Monthly Archives: April 2014

Field Punishment No. 1 – Mental Health Field Punishment No.1

I have just finished watching the movie about Archibald Baxter and have cried most of the way through it.  The similarities to the way we treat New Zealand’s sexually abused and mentally injured and ill people is like watching history repeat itself – just without the physical assault.  Maybe if they actually physically assaulted (though tazering is assault) you the agony, cruelty and torture people like myself are going through would be dealt with and stopped.  But because we are only forcibly drugged with experimental psychotropic drugs and refused health care (even when we are severely suicidal) in 2014 we are seen as nothing more than insane bludging worthless cowards.

Today I went to The Mix (one of the only mental health facilities in Lower Hutt) I went to do art, which is what I do as treatment as I don’t take medication (I went to deal with the fact I am having to leave yet another home).  They have an exhibition on soon and I suggested that I put in my latest poem The Kiwi Madonna, which of course is inspired by James K Baxter’s poem The Maori Jesus.  The staff member there said the poem was inappropriate and considering what some of the people had been through that went to The Mix, it might upset them so he said they would not exhibit it.  He pointed to the signs on the wall about people only being able to do friendly nice art.

I pointed out this was a free country and I was an artist, that he had no right to censor my art from exhibition – the other artists in the room said little until the compliant zombie left.  Apparently if you have any ISSUES you have to talk to the people inside the house, the art room was where people got away from their problems.  I could not believe what this man was saying and I certainly did not accept it.  How convenient that the most victimized and abused sector of society wasn’t allowed to freely express their pain and humiliation at what was happening to them and those around them.

Of course I’m not going to take that sort of discrimination and told him I would be submitting the poem for exhibition.  He could get whoever he liked to look at it and decide if it was going to be censored or not then I would expect a written explanation as to why and I would be making a complaint to the Human Rights Commission.

When I think about what Archibald and his friends went through, how the people back in New Zealand wouldn’t have known what was going on, how the politicians that sent these men to be tortured would have been living their affluent lives not giving one iota of thought to what these men were being subjected to I know what is happening to mentally injured and ill people today is so similar.

The media refuse to tell the New Zealand public about any of my protests, any of the medical/scientific information I have, any of the poetry songs or letters/emails I write to people begging for the health care and justice thousands of mentally ill and injured disabled people are being denied.  Of course the New Zealand media are mostly controlled by the government or someone heavily indebted to it – which is why we don’t hear about just how abusive, cruel, immoral, unprofessional currently mental health services and treatments/rehabilitation now are.  I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON AND I WILL NEVER EVER STOP UNTIL SOMETHING IS DONE – NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY TORTURE OR REFUSE ME THE HEALTH CARE I AM ENTITLED TO!

While I was watching the part where he was left out in all weathers tied to a post l am reminded of my poem Ruth Dyson’s Whipping Post (although now it is Judith Collins whipping post).

I am disgusted in what this country has become, I am ashamed of what people do to others, what educated intelligent people do to oppress degrade neglect and psychologically torture people with mental health issues.  Especially those issues related to severe trauma – I have the same stress disorder some of these soldiers had – shell shock they called it then – now it is called Complex or Compounded Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  We know more about it, the science is out there – 22 ex soldiers with this disorder a day are killing themselves in America – many are killing and hurting other people as well.

How can this madness go on, how can there be a whole industry of maggots feeding off the ignorant and bigoted approach to mental health we now have.  An approach based on a political ideology with no basis in scientific fact.  I talk to people about what I know and many attack me BUT I KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING IS TRUE, I SEE IT, I KNOW MY DISORDER, I KNOW THE MEDICAL SCIENCE, I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE ENTITLED TO UNDER ACC, MENTAL HEALTH, DISABILITY, HUMAN RIGHTS, BILL OF RIGHTS AND CRIMINAL LAW – and I know for sure that the NZ government is not providing it.  Their priority is elitist sport and giving even more money to failing business people in some pathetic attempt to brainwash the NZ public into believing they are actually doing something about unemployment.

Our politicians know what is going on too, Andrew Little told me outside Parliament that he had a desk piled high with people complaining about ACC, many of them abuse victims.  I know how many I have begged for help from and been ignored.  Of course this gross miscarriage of justice is allowed to continue because the Human Rights Commission, Health and Disability Commission and the NZ justice system refuse to do anything about it.  They too are so brainwashed and corrupt they refuse to believe what me and thousands of other people are saying.

This movie has inspired me to stand up for my rights to freely express myself and I will take this latest attack on my freedom to the Human Rights Commission.  All very difficult when I am struggling with having no stable home and enough money to live along my life-threatening stress disorder.  Oh well, like those objectors did, you’ve just got to laugh about it – it is so ridiculous and so bad.

I won’t be able to stop writing I am sure and every political party, every news outlet and every justice agency (including Sian Elias and the Secretary for Justice) are going to get a letter about this.

This is my latest poem, I wrote this morning – only a draft so far:

New Zealand’s at war
Rich versus poor

I’m in the trenches
Ignored by the benches

Politicians and judges
Ignorant elitists with grudges……..

Also I would suggest you get Archibald Baxter’s book We Will Not Cease and read it, it is even worse and more detailed about what he went through, especially the stuff about what was happening in New Zealand, which I noted the politically correct people who made the film mostly left out.  Except when I heard one guy say – you’ve sent the working classes to fight the wars of the wealthy.  SOUND FAMILIAR!  What was WWI about – power and oil in Europe – why are they fighting in Europe/Russia etc now?  Stupidity is making the same mistake over and over again – as I have a report saying I am intelligent wouldn’t you think someone would listen to what I have to say.

In 2014 in New Zealand we have an affluent sector of society having a really good time, persecuting, degrading and neglecting the poor and disabled.  That they do this particularly to abused men women and children makes me want to vomit and of course is why I am currently out on bail for three counts of wilful trespass.

If people who don’t understand what suicidality is like (you don’t create it, it happens to you) actually knew the hell people were unnecessarily being subjected to they would have those people involved arrested.  Of course I have repeatedly asked for police to investigate my claims of harm under Section 157 of the Crimes Act, but they won’t.  I won’t stop asking though, because I know what I am doing is right and I know what they are doing is very very wrong.

Everybody at the Mix was frightened of the CATT team, most had been assaulted/tazered had the dogs set on them.  All of them had become compliant for fear of retaliation by mental health staff.

What more can I say…..   One day this will be exposed and heads will roll and maybe everyone will know my story and my 12 year fight for justice, against all odds. One day we will have a facility and professional care like my Mental Injury Services business plan and Fence at the Top of the Cliff rehab model sets out.  One day this persecution they call mental health care will stop.

Have a copy of the Mental Health Blueprint II and I am definitely going to be writing a report about that load of brainwashing marketing bullshit.  This is the sort of crap mental health funding is spent on, it is seriously sick – and of course the $90 million they give to drug companies, which most of them rich fucks like John Key, Bill English, Tony Ryall and Judith Collins have shares in.

Kia kaha to all those fighting for justice and truth.



I get paid to be a loser
By the New Zealand government
Forced to be on welfare
Hardly a dollar I’d call well spent

In order to get paid of course
By the New Zealand government
You have to turn up and beg
With the latest forms they sent

This whirlpool of neglect
This sea of degradation
This oppressive system that is
A blight upon our nation

I’ve cost them hundreds, cost them thousands
But still they don’t see
If I’d been given proper rehab
From welfare I’d now be free

So many times I’ve tried to stand
Though I knew I was unsteady
And I told them more than once
My broken heart’s not ready

12 years down the track
From rape and not-guilty
My life’s a worthless piece of shit
Yet they continue to screw me

The pain inside my head
So great I pray for death
After yet more persecution
I’m down to one last breath

I get paid to be a loser
By the New Zealand government
Forced to be on welfare
Hardly a dollar I’d call well spent


So ACC and mental health refuses me the care I am entitled to and the only care I can access is under WINZ.  The staff are not adequately trained, are not senior enough health professionals to be dealing with seriously ill – eg suicidal, self-harming, violent, mentally ill and terminally ill people.

But what gets me are the New Zealand media, this has been going on for years, since the invasion of neo-liberal political ideologies in the 80s and the media do as little as possible to tell the stories of the thousands suffering.  At the same time they keep asking our cruel immoral elitist corrupt neo-liberal politicians what they think.  National have done nothing but further degrade persecute and hurt poor, abused, mentally ill and other disabled people.  You only need to make a few comments about just how bad things are on National party twitter feeds and you will see exactly what these revolting people are truly like.


Diary – bloody hell that was a rough two weeks

Just when you think it can’t get any worse and you can’t take any more stress you find out about the ACC Disputes Tribunal and how they have been telling you for years you can’t use them – but you can.  So why didn’t Joanne Grealy take my case to court?  The system is fucked!

So while having a melt-down on the phone the woman calls the police who turn up with tazers and a police dog.  I thought they must have been looking for someone fugitive when they came up the drive.  Opened the door and found it was for me, I was really pissed off and commented on the OVERKILL.  I couldn’t get out of going with them however and spent three hours at Lower Hutt Police Station (I got photos of going in the back entrance).

Put me in a white room with one table and a bolted down chair – BORING BORING BORING – I don’t do BORING.  While they called the CATT team who took 2 1/2 hours to turn up.  To let off energy I started singing Why What When Where Who How song at the top of my lungs, and any other song I could remember, as well as recited poetry and demanded to see my laywer.  They gave me my visual diary, mobile phone and bible but wouldn’t give me a pencil.  So I ripped up some of the paper, made a water bomb and some other things.  I also ripped up a polystyrene cup they gave me with water in it.  Have used these in an artwork, stuck them on to black background.

I was really loud, and my voice echoed in the room and I’m sure through most of the cells, at one point some cop with a hat on looked in and asked me what all the noise was about.  I just said I’m BORED and he shut the door.

When CATT team turned up I backed into the corner like a frightened animal and told them I didn’t want them in the room.  Then I just started nutting off and swearing at them, I thought about all the times I had been refused care and threatened by these people, all the stories I knew about them.  I swore at them about how they degraded and drugged people into submission, I gave them a hard-out bollocking.  The two women looked like stunned mullets.  The policeman stood between me and the women, he tried to get me to stop but I told him it was part of my terrets (which it is) and I was so threatened by these mother fucking pieces of filth I couldn’t stop myself.

The police and I tried several times to get hold of my lawyer without success, in the end I was told I would be taken home.  I was a lot quieter on the way home, in the back of the policecar with my head down, hands over my ears rocking backwards and forwards with my eyes closed, most of the way home.  Before I got out I said to the police officers that I had never ever retaliated against them and never would and I wouldn’t be in this situation if ACC and mental health were giving me the care they were supposed to.  I said you should be arresting ACC staff not me.

Having the police come and mental health phone my flatmate didn’t go down well and she gave me shit about it.  Has made me feel uncomfortable here, great, like that isn’t stressful.

Been supporting and advocating for friend Ricky, who is doing it hard since his stroke.  Wish I had more money so I could go and see him every second day.  I went to physio with him which was good, he is trying so hard but so downhearted at the same time.  We always have a good laugh, both having dark senses of humour.  I took in the ‘therapy’ paintings I have been doing and the comparisons between the art after my mother phoned me and the ones after I had talked to my doctor following a big upset were well – very different  I should get photos and post them but having trouble downloading photos from my new phone.

Was so stressed out last week I went back and stayed in Carterton with Sarah, was such a relief to be home as I hadn’t been sleeping very well for the previous few nights after an upset with flatmate.  I had a hot bath at Sarahs, nice relaxing music and insense.  Also went out to jam night at The Clareville Bakery, caught up with people I hadn’t seen for months – I had stopped going to jam night as things were so difficult at home and my mental health so bad.

It was good to be able to talk to people about what I was doing, how hard things were and what was happening with the Owen Glenn Inquiry, Parliamentary Inquiry and Auditor-General Audit.  Also how my court case was going and how great the assessment was by the forensic psychiatrist.

Heard from ACC but they are still refusing to reinstate my care like I had it before, they want me to do another assessment and won’t let me see Alan Doris.  I’m not communicating with them very well and my counsellor from Wellbeing Services refuses to have any contact with them, said it wasn’t her job and I should get an advocate.  She had helped me with WINZ but everybody is scared of ACC.  She wants to give me therapy when I’m so fucking stressed out with everything that is happening I’m doing as well as can be expected.

This is what fucks me off about counsellors, they’ve been bought in to brainwash people that if they just knew a few of their de-escalation and de-stress techniques then I would be fine.  What a load of fucking bullshit – after 12 years I know every trick in the book for de-escalating when I’m fucked off or really really sad.  This is the same counselling services who told me I could see a counsellor on the following Thursday (I was really struggling and needed to see them urgently), I waited to hear what time, when I didn’t hear I phoned them and they said I had only been put in the system and nothing would be organised for another two weeks.

Also the counsellor was late on our first meeting.  Then after the police indicent last week, I couldn’t see her because she had double booked the session – on Wednesday she asked me if I could wait until the following week and I took ages to answer but said I suppose.  Obviously I couldn’t if the police were called the next day.

Also at a previous session we decided she was going to take me to a weekly exercise class in Wainuiomata.  She completely forgot about it until I phoned her and said I couldn’t make it because I was too unwell and couldn’t bear to do anything that challenging when I was so fragile.

This is what the public mental health system is like.  She wants to pass me onto secondary mental health services, even though she knows I am entitled to all the care I need under ACC.  I’m trying to make the most of her, she isn’t a bad person and I only get to see her twice more I think.  I’ve got court next Thursday, which is the ONLY day I can see her, would have been helpful to see her the day before court – but hey, I’ve been doing this without support for a long time now.

Oh yeah my lawyer – get this – reason they are free (and the taxpayer is getting a raw deal) I have been contacting my lawyer on a regular basis (and she takes ages to get back to me) to find out when the second assessment was.  On Wednesday she phoned and had just clicked that the court had ordered the assessment but nothing had been done – DAH – WHAT HAD I BEEN SAYING.  John Duncan forensic mental health nurse was sitting in the room, why hadn’t he arranged it?

Thing is the judge ordered the psych report and if it is the fault of mental health services that it wasn’t done in time then he is going to be really really pissed off – and so am I.  It was urgent because we had planned to hear my wilful trespass charges straight after the psych assessment hearing.  So now mental health have got to organise a psych assessment at the court, with me and security (as before) in time for court next Thursday.  WTF

If that is legal representation…………….  that isn’t legal representation.  Megan is a nice person but bloody hell, not good enough, I wonder how big their caseloads are.  Anyway it will be good to get mental health in the shit, and I will be making sure mental health get the blame for the delays, and Megan takes some responsibility.

Even if report is not done I am going to ask that we go ahead with the case, I will plead Common Law/Civil and Political Rights/Bill of Rights and the responsibility of a person to fight in any non-violent manner they consider necessary in objection to human rights abuses at the hands of the NZ government.

What are they going to do to me, community service maybe, its not like anybody doesn’t believe I wasn’t justified considering my situation.  They can’t fine me, I have no money.  I doubt if I would have to do community service either considering my mental health at the moment.  Also I would be proud to have three charges of wilful trespass as a criminal record for fighting for my rights and the rights of other abused stress disordered people.

It still amazes me how the media think my story un-newsworthy, the people I tell about it are fascinated – imagine if the whole of New Zealand knew.  Not much chance of that when majority of NZ media hate me, they’re offended about my Journalists Are Maggots poem 🙂  as they are supposed to be.  There are so few political activists and people fighting for justice like me who are challenging the biased right-wing NZ media who are inciting resentment dissension envy and hate in society.  So many of them telling half the story about suicide and why, about the medication of our entire society to deal with those not coping with inequality, injustice and degrading poverty in an affluent country.  A country that thinks spending $53million on an elitist sport is OK, while they tell sexual abuse victims and war veterens there isn’t enough money for the extensive health care you need.