Monthly Archives: December 2014

Weird comments coming through website

Apparently ‘the authorities’ are telling people I have a personality disorder and am an attention seeker.  Interesting all this started since I made a complaint about Dominion Post.  But nobody will tell me what authorities they are talking about.

Read the comments I posted on Tow The Line poem.

Will make another complaint to police, this is false information and slander.  I’m sure the stalker is involved somehow.  Will also make a complaint to the Privacy Commissioner.  You never know how high this sort of stuff goes – I’m challenging some very powerful and rich people when I criticize the use of psychotropic drugs and saying mental health services are abusive and they know it.

The biggest shock is just how corrupted people in the system are, how in denial they are, how brainwashed – and the hypocrisy is so bad it actually makes me unwell.  I can’t reconcile within myself that ‘the authorities’ can say one thing and do exactly the opposite – like being violently arrested when I was really sick?  WTF

Saw the doctor today about it, was really upset, was so difficult, she kept asking what I wanted her to do and I couldn’t make a decision.  Problems with me still belonging to a doctor in Lower Hutt – not wanting to join her surgery as I was having really bad flashbacks back to a REALLY BAD situation that happened at mental health 10 years ago – they are in the same building.

Managed to get some counselling from doctor, though they are not back from holiday until 7 January, so I left a message to call me urgently.  I will have to pay for it myself with some money a friend gave me – just to deal with what the police did to me – I’ve started freaking out about it and on top of everything I just can’t do it on my own.  Like the doctor said I need far more health care than that considering EVERYTHING – I said I know but I can’t get it.  She is also going to write to ACC and find out why my care hasn’t been reinstated as I was really messy today.

We discussed talking to mental health team but like I told her, because they won’t put in place the security services I can’t see anybody.  Also I am so frightened of them now it is like being told to accept sex therapy from the man who raped you.  My inability to ‘communicate’ with mental health is their fault not mine, it is their responsibility under law to accommodate my impairments if they can – so far they refuse.  But not for much longer hopefully.

Finding it really hard to leave the house

Think I’ve worked out what the abuse by police has done, I am really struggling with leaving the house, lying to my friends about why I can’t see them, choosing to stay home rather than go out and do things I need to.  I’ve seen this in other trauma victims, especially ones scared of the police.  Its something new for me – I DON’T LIKE IT – I used to be a very social person.

If I am around people often they ask how you are and what you’ve been doing – what do I do – lie?  Most people are usually so shocked they don’t know what to say, except I hope things get better.  But things don’t get better, not when you’re living in the darklands going round and round on their torture wheel.

I MISS MY ART !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have decided to protest about what happened on Christmas Eve by writing my Inside & Out poem on the footpath outside Masterton Police Station tomorrow if it is fine – or maybe I could go up this morning special 🙂

Just made a complaint to police, boy they really protect each other.  Asked if I could see someone from Victim Support as I’m freaking out about what happened – but apparently they don’t work over Xmas New Year because they’re all volunteers.  Wouldn’t you think this time of year they would have people there to support victims of violence and crime.  The woman officer tried to defend those two arseholes, when I suggested that I wanted it as an assault charge, she was a bit more co-operative.

Did get out with a friend, went to the beach for a walk and it felt better, but saw a police car and almost had a panic attack – I can feel myself go hypervigilant and needing to know where they are and what they’re doing until they are gone.  Its sad – you shouldn’t be scared of the police.

Got to get some counselling or something as freaking out, going to see a doctor – groan – my doctor is miles away, havn’t changed it since I moved.  Don’t want to go to any here, had so many bad experiences – with any luck there will be a decent locum.  Also want them to check out my wrist, its still hurting.  Fuck I hate this disorder and how badly people are treated with it.

Made a formal complaint to Healthline

A beautiful day here, I can hear a fantail twittering on the porch, Pete Seeger singing rebellion on the stereo and I’m trying to work out what to do with the rest of the day.

Sent emails to TV3, TVNZ and SkyTV linking them to this website, see if they interested.

Phoned Healthline to make a complaint – sort of – more to find out what the hell happened and why the nurse phoned the police and sent them running.  Wanted her to know what the consequences of sending the police can be for someone, makes things worse not better.  Told them I couldn’t even tell my family and friends what happened on Xmas day because I didn’t want to spoil it for them.

The woman on the phone was nice, they look into it quickly, listen to the recording (which I will request under the Privacy Act) and get back to me to discuss it.

IPCA aren’t there until 5 Jan so will make a complaint online.  Tried to get hold of someone at the DHB to make a complaint about what happened but the only person was Gillian Moulton and I refused to speak to her.  I got put through to Allied Health and left a message.  Might see if I can make a complaint online.  ITS A RED TAPE WAR AND I’M A RED TAPE WHORE – and those wasps in the Beehive have a paper nest.

Working on getting the latest edition of The Black Book deposited in the National Library, will see if I can include poems from the last few days.  Also working on a booklet of quotes and poetry that can be chalked on the street, something I can sell for $5 to support my activism.

Going to make some waves, this is bullshit, nobody should be treated this way.  Also going to take the dog for a walk, try spend some time living in the moment and smelling the roses, read some of Russell Brand’s book and my bible, begin my UN submission, go for a walk in the bush, do some gardening, do some more packing, do some cleaning, make some Alison Holst Pretty Pickle, smoke a lot of cigarettes which I hate, try not to eat so I have to throw up, listen to some music, write some poetry, play my guitar (I’ve been invited to a protest gig end of January).


Violently arrested Xmas Eve – Welcome to the Darklands of New Zealand

Have decided to make a formal complaint about what happened on Christmas Eve and going to send letters to every politician I know.  Also the heads of a few churches.  Going to do a letter to the editor of the local newspaper.

Have a bad feeling about the psychological fallout from Christmas Eve, don’t think it has hit me yet, hope it won’t.  Went to local market this morning and spent 10 minutes with a healer – she was Japanese, dressed in traditional dress.  The greatest feeling I got was in my third eye area, so hopefully I can look at what happened more philosophically and my psych won’t take on some new phobia to cope.  Its hard, the pain in my wrists when I knock them reinforces the feeling that asking for help is going to mean pain.  Of course I won’t be phoning Healthline ever again.

Stalker still posting comments, I don’t read them, just trash them.  Will try and get the police to deal with it in the new year.  The difficulty in being able to get help from police when two of them have just treated me so badly is……………..


Violently arrested Xmas Eve after phoning for help? NZ sux

WTF – still coming to grips with what happened on Christmas Eve, cannot believe in 21st century New Zealand this is how we treat people with mental health issues.  This is so wrong, on so many levels, legally and morally, it is an abusive system created by ignorant bigoted people.

I had had the flu for about three days, my sinus were bad, eyes watering, nose like a tap, skin sore to touch, coughing that racked your whole body and HURT, couldn’t hear properly and couldn’t breath properly.  I had PMT bad and my mental health after being let down by ACC and police recently was bad as well.

I got upset about EVERYTHING that is going on, as I do, but when I started to cry I couldn’t breath.  I couldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t breath as well.  Not knowing what to do I phoned Healthline, hopefully they taped the call so I can get a copy of it.  I got upset with what was happening and told the woman I wished I was dead and they should send someone to kill me rather than leave me like this.  I told her most of what was going on and explained how no woman could cope in such a revolting country.  I ended up hanging up during a coughing fit where I almost threw up – there wasn’t anything she could do – it was 8.30pm on Christmas Eve.  Apparently there was something she could do – even though I told her not to phone the police because I was never going to kill myself – she phoned them and they came running.

So while the majority of people in my community and my country were having a great time, relaxing and enjoying the ‘Christmas Spirit’ the police were racing to my house to deal with me asking for help again.  I almost threw up when I watched the news Christmas night.

Was on the porch when I saw them running up the drive so I went inside and shut the sliding door, give myself a chance to think.  What was going to happen, Christmas Eve I couldn’t get arrested I had my girls coming to stay.  I was dressed in a light cotton wrap, t-shirt I had slept in (as I had been sick in bed most of the day), no bra, no shoes, I looked like hell and the house was messy.

I turned around and opened the door, I knew they were never going to leave unless I engaged with them, no matter how bad I felt.  So I did – groan – did everything I could to talk them out of taking me anywhere, that yes things were really bad and I did say those things but there was no way my life was in danger – which is the only reason they would have to be there.  The discussion became heated and I started swearing, then out of the blue they got one handcuff on me and of course my swearing and abuse increased as it hurt like hell.  Apparently I was being arrested for disorderly behaviour  – for swearing at these two who were giving me shit outside my own house.  There was a struggle but I gave up quickly, no point when you have a man on each side of you, with your arms pinned behind your back and you feel extremely vulnerable and exposed.

I told them I would go quietly, repeated over and over there was no need for the handcuffs EVER, begged them to take them off, both wrists were excruciating and I knew it would be over half and hour before we got to Masterton and I got them off.  I also begged them to let me get dressed, get some things together, lock up my house and my dog before they took me away – they refused.

Got read my rights in there somewhere and said yes to a lawyer and demanded to see the Minister from Soulway Church – they refused the minister and I never got to call a lawyer because I was out within two hours – ahh the system grinding my bones to earn their bread.  IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE FOR ‘GOD’S SAKE’ I THINK A MINISTER WOULD CONSIDER IT A PRIORITY WHEN A DESTRAUGHT POOR SINGLE WOMAN AT THE POLICE STATION ASKED TO SEE HIM – DON’T YOU

I have bruises on my arm from the struggle but my wrists are the worse and most of the bruising you cant’ see.  Why do police officers always tell you to stop struggling and it will be less painful – THAT IS NOT FUCKING TRUE!

When they arrived they said we’re here to help you – well that will start me off every time because that is the biggest lie out there.  They are the police they are there to catch bad people and they don’t know how to handle people like me – so they treat me like bad people.  I tried to defend myself, I tried to keep calm but when two men you don’t know are standing there threatening your liberty it was impossible.

One of the officers went back in the house to get me a top, I didn’t want him to because I had dirty underwear lying in my bedroom & bloody sheets on my bed.  A man I don’t know seeing that was so humiliating, that is my bedroom my sanctuary.  He came out with some pants instead, but that stage I didn’t care and said I would take them with me for now.  When he tried to put my seatbelt on I flipped out and started calling him a pervert and to fuck off, ready to kick him – I was reacting to the fact he was about to lean across me and I felt half naked in what I was wearing.  Thankfully he didn’t push the issue and at least I wasn’t stuck in a seatbelt.

It wasn’t until after I knew I was arrested and they refused to let me get dressed so I felt decent, that I really started giving them shit.  I have a rule about not swearing at policemen and I have never ever said the pig word UNTIL NOW.  Boy did they get a bollocking all the way to Masterton, why not, I was in pain – I had phoned Healthline for help and now I was in the back of the police car, still really sick, no shoes, no bra, no jersey for God knows how many hours, with every chance of being committed by the CATT team – WTF – it was surreal – felt like I was in a movie.  It was Christmas Eve.

Last year I was arrested and taken to court (peacefully) on my birthday in a week or so, this year I was violently arrested on Christmas Eve – what the fuck is wrong with these people?

I remember being taken away, stopping at an intersection, looking up in time to see a musician I know with a group of his family and friends staring at me in the car – humiliation complete.  Do you think the woman who phoned the police realised all this was about to transpire.  Do you think any of the people I phone begging for help and justice realise what happens.  Do you think my community and New Zealanders realise what actually happens during the mental health process.

………..need a break…………………..

Got to Masterton, tried to get out of the car but my makeshift skirt was falling apart and I was in handcuffs, made me cry.  As soon as we were in the door I refused to move until they took the handcuffs off, wish I could have got photos of the ridges in the sides of my wrist.  AND WHAT DID I DO WRONG AGAIN?

They demanded I see the CATT team, which I told them I didn’t want to, had to wait for over an hour.  So bored, so sick, they got me tissues for my cold and because I was crying at times as well and a cup of water.  They wouldn’t give me a pen and paper to draw or write – boredom is horrible – allows all those crap thoughts to invade your mind.  Did some singing but I was so full of the flu it was difficult.  The echo in that place is shocking – some city idiot obviously designed it.

When I was singing Why Am I Arrested For Being Disabled I imagined coming back at a later time to properly record the echo sound so I could include it on a recording of the song somehow.  Ahh dreams are free.

CATT team turned up and it was our mate Andrew Curtis-Cody, the one person who has denied me mental health services for over 10 years and got away with it.  I freak out when I’m near CATT team and backed up into the corner of the cell when they arrived.  Think there were 3-4 police and CC had a snivelling little man behind him that refused to say anything.  I gave him shit, said how he must be enjoying seeing me there where he had power over me and he would never win because there was no way I was going to kill myself when I could stay alive through the hell and give him and the government shit.  I said I was going to get him sacked and prosecuted for what he had done to people.

Called him a maggot, fkn arsehole murderer, abuser, etc etc.  Police just stood around and watched him smiling and unable to really rebut anything I was saying.  The guy behind him was funny, I talked to him directly a few times, asked who he was and what he was doing there, he just looked shit scared.  When I was doing it I was thinking of all those people in the Wairarapa who have been hurt and degraded by this psycho and what they would say if they weren’t too scared.  Boy it felt good, after how I had been arrested – I think police were standing around enjoying watching him get a bollocking.

Most of the time I was talking with police, they agreed with what I was saying, so WTF was I doing in the police station on Christmas Eve.

The CATT team left, I talked to two women officers for 10 minutes, then I was taken home – WITHOUT HANDCUFFS.  Recited Knockn On Heavens door poem to them, they were impressed, knew who Eric and Axle were – which helps.  How is a person supposed to reason out what just happened?  Violently arrested, then taken home two hours later, being told to have a nice Christmas.  I couldn’t tell my friends of family what had happened – I told my facebook family when I got home but the next day when I tried to talk about it I found the stalker had had me suspended.

Text Brad (police in Lower Hutt) who was supposed to be helping me with meeting with ACC, told him what happened – he made an inappropriate joke and hoped things improved.  Just wanted to keep him up to date with what actually happens when I don’t get care.


Kiwi Christmas – Inside & Out

Been writing poetry this morning, trying to express/understand/make sense of what happened on Christmas Eve – First draft – now complete:

Twas the night before Christmas
And came to my flat
Public servants with power
And they brought the brick bat

The kind people at Healthline
Had called them you see
Said. She called us, she’s sick
Said come and kill me

She’s crying, distraught
Traumatised, can’t breath
Doesn’t know how she’ll live
No hope no reprieve

So they came and they conquered
On Christmas Eve
Hurt me with handcuffs
Humiliated aggrieved

If I was a Christian
I’d be beginning to wonder
If things weren’t about to be
Torn unfucking sunder

Tis now after Christmas
As I sit on my couch
Nursing the bruises
Both inside and out

Christmas news makes me want to
Throw up what I’ve eaten
No news from the darklands
Those battered and beaten

One day I’ll find it
The justice I’m seeking
Be freed from their torture wheel
The degradation the beatings

Every time I knock one of my wrists, which are both bruised from the handcuffs, it is really painful.  When I feel the pain my head is reminded that I phoned Healthline wanting help and ended up covered in bruises and what the two officers did to me.  Then I have to drag my head out of the trauma and fuckeduptedness by remembering the bollocking I gave the police officers, how I stood my ground as much as I could without suffering more physical assault.  That makes me smile, also the bollocking I gave Andrew Curtis-Cody and the other idiot from CATT team.  Told them exactly what I thought of them and what they were doing to me.

Should post a diary note.


Stalker got me banned from facebook

Yip, watch out psychopaths know all the tricks, they do this to lots of people – I know one in the Wairarapa.  The stalker could even be her for all I know – that’s the crap thing about the internet of course you don’t know who you’re dealing with.  They particularly like to attack vulnerable people, people who can’t fight back – they know how important facebook support is to people like me and they do this to hurt you – that’s what gives them a buzz.

Off you go stalker – go annoy someone else – I don’t care, I’ve appealed the suspension and will get my friends I have phone contact with to do the same.  Will express myself in other ways on other media, makes me realise I have to get more of my facebook friends phone contacts.  Was telling them the other day was going to do a hikoi around New Zealand and come stay with them, do a bit of protesting – should be fun.

Anyway its Christmas Day, yip stalker got me barred from facebook on Christmas Day, after I was violently arrested last night by Wairarapa police and spent two hours in the cells.  But that’s another story I’ll tell in the next post.  This is getting surreal.

Just checked my comments and I’ve got two of them going for it at me – am going to make another complaint to police – fuck this bullshit.  Two abuse victims – WTF – just shows you how fucked up some abuse victims are – its transferrance of course I can tell from what they’re writing.


Keep it coming #dirtypolitics

Still got the stalker whining on, just keeping the comments for police to follow up later.  They have to have the last say and crave attention so will get more out of them for the Privacy Commissioner.  I know this person is attached to a public servant, politician or media because of what they post.  In fact I am going to use their insults and threats to pressure ACC and mental health to reinstate my services.

Lets see whose better at their sick little game.

Love and light to all those people fighting for the rights of abused, disabled and mentally ill people to access professional treatment care rehabilitation and justice services.  One day we will unlock that padlocked door and be treated with the respect and dignity we are entitled to by law.


Email to NZ Law Society asking for a lawyer

This is to the Council Board and Executive of the Law Society who just had me prosecuted for wilful trespass of the Law Society in Wellington when I went there and refused to leave until I got a lawyer.  I still don’t have a lawyer.

I made a complaint about the last one when communication broke down – you believed DV and not me – surprise, surprise.  So here is my dilemma at the moment and hopefully you will see why I need a lawyer.  Please be assured I have phoned every lawyer in NZ and they have either not phoned me back, said they are not qualified to take my case or they don’t have time.  I can’t work out how you make a complaint about that?  I phoned Chen Palmer and said I would pay for two hours of advice and was refused – can they do that?

Three weeks ago I was supposed to have a mediation meeting with ACC.  This had been instigated by me contacting police commissioner Mike Bush about my situation and needing security services if I was going to meet with ACC to discuss the reinstatement of all my services.  Considering how many times police are called to either my home or my angry protests it is worth police time to try and resolve the issues I have.  The police became involved and we were to meet at Lower Hutt police station, me, two officers I was supposed to have met previous, ACC and Fairway.  A few days before the meeting ACC said they refused to have the meeting recorded – which I made clear was going to happen from the beginning of trying to organise this meeting.  The officer who had taken over my case then refused to meet with me prior to the meeting or have a female officer present so I pulled out on the Wednesday.  It had taken months to get that far and I was devastated, ask Brad.

On Thursday the officer (Brad Allen) text me and said ACC had pulled out of the meeting because they believed I was going to self-harm.  I do not know where they got this information – perhaps the Fairway person, who I have made a complaint about also.  The system has gone completely mad and the more complaints I make the more I am discredited?  Nobody likes a whistleblower in New Zealand.

The reason I refuse to see any health professional ACC or anybody like that without it being recorded is because I have been lied to, insulted, degraded, discriminated against and then when I have made complaints not believed.  Also I have a stress disorder and in stressful situations I will never remember much of the detail of what is said – as I cannot get an advocate or a lawyer to help or represent me then I have to have it recorded to ensure what is said and agreed to.  This is an impairment related to my disability and under the law, must be accommodated.

When Brad Allen told me ACC refused to have the meeting recorded I told him, he was the police and he should tell ACC they had to.  I have been unable to contact Brad and he hasn’t responded to emails or texts since the meeting was cancelled.

So ACC are saying they refuse to meet with me to arrange the reinstatement of 12 hours/week treatment care and rehabilitation because I am too unwell.  While public mental health services refuse me all services because they refuse to pay for security services and I cannot meet with them without it or I could flip out.  This is an impairment related to my stress disorder and therefore should be accommodated as required under law.

ACC and mental health have been refusing to provide security services for about four years.  It wasn’t until my recent criminal charges of wilful trespass that I was able to get a judge to ORDER mental health services to provide security so I could meet with psychiatrists to be assessed.  Although these reports said I was very unwell I still have no services.

I have had an HDC advocate from Nationwide HDS trying to get me services from public mental health for four years, they refused to accommodate my impairment and nothing more was done – I receive nothing (I have had two flatmates attempt suicide in past 18 months, I have had to move four times in one year).  I made complaints to HDC and did protests but was ignored.  I also made complaints to Human Rights Commission and Tribunal and was ignored – apparently some of the people I am complaining about have said I have a personality disorder and should not be believed.  I have a recent psychiatric report that says I am intelligent, do not have a personality disorder and am not delusional – still no services.

I had the police turn up here a couple of hours ago after my previous lawyer Michael Bott phoned them saying he was concerned for my welfare.  That was after I was so upset on the phone yesterday, when I begged him for a lawyer to fight ACC and mental health for my care and a case of criminal negligence.  The only people who ever call the police on me are people I am begging for help from – when there is no help because most of it was shut down.

In my case it was illegally taken off me in 2009 against all my health providers advice after a change of government but not a change of ACC law.  There is also another aspect to my case regarding my refusal to take psychotropic drugs for spiritual and ethical reasons.  Although nobody will talk about it – it was one of the reasons I had the type of rehabilitation plan I did in 2009 and one of the things ACC and mental health refuse to address.  Just because I refuse medication doesn’t mean I GET NOTHING.  Under Human Rights law manifestation of my beliefs should be accommodated if possible.

I am very unwell with ongoing suicidal ideology, bulimia, anxiety, agrophobia has started recently, unable to run my life, it is cruel what they are doing to me and it is cruel what the justice system and the Law Society are doing to me.  I’m 49 years old and the only criminal conviction I have is for wilful trespass of the Law Society because I refused to leave and caused a scene because I couldn’t get a lawyer.  So now DV isn’t going to be my lawyer because you don’t have a person who calls you a liar representing you WHO IS GOING TO BE MY LAWYER against ACC, mental health and NZ govt.

By not providing me the health care and justice the NZ govt are required to under ACC, disability, health, human rights and bill of rights laws they are harming me and therefore committing a criminal offence.  I can prove this, I need a lawyer – not just an ACC lawyer a human rights lawyer – what has happened to me is a direct result of political corruption.

Not able to get a lawyer 800 years after the Magna Carter was signed and we were all guaranteed legal representation for disputes and all to be equal before the law.  Currently the government are only upholding the laws that suit their cruel immoral corrupt neo-liberal political aims, not the laws that protect the most vulnerable or follow medical models of health care.

Please advise me where I get a lawyer or legal advice to do something through the courts myself.  If I don’t get care I will never work, I will never have anything, I don’t want to live, my family are ashamed of me, I have few friends because I’m scared all the time.  You have to help me, please I am begging you.