Monthly Archives: June 2020

Welcome to my website, check out my solutions

Look through the information on this page, see what I have learnt over the years I have been studying, educating people and lobbying to get the services and facilities I am wanting to realise through this $30,000 Good Stuff grant.

It just so happens my field of expertise is stress disorders, psychology, poverty, politics, occupational therapy, law, sociology, suicide, I have been involved for almost 2 decades.  I also have lived experience of being a terrorised vulnerable disabled women in our society interacting with ‘services’.   I know where the problems are and how to solve 80% of them.

There is nobody as passionate as me about getting real effective support/services/resources to those who need it, most appreciate it and whose lives would be most positively impacted by it.

My ideas are based on professional health and rehabilitation models, along with disability and other constitutional laws in New Zealand and internationally.

Give me a chance, give this a chance, the extent of my knowledge and experience should be harnessed and used to bring change to the mental health sector – change years of governments and inquiries says need to happen but up until now there was no co-ordinated plan about how this was going to be achieved.  What I am proposing is that plan.

It is important to recognise these facilities are a workplace, health care and training environment all rolled into one, with the support of volunteers – like people from the Mens Shed.  They are not a drop in centre, everybody must have a professional rehabilitation plan and pathway to employment.  This would not be appropriate for people with intellectual disabilities (or others who currently have services).  ACC would be a significant funder of services, especially in the area of mental injury, through the regional mental health facilities (a glaring gap in services will be closed).  ACC have recently announced they intend to drop investing in fossil fuels, so now would be the time for them to invest in housing and service infrastructure for their mentally and physically injured claimants.

I can picture what they would look like, how they would operate, I can see it in my minds eye in operation, functioning really well.  I can imagine myself walking through the large building, with two houses in varying states of completion being worked on by a large team of people , clients and their support people.

Producing a house every fortnight, as teams of people from our working population also pitch in to get these facilities up and running to address the suicide and social issues that plague our society in 2020.

To imagine this throughout New Zealand, changing lives and statistics, taking Wairarapa and West Coast to the regions with the least amount of suicides, rather than the most.  To New Zealand leading the world in this field, creating a more inclusive, equal and peaceful society.

I am so excited and so scared at the same time, after all these years to see something tangible and medically/occupational therapy based would be…………………………  AMAZING.

These facilities would be set up for mental health clients (Regional Mental Health Facilities) and a separate one for people with other disabilities/injuries/illnesses (Local Rehabilitation Centres).

Attached to the house building operation, which would be high tech and even ai support for people with disabilities to build the homes.  I envisage new equipment being designed in this area.

Houses would be designed with people with disabilities in mind and those chosen to receive the homes would get input into their design, as any new homeowner would.  People would do rent to own arrangements with the government for the homes and perhaps when that person has finished with it, it is offered back to the government for another person with a disability.

There would be a large area for a gymnasium with instructors and physios who understood disability.  All equipment would be hooked up to dynamo’s to contribute to the energy needs of the facilities.

There would be offices and meeting rooms for clients and health providers.  Rooms for teaching.  These facilities would also be for teaching, for Occupational Therapists, physiotherapists, Psychiatric Nurses (I don’t agree with position of Mental Health Support Worker), and skills as required for building, upcycling and food production,  It was bought to my attention recently that older, more experienced people cannot afford to get formal training and remain as Mental Health Support Workers, while younger people get superiority over them – and they cannot handle it and often abuse it (I have experienced this).  We used to train people on the job in mental health and that needs to happen again.  These rehabilitation centres offer that opportunity.

Recently I sat on the main road through my small town and say how many cars travelled the hour or more drive to Wellington to work.  All that fuel, all that pollution, all that waste of time.  My idea also provides opportunities to work for people who want to get into health provision.  As well as the output from clients building infrastructure (housing) and recycling/upcycling refuse from industry.  People with stress disorders are often very creative, this needs to be harnessed and innovative useful ways of processing those raw materials we have to work with.  We could produce items for export.

Perhaps a co-operative could be set up outside the framework of the provision of rehabilitation services, so the people participating in the centre would rightly profit from their labour and endeavours.  With the support they needed and were entitled to.

There would be a large area for upcycling and recycling clothing, along with a woodwork/metal work room for repair and upcycling of furniture and industrial waste we can find uses for (eg from the building industry, carpet offcuts etc).

There would be a commercial kitchen to process our over-supply of foods, preserves, drying operation, etc.  Also for rehabilitation and teaching.

There would be a large market garden attached to each facility to provide rehabilitation, education and food, etc for clients, staff and the community.

It is important meaningful work addresses those most basic drives in all of us to contribute and be part of a community.

Private contractors would be bought in to work with clients, health providers would use the facilities free of charge.

This would be an amazing resources for so many communities across Aotearoa New Zealand.  Something the community can be proud of in the future, when the Covid response money has been spent.


Driven to self-harm by ignorant police & community leaders

So I had a meeting on Thursday with police, the local mayor and the council social worker/ propaganda PR person.  That night my mental health was so bad I started self-harming and now I’m covered in bruises over my face.  Although I had asked to get these people together and the mayor kept telling me everything would be OK etc, IT WASN’T.  The saddest thing is I don’t even think any of them realise how insulting, degrading and bigoted what they were saying to me was.  Not all of what they said just some really bad bits – the neo-liberal bits.

Firstly I had a previous meeting with the mayor and sent him two emails with questions before the meeting on Thursday – he didn’t respond.   While in our recent meeting he keeps saying to me – You trust me and the people here don’t you.   ACTUALLY I DIDN’T TRUST ANY OF THEM, I admitted to not trusting the policeman.

I live in the region of New Zealand that has the highest self-harm rates in the OECD (developed western world).   The way those three people approached what I was telling them, my complaints about police violence, mental health staff violence, how bad my life is etc was so bad in so many ways.

Even though the mayor has said several times he would help me, the more he gets to know my situation the more he doesn’t want to know what is happening.  I text him before the meeting saying I was terrified.  During our talk he got angry with me for saying at our last meeting he implied there was going to be no state/social housing built in Wairarapa for disabled people like me.  He said he didn’t say that but he did, he used economic jargon, I even emailed him about it to get the words he had been told to use.   I follow economists, I have studied economics, I wonder if he didn’t really know what those words meant.

I’m not sure how long we were there, when suddenly he started telling me he had to go to the funeral that had been in progress next door to us since we started.   Why did he make an appointment to see me if he had another appointment and why didn’t he tell me he had to go at a certain time.  Instead he humiliated me and made me feel bad for not having finished what I was saying.

He compared me asking for his help with this situation to people who ask him for help with potholed roads and footpaths – which made me feel really bad by trivialising the seriousness of what was happening to me.  He got so uncomfortable about what I was saying, especially about police.  To start with he assured me in detail and repeatedly the police officer was an old school friend of his and trustworthy.  Then when I was leaving – after them – I saw them talking, smiling and shaking hands outside the police station.   No matter what I say it seems obvious to me the mayor is going to back his school friend to the hilt – he did in the meeting.

The police officer was very uncomfortable about the unwarranted police violence and abuse I have been subjected to over the years and how IPCA have never done anything about my valid complaints – they are abusive.  He kept saying they’re independent, they’re independent – my response was they might be but they are still corrupt, I have been violently assaulted, psychologically tortured and persecuted/not protected from crimes against me – while charged with crimes that 95% of the time have been either thrown out by a judge or dropped by police.   He kept defending the police and telling me he hadn’t done any of those things to me so I shouldn’t care they happened at all.

He told me he was a human being – I told him HE WAS NOT.  Those three people were there as mayor, police and social worker/bullshit PR person – they weren’t there as human beings.  It was their jobs – WHILE IT IS MY LIFE – if they left their jobs next week they wouldn’t give me a second thought.  I will never forget that meeting and how bad it made me feel.  They have been so brainwashed by this neo-liberal extremist garbage they don’t even know how to be NORMAL people.

One of the most upsetting things was when I said all the money I had saved up had run out 2 weeks ago the social worker immediately told me she could get me the budget services – WTF.  I’m 55 years old, I bought my kids up on welfare from the age of 37 (they were 6 & 7), I know how to fucking budget.  I can’t believe she said that – what an insult.   My rent went up $70 in 12 months and I can’t get a flatmate that isn’t abusive (having been through six I’m now phobic), my invalids benefit didn’t increase.  We have had a small increase since, but that happens every year apparently to deal with inflation – don’t know where they get their figures because the rising cost of rent and food isn’t 2-3% like media say – not for poor people like me.

So these people are demanding to see how I spend my money so they can tell me how to spend it so I can afford food.  I wonder what these revolting people who are so much more intelligent and better than me at budgeting their money would say to me exactly??   I’m sure they would make sure I didn’t have any money to go to funerals or participate in the community, or have a holiday ever, or travel anywhere outside my district, or participate in our ‘democracy’, or join clubs, or buy good shoes to cater to my bad ankle, or accommodate my bulimia (which I am sure they would say is MY CHOICE AND I DESERVE TO BE POOR BECAUSE OF IT).

More proof our community leaders are the ones who advancing the rich and business people while rejecting and persecuting disabled abused poor people who don’t have necessities of life – like safe stable affordable housing or sufficient income to live with dignity.

Wairarapa No 1 in OECD for driving children to suicide, domestic/flatmate violence, eating disorders, self-harm, compulsory treatment orders and of course homelessness.  You don’t see the homelessness here because people are driven to Wellington, where they get emergency housing.  Wealthy elites drive disabled and poor out of this region illegally and purposefully.

I wonder if any of them want to hear how to stop our region’s world leading suicide and self-harm statistics – I have the solutions.   Wouldn’t you think these people would be embarrassed by those stats and what they drive people to – but they’re not.


Cruel illegal lockdown procedures in New Zealand psychiatric hospitals COVER UP

I was in one of those places, temporarily and illegally as I was being punished for legally protesting about abusive mental health services, government corruption (including purposely making poor people suffer and allowing them to die by depriving them of health care and justice), poverty etc.

When the Ombudsman’s office – who I definitely know to be grossly corrupt – came out with a statement recently that they had inspected Wellington secure mental health units and there were not adverse events and he had been liasing with District Inspectors I had proof of the corruption.   A friend of mine suicided where I was due to the cruel severe lockdown procedures we were subjected to by abusive staff – already abusive before the lockdown and they got worse afterwards – as you would expect with abuses of power. (refer Prof Philip Zimbardo).  I had been in constant contact with the DI and she knew nothing about Bosier’s inspection and had not spoken to him, when I phoned her the day I saw the news item.

I contacted the Ombudsman’s office and was told I AM NOT ALLOWED TO PHONE THEM AND THEY HUNG UP ON ME.  I emailed them about some of what had happened but have had no response whatsoever.  As backstory to this, I have begged the Ombudsman for help for many years and be rejected over and over again, even though I know my complaints are valid.  Part of my protesting involved taping art a piece of art expressing what I thought of their bigotry discrimination and injustice.   As a result the Ombudsman lobbied the police multiple times to have me charged with ‘wilful damage’ and ‘wilful trespass’.   Police in Wellington didn’t do anything about it, because THAT WOULD BE ILLEGAL – however I was being processed for another protest a few years ago and the Ombudsman’s emails were accidently put with some other documents.

List of violations of human rights/disabled rights and lockdown processes in New Zealand mental health facility.

  1.    We were locked down and not allowed outside five days before the rest of New Zealand, we were not allowed to prepare at all for the lockdown as we were not allowed to leave the building for our usual community visits from Saturday morning.
  2. All Occupational Therapy processes stopped, all contracted staff were stopped, all weekly activities were stopped initially (SOME were reinstated but only because I was making repeated complaints).
  3. No patient was allowed to leave the building, we had a larger outside yard with high fences, that is 100m to walk around the outside of in the mens area and two small yards in teh women’s area, one that wasn’t big enough to walk around and the other is a fully enclosed metal cage big enough for a car to park and open all 4 doors – this goes directly into the women’s ‘de-escalation’ unit where new people usually live – where I was put.
  4. Prior to lockdown part of our rights and reward for ‘good behaviour’ was people in this particular unit were allowed supervised (and unsupervised) visits into the community.  To do things like go to the shops or a park/beach etc.  I can’t remember everybody’s PLAN but mine was 2 one hour supervised visits a week, where I was also allowed my mobile phone (not initially, initially when you arrive you are not allowed to do anything other patients are). I was also allowed 3 half hour sessions on a computer to go on social media or look up information on google etc.  Plus twice daily 30 min walks outside the unit but still on hospital property.
  5. As punishment for ANYTHING the staff decided (for good reason or not) patients were deprived of their community visits and going for walks outside the unit but on hospital property.   Patients were also deprived of their freedom by being locked in small isolation parts of the unit, they were deprived of things like incoming and outgoing phone calls, seeing a doctor, occupational therapy/art room, more comfortable bedding (eg I was deprived of two mattresses to sleep on and left with one for months by nurses – wasn’t until I told the Occupational Therapist how much pain I was in trying to get up – I have ankle/leg injury issues – within two hours I had a second mattress.
  6. When staff called us together to tell us we would be locked down early and all the home and community visits were stopped, along with people coming to the unit.  The young woman who ‘died suddenly’ had her first home visit with her mum (after 12 months) organised for the weekend we were shut down and it wasn’t allowed to happen – she was very disappointed.  It was a junior mental health nurse (a revolting abuser) that told us because she didn’t want to wait for the shift supervisor.  Also management staff are not working on the weekend, so were not attending or explaining anything about what was happening and going to happen.  When I objected to some of the restrictions – knowing they were a gross violation of our rights, I was insulted, degraded and intimidated for speaking up.  By staff and those patients they were nice to and enjoyed being there (both patients were men with brain injuries and histories of extreme violence, which was intimidating for me)
  7. It wasn’t until a few days later I ASKED TO BORROW CLEANING EQUPIMENT from the contracted cleaner to clean all the door handles and things us patients and staff touched all the time.  The cleaner refused to do it, saying it wasn’t in her contract (note there was one really bad cleaner who was there most of the time and two others who worked occasionally who were awesome and really cleaned up for the lazy one).   After a few days the occasional staff member cleaned the occasional door handle etc.
  8. There was one computer for the 15 patients to use, including for zoom psychiatrist, dietician etc.  There were as many as 15 individual computers in the staffroom that were not allowed to be used.  We were deprived of use of the computers for the first few weeks of lockdown but eventually allowed to reinstate our previous PLANs with no extensions due to the lockdown.  While people in the community were encouraged (on TV adverts as well) to stay connected via social media.  I never saw one computer being cleaned between users, I had to clean all the phones – which we did have slightly more access to during lockdown but not on the days the really abusive staff were on.  I was told during lockdown I would only be allowed 3 mobile phone calls a week, as this was the rules.  I ignored this person and did phone people when I wanted up until the sudden death, then I was not allowed to call anybody and people who called me were not put through many times (including from when I first arrived).
  9. Because of the horrendous management of that place, people who were FRIENDS and brown nosed the nurse manager got more hours than others.  They used to get paid time and a half on weekends so the worst staff/teams worked then as the pay was good and they could intimidate, abuse and degrade patients without ‘outsiders’ (other support staff & management from outside the unit) around.  They didn’t choose staff because they were safer as they were younger, were living alone or had very small bubbles, were living locally etc.  In fact they avoided using those sorts of people – mostly because they were casuals and not part of the TIGHT KNIT TEAM OF ABUSERS so were more of a threat to their very cushy unprofessional work lifestyle.
  10. We were told staff at Ministry of Health in Wellington (ie Dr Ashley Bloomfield and his staff) were the ones imposing severe illegal lockdown restrictions – not the staff we were dealing with (I don’t believe that was true with every restriction we were subjected to).
  11. ON the weekend we were locked down I heard a male staff member joking and gloating about how work would be even easier than normal as they didn’t have to do anything.  Management and staff believed a constant stream of videos (many of them violent and/or of a sexual nature, in a psych ward with people who have committed serious violent and sexual crimes – mostly men, but also women).  I have never hurt anybody, they hurt me, I was put in this place as punishment and to intimidate me to stop me legally protesting about how bad mental health services are/poverty/neo-liberal extremism/govt corruption etc.  Movies used to start at 9am sometimes, women couldn’t watch them in our unit because our TVs couldn’t be hooked up to a computer and weren’t loaded with Sky Sports or movies or Netflix, like the mens area TVs were.
  12. Staff used to tell us stories about their family members breaking lockdown and going to their workplace to get something they needed, or going to see friends they weren’t supposed to.  Their contempt for us was so ingrained, our safety being compromised didn’t even enter their heads.
  13. Several decent staff who were casual nurses and MH support workers and living alone during Lockdown 4 were prevented from working, while staff who had big families got more work.
  14. Two staff members from outside the Wellington/Porirua region worked constantly during lockdown both had members of their bubble violating lockdown.  One was from Wairarapa and the other from Levin – while two staff members who were living alone and lived in Porirua were stopped from working WHEN THEY WANTED TO BECAUSE THEY WERE BORED AT HOME ALONE.
  15. NEW STAFF were employed and started work during Lockdown 4.  One of them was a 7 months pregnant Indian woman and another a young Maori woman (she was cool but didn’t stand up to lazy bully staff, she did all the work to keep busy, she did some exercises to help support me but no other staff would).
  16. Several staff members who were kept working were over 65, one of them was 72, should not be working at any job and had several BOARDERS in her bubble.  So not only did she get a pension, she worked almost full time (cause she was liked by management and an abuser) and had her own home with every room filled with a boarder who worked locally.  Same old lady who used to continually gloat about all the overseas trips and cruises she did – lots of the staff did that.  I said something about how inappropriate it was to talk about these things in front of people who often were from extremely poor backgrounds, that it was offensive – staff would ALWAYS get up, walk out and lock any door they could as punishment for me saying something.
  17. Just before and beginning of lockdown staff forced patients to watch the news IN ITS ENTIREITY on the unit TVs.  Even though patients were supposed to have control of what was watched, it was cruel abusive staff who actually had control.  Because I was new and unwell and didn’t want to hear ALL the news I asked for channel to be changed after 10 mins – I was becoming very upset and traumatised – staff subjected me to weeks of psychological abuse/lied in clinic notes etc for asking for the channel to be changed.  Staff said I stood in front of the communal TV and was yelling when asking for the channel to be changed.  They also said other patients didn’t want it changed.  None of which was true, a meeting with the nurse manager and a psychiatrist about that situation confirmed I was telling the truth, but minutes of the meeting didn’t have anything about the discussion and nothing was done about what was and did happen to me.
  18. In lockdown 4 staff were still bringing in books to swap in the little library (that was supposed to be for patients, yeah right).  I had to ask for them to be cleaned before any of us touched them, they were left on a dinner table for us to look at.
  19. During lockdown 4 Dennis Klue the manager (everybody calls him Clueless and the nurse manager’s surname is hope and she’s called Hopeless – very accurate description)brought in two tradesmen to replace every toilet roll and paper towel holder in every patients room and communal areas.  The didn’t finish everything on the first day so they came back the next day as well.  When I complained I was told the changes were necessary because they had changed their paper supplier to one that was cheaper (and American which I don’t know if that’s relevant).
  20. The first time I was allowed out to walk on the grounds the strange Wairarapa nurse with me patted a dog of some random people.  Same nurse was really strict and although nice when she started working there soon became degrading, insulting and abusive – like the others.
  21. The other five female patients in the small part of the unit we were in (while 9 men were in the rest of the unit – which was originally supposed to be ONLY FOR WOMEN) went to bed after we were locked down.  At least for the first week, I was always up early and doing my best to keep busy, lose weight and keep fit – majority of staff were not supportive of any of the things I was doing.  I used to ask them for help but they were so lazy and completely self-absorbed vast majority wouldn’t do anything.  Several random outsiders did come into the unit, we weren’t told why they were there.  One day during Lockdown 4 one of the worst support workers a big nasty Samoan bully of a woman came in with a person and said this is the women’s area, they all sleep until lunch time.    I was sitting there, working on a play I was writing, or doing crochet I had decided to learn during lockdown, or reading a history book, or doing my accupressure exercises to help with my swollen leg (which had a blood clot but doctors in there told me it was tendonitis and nothing to worry about).  It was like I didn’t exist, which is how most of the staff treated you, especially with visitors.
  22. One of the casual nurses, who I got on with, was in her 50s, Samoan had been a nurse all her life involved in public health, she was also a trained counsellor.   She was critical of staff and attitudes in that place, she told me but because she had been bullied a lot in her life (and her culture) she just ignored how bad the staff culture was there and tried to get on with her job.  She lived on her own and when she came in just before I was thrown out, she told me she was finding things difficult as she was alone in her bubble and really liked coming to work so she had something to do.  She would have been an invaluable and safe person to have working on a full time basis and would have relished how she could have helped patients.   Instead she was prevented from working as much as she usually did in her casual position with C & C DHB.  I know for a fact management staff knew how we got on and they prevented her from working – preferring to have the cruellest nurses on.
  23. Other patients were in contact with other people in other units within the Porirua psychiatric hospital grounds, our unit was getting more restrictive and worse treatment than them.  Patients in other units were also told more than we were.  It took many weeks before management would even come and talk to us about what was happening.
  24. Ideas we had about how to make lockdown more bearable were discouraged and those I suggested were of course mostly ignored.  Nothing I suggested was outside the lockdown rules in all hospitals – as I had a little time on the internet and looked up what the rules were.
  25. The saddest thing, is I could see the other people struggling and I wasn’t too affected because I am very isolated in the community and used to being restricted by my phobias and extreme valid fear of police etc.   I tried so many times to get people more help, so many.  The young woman who died was really struggling, we talked about it and she missed going to a cafe (she had just been given leave to do this before lockdown and it stopped).  We had two fully equipped kitchens in the unit – in the men’s area – nothing in the women’s area.  I asked repeatedly if we could do some baking together and more regularly than the cooking some were allowed to do before lockdown.  I was insulted and refused.
  26. Those who were not allowed to go out the community were allowed to buy things through a shop type arrangement, where a staff member would go out and buy things – eg stamps, juice, shampoo/condition, healthy & unhealth snack foods.  This all stopped during lockdown because they couldn’t work out how patients could pay for the items without cash – they couldn’t do online payments apparently.  Instead of us being able to buy things we really needed Dennis Klue used to bring us every week a 1.5 of coke zero, packet of lollies, packet of biscuits and large packet of chippies – during easter we got chocolate as well.  I don’t eat junk food like this and chocolate gives me migraines so I don’t eat it.  We weren’t allowed to make biscuits we had to buy them.
  27. A lot of the women and men had eating issues and were overweight, the dead woman had bad teeth and wasn’t allowed to see a dentist.  I know she was in pain several nights after eating her bag of lollies.  I stopped giving things I didn’t want to others and started giving them to staff or put them in the prize pool for 1 hour of bingo we did once a week.  They tried to stop the bingo until I got upset about it.  Apparently they didn’t want to do it because they didn’t have any prizes because they weren’t allowed to go out and buy anything.
  28. They had one of the best resourced art rooms I HAVE EVER SEEN, we weren’t allowed to go in there for weeks – people have to be supervised, which is fine with me.  Because they had cut so many staff and the ones left were so lazy, they wouldn’t take people in there.  Some of us could have been making things to use as prizes – but staff wouldn’t do anything as civilised or sensible as that.
  29. I can’t go on, I’m getting upset, there is more but I need a rest.

I will be sending a copy of this to the Ombudsman, but I have just noticed that it says this WordPress site is not secure – that is not true – it is as secure as every other wordpress site on the internet.  When I looked up this website and my youtube channel while I was on the computers in the hospital, I could not find them, even when I put in the URL.  Censorship rules in NZ health system, that’s for sure.

Got locked in a psych ward for 3 months, can’t say much yet

I’m still under the mental health act and I don’t trust those people I’m still in contact with, by Zoom.

I was let out six weeks ago, without ACC care in place, promising it would be – after another patient I was close to ‘died suddenly’.  I was locked in isolation the next day for three days then sent home without services – I had such hope for the future, my mental health has deteriorated significantly and still ACC refuse to provide services.

Although I did do some of my own healing in that place, there were really bad things that went on there as well – I don’t feel safe to say much more for fear I’ll be locked back in there.  Cuckoos Nest stuff and abuses of power, bigotry, sexism, racism, psychological abuse, tribalism, cruelty, incompetence, criminal negligence, psychopathy, etc.

They couldn’t break me with boredom, I’m an artist, from the first day I was allowed a pen and paper I was writing and then drawing and doing other artworks.  I wrote a play about another patient and I – Monkey and Dragon, loosely based on our Chinese astrology signs, our longing to see people we cared about, local history and our incarceration in the Bird Cage, with a 10sq mtr concrete fully caged exercise yard while others were at the beach.