Category Archives: Diary

Labour party called police to come terrorise me – a sexual abuse victim begging for her ACC care?

Just had the police call me for a WELFARE VISIT – wtf – apparently someone called them concerned for my welfare – WTF.  That I was going to self-harm, well of course I self-harm, that’s what people do WHO CAN’T GET SERVICES and living in the darklands – its part of my disorder everybody knows that and thinks its a great joke.

Am terrified, after reading those deceitful/offensive psych reports and how I’m labelled as insane for knowing what is happening to me and why it is NOT MY FAULT.   This is terrifying, I was right about Labour – because me being who I am phoned them and left a polite message on their answerphone asking why they were prosecuting me for wilful trespass FOR A PIECE OF ART on their Masterton office.   I got the call from police only 15 mins later – OMG – I can’t stop crying (I have got to stop crying, they do this to me on purpose to terrorise me I have to remember that.)

The cop was ——— (polite, young, confused and brainwashed to the hilt), telling me I didn’t want their help.   I just started crying and got really upset.   Asked him to stop police continually prosecuting me for my art and legal protests.  Asked him why police weren’t investigating and prosecuting ACC and mental health under Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act for them refusing me care I was entitled to after winning two court cases nine years ago and everything they said was available over and over again for years.  Asked him who phoned – he refused to say – asked him who they worked for, which I know by law I am allowed to know, he refused to say.   Lots more I can’t say because I’m so upset.  Check out my youtube channel for more.

This is because I am upset with Jacinda ARderns lies about the arts in New Zealand and the sexual abuse saga at the moment.

Can’t talk more too angry and have to leave the house in case police turn up.  Told the guy on the phone I’m terrified of police and mental health for good reason.   He was threatening to send mental health services around – WTF – those fucking lying murderers can’t wait to get me under compulsory treatment order so they can lock me up and drug me up – so I shut up about the damage neo-liberal economic terrorism is having on us – so I shut up about abusive experimental unprofessional ‘drug company’ based mental health services.

Our govt and corporations purposely drive poor people to suicide, crime, anxiety and violence so they can create jobs and businesses out of us.   The people most affected by the stress of inhuman living situations are those who victims of crime, abuse victims who according to police statistics are subjected to 80% of the crime in NZ.   The sexual abuse saga playing out with one of their own young female members proves very powerful MEN in the Labour party instinctively discredit, trivialise and dismiss women.  Exactly what they do to victims of sexual abuse who are poor and need more extensive health care and rehab than the current EXTREMELY UNPROFESSIONAL RESTRICTIONS they have ACC imposing ILLEGALLY!!!!

Grrrr

Carterton Library staff put the GUMBOOT in when I started crying after a distressing email – WTF?

I at another library writing this but I had to because it was really disturbing.    I’m getting fibre put on at the moment and was just working out how to get my computer to see the link, so went to Carterton Library to see my emails and work out how to do it.

When I had opened my emails there were two, one was from Snr Sgt Jennifer Hansen at Masterton police demanding I organise to be arrested because I had breached my bail again.   See my youtube channel for details of how distressed I have been about days of ‘media porn’/publicity around New Zealand’s worst suicide statistics ever recorded.  Given I am a Civil Society Activist in the area of mental health and suicide it has been very distressing and makes me even more suicidal – which I am sure other people experience as well.

I spent a while trying to reply to her and arrange it, then suddenly the computer timed out and the whole thing stopped.   This triggered me and I started crying and became upset about what is happening to me for ASKING FOR ACC CARE I AM ENTITLED TO AND DESPERATELY NEED.   I went to the desk to ask what to do  about restarting the computer, the woman who offered I refused, explaining her brother in law was the reason I was so distress.

Another woman came over to help me, but by the time I sat down and tried to type I was crying so much I couldn’t see anything – not sobbing, just tears flowing down my face, while I was trying to pretend they weren’t and everything was OK.  Firstly this affluent woman was extremely cold and callous with absolutely no emotion whatsoever.  Considering the big deal Carterton Council did with the government propaganda campaign about SUICIDE – GUMBOOT FRIDAY – WALKING IN SOMEONE’S GUMBOOTS SO YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT BEING SUICIDAL WAS LIKE.

She then proceeded to tell me I should leave to regain my composure.  I told her my distress was caused by the email saying I had violated my bail conditions for my non-violent justified  legal protesting about abusive mental health services and how I needed to organise urgently to be arrested again.  That I would be picked up by police if they saw me – previously I have spent many weeks ‘at large’ with warrants when I refused to go to court until I got health care and lawyer I was supposed to have.

Obviously Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and the neo-liberal controlled Labour party are prepared to do worse to me to stop me speaking out about how abusive and exploitive mental health services are and how corrupted by neo-liberal believes most of our government are.

The comment about me leaving the premises to compose myself is EXACTLY THE PHRASE Masterton WINZ (welfare) office Manager Michele Eades used when telling me off/threatening me for self-harming when I was having to fill out forms there several weeks ago.  I’ve never heard the words COMPOSE MYSELF before from any of them, which makes me suspicious the police or someone very corrupt has been instructing people on what to say to me (and other terrorised and terrified poor people.   That would of course be a violation of my privacy – except there is no point in make a formal complaint to the Privacy Commission.   The PC is only there to protect the privacy of dangerous, cruel, criminal business people and government, not the people they are persecuting.

I think what shocked me about this woman at the library was her complete lack of empathy – it was like I wasn’t even human.  Definitely psychopathic behaviour.   All the wealthy people in Wairarapa don’t want to see anybody being harmed by 30 years of austerity and living of fear due to mass immigration with local and central government ignoring where disabled and poor local people were going to live.

Not being allowed to show any emotion in a public building, so people weren’t made to feel uncomfortable or allowed to know just how bad the situation is for someone like me.  Someone who publicly protests about abusive mental health services and government denying disabled local people safe stable affordable, culturally appropriate housing.

Affluent women who work for the government are particularly bad, it is imperative for them psychologically and to keep their happiness intact to believe women like myself don’t exist and our valid despair is a ‘mental health issues’ because we are ill.   Its not me who is ill, it is the government and the community who are ill and cruel and criminals.  I know this because I know the law, our most basic laws of how elected officials are required to act – which is not to advance rich business people and persecute poor people in order to exploit and degrade them.

I am typing this at Masterton Library where they have up notices threatening distressed people they will be removed – the library was the only place they had left to go and rich people don’t want them there either.   Elitism is rife in the Wairarapa, I was interviewed individually by a lawyer from the mental health inquiry that came through last year.   She told me the reason we are No 1 in NZ for suicide and self-harm is elitism, she asked me how I thought something could be done about it.   My suggestion was making sure complaints were listened to and people were punished for breaches of professional standards and causing people harm when they didn’t do their jobs properly.    No valid complaint I have ever made has been listened to or acted on – I have been ridiculed and discredited every time, while the staff get of scott free and go on to become even more degrading, insulting and abusive.

With so much support for a disabled friend in Flaxmere recently I am wondering if New Zealand’s government and rich people are trying to herd all the poor into certain areas to leave the rest of the country for them.   Just like has happened in England – ewwwwww.  New Zealand culture is based on egalitarian, justice and equality principles, not elitism, hate and inequality which is what neo-liberal terrorists demand!

 

 

 

 

Wairarapa Police check out welfare visit by Whakatane police tonight!!!!

My own fkn bitch of a sister and brother I never see not only phone my daughter and upset her with my facebook posts – they send the fkn Whakatane police around to terrorise me – don’t phone me themselves – THEY SEND THE FKN POLICE.  I’m sure you bigots in Masterton police will be loving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   That’s what you want isn’t it, for my family to turn against me and get me locked up and drugged up aye!!!!!

My family not allowed to friend me on fb, not that they have ever tried, they like to stay well away from worthless garbage like me – all National party supporters do!   I’ve blocked them from looking now – fkn bitch!!!!!  My family all fb friends with each other – I don’t go under my real name because my mother told me she didn’t want the family name involved in what I do.  My fkn bitch of a sister doesn’t like it I am with my mum at the moment, so the psycho cow will do anything to cause shit – ANYTHING!!!!  That bitch hates me and always has!

Cause what police doing to me in order to oppress me, psychologically torture me, keep me poor and stop me from getting ACC care I am entitled to under law makes me terrified of all police, all uniforms and all police cars  and MAKES ME UNWELL in social situations.   You know it and you love it don’t you  Const Selena ??? and Sgt Matt Wailling.   The NICE police officer I met tonight was upset by what I told him what you were all doing to me for LEGALLY AND NON-VIOLENTLY PROTESTING ABOUT BEING DENIED HEALTH CARE.  Where I target those in power doing the harm and get triggered by ignorant bigots in the community!!!!

You know – those people I make complaints about of criminal negligence under Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act.  THE LAW – but neo-liberal murderers don’t follow RULE OF LAW or democracy – DO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My fkn bitch of a sister I HAVE BARELY TALKED TO FOR YEARS, at Xmas she started an argument day before my birthday, just so her and the kids didn’t have to come to my birthday dinner.  Her daughter and son – who I get on with very well – didn’t know what to do.  I went out with my mum, aunty and a friend, while her, her husband and the kids stayed home.  It was very upsetting.   That just a long line in revolting bitchy things she has done.

My brother, who just been to Japan for some BS trip, never visits me and I live 45 mins away.   He been to my place about three times in five years and never brings his stuck up rich brat wife.   I never allowed to look after my nieces (their kids) have them stay the weekend, hang out with my kids when they all younger.  They used to come for weekends away at a local resort motel in Masterton – they never ever came to visit me.

These are the people phoning my daughter who is 24 and got lots of her own stuff going on – I dont’ tell her how bad I feel to protect her.  There is nothing she can do, she can’t buy me somewhere safe to live or make ACC provide me services, or stop police from assaulting me and using the justice system to terrorise me IN ORDER TO DRIVE ME TO SUICIDE.   Where I live is No1 in OECD for women self-harming.

Jacinda Ardern must be telling facebook what to say to human sewage like me – to us filthy peasants who being denied basic human needs to safety, shelter, food security, decent jobs, health care, etc.   Grrrrr so fkn angry right now.

 

New Zealand Human Rights law cases should be heard in Supreme Court

It has become quite obvious to me over the past few days that having human rights cases heard in a Tribunal is grossly inapproriate & causing serious violations of United Nations declarations and Constitutional Law.  Our entire society is suffering and people are dying.

Human Rights violations of people with mental health are rampant and what 90% of citizens are complaining to United Nations about.   This is a constitutional law and yet it languishes in a Tribunal with members who aren’t even lawyers and are chosen by the government of the day – a gross violation of separation of powers expected in a democracy (a democracy YEAH RIGHT).

The oher tribunals involve material and financial matters – having tribunals dealing with the lives and deaths of 100,000s of people is grossly inappropriate and I believe a purposeful act of harm against an entire sector of society.  It denigrates constitutional and human rights laws.  Then there is the ACC tribunal which should not even exist, the conduct of this organisation in my case has been nothing less than psychological torture and persecution – gross violations of my rights and massive cause of harm – not just for me but many others.  They should be under health system, they have corrupted their current system and have no right to have it continue with the abomination they have created for many citizens (who own ACC).

WE DO NOT NEED A NEW CONSTITUTION – we need to empower the current one, moving cases to our expensive & beautiful Supreme court, which is only used 55 days a year at the moment,  is essential to ensuring the integrity of our constitutional laws. It must be free, the power of money imbalance must be addressed, this is why we have Rule Of Law.

There must also be legal representation for people who take cases of human & constitutional rights violations to court – I’m sure most would be like me and incapable of representing themselves.  Currently the government employs multiple expensive law firms to oppose people claiming human rights abuses, poor and sick people.  For my protesting criminal charges I get an overworked country lawyer out on her own and our opposition is law firm Meredith Connell with a team of over a dozen lawyers and support staff.  The scales of justice need to be evened up.

I can imagine there would be hundreds of good people, good lawyers who would jump at the chance to work in the area of human rights and constitutional law, especially for disabled and mentally injured abuse victims like me.  Who the government and society been screwing over for years.

You could run it through Public Defence Service across the road – cause very few of their lawyers know constitutional and human rights laws, its a specialist area, that does intersect with criminal law.  Also they can be complicated and time consuming, govt has run down the justice system just same as education and health (I believe to purposely harm society & profit from it).

Imagine walking into the Supreme Court and having our countries most senior judges sitting before you to hear your case against our own government that sits just across the road.  If I ever see that day – well – there will be tears.  What a dream though.

Got convicted of GRAFFITI today – Listen to what happened

What a day after 18 months of waiting apparently I’m not guilty of Wilful Trespass but am guilty of Graffiti – but I won’t be punished or sentenced unless I commit another crime – WHICH I DEFINITELY WILL BE.

So got to Lower Hutt court – which is 1 hour drive from home (please note: I can’t find a flatmate so rent is $260 & invalids benefit is $410) petrol cost $20.  If I wanted to get the decision in Masterton I would have had to wait until March 2018 before the revolting corrupt fascist elitist VERY OLD judge was here again and I would have killed myself having to wait that long.

I was nervous of course, waiting outside court was a young man sitting on the low walls around the front area, with gardens full of cigarette butts.  He offered me a cigarette a couple of times to deal with the stress – so I did.  Big sign on the Lower Hutt court house said NO SMOKING – should have got a photo.

We talked about why I was there, he was 100% behind what I was doing and felt the same way about the government, inequality, justice, etc.  Was nervous and needed to do something.

I went and did some chalking in front of the court house that said:

NZ law No 1

Westminster Statute the 1st

  • common right be done to all rich as poor

NZ law No 2

Magna Carta

No-one shall be destroyed and everyone shall have access to right and justice

 

THEN POEM

We’re not shares to be traded

We’re not pawns in a game

We’re not doing OK

And we’re not the ones to blame

 

Then a comment about how if wealthy govt violate Laws 1 & 2 then poor people don’t have to abide by any laws wealthy govt makes.

 

While I was doing it a young officer came along and started asking me questions, telling me I had been in trouble before for chalking and that I shouldn’t be doing it.  I told him it was all legal and I wasn’t going to stop, that I knew my rights, it was chalk.  He asked me what it was all about – my response was – can’t you read.  He kept annoying me and I got angry, I don’t have to answer his questions, told him politely several times to leave me alone, he didn’t so I started swearing at him.   Got very heated and he threatened me with being arrested and put in prison – I think the prison threat was pretty funny.  Came very close to being arrested BEFORE COURT.

Thankfully not far from us was the man I had just been talking to and a Dominion Post journalist.  So I started raising my voice so they knew what was going on – there was no way I wanted to get arrested BEFORE COURT and NO WAY I was backing down when he was the one annoying me.  The officer asked me why I was being loud, so I told him, to make sure that journalist over there hears what happens to disabled activists like me for writing statements and poetry about justice on the street (well actually it was on court property technically).  Photos are on my facebook page /jrmurphypoetmusician

I finished my chalking while police officer phoned his boss and talked for quite a long time before he came back – with a vastly different attitude – I was just finishing.  He asked me a really cool question about why I had said poor people dont have to follow the law if their Westminister & Magna Carta rights had been violated.  Told him the story about 1200s when they were feuding and some people decided the fighting needed to stop, so they decided on a set of rules (LAWS) But there was NO WAY the peasants would agree to the rules if the rich didn’t have to – or were treated better.

Magna Carta also guaranteed above all else that govt wouldn’t destroy you and everybody would have access to right and justice.  Which currently doesn’t happen and is why we have so much violence – previous intelligent humans knew some pretty cool and interesting things about human behaviour under persecution – go figure.  I think man has become more stupid as we have evolved – or maybe its just those who lead us – groan.

Police officer also said he didn’t agree with what was happening to mentally ill people in the system.  I said how good that was to hear and all peaceful revolutions succeeded when police refused to take up arms against CITIZENS.  (Isn’t it a shame we don’t have this sort of news or discussion on mainstream media?)

While I was chalking my poem a young man came past on a skateboard – loved what I was doing.  Said he was working homeless, things weren’t good, police had offered to lock him up in the cells for few nights if he needed somewhere to stay – they weren’t kidding, they actually were trying to help him.  He had mental health issues as well.

I went back to sit down and another man arrived, he had a cool music box with him in a bag, big Maori/Samoan man.  We started talking and I discovered he had Complex PTSD like me, he was up on charges of assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest etc.  He was really worried (was expecting bracelet or prison for 3 mths) – the things he was describing about his behaviour were TYPICAL PTSD symptoms.

It was 9am, he said he didn’t have to be there until 2.30pm – I said he should keep busy, perhaps go down the river or to some big trees, that might help – it helped me in the past.  He said if he left he didn’t think he would return, so i agreed with him about staying.  He revealed to me – by the sounds of it all the talk about abused CYFS kids getting an inquiry had been triggering memories of his own abuse.

He said people told him he shouldn’t bottle it up, but he couldn’t let it out either cause he couldn’t control it and someone would get hurt – oh boy do I know how that feels – probably not as violently as him but I know the feeling very well.  I assured him he was right about not wanting to talk about what happened if he was getting violent with it – I told him how I was protesting about professional care for abuse victims like him and me, and health care that would help us through dealing with really bad trauma.  it took only a few minutes and we were talking like long lost friends – that happens a lot with me when I come across people with Complex PTSD.  Cause I have studied it for so many years I understand it very well and understand people who have it – people who don’t have it DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

We talked about not letting people get to you, when some toxic triggering shit came towards you how to pretend in your minds eye you are dodging it, it flies right past and ends up in a basket behind you.  Especially useful for inconsiderate, degrading or abusive families you supposed to get help from.  He heard me swearing at officer as well & understood.  Officer came back past and I apologised for swearing at him – I never used to swear – but then I wasn’t a terrorised persecuted disabled abuse victim being denied health care, a job, a safe home and justice back then.

I reassured him everything would be OK now we had a Labour government & Kelvin Davis was in the media recently saying how he was going to help people who ended up in prison system – especially those with mental health issues.  I told him to make sure he reiterated his mental injury from his violent childhood in CYFS care from 5 yrs old.

He told me about a time when CYF worker had dogs lead around his neck, the lead was slipped under a closed door and the man was pulling it tight so J…. couldn’t breath.  Another child was yelling  at the man he was going blue but he said something abusive and ignored it.  J….. passed out and remembered coming too being dragged along the corridor.  He said a nice social worker at the CYFS home tried to stop and expose the violent abuse but was sacked instead.

(Just so people know, even though he said he didn’t want to talk about it, when you meet someone who understands sometimes a particuarly bad unresolved trauma will come up and next minute you are telling a complete stranger.)  Forcing this process when the person is not in a safe emotional environment – IS NOT GOOD, IS IN FACT DANGEROUS AND LIFE-THREATENING TO THE PERSON.  Getting drunk often brings it out in the worst way – avoiding alcohol helps but its not DEALING WITH it.

Was so cool to meet him and hopefully help him through his day/life – he didn’t have anybody supporting him either.  Made sure he knew me and lots of other people felt exactly like him and had same problems.  I’ve tried to start Stress Disorder Support Groups before but govt wouldn’t let me – I don’t reakon they want all disabled people like us together because we would validate the symptoms of our EXTREMELY DEBILITATING AND SOMETIMES TERRIFYING DISORDER and work out our government, police and justice system were purposely persecuting mentally injured and ill disabled people.

A Dominion Post journalist came along, he was there for my case, but I didn’t want to talk to him – told him I didn’t like journalists so he backed off – which was cool.  He talked to my lawyer by text to find out what was happening. Didn’t take any photos of my chalking or poetry of course.

Several random people took photos and video of my chalking – which is awesome – more uploads and shares the better – more empowered people will be.

Next person I met was a Maori guy who was representing himself in court, had done it a few times before – he hated the justice system, oppressors of the poor and Maori – he was really cool too and admired what I was doing.  Again I was talking to someone like I had known him for years after 5 mins.  He would have heard me going APESHIT at the judge when I was convicted – told him I was going to sing and I did.

Went into court and watched previous case – AGAIN a mental health case involving violence and a man with anxiety and depression (ie suicidal).  How many cases of mentally ill disabled people are in our courts at the moment?????  It is common knowledge two thirds of people in jail are disabled with mental health issues – same people National govt took away right to vote from – now why do you think that was?????

Check out rest of my page and ask yourself WHY we hearing nothing from our two disability commissioners, the Human Rights Commission, Law Commission, Ombudsman, Auditor-General, Mental Health Foundation, etc  They not saying anything because a radicalised terrorist aspect of neo-liberalism is the requirement people who are driven to violence by abuse, prolonged neglect and severe stress are completely discredited, denigrated & blamed for their disorder – not the people who abused them or govt/society that neglected them.

I didn’t sleep last night and I have just become very very tired RIGHT NOW – will finish off tomorrow.

 

 

New Zealand No 1 for homelessness in OECD

Its weird in New Zealand how it takes international organisations to highlight some of the worst social problems – while our government, media and National party voting leaders throughout our communities DENY what is going on with everything they have.

Actually its quite deranged – its why I get the abuse, insults and being discredited that I do from those in authority here.  Why no local mayor will respond to my requests for a meeting about mental health, poverty homelessness etc – yet they are often on the front page of local newspapers welcoming new people here.  In complete denial these new rich people are driving out disabled poor locals.

I never thought of Wairarapa as some sort of red-neck cauldron of hatred against poor and love of rich – but it truly is.  The kids used to call it death valley when they were teenagers – they knew – it was for them of course, after neo-liberals drove all the manufacturing jobs overseas in the 80s and 90s, they also drove most of the young out of the region and to Australia.  I know a few people who ended up in Aussie and are so much happier – mostly with how they are treated by their bosses.

Been doing a lot on twitter at the moment, conversations from all over the world, lately the UK – people can’t believe how bad it is here – they have been brainwashed into believing New Zealand is this amazing beautiful place with pristine environment, lovely people and little crime – LOL.  NZ is great at marketing of course – that’s it – after years of exploiting our environment and degrading the poorest and most vulnerable we have some of the most polluted waterways in the world, we have the highest rate of suicide and homelessness in the OECD, highest rates of family violence (due to people being terrified, stressed and forced to live in dangerous situations).

All my years of protesting in Wellington – our capital city – telling people in power (especially in our judiciary) just how bad things are for me and so many others.  I certainly don’t get the abuse from people in suits I used to get when I started 7 years ago – don’t have any health care or a safe home ot live in either – go figure.

Being charged for Misuse of a Telephone for screaming for my ACC care to be reinstated after winning two reviews, and for graffiti with a chalk pen and wilful trespass must be getting under the skin of the police by now.  Those in power in the police are so corrupt and so much part of this radicalised neo-liberal terrorism by rich of poor, I do wonder if they truly realise what they are doing.  I reakon this election is certainly hitting home to those in justice, just how they have failed New Zealands poor – who they no know are being persecuted by rich – the oldest hatred in developed world – the reason we have laws was to stop rich and powerful persecuting poor and powerless.

Still praying my health care will be restored as my physical health is deteriorating, especially with my huge increase in weight – makes me feel like shit – I try not to let it.  My mental health swings from hope to complete despair, I can see how people are driven to bi-polar, along with living in a world that says it cares for you but really it HATES you.

In New Zealand our government and leaders HATE disabled and poor people so much they deny them somewhere safe to live – where we were once heralded as the most progressive and egalitarian country in the world – now we are EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE.  The rich here have got so much richer and the hatred they continue to inflict on those THEY MADE UNEMPLOYED AND THEY DENY HEALTH CARE, WELFARE AND HUMAN RIGHTS entitlements to is so disturbing.

That’s why I get terrorised by police and many others like I do, that’s why I am denied health care I am entitled to and yet those denying it tell police and community I JUST DON’T WANT HELP.

After my protest at Min of Health couple of weeks ago I am in discussions with a senior medical officer, a nice man, A NORMAL PERSON with manners and who acts like a professional, so hopefully that will get me some care – he’s working on it.  I’m trying not to get my hopes up as when they are dashed – like they always have been in the past – the suicidal nightmare in my head is BAD, REALLY BAD – dont’ think I’ll survive it if this fails.

Am still thinking about documentary I saw by Naomi Klein called The Shock Doctorine, the truth of how completely vile the super rich and our governments truly are is comforting for me.  All these years me and so many other New Zealanders – including my dad (who is dead now) have known something was very very wrong with our government and how they were controlling our economy/lives – all of us placated and told it wasn’t true, that government weren’t doing that to us at all.  That government had to do this to us, had to sell off all our public owned assets, had to privatise everything, had to exploit our environment until it was polluted and our kids got sick swimming in the rivers.  We were all so naive and so brainwashed, especially by those we knew who were doing OK and those in our news media.  Watching TV 1 adverts for how great their news is, how honest and local it is, how it tells the truth and covers all the angles – when I’m sitting here knowing they censor everything I know say and do and what is happening to me for legally protesting.

Watching the deceit and marketing coming from our media about suicide is the hardest thing to watch – knowing they are pushing suicidal people into services that are going to degrade, abuse and persecute them even more.  On Wednesday last week, stupid me, yet again phoned media begging them to tell my story and everything that was happening in Wairarapa – why we were NO 1 in NZ for suicide.  Had this woman from Newshub (Radio Live, TV 3 etc) (sure I’ve spoken to the revolting bitch before) on the phone encouraging me to talk, to start with I said I wouldn’t because she would call the police.  She assured me several times she wouldn’t and she would tell my story, but of course she didn’t, she phoned police who then spent the next 3 hours terrorising and threatening me.  This is how corrupt New Zealand media are – especially when it comes to the suffering of abuse victims who can’t get care they entitled to and become suicidal.  These media people love it, love terrorising people, love driving people to suicide and creating more news for themselves – its truly sick, but that’s what radicalised neo-liberals do.

I ended up taking a new friend of mine with me to the police station because after two stupid phone calls from police I knew they would end up at my house and it wouldn’t go well.  Lucky she was with me, cause they revolting cow (who has hidden complaints in the past) on the desk got one of the policemen who assaulted me to come out.  I said I didn’t want to see or speak to him, he came out anyway, it didn’t go well, I challenged him on his threatening violence against me for legally protesting and lying about Hoera assaulting me – he just stood there.  Then I started swearing, so time to leave.  You have to go and see them if someone has phoned you about mental health because that is what the government do in order to terrorise you.  The government don’t like people who suicide, it makes them look bad and their horrendous neo-liberal ideologies they inflict on us are proven to be the persecution of poor they truly are.

All the phone numbers at the end of every news item about suicide or self-harm that I know goes absolutely nowhere – yes there is someone there telling you they’re listening but they don’t do anything.  If your situation is too much for them those poor young people with psychology degrees who can’t get jobs anywhere else just hang up on you.  Wonder how many people they hang up on every day, how many times they phone police to come round and terrorise the person.

It is terrifying when police first start being involved when your mental health gets to the extreme after years of medical neglect and ongoing trauma.  You can’t understand why you would be treated like a criminal for asking for help – especially for me, when I had read ACC law and many documents on health care I was supposed to get BUT IT WASN’T AVAILABLE.

I WISH …………………………………………..  I think everybody who reads this blog will know what I wish for.

Kia kaha to us all

Sunday – TVNZ – Trouble In Mind

Was watching TV and saw the first adverts for latest Sunday programme on TVNZ which exposes police being used as mental health services, while they blocked me from their email & social media for BEGGING them to tell my story & protect me from persecution by police while I am denied mental health/ACC care.  Earlier in the night I had been listening to the radio and adverts by Wairarapa National MP Alastair Scott saying how much he enjoyed hearing peoples issues and helping them while he refused to see me or help me with what is happening to me.  Along with repeated adverts by Stopping Violence Services who have never replied to the desperate message I have left on their answerphone.

I had to write otherwise I will kill myself tonight – I couldn’t cry like I wanted to, had to hold back the wailing cry I want to do because I know I would never stop and this would also have meant I would kill myself.  You never really get used to being suicidal due to neglect by your own government and being illegally denied the health care and justice you know you are entitled under multiple NZ laws.

As my research has uncovered the PTSD I initially had after the rape has turned to Compounding Complex PTSD due to ongoing trauma & neglect.  CPTSD is extremely common in New Zealand but being misdiagnosed and covered up by govt & health professionals, as things like depression, personality disorder, bi-polar, attention seeking, lazy etc.  It wouldn’t have got to this if I had received the care I was entitled to but left untreated and added to by ongoing trauma due to lack of safe stable housing and being left disabled and vulnerable in our revolting community has left me a shell of my former self.

Sunday hurt the most when they do stories on OTHER PEOPLE regarding mental health but NEVER ME, never what I know, the laws being violated, never the persecution I am suffering at hands of corrupt police, who will do anything to protect what the government and justice agencies are doing to all disabled mentally injured abuse/trauma victims and mentally ill.  David Rutherford (Chief Human Rights Commissioner) was right in his comments on bullying that the people those being bullied go to for help and ignore you, cause more distress than the bullies themselves.

I begged Sunday for help, begged them, told them police were being used as mental health staff years ago – I was ignored, discredited and degraded for it.  There was no way my case was important enough or of interest to New Zealand public, no way exposing the FACT that people with mental health issues were suffering a gross miscarriage of justice after neo-liberals shut down vast majority of mental health facilities – not that many of these places weren’t houses of horror and torture for many of their residents.  I seldom watch the show because it triggers all the time I have begged them for help and been rejected.

Triggered by all the times I have begged politicians for help, including all Wairarapa MPs for past 15 years, all ACC ministers, all ministers of health, all prime ministers, any MP that ever made a comment on mental health, suicide or ACC – hundreds of them.  All sent letters and emails telling them that people with mental health issues were being persecuted and denied PROFESSIONAL health care and everybody was turning a blind eye to the persecution of an entire sector of society.

When you have studied the violence trauma and neglect industry you realise them psychologically torturing and rejecting you to save money, is done because of a bizarre neo-liberal cult-like belief that you should advance rich, disadvantage middle class and persecute those weak people in society if they can’t work or need help to work.

I cry and feel a waterfall of tears right behind my eyes, I get that often now, even when walking through town to get some exercise because I have been so unwell, become ‘frozen’ with trauma, havn’t thrown up enough (I am recognised as having bulimia but nothing is ever done about it, no matter how much I beg for help) and have put on a huge amount of weight that makes me feel BAD – really really BAD in so many ways.  In 2009 when I had some care, that was illegally taken by National government John Judge and Paula Rebstock, I had a gym membership with some amazing support from the instructors, co-ordinated by my very professional Occupational Therapist Glenda.

I was supposed to get this reinstated but ACC continue to refuse 7 years down the track.  I can’t think about how suicidal and dysfunctional I was after they dumped me, the 46 day hungerstrike and the lawyer who let me down so badly, took ACC to yet another review, which I won AND STILL I GOT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  This continual telling me I would get services then not providing them is why my mental health deteriorated and I now ‘go tourettes’ when badly triggered.

Thankfully I can keep the violence towards others under control with a lot of prayer and understanding of my disorder – I am sure soon the suicidal hell I suffer so often will take me. Why would I want to stay upon this earth if I can’t work and have to live in terror of homelessness, abusive flatmates and a cruel majority of my community in power who are unprepared to listen to what I know, say and experience.  Yes I have a lot of supporters but what can they do, they can’t get me a house, they can’t force ACC or mental health to provide me professional health care.  I don’t burden those I love or I they would be traumatised to and I’m not going to allow this to be passed to the next generation – like so many do out of ignorance and severe dysfunction.

From what I can see in the advertisement for Trouble in Mind they are going to get again cover up that under human rights and bill of rights laws our government is discriminating against and persecuting mentally injured and ill people.  As I said in my Suicide Prevention Strategy it is a neo-liberal obsession that professional treatment and rehabilitation models are kept out of mental health services so they can create as many jobs as possible from HUMAN SEWAGE like me.

I cry because I know this is done on purpose, because neo-liberal terrorists are doing it in other countries and just like other countries our corporate media – who make a lot of money out of social dysfunction – are not telling the entire story and not pointing out the gross miscarriage of justice going on here.

When I think of all the times I have begged for help with what I know – that I set up this website and all my social media for – have dedicated my life to – how many men women and children have suffered, killed themselves, become violent or addicts because of these corrupt, criminally negligent, seriously disturbed people in government who prefer to spend taxes on cuts to top tax rates, MASSIVE govt debt interest repayments, building refurbishments, Saudi farms, charity to other countries, etc  Nope getting distraught can’t keep telling this story, too many traumas come into my head and the suicidal hell becomes overwhelming.

Its late, I’m exhausted I’ll post this and maybe finish it later if I can – I hope and pray journalists at Sunday see it and contact me to tell my story, that they will ask why I am up on 7 criminal charges for screaming for help from ACC and using non-violent forms of protest to express my disgust and distress.

All those people they purposely killed, all those families they destroyed with their neo-liberal hatred, their corruption and violations of so many laws and everybody who was supposed to protect us sat back and condoned or participate in it.  Because they were told if government persecuted an entire sector of society that was OK – THAT IS NOT OK.

This is what happens when those with money and unbridled power go completely mad.

Day of Activism in Wellington, New Zealand

Had an interesting day chalking poetry, attending question time, singing under Seddon and catching up with other activist friends.

Got to Wellington about 12.30pm started chalking comments about John Key, so can be seen from Bowen House and Beehive.  Photos up on twitter @jrmurphypoetry  Also called Judiciary corrupt over mental health care and bought up how much more money banks are making in interest since John Key became PM.

Then went and chalked two poems directly outside Supreme Court on Lambton Quay, good writing surface on large paving, different to footpath.  Had around 6 people stop and say how good my poetry was and good to see this sort of culture and art on the street.  Going to write to the council again and complain about them taking it off and that I have to pay for parking when in the city.

Met up with two friends and attended question time, we had to wait because gallery pretty full after Key’s resignation – several school groups.  I sat and watched govt first but got really upset watching John Key lie about the good he had done, especially for vulnerable people.  Had to leave the gallery crying, security staff up there are really nice to me, went over to other side of house so I didn’t have to look at his face and the other National MPs lying.  Especially about housing and health services.

Always need to have a debrief after watching question time, it is so infuriating – or have a sing and rant about how pissed off I am by what I just saw.  Also recited some poetry – Wasps In The Beehive.

There was a 1080 protest at parliament, would have participated but you can’t before you go into the house – its a rule, you’re banned for 24 hours.

Afterwards talked with friends, hoping to get my FILL THE GALLERY idea out into the Wellington community, focused on election year, disabled/students etc – representing all those people struggling and not happy with current policies.  Said how they were representative of people all over New Zealand that couldn’t make it to Parliament – lets send our polticians a message in election year that we’re going to be watching them and demand they represent and protect us as they are supposed to in a civil society.

Came home and uploaded photos to twitter – don’t know why I didn’t do a video – will next time.

Kia kaha and Aroha to us all.