Monthly Archives: March 2016

Open Letter to Paula Bennett MP – Abuser Murderer!

Sent: Tuesday, 29 March 2016 7:29 p.m.
Subject: Letter to Ms Bennett

Dear Ms Bennett,

I saw you on the TVNZ news tonight and I’m extremely disturbed that you don’t understand why people want to kill you and cause you significant harm.  You probably won’t believe me about this so please contact an independent psychiatrist to explain and validate what I am saying.

I am 50 years old and destitute after I was raped sodomised, person was found not guilty even when he admitted it and then I was subjected to the past 14 years of degrading abuse, persecution and criminal neglect.  I was at university when I was mentally injured, I tried to return but failed, I begged ACC for help but was refused even though education is covered under law and it is ACCs responsibility to return me as near as possible to my pre-injury life.  I also owned a franchise business which I lost because I couldn’t continue and ACC again were refusing to support me or provide me the treatment care and rehabilitation I was entitled to under the law.

I owned a house from when I was 24 until I was 36, now I am 51 and destitute thanks to ACC and the NZ government.  I have been rotting on welfare for 14 years begging for the help I knew I needed and was entitled to under the law – I was studying law before I was hurt and have reports saying I am intelligent.  I have tried to heal myself and return to university several times but failed, mostly because of my inhuman living situation – which includes unstable unsafe housing and having to repeatedly move.  I have never lived in a state house, there are no state houses in the Wairarapa and I never got the help I needed for my children and I to make it into state housing of any kind.

I have been forced to move repeatedly and had some of the most revolting landlords, two years ago I was forced to move 4 times in one year.  I already have a stress disorder and having to move is the most stressful thing you can do so I become highly suicidal and very dysfunctional when it happens  – I live in constant fear of having to move.  Also in the time since I was hurt I have been forced – due to poverty -to live with 9 different people other than my children (who are awesome and have now left home and both work)  Only one of the people was a nice person.  The others ALL stole from me, victimized me and took advantage of me due to my disability, two of them attempted suicide – the first tried to hang himself twice in our garage, smashed up our house (one of my daughters was living with me then) and then stalked us for months.

The other took a handful of pills was in intensive care for 3 days and was allowed home on day four with no mental health support, no mental health worker, couldn’t even see her psychiatrist for four weeks.  Her partner and I were completely shocked, we had no say in it and mental health knew how unwell I was.  When she came home it was horrendous, even her family sent their pre-school children around to be cared for over the weekend.  I was so petrified for their wellbeing, although I had gone away myself to a friends back in Wairarapa to try and deal with what happened, I came back to protect the children.  There is more to this story but I can’t talk about it as it still traumatises me now.  At the time I was begging ACC for my care to be reinstated from 2009 as required after winning two reviews and extremely unwell myself, highly suicidal and having several welfare checks from police after government agencies who were supposed to be helping me refused and were concerned for my welfare.

If I had the opportunity like you to buy a home I would never have had to go through all of that, all the money I have been forced to spend and pay back to WINZ for moving expenses, it would be over $10,000 – all while rotting on welfare – I now rot on invalids benefit.  I hate not working so much I wish I was dead every day.

I had WINZ rip me off when I took in a young boarder under some scheme, he was extremely strange and ripped me off $250.  I was assured by government agencies he was a good boy, he was not, he was nothing like my girls, who are admired by all people they work for and parents of friends.  This email gives you authority to look at my WINZ file – my case manager Tina Hemi is awesome and understands, she gets angry I cannot get my ACC care reinstated and she knows how unwell I get when I am extremely broke, have dangerous or abusive people living with me and or have to move.

I find WINZ so degrading after so many years I start ticking, shaking and crying when I go there.  I used to stand outside or I would be sick and have a panic attack,

Tina would come outside and get me.  I can’t stand outside any longer and do not go to WINZ anymore because there are security guards and they would not understand my extremely traumatised behaviour.  I rock backwards and forwards, click my fingers and become highly dysfunctional.  I took a friend their recently and waited outside I watched two young security guards demanding every visitor tell them why they were there and not let them in until they did – it was sickening.  WINZ is already the most degrading place on the planet and putting in those guards has made people even more degraded.  You did that.

After your degrading reforms in 2013 and after border smashed up our house and tried to hang himself in the garage I was so traumatised I started having extreme visions of a gun in my mouth going off and blowing the back of my head off.  They got so bad it was almost 10 times an hour for several days,  I would sit and rock backwards and forwards on my bed self-harming it was so bad.  ACC, mental health, my doctor and others knew this was happening and refused to reinstate my care.  I write music and poetry to cope so I wrote the song I Wish I Was Dead, its one of my best songs.  Please see my website for a copy and check out the other poetry I have written about how bad it is to live in this revolting country after 30 yrs of neo-liberals advancing rich and persecuting poor (yes I know what persecution is).

A year later John Tully was driven mad by these reforms and the lack of stable housing in his community that he flipped out and killed those two WINZ workers,  this was your fault and Brendan Boyles fault, this was the fault of your reforms.  A few days after the deaths I protested outside MSD in Wellington, I was abused for it, people in the building are so stupid and out of touch with reality that they couldn’t accept the truth of what I was singing, saying and chalking on the street.

Of course people want you to die, I want you to die and be harmed, that’s what I pray for almost every day and definitely every time I see you lying about the causes of abuse – blaming other people for domestic and child abuse – when from my extensive and dedicated study over the past 14 years – because when you don’t work and are intelligent you have to do something – it is the fault of inequality and neo-liberal political economic and social policies that has been the greatest cause of abuse in our country.  We didn’t have this much abuse, violence, addiction, mental injury, mental illness and suicide prior to 1980s neo-liberal cuts.  Where rich were advanced and disabled poor were persecuted.

I want you to suffer like I am suffering because of your violent abusive destructive policies and changes – you must know that, professional people must tell you that.

Another reason I despise you and wish the worst sort of violence against you is because I have tried repeatedly to return to university and failed thanks to ACC and others.  I now have a $7000 debt after failing again last year – mostly because I became highly suicidal due to my unstable living situation and ACC continuing to refuse to reinstate my care, even when the ACC case manager phoned me personally and told me it would be reinstated as it was in 2009 – then several months later refused to do it.  They still refuse to do it.  You had the TIA, I can’t get that, now I’m 51 there is no point in returning to university or getting any education as I won’t be able to pay it off – I will have to live destitute and most likely end up homeless when I am old.  I have to live like a student with strangers in my home, with the constant threat of a rent increase or having to move.

I can’t talk about this any longer I’m becoming suicidal and will have to go and self-harm,  Wairarapa has the highest rate of self-harm in New Zealand, because mental health services here are run by people who are extremely mentally disturbed and hate women.

Feel free to check out my facebook page and website and youtube channel  /jrmurphypoet – I will leave a few messages for you in the next few days. Just so people know why you are the most hated woman of my generation – with Ruth Richardson close behind.  You have destroyed me, violated my rights and persecuted me while you make so much money – you have done it to thousands of people – you make everything so degrading, that is what you are good at.

Please advise if you now understand why you are so hated, why all your government are so hated, you are the cause of NZs violence, you create an inhuman environment for people to live in and you know it.  I hope and pray you and those around you get the karma you deserve considering the pain and suffering you cause to disabled innocent vulnerable people in New Zealand.  You fail to provide the necessaries of life outlined in Maslows Heirachy of needs as required under ACC, health, disability, criminal, imperial, human rights and bill of rights laws.  You are as bad as Hitler, that is why people hate you and want you dead.

Just thought you needed to know, just in case you weren’t corrupt and are just ignorant, brainwashed and naïve.  Can you please write to  me through snail mail to confirm you received this email because I believe 1000s of emails like mine are kept from you.  I phoned your office today and said much of the things I have said here, the young woman on the phone didn’t believe me either, but its true – don’t you ever meet with the people who complain or you persecute?

Kia kaha to us all


Civil Society Actor

Blocked from emailing this complaint to Wairarapa DHB – is that legal?

29 March 2016


Chairman & Members

Wairarapa District Health Board

Masterton Hospital



Dear Sirs & Mesdames,

I have been watching with interest on social media a suicidal woman attempting to access mental health services in the Wairarapa and been horrified at the cruel irresponsible unprofessional negligent response from Andrew Curtis-Cody and his team.  Mostly the same people who have refused me services for years, those I have made repeated complaints about and been ignored, ridiculed and discredited.

You dragged me through court for legally protesting about these people and what is happening with Wairarapa mental health services under the direction of the New Zealand government and the many DHBs around our country.

This letter is to reiterate again you are breaking criminal laws with the way you reject people and do not provide services that are based on professional health and rehabilitation models.  You are killing people in this region, making them suffer unimaginable psychological torture and you are ignoring and condoning this appalling behaviour when you know what is going on.  Especially with regard to vulnerable traumatised women.

My own story has been ignored and rejected by the DHB for many years because they believe the current mentally disturbed Mr Curtis-Cody and those he controls.  I noted from a recent news item he is still ACTING MANAGER, after more than a decade, and still just A NURSE.  You choose to have someone in this role who is poorly qualified and mentally disturbed because he does what he is told and keeps costs down, this makes the DHB criminally liable. 

Mr Curtis-Cody is known in the community to be unprofessional, cruel, negligent and incompetent – he particularly despises women and people he cannot control, such as myself. 

I noted from a recent report Wairarapa has had the highest rate of female self-harm in New Zealand for the past three years.  It is a well known fact that where men will commit suicide, as several I know have in recent years, women will self-harm.  To be at the point of self-harming is dealing with the most unbearable psychological torture you can ever imagine (psychological torture is a crime under New Zealand law).  I self-harm, my doctor, ACC, mental health services, police and many others know this.  They refuse me all services, because the services they now provide are so degraded, drug based and unprofessional they say there is nothing they can do for me.  ACC also continue to refuse to reinstate my care.

I am left to be harmed in our cruel community, in unstable housing, poverty, subjected to ongoing crime and trauma – I am one of the poorest people in New Zealand, treated like human sewage as a disabled person and a criminal for legally fighting for my rights.

In 2009 after National became the government and John Judge was put in as Chair I had my professional care illegally withdrawn by ACC against the advice of all the health professionals I was working with – as I have told the DHB board members, management and many others previously.  At that time I was receiving a professional rehabilitation plan with a multi-disciplinary team of people.  I had a leading psychiatrist overseeing my care Dr Alan Doris (who I still have contact with and support from).  2 hours per week with an Occupational Therapist Glenda van der ven Long, 1 hour per week with a psychologist Christine Ridding, 3 hours per week with a mental health worker Donna, a supportive well-informed doctor, 6 hours per week at a community gym with supportive members who had been advised by my Occupational Therapist and monthly massages.

As part of the illegal withdrawal of care, knowing I was still unwell and would become highly suicidal with such action, ACC passed me over to Wairarapa mental health services.  Wairarapa mental health services told me on several occasions that there were no services in the Wairarapa and the only thing they had to offer was psychotropic medication.  Andrew Curtis-Cody and his team are well known for using medication as a form of abuse and way of keeping clients quiet and their jobs easy. 

They were well aware my ACC rehabilitation plan did not include medication purposely as I was a spiritualist, intelligent and well educated woman.  I refused medication as nobody could tell me the impact these medications would have on my ability to protect myself spiritually.  I refused medication on the grounds of religious and ethical belief, as I am entitled to under New Zealand law.  I have studied traumatic stress disorders extensively and know what is required to heal a person from these mental injuries – my website outlines the care people such as myself are supposed to be receiving but are not

So I went from a professional rehabilitation process supervised by a senior psychiatrist, provided by a multi-disciplinary team of health professionals and support in my community funded by ACC to nothing through the Wairarapa DHB mental health services.  Andrew Curtis-Cody, a nurse, decided that I would receive no services whatsoever.  The DHB and others know my story as I have made many complaints formal and informal.  Sadly the Health and Disability Commission and Human Rights Commission believe Mr Curtis-Cody and don’t believe Dr Alan Doris, Dr Justin Barry-Walshe and others.  I find this extremely disturbing but not surprising – given the level of corruption and psychological torture neo-liberal governments have been allowed to inflict on disabled poor New Zealanders with mental health issues.

The last time I was protesting at the hospital it was disturbing to see a woman yell with vehement hatred from a second story window at another listening to me. “Just ignore it.”  She then slammed the window and closed several blinds so she didn’t have to see my painting and sign about being a Worthless Suicidal Abuse Victim and please kill me.  This showed starkly how corrupt, ignorant, cruel and abusive DHB management and health staff are towards people who have mental health issues (especially those of us who suffer suicidality, which is the greatest hell on earth). 

I have compounding Complex PTSD which is very dangerous and life-threatening.  Mental health services and others are so corrupt they try and say I have a personality disorder, or PTSD with eating disorder.  This misdiagnosis is another form of discrimination and legitimises the criminal neglect and persecution I am subjected to in this community (I do have an Oxford dictionary from my time studying law, prior to being raped/traumatised and know the meaning of this word).  Many people here are purposely misdiagnosed as a way of denying them the health care they are entitled to.

Currently I am following legal channels to have the professional care I am entitled to under law provided and reinstated.  This also involves getting justice and compensation for the appalling unprofessional conduct I have been subjected to at the hands of incompetent health ‘professionals’ and those who employ them.

I am currently reading the 5th report by the Family Violence Death Review Committee, it is a sad and sober reminder of what I have been fighting for over more than a decade in this community.  Fighting for professional health care for abused men women and children, care they are entitled to under ACC, health, disability, criminal, imperial, human rights and bill of rights laws.  Being a United Nations Civil Society Actor in the area of mental health is indeed dangerous and yet vitally important work (very poorly paid as well) when our supposedly civil society has been taken over by corrupt neo-liberals.

While ACC, DHB and others refuse to provide me the care I am entitled to under law, so I can recover, return to work and live with dignity, I will continue to educate myself, make submissions, make complaints and protest.  I will continue to use my intellect and personal power through legal channels to force adherence to laws I have found that protect disabled people.

It is imperative there is an urgent inquiry into the appalling unprofessional state of mental health services in the Wairarapa in order to avoid more suffering and suicides.  It is imperative a hotline for people who are suffering and been denied services for years is set up to hear the horrendous stories of criminal neglect and drug abuse they have been subjected to.  It is imperative I am given the opportunity to speak at length with members of the DHB and executive staff – to recite them my poetry and sing them the songs I have written expressing the hell me and others have been subjected to.  It is imperative professional care is provided to me and many others and ACC are charged accordingly for the care they have supposed to provide to all abuse victims who develop stress disorders.

Mostly it is imperative that the DHB and others stop pretending this unprofessional medical neglect is not going on in the Wairarapa and extensive services are provided immediately to those who desperately need them.

 I look forward to your urgent reply, as one of the impairments related to my disability I am unable to open the majority of my mail, can you please send your reply in writing as well as have someone phone me 379 …. to explain some of what is in the letter, thank you.

 Yours sincerely



First draft, unfinished report on Ceilia Lashlie Day Feb 2016

Felt the need to post this first draft, even unfinished, show people where I am going and what I am doing.  Kia kaha to us all.

REPORT BY JR, following Celia Lashlie Day, Victoria University, Wellington 25 February 2016


 I knew attending this event was going to be a challenge and it was much harder than I expected as my stress disorder kicked in with what I was hearing.  14 years going to events like this, surrounded by well-meaning people within the system, saying the same things while the government creates a toxic environment that makes matters worse – I’ve had enough. Hopeful this report will be the catalyst needed to bring professional health and rehabilitation processes to the current VIOLENCE INDUSTRY – along with the much needed resources that are required by law but being illegally withheld.

 My time was spent writing pages of notes during the morning sessions so I will follow those for now.  I am not an academic and my stress disorder is bad so I apologise for any repeats, grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, informal page layouts, etc.

 As part of this report I would refer to my website – particularly my law, solutions and rehabilitation pages – with a business plan based on ACC law and Fence At The Top Of The Cliff rehabilitation model.  Facebook page /jrmurphypoetmusician;  twitter @jrmurphypoetry ; youtube channel  You will note from these social media that like Celia I don’t pull any punches, which gets me offside with many.  I am also living this nightmare, have a life-threatening stress disorder, have studied stress disorders extensively, understand Occupational Therapy concepts of professional rehabilitation, am spirituality aware; along with knowing ACC, disability, health, criminal, human rights and bill of rights laws.  And my experience at the hands of the current abusive, unprofessional, irresponsible, criminally negligent agencies is also invaluable.

 NO MORE – I am putting up with this experimental way we are dealing with traumatised people NO MORE – people are entitled to professional health care using professional health models – that is currently not happening which is a breach of Human Rights and Bill of Rights in the area of experimentation. (Please refer to the story by Gabrielle Quirk, why did it take a police officer to do this, where are our health professionals?) There have also been several other breaches of law which I will outline later in this report

 Under United Nations definitions I am considered a Civil Society Actor in this field and as such supposed to be treated with impunity, this is not happening after almost 20 police visits to my home in Dec/Jan/Feb.   Mostly welfare visits, because I was phoning people in health, justice or political areas who I knew were responsible for what was happening to me (or more correctly what was not happening) and telling them I wished I was dead because I couldn’t get care and bear to live in poverty, unwell and unemployed any longer.

 My neighbours have stopped talking to me and I have started having nightmares about police coming to get me after a couple of the officers decided to be vindictive because of all the calls.  I am currently in court for misuse of a telephone, for phoning ACC screaming at them if they didn’t reinstate my care, as required by two reviews, or help me and other abuse victims that God was going to reign down fire and brimstone on them.  I have also developed a tourettes type disorder after waiting 7 years to have my ACC care (12 hours and 5 people in a multidisciplinary team) reinstated from 2009 – so I swear when I am upset and threatened.

 Recently it was stated by media that John Tully had been begging and screaming for help before he had a psychotic episode and killed those two WINZ workers.  Just yesterday a Christchurch journalist reported how domestic violence doubled after Valentine’s Day earthquake.  It is a fact and those in power know that prolonged stress causes some people to become violent towards those around them.  The solutions and ‘health care’ I propose would almost eliminate this dysfunctional reaction.  The solutions I propose would not only help people currently harming and being harmed it would empower and educate people on how to stop others from this reaction – how to help them.  This knowledge is so powerful and works so well it would spread throughout our communities like the ‘wildfire’ – people everywhere are so desperate for solutions to violence.

 Ceilia Lashlie Day

 My mission is outlined in my business plan for Mental Injury Services and on my social media sights.  I take Ceilia’s work one step further, that is my soul’s objective – action not words.  My mission is not to work with vulnerable people directly (other than those currently around me) but to make changes in government and with those who have the power and money to change these violent dysfunctional ‘health’ outcomes – eg health, welfare, social, justice agencies and news media.

 Several of the agencies represented at the day were ones who have censored what I have been saying about ACC and professional rehabilitation for many years.  I am blocked from their social media and often discredited and insulted for what I know, the situation I am in and challenging their abusive systems.  Note: there are a small minority that have successful programmes but because of the appauling state of housing, inequality and unemployment now it makes even more dysfunctional people, hence the increases in violence.


The magic in every child: I completely agree, ACC purpose and entitlements believe in this too for abused children, but do not deliver.

 Honesty and CredibilityNot happening, I have been listening to the same rhetoric for 14 years and the same solutions that successive governments refuse to fund – when they are legally obliged to.

 Moral Courage: I didn’t see any moral courage in that room, when I challenged Dr Liz Gordon to go to the police and make complaints under 150A 151 & 157 of the Crimes Act she refused saying it would be too embarrassing.  She told me nothing could be done to make ACC follow the law and Human Rights laws weren’t enforceable in the case of discrimination against mentally injured and mentally ill people.  I am sure any other speaker or academic I would have spoken to on that day would have said the same things, she is just an indictment of how abusive and degrading the ‘violence industry systems’ have become.

 Social Well-being and Awareness: I am not finding this at all, the connections are inciting discrimination, bigotry, fear and ignorant misinformation.  Not the 21st century professional treatment care rehabilitation and justice that is supposed to be happening.  Leaders are making decisions and manipulating people rather than well educated health and welfare providers (I consider only 20% of them to be sufficiently qualified and trained to the level of understanding I have).  Our communities are not working together, mostly due to inequality and the stress of poverty, poor housing, misguided marketing/social engineering, etc.  This is the elephant in the room when it comes to addressing violence and our politicians particularly are in denial at the damage neo-liberal economic policies are having on our society – on our culture.

 Social Justice/Responsibility: The leaders of our communities hold the power to solve these problems – THE COMMUNITY ARE CURRENTLY THE VICTIMS OF ABUSES OF THIS POWER – victims of radicalised economic policies that are terrorising the poorest and middle classes, while advancing the wealthy.


I am a spiritual person but have become hostile and object to any prayers/karakia being said at anything to do with the ‘violence industry’.  Things have only got worse since these prayers began to be more widely used – you wouldn’t say them before a medical procedure or major operation and they are inappropriate in this context as well  (when ‘violent behaviour’ is approached from a health perspective as I do it).

 I apologise now if I cause offence, however people will have to accept what I am saying if ANY SERIOUS ACTION to stop the ‘violence industry’ is going to happen.

 Ceilia talked about the work she did directly with people and she did a great job, which is why she was loved by so many.  But we cannot leave this sort of care to chance, especially when through ACC law and professional health models (like Occupational Therapy) this care should be provided as of right, consistently and with well trained multi-disciplinary teams of health and welfare professionals.  Not multi-agency but multi-disciplinary teams, the haphazard unprofessional way we currently operate ends up with huge disparities in services throughout the country.  Many people instinctively know how to heal people and what they need, that is why my Mental Injury Services and Rehabilitation Model will fit with so many people reading this report.

 I was concerned with the implication that many abuse victims/violent people were doing some life-journey work and had to go through this themselves.  From my extensive study I believe it is not the severity of trauma a person experiences that causes them to become dysfunctional but the care they receive (or is omitted) after trauma.  We cannot change what happens to someone, we can provide a nurturing and safe environment after something happens.  When someone has been in a car accident we care for them, sew them back together, feed them, house them and allow THEIR OWN BODIES to repair – we need to apply this principle to mental injury.

 I read many news items etc on the violence industry and many commentators saying the issue is complicated and nobody really knows what to do.  THIS IS NOT TRUE, from my research we know what to do, we just choose not to do it, especially in regard to professional mental health care for abuse/trauma victims.  Mental Injury Services and Top Of the Cliff Fence are what ACC and others choose not to do.

 I was involved in the 10th Biannual Conference on Child Abuse around 2006 – that’s now 30 years of these gatherings, at a cost of how much?  Things are now worse, not better – they were arguing then about appauling lack of professional mental health services and adequate professional support.  Since then there have been more cuts, more inequality, more housing issues and more degrading welfare policies introduced – more severe stress and hence more violence (particularly sexual violence which I believe is 80% related to neglect not power).

 I was disturbed to see Duncan Garner involved in this group and the book launch.  He is someone I have been trying to get help from for years and been publicly abused degraded and discredited for it.  The way I approach violence is extremely challenging for people who are ignorant – if people had the extensive knowledge I did they wouldn’t act that way.  However society has become conditioned against violence due to extensive marketing campaigns like White Ribbon and Its Not OK (who have both censored my voice on social media).  Campaigns that put blame on those affected, rather than those who created this dysfunctional environment where 20% of the population suffer.

 CES’s Soul Work – Empowering Women

 I was disturbed by something that Ceilia said about not apologising for being middle class and educated.  Looking around the room the majority of people were like her – middle class and educated – many had been involved in the violence industry for many years.  All had seen violence statistics get worse and our societies mental health deteriorate – I don’t recall seeing anywhere how any of these people had taken to hunger strike in their cars outside Parliament in protest at the suffering and medical neglect they were witnessing (which of course they havn’t considered as I have.)

 It is one of the protest actions I imagine with cars lined up around Parliament, in them people on hunger strike against the appauling state of mental health services, particularly for abuse victims.  To imagine those cars full of people from this event taking a stand makes me cry as I am writing.  I imagine the daily speeches and workshops organised on the steps of parliament and beneath the Seddon statue, the local and international media lined up to speak to each of you about why you were there and what you knew.  I imagine the government and politicians being humiliated and disempowered by such a powerful direct action by academics, police, public servants and community leaders in the anti-violence industry.  I imagine this action – which would take no longer than a week to be successful – would not only change New Zealand’s response to violence and social issues but would also lead the world in this.  It would lead the world of academics and community leaders who deeply desire change but feel powerless in the face of dysfunctional ‘systems’ politicians and more to ACT.  I imagine disempowered abuse victims, those working in the violence industry and those begging for help coming from all over New Zealand to support this action, until thousands were gathered, all demanding WHAT IS RIGHT and ACTION.  Ahhhh I have a dream.

 Middle class educated people should apologise for who they are and that they are not doing EVERYTHING within their power to change what is going on in the world for traumatised people.  I am repeatedly arrested for my legal protests, repeatedly made to recount my trauma and have my traumatic stress disorder compounded by systems and people supposed to protect me both as a disabled vulnerable person and as an activist and Civil Society Actor (please refer to UN and google for definition).  I am poor with few academic qualifications, I am a frightened persecuted peasant of the lowest order – at the same time as I am well educated and empowered with truth and courage as my defences.

 In my solutions I am not asking that laws be changed and new science be adopted – although some may need to be (under urgency I would hope) – I am asking for laws and science to be adhered to.  For people with power to do what they say and people to be protected and cared for as they are supposed to be under ACC, health, disability, criminal, imperial, human rights and bill of rights laws. 

To get through this report I need to dream for a while and imagine how everything would happen if I could make this happen.  Firstly a plan of action which would include extensive training of those within the violence industry – some of whom would need to be removed due to personality disorders that would undermine and sabotage the new approach.  ACC would be at the forefront of rehabilitation for mentally injured abuse victims, they have the resources and infrastructure to do this.  Public mental health would work in conjunction with them to cover people mentally injured by other traumas, such as those in Christchurch after the earthquakes and those that witnessed violence but did not have it perpetrated against them.  They would also work in with mentally ill people and the challenges they pose.

 Media would be briefed and given extensive information to report, the community would be given hope and shown a plan that was real and had the backing of academics, community leaders, those who were experiencing violence and those who were perpetrating it.  The community would be educated about the part they would need to play in this, from one of hatred and fear to one of love and understanding.  I am reminded of the words in our National Anthem and my desire to be able to sing that song and mean/feel every word.

 I imagine six week ‘retreats’ being started all over New Zealand, every region to have these, so people are healed in their own community.  I imagine thousands of construction workers being moved off commercial projects on to building housing, in every community for every person who needed a safe home to live in.  I imagine these homes to be appropriate to the people who need them and designed in such a way to meet their needs both physically and socially.  They would also be as environmentally friendly as possible.

 I imagine asking not only government to provide money and resources but all charities within New Zealand to be focused on providing our most disadvantaged and unwell citizens their basic needs first and foremost – not sport, art or business – that would come later.

 I imagine a programme of free education for people wanting to work in this new era of health care for mentally injured and ill people.  Particularly the training of hundreds of Occupational Therapists, who I consider the most vital link in this rehabilitation process.

I imagine ACC buying properties throughout New Zealand to run these retreats as an investment in our own people rather than any other countries.  We must heal ourselves first before we can help others.  I imagine these places in the bush and beside the sea, around those places wealthy people already use to calm and care for themselves, such as Taupo. 

 Then I imagine the news headlines, the crime and violence statistics being slashed, the world recognition for our commitment to caring for people and the example we can set for other countries.  We are a small country it is easier for us because of our size to implement this.  Once it was successful then we could export those we have trained and healed to other parts of the world to facilitate change and peace in their countries.

 It makes you feel a little better when you can focus on your goal, especially one so grand and valuable to society.

 Now it is time to have a break my eyes are sore and go get some fresh air, be back soon, I am not stopping until this is finished today – you hear me Jayne, today 🙂


Why doesn’t New Zealand Parliament reflect our culture of kindness & charity

Was talking with a friend tonight about how, kind, charitable and friendly most New Zealanders are.  She’s originally from England, came here when she was 16.  She was talking about the Harvest Festival she went to on the weekend and how a friend of hers was chatting away to some people she thought he knew.  When he came to talk to her and she asked who they were he said he didn’t know them, that they were travelling New Zealand and decided to come to the festival as they had seen it on a poster – he had asked them to come and join their table for the rest of the day.  Sarah said if that was England there is no way anybody would do that, everybody stuck to themselves.

I recounted a story by a Chinese man I met protesting last year who was an English teacher and travelled a lot around the world.  He told me also that out of all the countries he had been to New Zealanders were the most friendly, anybody would talk to you on the street, give you directions, the time or help with almost anything you asked.  Even the way I had talked to him openly when I was sitting under Seddon outside Parliament, singing reciting poetry etc and had started the conversation while he was watching me.  He told me that would never ever happen in China, if a stranger approached you on the street, for any innocent reason, the person would be frightened not respond and even run away.  They would think the person was going to rob or harm them.  We talked for about half an hour, we connected, felt similar about the way the world was headed and the way it should be headed and when he left we hugged goodbye.

I asked him lots of questions about what China was really like, very interesting and very scary the control the government have over there – good to hear there were now lawless cities in China the government couldn’t even go into – hotbeds of rebellion.

There was also a report last year saying we were the 3rd most generous country in the world.

With all this information about our culture WHY IS OUR GOVERNMENT and PARLIAMENT mean, uncharitable, miserly, elitist, threatening, abusive, degrading, insulting and unkind to some of the most vulnerable and deserving people here?  Aren’t our members of Parliament supposed to represent ‘the people’, be a reflection of who we are and our culture?

Even our National Anthem talks about bonds of love and protecting us from dissension envy and hate.  All those things neo-liberalism and cruel capitalism (being different to capitalism that isn’t cruel and doesn’t violate human rights etc) have inflicted on us over the past 30 years.

Why are we doing this, why are we allowing this, is our parliament being run by another country with a different culture? Is our country being run by cruel rich globalists and gambling addicts with psychopathic tendencies obsessed with money and power at all costs?

I know if we keep down this neo-liberal path we will lose the special connection we have with each other in New Zealand, we will lose that part of our cultural identity most of us have that sets us apart from the rest of the world.

At what point are they going to wake up and realise what they have created and allowed is very bad and does not reflect who we are, it does not follow our most precious constitutional laws or criminal law, nor the promises made in our National Anthem.  At what point are the people who vote for this meanness and unkindness going to demand change?

Kia kaha and Aroha to us all.

A Better Start Science Challenge – WELCOME TO JR’s WORLD

I cannot believe what I have just seen, I can’t wait until these people are shown all the science and law I know about this around traumatised and abused people.  My business plan and rehabilitation model is perfect, Te Whariki perfect, etc etc etc.  SOLUTIONS

There is either something extremely corrupt going on here or these people are the most naïve, ignorant and stupid people on the planet.  The science I base my solutions on is already there, has been for decades, so are the laws.

Email to New Zealand politicians, police, human rights organisations, ACC

Email sent to following people:  ACC Complaints; SUTTON, Michael (police) ; Sarah Jones (ACC case manager); Marama Fox; max.rashbrooke; Health & Disability Commission; HRRT (Human Rights Review Tribunal); Human Rights Commission; Sue Moroney MP; Nikki Kaye MP; Amy Adams MP;; Stuff website Fairfax;; Complaints Ombudsman; michelle Brough (police)

I had to go to the supermarket today, cry when I go there now, so ashamed – thankfully people don’t usually notice the tears rolling down your face, because you’re not sobbing.  After I had my card decline over $7 last week to even walk in is humiliating,  I can’t go to the counter with the young guy who served me that day all I get is visions of self-harming.

Walking around trying to work out how to get enough food to deal with your bulimia and have enough money to do other things, like buy gas for the stove.  Its much like after you are raped when you go out and feel like you have a neon sign on your forehead that says poor worthless loser please despise me.  You try not to look around, keep your head down, there are so many nice things that you are not allowed, you only buy things on special.  I’ve been keeping my receipts to prove the sort of food I am forced to buy – I did do a really bad thing today, its like an addiction thing.  I was feeling so bad when I woke up this morning about what a revolting person I am I went to Masterton (which is 15 mins away) and had $6 worth of McDonalds, which I almost inhaled (part of the bulimia you refuse to deal with, that you have known I have had for years and costs me money).  Then I went to a café and had a coffee and a savoury scone while I wrote in my diary.  Saw someone I used to work with avoided looking so she wouldn’t come up to me, so ashamed, started feeling sick and trying to work out how to get out of the café without her commenting.  If she did say hello, she would want to know how I am and what I was doing.  I have nothing I could say, I’m a worthless loser rotting on welfare, I am nothing I do nothing, not real work, not like people want you to talk about.  She is a National Party person if I told her the truth she wouldn’t know how to respond and would despise me for it.  She knew what an intelligent person I am and what a good worker I am, she would just consider me a bludger if I told her the truth.  I am so ashamed I managed to escape without making eye contact – won’t go to a café ever again.  Now feel really bad that I spent the money.  Its pay day today, only allowed to spend money one day a week now, that’s how little I have.


Back to the supermarket, I keep my head down, I stand in front of things I want/need for ages, just looking trying to decide how desperate I am and what I will have to give up in order to buy that thing.  I stand there and tears start rolling down my face I can’t stop them, I drop my head so nobody will see, I try not to make eye contact with anybody.  If I see somebody I know who might ask how I am I avoid them, hide from them.  I try not to look what other people have in their trolleys but sometimes I just can’t help it – look at all the nice things they have.  I have $1 bread, $1 can tomatoes, $2.50 of luncheon, 2 x $3.50 eggs (good eggs on special that will last me the week, maybe even 2 wks), cheese slices on special (yippee havn’t had cheese for months) – this week I needed shampoo and conditioner – its $10, I wipe away my tears while nobody is watching.  My heart hurts, I want to run out of the shop onto the main road and in front of a truck and die – this is what my life is going to be like for the rest of it – I don’t want to live.  I havn’t heard from ACC so I am assuming they are never going to contact me again or do anything to get my care back so I will never work, I will be left with no hope, no job living in the most degrading poverty on earth.

When my card declined last week the young guy said well at least we don’t live in Bangladesh but I wish I did.  Living with so little around so many people who have so much is the most degrading hell on earth.  Living the first 37 years of my life with everything I needed and the time since I was raped with so little – but more now I don’t have the kids is the worst.  The worst hell on earth, at least poor people in third world countries aren’t surrounded by people gloating about what they do have.  Spending/wasting money on things that aren’t even important, like the new statue in town, built by Lions from charity money.  The mayor said he would get me some wood a few weeks ago, said he would get me food from the food bank but he didn’t get me the food, even though I phoned him, I was so scared about the wood not coming and freaking out about being cold this winter I spent the last of what Dulcie gave me.  Now I have nothing if one of my kids needs me or there is an emergency.

I cant go to the food bank, I would be able to and I would be able to get food that I know I am eligible for if I had the mental health worker, a social worker or Occupational Therapist I am entitled to under ACC.  I can’t go there because the last time I did I was so humiliated and degraded by the woman I have become phobic about going.  I am very frightened, I get very frightened and self-harm after the supermarket, binge and vomit usually as well.  I feel so worthless and humiliated that I am so poor.

HAvn’t heard from my mother since Xmas, she’s older now, has a heart condition, she’s mean to me because I am poor, hates that I don’t work because she knows I am intelligent.  I don’t tell her about my protesting or anything, she just abuses me for it – I’m a bludger, I waste police time, I’m a loser, I should just get over it, how good it is my dog died now I won’t have to buy food for her and when I move again I won’t need to worry about getting somewhere I can have her.  I see my brother in law (who lives in our old family home where my mother has a unit attached) was in the paper, got a payout with others cause his boss said something in the paper about him and others that she wasn’t supposed to.  $100,000 wow, lucky them – my sister and him hate my guts – only seen there kids about 4 times in their lives, the oldest is 10.  Mostly because I’m poor and they vote National, love John Key so hate my guts for bludging when they know I’m intelligent.  I remember once playing a game where you answer questions and me and him were answering almost all the questions.  Sad I have been rotting on welfare for 14 years thanks to ACC refusing to provide me the treatment care and rehabilitation I am entitled to.

Last time I was home a friend paid for me and the girls to go.  It was 18 months after mums heart attack, I hadn’t been able to visit until my friend gave me the money.  I had to stay with my sister ,  my daughter had told me I wasn’t allowed to argue so I didn’t.  The first day we were there he couldn’t help himself and told me he didn’t agree with welfare – said we shouldn’t have it.  I looked at him and suggested he go and visit a country with no welfare then walked away.  My own family would prefer I had nothing and lived on the streets begging because I am disabled by my mental injury and can’t go for a job interview.  That’s what the main reason is I can’t get work, after 14 years of course its much much worse than that, now I have no qualifications and who is going to employ an insane bludger that hasn’t worked for that long – NOBODY.

In 2009 my OT and I had worked out that the not guilty verdict had created a phobic reaction to being judged, which manifested by not being able to go for a job interview.  Or having a severe reaction to being judged.  Its like when I was in court for legally protesting at ACC last year, I was flipping out as I was forced to represent myself, when I realised the judge was corrupt and abusive I couldn’t stay in the room until the end I became so traumatised I started rocking backwards and forwards in my chair with my hands over my ears chanting.  I had a security guard escort he was really nice.  If I had stayed I would have gone tourettes on it and started swearing at her because it was so unfair.  Why was I being prosecuted in court for a the same crime I had only months before been acquitted of (wilful trespass of ACC).

Why was I being prosecuted for legally protesting about ACC refusing to reinstate my professional care after repeatedly saying they would then refusing.  Sarah Jones promised my care would be reinstated as it was in 2009 last year, when she phoned me out of the blue I made sure I asked it very plainly, over and over again and she said yes.  It is almost a year since that phone call and I’m still here rotting on welfare, but worse off.  Much more isolated.

I seldom go out with my friend S, she asks me but I can’t bear being around her and her friends, they have money and I am deeply humiliated that I can’t afford to have a drink and mostly can’t participate in conversations because I don’t work.  I don’t go on holidays, I don’t buy things, I don’t go to cultural events, I don’t visit my family.

A few weeks ago I did go to Wellington and attend a National Library lecture called Kicking the Boundaries, gave me lots of ideas about how to use the National Library to research plays, poetry etc.  So many normal people there, felt like the neon sign was above my head again telling everybody what a loser I was.  Although for a couple of hours I thought about all the things I could do, as I was leaving the loud voice in my head told me – NO POINT IN THINKING ABOUT THIS YOU HAVE NO MONEY AND NOTHING YOU EVER WANT TO DO WORKS OUT – YOU CAN’T FILL OUT THE FORMS TO GET FUNDING, ACC ARE NEVER GOING TO HELP YOU – SO JUST SHUT UP YOU LOSER.  I left crying.

I attended the Ceilia Lashlie Day, used all my food money to get there, I had a bad reaction coming up to lunch, seeing all those people there getting paid to be in the VIOLENCE INDUSTRY, saying the same things they have been saying for over a decade that I know of and decades before that.   Am currently writing a report on what happened that day and my disgust at seeing the same people and hearing the same rhetoric.  Only worse because they were gloating about how women in prison who had killed people were getting help to go to university – which ACC refuse me (and I had to quit university last year when I tried to go back, but was left with the $3000 loan and yet another failure).  How these people in prison were getting health care, study support, to be around others and work.  They had somewhere stable to live and were around other people.  They talked about the couple retreats which were like the residential care I had been begging for.

The following week I heard of some other things at Victoria I went to, I cried several times when there, I so miss it, I so love study and learning things, being part of something – being a student is something to be.  I went to a lecture about capitalism and participated with my take on human rights being a way of stopping the cruel corrupt neo-liberal form of capitalism the poorest people were currently being terrorised by.  I had some interesting conversations with intelligent people, wish I didn’t have to be at home alone almost every day.  I went to a screening of the Palestinian documentary 5 Broken Cameras, I took notes and cried through that too.  All those NZers there because of Palestine who refuse to address the same issues in New Zealand for poor worthless human sewage like me.  That disabled poor NZers are losing their homes and means of growing food because of the lack of housing, especially over the past 30 years while the government has been trying to get rid of state housing.  Now we are forced to rent and move repeatedly so we can’t grow food, I know I had to leave several gardens I had tended and spent money on, will never do it again – its too traumatic.  Wish I was dead – our government and ACC think life in New Zealand is good for people like me rotting on welfare, they think we’re lucky – when we are treated worse than vermin.

What is the point in giving people charity if you are going to degrade, humiliate and abuse them for it?  ACC put me through this so they dont’ have to provide me the treatment care and rehabilitation I am entitled to – I don’t know why they are doing this, I can’t understand when there are laws saying what I am entitled to that I am forced to do go through this nightmare, wanting to die every day as I’ve given up hope.  The only reason I stay alive now is to protest and get care for other people, so the world is a better place for my children and their children, so they’re not raped and abused, so they have a chance and so do future generations.  One day I will give up and kill myself, I look forward to that day.







Email to Ministry of Justice – Complaint about Independent Police Conduct Authority

For anybody fighting these red tape whores in the red tape wars.  Was told by IPCA staff that the Ministry of Justice is responsible for them so I phoned MOJ and the nice woman on the phone said send us the details and we’ll see if we can find the right person to deal with it.

Thanks to my facebook friends I am doing this, because they’re right, everybody gives up, few people keep going and hold those who are not doing what their job is to account.  There is also a Board of the IPCA run by Judge Carruthers, they refused to give me details of the other board members, but I’ll find out because that sort of information is public knowledge – it has to be.  I HATE ALL BOARD MEMBERS, they are the most revolting people who put things in place but have no accountability about the consequences of their actions.

So if you’ve been refused an investigation by IPCA and not had issues with police resolved then you can contact the MOJ at and write to Judge Carruthers – I’ll find addresses and post them soon:


Can you please help me get these complaints about police dealt with, the IPCA are not doing what the law says.  They have referred complaints back to the police in Masterton who are doing nothing to deal with them at all, as a result my stress disorder is aggravated and I’m having nightmares they are coming to get me and I panic if I hear cars close.  This is not how I want to feel about police, I am a disabled single woman living alone, I need the police.

So many of them are really nice to me and don’t want to be standing at my door either, but there are a small number who are doing things they shouldn’t be and not being censured for it.  There is also the issue of us all being equal before the law and this is not being adhered to – rule of law only works if it applies to all people rich and poor (note the law makes that economic distinction not just me).

From my discussions and the email I have recognised that the IPCA have not taken account of my status as a United Nations Civil Society Actor (please refer to internet) and the fact my interactions with police around my mental health and in my home are violations of Imperial Laws (including Magna Carta), Human Rights, Bill of Rights and Civil and Political Rights, etc.  They have also failed to accommodate and acknowledge my disability and the extra trauma this police behaviour causes me, as required under the law.

I was told by IPCA staff that Ministry of Justice are responsible for their office and this is why I am writing to you, I am not the sort of person who allows discrimination and miscarriages of justice to continue without someone in authority knowing what is happening – so maybe they can fix it.

I accept police are involved in my protesting, as I do push the boundaries with this.  However I DO NOT ACCEPT that police are USED by those in authority to come to my home and frighten me repeatedly or take me away against my will, in front of my neighbours and community – this is degrading.  Just because I phone begging for health care and justice me and thousands of other abused NZers are entitled to under NZ laws.  Telling these people in power how unwell I am and what is happening in society around this issue is imperative to stop violence, suffering, suicide, addiction and more – I am an expert in traumatic stress disorders and well educated in many other aspects of law, health and human rights – particularly disabled rights.

Please refer to my website for proof of what I know, particularly the page about NZ laws.

I also have reports saying I am intelligent, do not have a personality disorder and am not delusional, I do have a life-threatening stress disorder and know what is happening to me is very wrong.

This letter of complaint is not about ACC, it is more about the way I am being treated by police, which is completely unnecessary in the circumstances and would not be adding to my trauma if they did what me, my psychiatrist and my counsellor advised (and I’m sure my Occupational Therapist would agree) – if they did what the law says.  Police should not be used to intimidate disabled citizens fighting for their rights and holding people in authority accountable for their INACTION – that is what I want to stop by sending this email.  Police often tell me they are there because of a Duty of Care, but it doesn’t appear that duty of care extends to me but has something to do with my family, friends and those I am phoning wanting to be absolved of any responsibility if I do suicide.  I can assure you my family friends and community who know my situation would much rather I got the care I am entitled to than the continuous police visits that do nothing.  NOTE: my disorder is dangerous but I have been living with suicidal ideology for years now and so far I am still alive and never ever been committed under Mental Health Act or spent any time in a mental health unit.

It is the unresolved issues of having police come to my home repeatedly, of them turning up late at night when I’m asleep for welfare visits or forcibly removing me from my home that have started the nightmares – this proves what is happening is damaging, there is no Care.  I would like to talk more with someone about this, if anybody is going to help me resolve it as I’m becoming upset begging for help YET AGAIN.  I will forward relevant email complaints I sent IPCA.

Please I don’t want to get police into trouble, I just want to stop what is happening, it is not fair and makes me very frightened about participating in the political process.  For me this ongoing behaviour by police is persecution and psychological torture.

Hope you can help with this, it is very important.

Thank you

Civil Society Actor


Please check out my latest page about NZ laws & solutions

Just thought I’d remind everybody to look over my different pages, my latest one about all the laws that prove what I am saying.  Also my solutions page and if you’re brave enough my book of poetry.

Feel free to share my poetry, so long as you are not making money out of it and acknowledge this website and me.  If you are part of a commercial operation please contact me via facebook at /jrmurphypoetmusician or twitter @jrmurphypoetry because you will have to pay – us starving artists have to live somehow.

Kia kaha to us all

Post to Dr Liz Gordon, passive/aggressive from Celia Lashlie Day

As you know I seldom check my comments after so much degrading abuse, well today I decided to and most of it was spam, except for a short email from Dr Liz Gordon abusing me for not publishing her previous long email – which I cannot read (part of my phobia stuff).

I met Dr Gordon at the Ceilia Lashlie day a couple of weeks ago, spoke to her for 20 mins and it became obvious she was just another MAGGOT in the system.  These are the people who feed off the puss filled sore that is social decay, people getting paid to investigate things in the VIOLENCE INDUSTRY – our universities are full of them – even though we are well aware of what to do and why we have violence.  We don’t have a whole planet covered in intelligent educated people that have made it there life’s work to understand causes of violence, trauma, etc and how to create a peaceful society – THEY ARE EVERYWHERE and they have been around for decades (more correctly hundreds of years).  Its how I know what I know and fight so hard to get the care people are entitled to by law.

She perfectly fits the profile of prison guard who allows prisoners to be degraded by other abusive guards by justifying it as not her responsibility and laughing inappropriately.  She makes jokes about how she loved being called a Maggot, then chastises me in the nicest passive/aggressive way she can about not posting her previous longer comment.  Obviously not knowing I seldom look at my comments section and have said several times on my website that I don’t so people should get hold of me other ways.

NOTE: The reason I lost it with her at Celia Lashlie Day, is I knew she could change what was happening for me and so many others.  I asked her to take what she had learnt through her research and make a complaint to police that the New Zealand government were in fact knowingly causing harm with their economic and social policies.  She refused, FIRSTLY telling me it would be too embarrassing and police wouldn’t listen to her, then giving a whole range of other excuses.

I know challenging people like her doesn’t help the situation, but then they don’t help the situation either.  Even the $millions of wrap around services the government intend to put into gang families isn’t going to work in the long term (note it will work for a few of the families & the govt will pretend it is a raging success and cut funding), because it creates a situation where on a subconscious level people will come into these situations just so they can get help.

From what I have seen of John Tully’s trial and life he is in a similar position, driven mad, driven to violence and ending up with somewhere stable to live, where he will get health care, three meals a day, acceptance and psycho-social interaction he desperately needed.  He will get to talk to the likes of Dr Gordon who go to prisons to help people there.  He will get to work within his capabilities, get to study, he will have meaning in his life – he will be something because he is a murderer – before this he WAS NOTHING.  I recall telling Dr Doris the psychiatrist how I was NOTHING, how I just wanted to be something.  Being an activist mostly fills that gap for me (and I thank all my supporters for their genuine love and validation) but there is still the ‘old me’ who wants to be valued/paid for the work I do or talents I have (I dream of being a playwright or consultant in mental health area implementing the treatment care and rehabilitation I know people are entitled to and getting paid for it, so I am able to live with dignity – so I my kids, family and community will be proud of me, rather than ashamed).

I must get on to writing my report about Celia Lashlie Day and writing up the my thoughts on the other events etc I have been attending when in Wellington.  Pretty sure I avoiding doing it because of the pain, sadness and trauma it will cause.

Maybe one day all these ‘educated middle class’ people who say they want to help and change the system while they’re getting paid by it (AND THE VIOLENCE ONLY GETS WORSE), will come to Wellington and park their cars outside Parliament and start a hunger strike until the government does what the law says it must.  YEAH RIGHT!  Imagine 100 health and welfare professionals outside any country’s Parliament on hunger strike – the world media would have a field day – the local media would have a field day – the government would have to listen and be forced to change the way they are operating forever.

Kia kaha to us all, especially the likes of Dr Gordon.

$1 Bread

Got no coffee
Got no tea
$1 bread is all I see

Got no car
I’m not free
$1 bread is all I see

Got no band
Backing me
$1 bread is all I see

Got no respect
That I need
$1 bread is all I see

Got no care
Cause of ACC
$1 bread is all I see

Got no money
To be me
$1 bread is all I see

While I got no justice
All would agree
$1 bread is all I’ll see