Monthly Archives: August 2014

The Kiwi Madonna

I saw the Kiwi Madonna
Chalking beside Wellington Harbour
She wore blue jeans
Her legs and hair were long
Her words spoke of suffering and injustice
When she broke the rules big fish trembled
When she sung people shook
When she laughed everybody relaxed

 The Kiwi Madonna walked along the 1840s foreshore
And picked out her twelve disciples
One cleaned toilets at Parliament
Her hands scrubbed red for $14 an hour and a lifetime of debt
One was a sexually abused parent treated as worthless stock
One was a battered housewife they forced to take medication
Who then tried to hang herself in the garage
Another was a sad socialist
Trapped in the wreckage of his disabled body
Yes, and there were several more

One was an ethical bishop
Going slowly mad in an affluent parish

The Kiwi Maddona said.  “Fellow man
From now on the sun will shine.”

She did no miracles
She played guitar sitting under Seddon

The first day she was arrested
For saying she had inadequate means of support
The second day she was assaulted by the cops
For telling ACC staff their house was not in order
The third day she was charged with being a wilful Kiwi
Stripped naked and locked in the cells
The fourth day they threatened to commit her
For telling the CATT team they were lying abusive mother fuckers
And could stick their medication where the sun don’t shine
The fifth day lasted 12 years
While she rotted in her Wairarapa asylum
Never out of the shit

The sixth day she told the judge
I am a light in the darklands
I am who I am
The seventh day she was heard
The brain of God respected not medicated
On the eighth day the sun did rise
And it rose the day after that
God’s servant was alive not dead
Rescued from the darklands of New Zealand
Mountainous, mile-deep, civilized darklands
Found in this country from then until now

The end of ignorance
No more poverty, no more degradation, no more neglect
Nor gross inequality, gross injustice, disrespect



Written earlier this year the Baxter poem kept going through my head and when I got it out and re-read it the new words just poured out of me, wasn’t hard really, just telling my story in a more artistic way.

This was the first poem I ever wrote that was prophetic, as the sixth day has not yet happened.  Originally I had the forensic psychiatrist ending this hell, then a member of parliament but that didn’t happen even when the report was good and said I was really fucked up.  Mental health services and ACC are still holding out, John Judge, Paula Rebstock, Bill English, Nicky Kaye, John Key, Nick Smith and Judith Collins must be proud of the work they did on that organisation.  Imagine the cruel right-wing politically appointed rich bastards that run that place.


Knockn On Every Door – JR Murphy

Outside Masterton police station

Outside Masterton police station

Sitting here listenin to Eric
In my battered old 50s rockin chair
My discman gives it to me just how I like it
Loud and surround in my ear

Off in the distance past the neighbours
The poplars whisper the winds symphony
As spirit blows ‘cross the papa
There’s a storm brewing, sweeping up country

Eric’s started blowin harp in my heard
And knockin on the door of the dead
Trying to keep it together
Through this killer storm weather
A battle that fills me with dread

The CDs now on Guns ‘n Roses
As the evening air touches my skin
And the clouds rollin in from the west
Like a woollen cloak being pulled ‘cross the heavens

Now Axle starts knockin on the door
As only he knows how to do
He sings it
I live it
Trying that door to break through

Oh God when are they gunna listen
Their ears are so closed to our pain
The voice of those been abused
Writhing in pain
Writhing in pain

The light is starting to fade……

Knock, knock, knockin on Heaven’s door
Knock, knock, knockin on Hell’s door
Knock, knock, knockin on Every door


Chalked outside Masterton Police station 29 August 2014, a plea to Brent Register and police to take complaints about mental health seriously.  Lots of people stopped, lots of support.


Hide Crimes Behind Skirts & Ties – JR Murphy

My heart is low
My head is bowed
From the depths the hell does rise

I can hardly move
Nothing will sooth
My beaten heart no longer flies

Cause the money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties

Can see no future
Now a tortured creature
Looking out from blackened eyes

So much rejection
Like an injection
Of the suicidal size

Cause the money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties

Don’t wanna see
How the system is full of lies

The torture wheel
Doesn’t care or feel
They’re trained to ignore your cries

Cause the money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties


I can’t believe I live in a country where this happens and more than half the population are denying it.  And I am called insane for speaking out about corruption, torture, experimentation and brainwashing (these are the United Nations definitions) of abused and mentally ill people by health, justice and welfare agencies.

Read any book of history and you will find all good people who opposed immoral cruel and corrupt authority were labelled mentally disturbed.  Was just reading a news item on the Kill the PM song and the ‘looney left’ were referred to.  The looney left are angry because they see the suffering and deaths of innocent people because of the government.

Given that the extreme right are violent fascists who do enjoy watching people die, like sick people who should be able to look after themselves, or poor people who deserve to die cause they’re just lazy, abused women and children who deserve it for not having a good man to protect them…….


Rich Bastards Authority – JR Murphy


79.   Rich Bastards Authority

They’re telling us every day
There’s no money left to pay
For rehab, health, ACC, welfare
They just don’t have it to spare

Yet today I get the Dom Post
See politicians getting a boost
Thousands of dollars more money
From the rich bastards authority

John Errington who the fuck is he
Does this one percenter charge a fee
He’s chairman of a government board
Where all budgets are ignored

Support the left, leave right to fry
Give equality and justice a try
Stop pretending leaders are not to blame
Turning on those with so little, again

Rich cruel elitists trash hurt and poor
Unemployed the puss filled sore
While rich and powerful live up high
Candidates spout rhetoric why

Inequality is what we loath
Leaders have their treasure trove
While others live no socks, no shoes
No homes, no car, nothing to lose

Why pay so much for a shit job done
Give them money when there’s none
Pay cuts is what it should be
Sack the Remuneration Authority

This is one reason I chalk, sing and shout
This is just one thing I’m fucking angry about!



Shopping Makes Me Very Sad – JR Murphy

I used to like grocery shopping
It was the only time I allowed myself to be ok about spending
I used to like grocery shopping
Now it makes me very very sad

As I walk around the isles
I try not to look at the food I’m not allowed
As I walk around the isles
All I want to do is cry, breakdown and howl

I can only buy the cheapest
Can’t afford the things I used to purchase
I can only buy the cheapest
Makes me feel really cheap and worthless

I try not to look around
Pick things up and put them back
I try not to look around
In the meat section I choose one thing for the week

Every item I pick up reminds me
Of the politicians and health services that put me here
Every item I pick up reminds me
All my family vote National and don’t want me near

Those things I choose
Mean I can’t pay to get my car repaired
Those things I choose
Mean I can’t get to Wellington begging to be heard

I buy butter to do some baking
It reminds me the CEO of Fonterra $2,500/hour he gets
I buy butter to do some baking
It reminds me the government wants to stop me selling
a few scones at the market

My trolley isn’t very full
One layer on the bottom, just covering
My trolley isn’t very full
Others have a pile of nice things they’ll be eating

I used to like grocery shopping
Now it just reminds me how callous and mean our country has become
I used to like grocery shopping
Now it just makes me very very sad


For a while I was so broke I was having panic attacks and crying in the supermarket, I had to get in boarders who ended up victimizing my daughter and I.  While wealthy family ignored what was happening to me, blaming me for my situation.

I Wish I Was Dead – JR Murphy


Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Shot with a bullet right through my head
Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Didn’t have to deal with this shit in my head
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

I can’t take any more degradation
From the state, the media, The Nation
You refuse me the care that I’m owed
Leave me writhing under this heavy load

Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Shot with a bullet right through my head
Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Didn’t have to deal with this shit in my head
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

You hate, you neglect and you abuse
Justice, health care and respect you refuse
You censor, you mislead and you lie
While thousands I know suffer and die

Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Shot with a bullet right through my head
Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Didn’t have to deal with this shit in my head
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

Auditor-general another turn of the wheel
Pain, fear, disappointment I feel
Now those thoughts of self-harm coming back
Want to see spilled blood from within be without

Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Shot with a bullet right through my head
Oh Lord I wish I was dead
Didn’t have to deal with this shit in my head
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord


Probably a 50/50 chance of having the police here to threaten me with being forcibly taken into custody and incarcerated under the Mental Health Act for posting this poem and sending it to the Auditor-General.  Will make sure I have my audio recorder ready.

Will be interesting when I sing this song over and over again during my next protest mission at the Auditor-General’s office in Wellington, covered in fake blood.  Police usually take 20 minutes in Wellington and know I will co-operate if arrested, will be able to get video.

Just got out my guitar and sung this new version of I Wish I Was Dead and I am definitely going to the Auditor-General’s office very soon and sing it to her, with my video camera, sing it until the police turn up and then decide if I want to be arrested or not – considering it will lead to sentencing on my charges of wilful trespass of Law Society, ACC and MOH.

CARPE DEIM  – Seize the day – Getting arrested sounds like a really good idea to me.  Richard is coming with me in his wheelchair and will be getting arrested too.


Sean Plunket talks about those at bottom of NZ neo-liberal hell hole

I watched Sean Plunket and the other ignorant, immoral, abusive, wealthy, brainwashed bigots talking about poor people on Prime last night and I cried, now I have woken up and can’t stop thinking about the lies & propaganda I saw.

Paula Bennett would have to get an academy award for her performance – the idea that NEW REFORMS are going to fix everything is sick.  Yes the government focuses on their target unemployed when its good for votes but why is nobody bringing up about disabled people, mentally ill people, abused men women and children who are rotting degraded on welfare – and being refused care by ACC and corrupt abusive mental health services.

When I walk into WINZ the people sitting around look whipped and beaten, heads down, shoulders rounded.  Usually there will be someone in at the table next to you begging for more money because they can’t cope – you learn all about how bad their lives are too – I thought about making a complaint to the privacy commissioner but I am already considered mentally ill (delusional) for making more than three complaints over the past 12 years.  I have a psychiatric report that says I don’t have a personality disorder, am intelligent, mostly articulate and am not delusional about being persecuted by ACC, mental health and others.  However the Human Rights Commission and Tribunal prefer to consider me mentally ill so they don’t have to take my Human Rights case to court.

Last year in Masterton before Xmas I visited my ‘really nice’ WINZ case manager (she does her best for me within the system and I appreciate that) in the table next to me – less than 4 metres away a man in his 30s and a teenage boy were with their case manager telling her how he had not got his mail and WINZ had stopped his benefit and he was going to be kicked out of his house.  I had the feeling the man could not read, he was desperate and getting upset and angry about what was happening to him.  A security guard hovered nearby as the case manager went over and over with the man how he hadn’t replied to the letter so there was nothing she could do about what he owed she could only reinstate his benefit immediately.

I was sitting next to him rocking backwards and forwards, crying and extremely traumatised (which is what happens now when I go to WINZ I am so traumatised by the degradation of begging).  The anger he was expressing was further distressing me as I get scared of angry men – since I was raped.  I felt very sorry for him as I knew his frustration and his rage – and to have to beg for money in front of your son – nothing could be more degrading for a man – could it?

Or more recently a woman with a child on her knee begging her case manager for more money and telling her how she had come out of an abusive relationship but if she didn’t get more help she would have to go back because she couldn’t live.  She was crying with her baby on her knee.  Behind her case manager (and mine) there was a large wall mural of a photograph of happy people and the bullshit saying about Te Tangata Te Tangata….. blah blah – something about the most important thing is people.  Ignorance like that of the NZ media about what people are ACTUALLY going through when they are begging for help in this shit hole country is why we have a right-wing government.

If the New Zealand media actually showed people the degradation, humiliation and abuse you are subjected to when you are disabled, are desperate to work but can’t get health care and are left rotting on welfare for years then we wouldn’t have the dysfunction and suicide statistics that we do.

Many people are so degraded by the WINZ process they are actually driven insane and many I know are taking psychotropic drugs to cope with poverty and the discrimination and bigotry you experience in the community.  My own family despise me for not being able to work, I am the embarrassment of my family, my mother never talks about me with other family because she is ashamed of me.  I have few friends now because people HATE poor unemployed disabled people – we are not supposed to be able to participate in the community.

Another story for Sean Plunket and his bunch of ignorant bigots last night.  Some guy went on about stable man/woman relationships as being important but the way WINZ is set up they are almost impossible.  Me, I’m just too screwed up from being raped sodomized and the person being found not guilty, then being subjected to further degradation, neglect, discrimination and abuse from ACC and mental health services to have any man interested in me – except for sex of course, they all want that with no strings attached.  I was getting help in 2009 when I had my professional rehabilitation plan in place but ACC illegally took all that away and made my life worse as removing that much care and support without any consideration as to the psychological consequences.

Someone I know explained it well, she has mental health issues (child abuse victim who ended up in a situation where her own children were abused and taken from her).  She was trying to get to know a local man, as like most people she wanted to be in a relationship, she said he was mean to her but it was better than nothing.  As she walked up his driveway a neighbour yelled abuse at her – calling her Donnarea.  She told me she left immediately as she was so scared, scared the man abusing her would phone WINZ and tell them she was living with this man she was trying to get to know and her benefit would be stopped – it had happened before.  You should see the state of the house this woman lives in (check out an Asian landlord in Masterton well known for renting out flats that are no more than squats.)

Since I was raped in 2002 I have been unable to work, while my ex partner has worked the entire time.  He has a house and a life, I have no stable home and am now so unwell because of the Complex PTSD I can’t work – I also spend 80% of my time fighting for health care or justice – I am so unwell and so desperate.  I have psychiatric reports saying I am unwell and yet I can access no services.

Snr Sgt Paula Holt phoned yesterday and told me she is arranging a meeting with ACC – so ACC can tell me the services they are prepared to offer me.  I’m starting to get really anxious and unwell about it.  Apparently ACC aren’t going to arrange for the reinstatement of my care as required by two ACC reviews over the past five years – they have come up with an entire rehabilitation plan for me without my input and which shows no similarity to the care I was getting in 2009.

I know for a fact ACC are not subject to Health and Disability Commission laws because HDC does not consider them a health provider.  If ACC are deciding on the health care I am to get, without consultation with me or any of MY HEALTH PROFESSIONALS then they are health providers and therefore should be subject to HDC rules.  AND THIS IS WHERE THE CORRUPTION COMES IN.

Now of course I should bring up the FACT three years ago I watched a presentation by a KPMG consultant at a Victoria University lecture on Crime punishment & fiscal responsibility.  He told us that the UK had ditched the NGO system of delivering mental health services 15 years ago because it was causing huge social problems, dysfunction, violence and suicide.  He could not understand why the government still used this system when it didn’t work.  When those in the UK had studied why the NGO system doesn’t work, it was discovered the NGOs only helped those mentally ill people that were easy for them – the people that really needed the help were rejected and ignored.  EXACTLY THE SAME THING IS HAPPENING IN NEW ZEALAND – AND IF THE HEALTH AND DISABILITY COMMISSION OR HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION AND COURT WERE DOING THEIR JOBS without discrimination against people with traumatic stress disorders, then people wouldn’t be suffering and killing themselves.

Isn’t it sad the people of New Zealand are being denied all the facts about just how bad it is living with a disability in poverty in this hell hole the neo-liberal right-wing greedy have created.



Check out my Human Sewage poem.

Paula Bennett is a filthy disgusting liar, any plans they have at the moment are targeted at one particular small group of unemployed – what about abused people, mentally ill people, what about people who want to work but become suicidal when they have to go for interview after interview, knowing they are never going to be employed.

When are the people living in the darklands of this shit hole country going to get a voice?  NOT THROUGH THOSE ARSEHOLES AT THE SALVATION ARMY EITHER – I could tell you some horrible things about those ignorant abusive bigots – gossips, self-righteous people who hate rather than help and know nothing about professional treatment care and rehabilitation of abuse victims.  Don’t forget the system had people from church counselling that guy Burton before he killed on the firebreaks in Lower Hutt.  The NZ government thinks it is a great joke that Christians are taking over the professional mental health care of sexually/physically abused and traumatised people – cause Christians like to be needed and it doesn’t cost them any professional health services.

I challenge Sean Plunket and any one of those people on his show about poverty to have a one hour discussion with me – recorded of course – so I can prove how ignorant bigoted naïve and out of touch these people really are.