Masterton Court today trying to get psych assessment sorted

Got to court, I go in and tell security I am here and go back outside, they come and get me, because I can’t wait in the court, too many people and I start freaking out.  Too closed in somewhere I don’t want to be and I start wanting to escape.  Outside I don’t get that as much, but still get anxious.  Jason, Court Security guard is awesome.

Judge had me first up – they usually do now because they know how freaked out I get, I stand with the lawyers, but I couldn’t hear what the police officer was saying.  Ended up with the judge closing the court to the public, we were about 20 minutes.  I didn’t get to give her any of the letters etc I had done.  They didn’t know I refused to see Chaplow (ex Director of Mental Health), I made sure they knew now and how I wouldn’t be able to be in the room with him without freaking out.  Started ticking, rocking and shaking.

Told her about all the complaints to Medical Council, Privacy Commissioner and police about Forensic Mental Health and the assessors perverting the course of justice.  Nobody wanted to talk about it.  Judge Morris then did a memorandum saying Forensic Mental Health and police had to get Mason Durie or an assessor/psychiatrist he recommends to do the psych assessment.  She did piss me off by saying I refused to see Chaplow – who was apparently coming down from Auckland – I couldn’t see Chaplow I would have gone ‘tourettes’ at him and security would have had to remove me.

When I went to leave they wanted to do new bail conditions that said I would attend the assessment organised by forensic.  I refused to sign it, no way I’m letting those corrupt MOFOs decide who assesses me.  I wanted the judge’s memorandum referred to on the bail conditions, they tried several times to get me to sign by telling me what I was worried about wasn’t important.  I know the law of contract and I know what it could have meant.  Ended up the Clerk of the Court ruling out the condition about Forensic’s choosing the assessor and he signed it in front of Jason.  Because he just didn’t want the hassle.

If Mental Health and Police had insisted Chaplow do it or someone else I had protested against or had a conflict of interest then I would not been able to go (because of extreme fear and my subsequent reaction).  Then I would be breaching my bail conditions and the form plainly states they will stop my benefit until I attend – they’ve threatened that before and I completely flipped out.  That doesn’t make it easier to see an assessor it makes it 100 times fkn harder and I reakon they know that – these people I deal with a experts in behaviour.

Got through most of it and had bit of a meltdown, crying and distraught saying I couldn’t do this, it wasn’t fair etc.  Almost had my legs go from under me, had to lean up against the dock – I was on the outside with the lawyers.  Susie Barnes a previous lawyer came up and gave me a tissue, she knows what they are doing to me and there is nothing she can do – but be angry about it.  That is how corrupt the legal system is under Jacinda Ardern and neo-liberalism in the area of mental health.

I saw on the news that moron Dave McPherson got to see Jacinda about mental health services etc.   They consult with the parents who produce suicidal children and OBVIOUSLY don’t know how to help them.  That’s one of the reasons mental health services and suicide prevention marketing is so bad for people who are ACTUALLY SUICIDAL.  People like me who suffers with suicidal ideation never get our voices heard – we’re to be exploited, we’re jobs and money for the government and society.  They don’t want people like me well, our mental health system is exactly what they want, that’s why it never changes for the better – only for the worse.

Its all about power and control over the poorest people in the population, grrrrrr.  When you understand the big picture its mind blowing how they’ve created this.  No wonder its so difficult for me to understand, no wonder it takes 1000s of hours of study and keeping myself up to date with what is happening to fight them with their own rules.

Doesn’t sound like my complaint about perverting the course of justice will go through, the prosecuting police officer wasn’t being very helpful and avoided looking at me the entire time.

Judge also said something about getting me mental health services – when I am demanding return of my ACC care, as required by the two ACC reviews.  Didn’t like the sound of it, I know their version of ‘health care’ doesn’t follow any professional or culturally appropriate health/rehabilitation model.  I reakon that’s why they reject me, cause they know I’ll pull them up on it.

Just found an old letter from Gains Geneva who were supposed to reinstate my ACC care last year.  I complained they refused, their excuse was they couldn’t establish if I wanted the services – WTF.  ACC had told me they were going to reinstate them, of course I wanted the fkn services.  Something really dodgy going on with that GLOBALIST CORPORATION who has ex National neo-liberal MPs Wyatt Creech and Roger Sowry running and profiting from it.  Grrrrrrr

Wanted to give a copy of it to judge but no opportunity – she was pretty busy, court was full.  Few domestics outside while I was waiting for the bail forms, I was being escorted by Jason because I hadn’t signed the bail form I’m not allowed to leave court until I do.  Cause if I didn’t I would be put in the cells until I did and Jason would be the one taking me there.  I teased him I would do it, but I wouldn’t, he helps me, I respect him and usually will do what he asks – unlike the others.

I might go to Wellington to do the assessment and Jason offered to be present there, he’s part of the Wellington Court Security services.  How cool is that, he was being so nice I started to cry, he said he didn’t like seeing women cry – awwww.  Shame nobody else in our government and parliament has the same decency and compassion.

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