009 I was finally given the beginnings of a rehabilitation plan (I have done study in the area of Occupational Therapy).  I had managed through help from the Human Rights Commission (the only time they have ever helped me) to get access to Dr Alan Doris psychiatrist (Nelson), what an amazing, ‘normal’ professional man.  Please refer to the two reports he has done for ACC – that they have now rejected………………….  The story I am about to tell you………………………when I think about what they did to me, giving me all that care I was entitled to then National (John Judge) got in and a 2 ½ year programme was stopped at six months.


The care I was getting was, Alan Doris a lead health professional, psychologist Christine Ridding (turned out to be a compliant idiot) 1 hr a week, Occupation Therapist Glenda van der ven Long (Adapt Therapy) an amazing woman and highly professional 2 hrs a week, Donna ? mental health support worker 3 hours a week, 7 hours a week membership of a local gym (to help with reintegration into the community, dealing with stress and my eating disorder) the guys there were amazing and I can get sworn statements about the levels of my dysfunction and the changes they saw in me in those six months.  Also I had a monthly massage paid for by WINZ and organised through my Occupational Therapist.  I asked for massage after the physical exertion at the gym I was becoming unbalanced with anger and needed a calming touch.  The massage therapist I found was also a Buddhist which made the therapy much more meaningful, also he was a good man, and the safe touch of a good man is something everyone abused by a male needs.


When ACC decided to stop my care after six months I was devastated and horrified they could do it.  How they did it was firstly they did not consult Alan Doris, they went against the advice of Glenda van der ven Long, against the advice of my GP, the psychologist didn’t think it was a good idea but believed there was nothing she could do against the authority of ACC, the mental health worker and gym instructors were all against it but were ignored.  Glenda even contacted the minister for ACC at the time (not sure who) and tried to get my care reinstated to no avail.


I won’t go into to much detail as I have started ticking violently the stress of what happened is so bad.  Needless to say Peter Jansen a corrupt GP employed by ACC who has no qualifications in the area of mental health was the individual to stop my care.  Apparently ACC had used an old report by Anne Walsh that said I had a personality disorder and my family were somehow to blame for my dysfunction after being raped.  It was like being thrown out of a six story building and I became well known to police due to the suicidal behaviour that followed.  Behaviour out of my control but considered by some police, ACC and public mental health services to be attention seeking and there was no chance I was ever going to kill myself.




ACC illegally dumped me, caused me huge psychological trauma and undermining all the work my health professionals and I had put in – not to mention the money ACC had paid – all for what?  So cruel immoral corrupt neo-liberals in Parliament and government could cut ACC costs, with no consideration for the costs of welfare payments, accessing social and free health services and police involvement etc.  And not counting the social costs to myself, my children, friends, family and community.


When I was receiving the professional rehab plan in 2009 I asked my Occupational Therapist and ACC several times to see Alan Doris as I wanted to discuss six weeks inpatient care to deal with the ‘suicidal’ aspects of my disorder – away from the responsibility of running a home and caring for children – I was refused.


I discovered when assessed by Alan after winning the first review that he had waited for ACC to contact him about my care as he believed I was his patient but they never did so he didn’t inquire.  I had also believed he was my psychiatrist after our first meeting/assessment and the implementation of my first professional rehabilitation plan but didn’t have his details to contact him directly – and I probably thought I couldn’t.


Once you are rejected by ACC and lose care that you so desperately need you are severely traumatised.  This fear often comes from experiences of the sexual or physical abuse you have suffered.  In my case the fact that the rapist was found not-guilty, even though he admitted to the jury I was asleep when he started raping me, saw me adopt dysfunctional ways of coping.  For example: one of my greatest barriers to work is I can’t do an interview, my subconscious believes that I am being judged and will be rejected so does everything to protect me from the possibility of this.  One of the things Glenda and I had just started working on (it takes months for an abuse victim to trust people) before I was dumped was doing roll-playing of a job interview so I could overcome this debilitating fear.  She also helped with opening challenging mail, while Donna helped with running the household and establishing routines that I was unable to do while traumatised and isolated.


From my research I conclude that when man was evolving and for example an animal attacked the group, caused death and trauma, the way people recovered was by co-operation and mirroring traditional behaviour.  In a group some would be stronger than others and restore routines of eating, cleaning etc, those more devastated by the trauma would watch them and start to mirror what they were seeing.  Perhaps those who were good at the start melted down later but by this time those who were dysfunctional at the start had recovered sufficient to take over.  I have many other theories around this but I don’t believe those I am writing to would understand and be as interested in social anthropology as I am.


One thing I forgot to mention with Complex PTSD, which is probably the most important, is it creates a very heightened fight, flight and freeze response.  Basic instinct behaviour when you are severely traumatised and working from your amygdala.  Behaviour I have absolutely no ability to control – nobody does.  When I try to explain what it is like I give the example of the part of the brain you use when you swerve without thinking to avoid a car accident.  So in times of trauma for a person with Complex PTSD it includes fighting – even if it is innocent people, flight – running away and avoidance, and freeze – when you are so freaked out you just cannot move.




Have started having a panic attack and want to self-harm, can’t stop ticking, have stuffed my face with a sandwich trying to put it all in my mouth at once, the suicidal thoughts are becoming intrusive, I visualise myself drinking a bottle of bourbon (and I don’t even like alcohol) I need to be numb – I have to stop.


Please help me, please hear me, please don’t call the police to come to threaten me to shut up or I will be arrested and stripped naked, please stop what they are doing to me and thousands of other sexually abused and traumatised people.


Yours sincerely








Attached for your information are the dictionary definitions of a lot of words I have come to know the true meaning of.   Please note I am unable to proof read this letter so there may be spelling or grammatical errors, these are not a sign of limited intelligence or deceit.




Oxford dictionary definitions that describe human rights violations being perpetrated by the NZ government against disabled abused people on welfare.


Authoritarian = favouring or enforcing strict obedience to authority at the expense of personal freedom (tick)


Bully = a person who deliberately intimidates or persecutes those who are weaker (tick)


Corrupt = 1. Willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain (tick) – evil or morally depraved (tick) – debase by making errors (tick)


Cruelty = cruel behaviour or attitudes (tick) law – behaviour which causes physical or mental harm to another, whether intentional or not (tick)


Debase = 1. Lower the quality, value or character of (tick)


Degrade = 1. Cause to suffer a severe loss of dignity or respect (tick) demean (tick) lower the character or quality of (tick)


Degrading = causing a loss of self-respect (tick) humiliating (tick)


Depraved = morally corrupt (tick)


Discriminate = 2. Make an unjust distinction in the treatment of different categories of people (tick), especially on the grounds of culture (tick), disability (tick) or age (tick)


Ill-treatment = act cruelly towards (tick)


Intimidate = frighten or overawe (tick)


Oppress = 1. Keep in subjection and hardship (tick) 2. Cause to feel distressed or anxious (tick)


Oppressive = 1. Harsh and authoritarian (tick) 2. Weighing heavily on the mind or spirits (tick)


Retribution = punishment inflicted in the spirit of moral outrage or personal vengeance (tick)


Persecute = 1. Subject to prolonged hostility and ill-treatment (tick) 2. Persistently harass or annoy (tick)


Subjection = 1. Cause or force to undergo (tick) 2. Bring under one’s control or jurisdiction, typically by force (tick)


Torment = severe physical or mental suffering (tick) – a cause of torment (tick) 1. Subject to torment (tick) 2. Annoy or tease unkindly (tick)


orture = 1. The action or practice of inflicting severe pain as a punishment or a forcible means of persuasion (tick) 2. Great suffering or anxiety (tick) – subject to torture (tick)


Torturous = characterized by pain or suffering (tick)


I’m covered in ticks – are you?