Monthly Archives: April 2019

Open Letter to WINZ Masterton manager Michelle & Jacinda Ardern & royal family

Dear Michelle & those who control her,

It the next morning after what happened yesterday, I am still incredibly fragile and on the verge of tears, my eyes are swollen I cried so much yesterday.  I can’t believe how inhuman cruel and callous you were, what is it about a desperate destitute terrified persecuted suicidal abuse victim that turns you into this???   The only word I can find to describe your appalling cruelty is EVIL.

You are going to give me an extra $7 when my rent is going up $40.   I know people living in motels for $150 a night and WINZ pay their rent – why won’t you pay mine???????   They don’t have to pay it back either – or do they????  Its the government who required to provide housing to disabled people, under the law, they havn’t and they show no signs of doing it so more people suffer, suicide, harm and are harmed.  WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US MICHELLE – YOU ARE THE MANAGER OF WINZ MASTERTON – YOU MUST KNOW WHY THE GOVERNMENT CONTINUE WITH THESE SUICIDE CAUSING HATRED AGAINST DISABLED AND POOR FORCED TO ROT ON WELFARE.

When I phoned you I had been unable to get myself out of bed all morning, I had been trying to cope with the huge increase in my rent, trying to forget it was going to happen, trying to forget that things were about to get much much worse when I already couldn’t cope.   Having that sexual pervert contact me though the accommodation sign I put up at the supermarket made me even more frightened.

You do understand my behaviour is related to extreme overwhelming fear after years of medical neglect, criminal negligence, violence and discrimination by ACC, police, MOH, MSD and others.   I am not mentally ill, there is nothing dysfunctional about how my brain is reacting, it is completely normal to be terrorised to the point of Complex PTSD after this many years of persecution by neo-liberal extremist economic religious beliefs being implemented.  The way people who WERE PURPOSELY IMPOVERISHED were treated after 100,000s became unemployed with this new economic religion was criminal.  I still hope and pray one day those who did it and changed welfare laws especially to be cruel and degrading to those who WERE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO WORK will be prosecuted in a criminal court – and of course humiliated in public.

I have a mental injury, not a mental illness and as it sounds my brain is completely normal just my environment causing the damage and ongoing dysfunction – that is what neo-liberals want and get after 30 years, it insures people are kept terrified and they can create jobs and profits for drug companies, lawyers, security industry etc.

Why would you insult me on the phone like that when I was experiencing such overwhelming despair – Tina Hemi would never ever have insulted me like you did.  Obviously you have never been around someone suicidal and HATE them like most people do, like our government do, like neo-liberals do.   Why can’t you listen to the despair you create, I would imagine every single person who has the misfortune of having to deal with WINZ cries themselves to sleep many many times, your organisation is so degrading and demeaning.  Although rich people who turning 65 love it, especially if they are still working at high paid jobs.

How do you reconcile that with the suffering and economic violence you commit against disabled poor people like myself?   That old rich people in good jobs are going to get welfare when they turn 65, I would imagine you would do that so would be in complete agreement with it.  After all they wouldn’t have made you manager if you weren’t doing what neo-liberals in power wanted you to – and do it with conviction – you are certainly good at that.

If you are not going to hear my desperate screams for health care, justice and decent work, then who is, someone on the street perhaps?  A self-righteous Christian perhaps that wants to hug and insult you, telling you its only temporary and things will get better if you are a good person.   I am a good person Michelle, I understand the rape was just something bad that happened, but what the government, ACC, my family and ‘friends’ did to me after was worse than being raped.  What you are doing to me now is worse than being raped, the trauma I felt after yesterday is like getting over a rape or an attempted murder.

That’s what being as suicidal as I was yesterday is like, being the victim of your best friend trying to kill you, you made that feeling so much worse.  I have to sit on the side of my bed rocking backwards and forwards trying not to go to the knife drawer and end it, it is a living nightmare, torment and of course psychological torture.  You did that to me Michelle, I am not mentally ill for what happened – I walk around trying to pretend everything is OK and going to be OK, then it just all comes out and I can’t hold it back.  You would see this a lot with the people you terrorise, degrade and persecute, I would imagine the more intelligent and harmed by violence they are the worse it is.

Someone told me you have a lot fewer people forced to come in begging for food and money to live, that must make it so much easier for you, not having to look these people in the eye.  But then as manager you would seldom see the consequences of your cruelty, easier to keep doing it when you don’t have to face it.  That is what I have found over the years of protesting about being denied professional health care, rehabilitation and state house I am entitled to under ACC and other laws.  Books on abuses of power and cruelty are filled with it.

Check out the Milgram Experiment on youtube or the Stanford Prison experiment – you are the  person flicking the switch to kill people because someone in authority over you says, someone in a white coat says I am mentally disturbed and not to listen to me – but you know that’s not true, don’t you Michelle.   You are the violent guard enjoying his power over others, I am the prisoner they keep putting in the cupboard.

Please explain to me why the meeting Tina & Richard at WINZ were trying to organise between ACC, police, mental health, WINZ and myself was cancelled?   Don’t I at least have the right to know what happened and what was said, under the OIA and Privacy ACt I am entitled to a copy of my file, please provide that.  I would imagine the government is so corrupt they have avoided keeping emails or only done illegal things to harm me by phone, could you please write down WHY this meeting failed.   Please tell me why its OK I don’t have a doctor, why I don’t have professional health care when I won two court cases in 2010/11.  Please tell me why, please help me understand why I am being treated so cruelly when I am so unwell and all I want to do is go back to work and be safe in my own home.

All WINZ and government talk about is how people should work, I want to work more than anything, please help me be able to do that, please I am begging you.  At the moment I am so unwell terrorised being in a social situation wouldn’t be possible.  But my art and creativity is off the scale with the amount of stress and trauma I am being subjected to, why can’t we use that?   I not only do art about how bad my life is and how bad neo-liberal terrorism is, I do other stuff, lots of stuff, plays especially which could be world famous and perfect for tourists.   Stories about birds and races around  The Pinnacles, Palliser bay Sweeper,  Cook Strait, Harbour Hairpin, Wainui hill, Mount Aorangi, it goes over and over in my head.  I can see it as a play done by children in schools, a play done by professional actors at skate parks and other venues and of course a movie on the scale of Avatar.   The race route probably goes over James Cameron’s property, not that a worthless piece of garbage like me would ever get the opportunity to develop a story/myth etc like that.   One that includes Maori legend and disabled people/birds etc.

Please I have so many ideas for jobs, especially the amount of industrial waste I am seeing come from the building industry, its deeply disturbing and would be an excellent way of trying to earn my own money.  Sadly after the last police assault they damaged my wrist permanently this time and as it requires a lot of working with my hands I couldn’t do it for very long, but I’m sure there would be other disabled people I know DESPERATE FOR WORK who would.  So many of them expected to volunteer for free – volunteering should be for people who DON’T WANT TO WORK, not for people who do!  Exploiting disabled people by making them feel guilty if they don’t volunteer is disgusting – these people are so desperate.

I have been in several businesses in the past, I know what I am capable of now and I know I could not run a business, I NEED HELP AND HEALTH CARE I AM ENTITLED TO SO I CAN HEAL AND RETURN TO WORK.   That is all I have ever wanted, I thought that is what you wanted to, that’s what all the marketing and cruel demands to apply for 100s of jobs is about isn’t it.

Please be assured what you are doing for the government is driving people to violence and suicide, that is immoral and cruel.  Until recently NAZI were being put on trial and put in jail even in their 90s because of crimes during their reign of terror – only for those targeted for persecution and blame, not the bulk of the population.  The similarities about what I have read about pre-WWII Germany and what our govt are currently doing to targeted minorty group I am part of is terrifying.   How you cannot see this, when you are one of the GENERALS in this neo-liberal/NAZI persecution and exploitation of poor by insane wealthy elities is beyond me.  Hoefully this letter will get through to you and you will turn on those in the white jackets and not perpetrate the cruelty you are.

You text me with a $50 food grant on my card – I’m sorry I can’t use it and I find it extremely offensive you would do that after yesterday – I didn’t beg you for food did I?????  You remind me of some rich ignorant selfish neglectful parent who doesn’t want to spend any time with their child and just gives them THINGS to shut them up.  Causes a lot of teenage suicide in rich families.    I can’t use the food grant because I would have to go to a supermarket when I am really really fragile and offend the minimum wage checkout operator.  You obviously completely reject the idea that young people and most older women who required to work in these low paid jobs are resentful of people that LOOK OK and don’t work, getting food for free through the government/through their taxes.

You told me the last time I was forced to beg for food that there was no food grant money left for human sewage like me – now all of a sudden you come up with it – only to make yourself feel better about what you are doing to me.  Did the police suggest it perhaps, you phoned them to come intimidate me cause you know what they did to me and how terrified I am of them.  Thankfully they know not to engage with me unless they really have to – that’s because most police officers are disgusted in what is happening to me, but like you do their jobs without question.

I’m sure with having corrupt abusive Forensic Mental Health staff in your building they’ve illegally filled you in on all the lies they tell about me refusing mental health care.  I HAVE NEVER EVER REFUSED PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CARE, they have refused me multiple times, then say to others I don’t want care.   Why do you think I am so screwed up, its because they lie and I can do nothing to stop the lies either.   I will be posting my 37 page complaint to medical council and privacy commissioner re Dr Justin Barry-Walsh in next few days.  It was interesting how when he is supposed to consult with my family, friends and others I suggest, he instead went to mental health services, police and lawyers that have never represented me.   I asked told him he could contact Tina, as she has known me for so long and understands the deterioration in my mental health over the years.

I am very sad you hurt Tina for helping me, very very sad and deeply disturbed.   Hopefully if I ever get a legal inquiry into how badly I have been treated, what people in teh system have done to try and help me and been disadvantaged for will be addressed.  Hopefully they will get compensation and recognition of the bullying and cruel tactics they were subjected to by their bosses LIKE YOU.

Did I tell you I can’t use the card because I feel so degraded and worthless when I do, I would rather eat my own feces at the moment.  Wish I could go to the food bank, I just can’t, those people are as degrading as WINZ, except they can go home and gossip about those people they gave food to – because they were losers who didn’t want to work!

I wish I didn’t HATE you but I do, I really really HATE you and everybody doing this to me – all of it illegal.  After 17 years of study I know my rights, I know what is happening to me and I know why, I also know it is illegal uncivilised and cruel.  Unlike majority of people who live in the darklands of this neo-liberal hell hole I spend almost all my waking hours trying to get help so I can work and educating myself as to why I can’t get what the law says, keeping myself informed of local and world events.  I seldom watch TV, can’t stand the advertising and propaganda, have you seen the neo-liberal propaganda ASB Bank is vomiting all over us at the moment.  How we are all one people no matter how many different nationalities.

Its extremely disturbing propaganda, putting so many cultures together who are driving disabled and poor locals out of their homes, jobs, health care, etc and our govt and business leaders committing cultural genocide against PAKEHA, ewwwwww.

Please ask yourself why you HATE me and persecute me, I never hurt you, I never stole your money, I never took food from your fridge and cupboard, I never insulted or patronised you, I never hurt any of your children or your family, I never drove you out of your home, I never made your life a living nightmare – I don’t even know you – so why do you do it to me??????  Is that why you couldn’t handle my phone call and answerphone messages, because I put the blame directly onto you as a human being and woman?   You want to pretend you’re just doing your job and hurting/terrorising disabled people like myself is your job.

I cant go on, I’ve started crying again, my heart is broken, what a evil cruel country I live in.

My heart is low
My head is bowed
From the depths the hell does rise
I can hardly move
Nothing will sooth
My broken heart no longer flies

I can see no future
Now a tortured creature
Looking out from blackened eyes
So much rejection
Like an injection
Of the suicidal size

Our society
Don’t want to see
How the system is full of lies
The market torture wheel
Doesn’t care or feel
They’re paid to ignore your cries

The money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties

enD

This is dedicated to you Michelle, to you Jacinda and to you William (or more correctly to your mum who is a distant relative of mine).

THIS WEBSITE IS SECURE – only google chrome saying its not, wonder why?

I have recently found it more and more difficult to get onto explorer and all the google advertising says change to google chrome.  So I have done that and google chrome is saying my website is NOT SECURE????  WTF

This is a very simple wordpress website, just like all the other wordpress websites, I have hardly any attached widgets and ask for very little – if anything.   Why would Google Chrome say this site is not secure unless they were looking for money ???  Or trying to censor what I say.

I CAN ASSURE YOU THERE IS NO CHANCE OF GETTING A VIRUS OR ANYTHING ELSE BY LOOKING AND MAKING COMMENT ON THIS WEBSITE.   Only thing you will get is educated and some very good information.

Complaint about Masterton Hospital’s abusive health processes A & E

This is a complaint about services at Masterton Hospital A & E, I am writing them on my blog and sending the link and a copy to the PATIENT EXPERIENCE (laugh out loud) person at the Wairarapa DHB, who always refuses to address any complaints,  This is not about the A & E doctor and nurses I dealt with on Monday 1 April when I presented with my badly grazed hand full of footpath grit I couldn’t get out myself, they were kind and professional.

This is about what happened on Wednesday 3 April when I went back to have the x-rays the doctor at A & E ordered only to discover the request had been removed and I was severely traumatised by the series of events that followed.  What should have taken 20mins to get an x-ray took 2 hours due to the negligence and unprofessional behaviour of unknown medical staff who cancelled the X-ray.

As part of the impairments I must deal with regarding my Complex PTSD, when stressed my flight and freeze response is set to extreme, so it is very difficult when that feeling you don’t want to be somewhere comes on, because your homing beacon goes off and the feeling to run away is overwhelming.  I missed out fight response because I can usually deal with that now, but I do believe it makes the other two much worse.

On Monday I fell over, I hurt my hand, I tried to get the stones under my skin out, but they were lodged and the pain was excruciating, I had no Panadol or alcohol to dull it.  The only way to get them out was the hospital A & E, I currently do not have a doctor and the Carterton Medical Centre is extremely hostile towards me, also I am not registered I would have to pay $75 to see a nurse – maybe more.  I don’t have $75, I live terrorised and poor on invalids benefit in a rental I can’t afford.

It was a huge decision for me because the last few times I have been at A & E were extremely traumatising.  There is a TV screen at A & E that constantly says not to go there if you can go to your GP, which makes me feel really really bad.  It says other things that are very upsetting about suicide and violence, about how there is support when I know what they offer is worse than no support at all.

The last time I was there for myself was when the police violently assaulted me with handcuffs and caused permanent damage to my right wrist.  I can’t talk any more about that as it is triggering me again.  Because my injury was again my right wrist I became triggered by continuous flashbacks to my hospital visit after the last two acts of unwarranted criminal violence towards me.  Both I made complaints about, both ignored, two officers even lied in court about what happened.  And my visits to A & E were both traumatic because SOME staff were unprofessional, did not know how to accommodate impairments related to my disability and made the experience worse.

Even now I am starting to became distressed about what happened and I really don’t want to write this because I HATE BEING UPSET AND CRYING, but I know I have to and I know I am not going to have to write it again.

I had to wait less than an hour, the receptionist didn’t like it but allowed me to stay to have the wound on my palm dealt with.  I was doing all I could to not be triggered by the flashbacks I started to have and being surrounded with government propaganda of police and threats to be removed if you become abusive.  As I now have a tourettes type response with triggered it is very distressing that might happen and staff wouldn’t understand and have me removed or police called – I am terrified of most police.

I managed to not cry and not tick for most of the time I was waiting, thank God.  Where once I could have easily dealt with such an event, with my disability I am unable to cope (without the health care ACC were supposed to reinstate in 2010, or the services mental health say they provide but just not to me).  I was seen by Dr Smith, I had to wait 45 mins for a numbing cream to work before he started to remove the skin and grit, I was also given gas.  I asked him if there was a hospital volunteer or someone who could sit with me while I waited alone in the cubicle as I was trying not to freak out and resist the urge to run away (leave the hospital), cry, rock and curl up in a ball in the corner of the room (which had happened after the first police assault and threats of worse violence when I was left alone for a long time by health staff).

They couldn’t get anybody like that so the nurse sat with me and talked for as long as she was able.  I was very grateful they had listened to my request, this is what I do to manage impairments related to my disability so I am not further traumatised/harmed (my disorder is compounding) and my life extremely stressful anyway.  When Dr Smith finished dressing the severe grazes he felt around my wrist and I winced when he touched the inside of my wrist.  This was very painful, but had remained sore to touch since the police assaulted me in August? 2018.  He suggested I have an x-ray, I told him I had one last year when I hurt it and there was nothing, he wanted me to have another anyway.  I told him I had not been able to have any follow up after the wrist injuries last year because of my stress disorder and not being able to stay in A & E, as well as having no doctor, or being able to go to a doctor.

I started to cry as I wanted to have the x-ray but I had been fighting myself for the entire time I was there so I didn’t run away, now he added on some more time my psych just couldn’t cope.  Dr Smith understood why I couldn’t stay, he understood I wanted the x-ray but had reached my coping limit, he suggested I come back for the x-ray when I was feeling better.   I cried again because he understood and offered me an option that accommodated my impairments and would allow me to get the health services I needed.  So few hospital and health staff ever do this, or even know they should.   The continuous propaganda about EVERYBODY HAS CHOICES seems to make most people callous and cruel towards people who can’t do things out of extreme fear (based on past experiences), and of course serious mental health & psychosocial issues.

Dr Smith was so nice, he did a great job, hurt me as little as he could, though it did hurt.  He reassured me several times that he would leave the x-ray request at the x-ray department and all I would need to do was come back to there, without having to go through A & E (which traumatises and triggers me).   Can someone please make sure Dr Smith sees the x-rays as I think they gave me some other person to view them and I don’t know if that person is trustworthy.

My discharge summary says under Advice to Patient.

Jayne we have cleaned and dressed the abrasions – all the sand has been washed out.
Keep the dressing on for 5-7 days – replace as needed
You can get it wet – just dry it gently.

Your urine tested positive for infection – herewith the script

You are still tender in the wrist – I have put in for an xray – attend when suits if you don’t want to today.

Come back any concerns

I had been trying to make myself go to A & E for months about my ongoing bladder/kidney infections as I havn’t seen a doctor for years due to my disability and appalling unprofessional behaviour by Carterton Medical Centre and others.  I now also can’t afford to see one as it will cost me $75 from my invalids benefit.  I have had these infections getting worse for years, corresponding with my period on a monthly basis.  I have to wear a pad every day and have humiliating experiences with wetting myself, especially when my bladder is infected.  About five years ago, while living in Wainuiomata I tried to have the worsening incontinence addressed and was supposed to go for ‘invasive’ tests.  My mental health was very bad over there due to my dangerous living situation at the time and ACC continuing to reinstate my care from 2009.  The nurse I was working with organised for the tests but when I said I needed my mental health care reinstated so I had psychosocial support to attend she was very callous and cruel.  She said if I didn’t want to go that was my choice, also there was nothing she could do about getting me the ACC or mental health care I was asking for, no  matter how many tribunal hearings I had won (I had won two).

This current infection has lasted more than three weeks so far and I manage it with parsley tea a few times a day, I can’t drink coffee or even a small amount of alcohol or it sets it off.  I had to go to the toilet to pee twice while waiting at A & E.  I desperately need to see a doctor, mental health know this, the Minister of Health and several MPs know this, Kieran McAnulty knows this, Stephen Enright at Director of mental health’s office knows this, DHB mental health services know this, Carterton Medical Centre know this, police know this, court staff know this, Simon Watt from Compass Health/Bell Gully knows this, so do Masterton Medical and Whaiora (who both said they weren’t taking more clients, which I don’t believe is true, when at MMC with my sick friend recently I watched a young man come in and sign up on the spot, he wasn’t told they weren’t taking patients – which is what emails from MMC told me).  I have made previous complaints to the DHB about not being able to access health care and being discriminated against, all are ignored.

I told the nurse about the infection and she did a urine test to confirm, Dr Smith gave me some antibiotics but I didn’t really want them because I knew this was an issue that required surgery, not continuous antibiotics.  My bladder doesn’t empty properly due to a kink in my urethra (this is an hereditary condition), I already have a pelvic sling, put in 17 years ago.  Bacteria builds up and causes infections, which move up into my right kidney and cause me pain.  My right kidney doesn’t work properly from being sick when a baby, my left kidney is 1.5 times normal size to compensate – according to ultrasound tests done before my pelvic sling operation.  I tried to have this health issue addressed years ago but failed due to ignorant cruel negligent health staff.

I went to have the xray on Wednesday, I don’t like going to the hospital because of what the DHB have done to me in the past (ie they had me arrested and dragged through court for wilful trespass for doing a legal protest about abusive negligent mental health staff) and because of my flashbacks to police violence I have had to go there to get treatment.  I had prepared myself, I was relatively calm (although a good friend of mine is very sick at the moment and I have been having to support her, spent hours with her at A & E the Monday before my accident and every day since – she refused to stay in hospital like they wanted – she also has a stress disorder).  I have also become very isolated and terrified of being around people as I am subjected to a lot of discrimination and have little money to go out due to the grinding stressful terrifying poverty I am being subjected to.  I never drink much alcohol, I go out to socialise with people, I can sing and used to go to karaoke every week but I don’t do that any more after several horrible bigotry events at the venue.

I got to the x-ray department, I said Dr Smith has left an x-ray request for me.  I had to get money out of my very small savings account ($55) to pay for the petrol to get there.   I am too terrified and unwell to catch public transport in Wairarapa, most people in this region are horrible to people like myself, it is very sad and completely ignored by our community leaders.  The woman at the desk said there wasn’t a request and I became very upset, being told there is health care and being refused it at the cliff face is the story of my life since I was hurt in a crime in 2002.

She was very nice and said she would sort it out when I told her what Dr Smith had said.  The sorting out was horrendous for me, I was forced to go back into the A & E department and wait to be seen again, which took a long time, I was very unwell and traumatised, rocking, ticking, crying, almost curled up in a ball at times.  The posters and TV screen were subjecting me to constant flashbacks and it was all I could do not to run out of the building.  Then one of the advertisements on the DHB controlled TV THAT CANNOT BE SWITCHED OFF BY STAFF came up as Speak out about violence towards women.  The same words on the banner in the Masterton police station I threw red washable poster paint on in January 2018 in response to police lying and getting away with violently assaulting me and threatening me with ‘as bad as police could be’ – eg Louise Nicholas I assumed.  The same banner I am currently in court for, that I still can’t get a lawyer for and have strangely and illegally been denied legal aid.

I became distraught when I saw that on the screen, I asked the receptionist to turn it off, begged her to turn it off.  She came and turned off TV that was on some TV show off, I told her it was the other one that was triggering me, she said she couldn’t turn that one off.  That screen was also showing advertisements for how great mental health services were and to go to your doctor, all things I know are not true.  Anybody who has read George Orwell’s book 1984 would be horrified – I was horrified, they were even advertising the private hospital as better than public hospital waiting times – ie driving privatisation by illegally causing unnecessary suffering and death.

Under the Official Information Act can I please have a copy of all the advertisements that were playing in the morning on Wednesday 3 April in the A & E department at Masterton Hospital.

Several nurses came to see me, through my distress I told them Dr Smith had requested the x-rays.  Nobody would tell me why they had been cancelled, nobody would tell me who cancelled them, because I know Dr Smith wouldn’t have, he was quite adamant I was to have the xray and I would be seen at the department when I could make myself go there.

I want to know who cancelled the xray and why they would do that knowing I was going to come in, they had verified all my contact details with all their forms on the Monday, they could have phoned or text me to say not to come.  They also would have had to give me an explanation why  Dr Smith had changed his mind, which I bet they didn’t have.  The person who cancelled the xray was a cruel ignorant spiteful person who violated my rights as a disabled person by refusing to accommodate impairments related to my disability.  Impairments Dr Smith had recognised and dealt with so professionally and SOMEONE had removed which will make it even more difficult to go to A & E or the hospital.  My Complex PTSD is compounding, so trauma on trauma just makes me more unwell and being denied mental health, ACC and other necessaries of life by our cruel corrupted neo-liberal controlled health system is killing me.

Note I have not taken the antibiotics and Dr Smith said I should keep the script if my bladder infection gets so bad I can’t stand it and parsley tea doesn’t work.  I havn’t picked up the script for paracetamol either and don’t have any in the house, because it would be $5 through the chemist.  I don’t have spare money for things like that, plus I self-harm and going through pain unnecessarily is part of my disorder.  Its to do with being suicidal, knowing there is absolutely no hope for my future and wanting to die – you don’t want to care for yourself if there is no reason to live.

I would also like to note from being with my friend at A & E the Monday before and my visit, that the time until we are seen by a nurse is different to that put on the Discharge Summary.  Also both of us said we were smokers and it says we don’t smoke, what’s that about?  Funding perhaps?  I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I do hardly anything I used to before I was hurt and my life is extremely stressful so sometimes I smoke.  I wish I didn’t but self-harming to cope is really really horrible & smoking is less and of course social.  The friends I have now have disabilities, can seldom get work and all smoke, dying slowly at least will end our lives early.  Living poor in New Zealand is a living nightmare after 30 years of illegal austerity, advancing of rich and persecuting of poor to profit rich.  I’m sure DHB Chair Paul Collins knows exactly what I am talking about, he has been instrumental in driving Wairarapa to No 1 in NZ for suicide, No 1 for compulsory treatment orders and psychotropic drug prescriptions, No 1 in NZ and the world for self-harm and youth suicide, etc etc.