I sit waiting at the crossing
About all the different ways
That train could end me
On this autumn day
A wise owl interjects
Stops, looks, acknowledges
These dark thoughts are not all of you
This is why you need to keep fighting
Fighting for your rights
And the rights of others
Fighting for professional care
Beyond my body
A man on a bike calls to me
I open my window
We chat as neighbours
I like distraction
The thoughts of destruction weaken
Then grow stronger
It takes huge strength and concentration
To drive that devil back to hell
Secretly before the stranger
Please my people, rescue me
From the fires of hell
From their torture wheel
Written in Carterton New Zealand, the heart of the Wairarapa Council marketing says – proof that the heart of our country is cruel immoral and uncivilized, there was no need to put me in this situation – no need to put any human being in this situation. I had been begging for care I was entitled to and continually refused.
Lots of Christians go on about God saving you, but its the God in other people that rescue the traumatised and hurt – we have lost that in this country after 30 years of corruption and globalist terrorism advancing rich and persecuting poor. People like me are nothing more than a way to create jobs and earn income for drug companies – they don’t want people to heal, they want people to be dysfunctional. Evil shit but after 14 years of study it is the only explanation I can come up with. I am repeatedly reminded of the presentation by KPMG consultant several years ago that said NGOs running mental health services DOES NOT WORK, its something they tried 20 years ago in UK it failed miserably, when they assessed why it was found the NGOs only took on those clients that were easy and cost them the least – the difficult ones they rejected.
The scary thing of course is most in the community cannot accept something like that would go on in our ‘beautiful’ paradise, yet I know in my heart it is true and that is a crime under law.
It took weeks to get over this event and I know if I didn’t write this poem those feelings would still be overwhelming me. So I encourage people to try it and see what comes out, then share. I am best contacted on facebook /jrmurphypoetmusician or twitter @jrmurphypoetry.
These are words from my first ever ‘dark’ poem I Want To Come In From The Cold
For I am Love, I am Life, I am Light
As much as I am Hate, I am Death, I am Darkness
A whole being
No longer shielded from the reality of the hatred at the heart of our now materialistic Kiwi culture.
Kia kaha to us all