WINZ already know this, they know exactly why I am unwell and how desperately I want to work. I sent this email after something the woman at WINZ said the other day about me trying to get a flatmate. Like it was a good comment to put on my file – the fact I can’t get health care or services OR EVEN A DOCTOR so I can return to work and get health care is completely ignored.
Sent: Thursday, 21 November 2019 4:40 AM
To: Info (MSD) <Info@MSD.govt.nz>; Michele Eades <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: I desperately want to work, why do you allow ACC etc to deprive me of health care so I can?
Yet again I was forced to fill out yet another form which I find extremely distressing because I know I should not be on welfare and I know I would not be on welfare if I could get health care I am entitled to and need after winning two ACC reviews in 2010/11.
The behaviour of your staff was unprofessional, manipulative and what is called GASLIGHTING – a technique abusers use to destabilise and invalidate their victims. The way those two women came up to me concerned I was crying – which I was trying to stop because I was terrified I was going to get trespassed and all those things I was threatened in the letter Michele sent to me re self-harming. I was going to tell them not to worry there was nothing they could do. Instead a callous cruel abuser staff member came up and told them it was nothing to do with them and THEY WOULD HANDLE ME.
You see unlike normal human beings that don’t work for WINZ or any government organisation purposely persecuting disabled abused poor people – we see someone GENUINELY UPSET AND FREAKING OUT like I was and we want to hug them, care for them and do whatever we can to stop the harm. The people at WINZ have obviously been trained to be psychopathic abusers, to not engage at all in the harm they were causing. So have the staff who answered my complaint about the insulting letter regarding my 4th request for food? in 12 months – SINCE MY RENT WENT UP $70. The Indian woman – who was extremely culturally offensive, elitst and insulting with her apology saying she was sorry for my INCONVENIENCE. What you did to me was abusive, insulting, humiliating, traumatising, illegal, punitive and of course disrespectful – not inconvenient.
I WANT PUT ON MY FILE I DESPERATELY WANT TO WORK AND CHANGE MY SITUATION BUT I CANNOT – THAT IS NOT MY FAULT.
I WANT IT PUT ON MY FILE THAT OF COURSE I AM TRYING TO FIND A FLATMATE THAT WON’T STEAL FROM ME, TERRORISE ME, EXPLOIT ME & MY DISABILITY, PAY THEIR HALF, DO THEIR HALF OF CHORES, NOT BRING DANGEROUS PEOPLE TO MY HOUSE. I CAN’T LIVE WITH DIGNITY WITHOUT HAVING A FLATMATE HERE – THAT I CANNOT GET ONE IS NOT MY FAULT. Every time I put the room on trademe, or facebook or note up at supermarket I get really dangerous men and women applying which terrifies me as I really don’t want to be raped against, or terrorised and stolen from again either. I WOULD BE OK WITH A DISABLED FLATMATE, SO LONG AS I WASN’T EXPECTED TO BE THE ONE TO LOOK AFTER THEM BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT ILLEGALLY REFUSED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep asking the few people I know if they know of anybody who wants somewhere to live that is suitable, but either the people they know are too dangerous and they wouldn’t recommend them or most want housing for families and I am only allowed one other person at my rental according to the tenancy – plus this property is far too dangerous for children.
I am also desperately trying to earn some money to supplement my income, I keep making things to sell at the market, but because I am so poor, so unwell and so unsupported I can’t afford to get a $ float together in order to go to market, I can’t afford to take my car up there. Also I am so isolated and so terrified of PEOPLE because of what police, mental health, WinZ etc people are doing to me I become terrified of everybody. I have ideas for selling merchandise etc related to my art, music and poetry, but I can’t afford the money to get some T shirts made. I got a pile of NICE poetry made and printed that I could sell at shops, Wairarapa poetry people love but I can’t get the money together to market it properly and local shops are not interested in any local product if it isn’t.
My poetry would be great to be sold to tourists and I went to see Cobblestones a few weeks ago about how to do that and see what else they had for sale. Although I had a great discussion with the manager there and she wants some of my poetry BECAUSE OF MY MENTAL HEALTH I was unable to follow this up – if I had the treatment care rehab, home, Occupational Therapist and mental health worker I am entitled to under ACC then I would have the support I need to sell my work and participate in society.
I was a business women before I was hurt, I would still be one if I had received the ACC care I am entitled to.
I am always looking for a part-time job, except as you know I have phobias about going for an interview related to the not guilty verdict of my rapist and the destroying of my life.
One of the reasons I am so unwell and want to kill myself is I don’t work – everything I do with my protesting and begging for services I know I am entitled to IS BECAUSE I WANT TO WORK. If I don’t work people hate me, family hate me and ashamed of me, people in the community hate you, people who work hate you, you are subjected to continuous bigotry and even violence because you don’t work. If you don’t work people who do have money and work often take advantage of you,
Also it is extremely traumatising for me to have to go through why I need a food grant when I have bulimia and am so humiliated I don’t want to say to the person on the phone. Sometimes when I am extremely stressed (usually over police violence and persecution) I use this to cope – ACC, mental health and others have known that for years and refused to provide me any eating disorder support services EVER! People do not understand bulimia and are extremely bigoted, because they believe I HAVE CHOICES when I do this – WHICH OF COURSE I DO NOT! Or I wouldn’t do it, would I, because I barely have enough to survive now.
Please put on my file that I am bulimic so I don’t have to explain it to people who are ignorant insulting degrading bigots on the phone.
I find going to the food bank way to distressing, degrading and terrifying than asking WINZ for a food grant occasionally. but I have managed to find someone who can go for me, not that I like asking him one bit. However the food bank parcels are full of carbohydrates and food I can’t have in my house or I eat all of it at once – like packets of biscuits etc. There is no real meat or vegetables – which is food. The things are very high in fat & sugar which is really bad for me. I have to give away most of the stuff I get because I have diabetes coming on and I just can’t have nice carbohydrate food in the house. Plus I’m still living on mainly toast/bread that is enough carbs and makes be extremely fat and disgusting which all people with jobs and money hate as well. After reading a news item last week I realise it is the high carbohydrate diet I am forced to eat due to poverty that makes me fat.
I grow a few salad veges and herbs but am always wary of putting very little of my money into my garden as if the landlord wanted me to leave it would be a waste and I would be extremely distraught leaving my garden – which has happened to me in the past. I don’t have a secure tenancy & can be kicked out with six weeks notice if they want a family member to move in – which has happened to several friends of mine. Our government and housing market is now so perverted houses are being put in the hands of wealthy families, while depriving people who don’t have wealthy families and multiple rentals. I don’t have any family that can afford it or that would help me out, my wealthy family don’t want anything to do with me or any other poor person. My own brother told me if my life was so hard I should kill myself a few weeks ago.
If there is anything you can do to get me help to get someone safe as a flatmate, help me fill out forms or access disability funding for my business ideas etc please contact me urgently.