Tag Archives: disability

I’m telling you the solutions while I am going through ACC/Mental Health hell

The mental health and complaints systems for abuse victims is very cruel and unjust.   I have been advised by Health and Disability Commission advocacy organisation Nationwide that it would be dangerous and I would lose my liberty if I made a formal complaint about abuse, incompetence and criminal negligence in these organisations at the moment.

Most New Zealanders know there is something very wrong with the entire mental health system, that it drives suicide, self-harm and violence – instead of preventing it.  With having so many mentally unwell people with serious unresolved psychological issues WORKING in mental health it has created horrendous abuses of power.

I studied abuses of power after Wairarapa police started violently assaulting me for my legal non-violent protests about being deprived of ACC after winning two court cases in 2010/11.  Wellington police were never as abusive as they are in Wairarapa, they could be a bit mean and rough if they were having a bad day – but I accepted that.  What happened when I started protesting (because I was too poor to get to Wellington) in my own community exposed elitism and hatred of poor and mentally ill people I never knew existed.

Right now I know exactly what you are thinking – if I can protest I can work – this is not true, there are a lot of different aspects to being disabled by psychological abuse and prolonged poverty and neglect.  If I could work I would be because to not work is death and the most degrading poverty on earth – begging!  I hate being on invalids and disability so much it is a significant contributor to my really bad mental health.   You should see the mess I get into having to go to WINZ – which I avoid like the plague and they prefer that anyway.  Last time it was so bad I was self-harming at the table while the Masterton Manager filled out teh forms, because I can’t do them.  Banging my hand on the table until it was bruised, it was the only thing I could think of doing to stop how deeply degraded and humiliated I felt by WINZ and this hideous woman.

As a result of that day I received a two page letter from the manager saying to keep others who go to WINZ safe I was to stop my behaviour etc etc – I’ll post it one day, what that woman said was nothing less than evil.  The same manager who had punished my awesome WINZ case manager for trying to get ACC to provide me services, after she had put AWAITING HEALTH SERVICES for seven years on my disability forms.

Anyway, I won’t say much more or I know I won’t get the Good Stuff grant, for some reason as soon as you tell people how difficult your life is everybody stops helping you and runs the other way.   Please don’t do that this time, please help me to get people services they are entitled to and need so our communities can start to heal from the past 40 years of this economic experiment we have been forced to live under – that is a proven failure and still happening.

I attended a conference at Victoria University several years ago where we were told there was research evidence from the UK that proved privatisation of mental health caused serious social issues, death and violence.   The reason was contracted providers only helped the easy people who didn’t take too long – the community expected the worst people with the most need to be getting services – but the opposite was happening.  That is exactly the same reason our ‘social agency – social enterprise’ neo-liberal model is and will always be a failure with regard to mental health services.   And the complaints processes are just another layer of abuse and delay while people suffer and die.

Rehabilitation Centres Idea part of Carterton Council submission

Seems everybody is asking how to fix social problems, maybe after all these years, someone will start looking at what I am saying is wrong and how to fix it based on current health models.

It has been extremely difficult interacting with Council, they have their favourite social agencies, they don’t challenge them and they expect them to do what they say for everybody in teh community – when of course they don’t.  There has been absolutely nothing practical done to halt the suicide rate in Wairarapa, putting more money into those agencies who are failing doesn’t work.

My big ideas for the future of Carterton and New Zealand:

Jayne R

20 July 2020

 

I don’t just have one idea I have several, though they are pretty big and will take the entire community to realise in the short amount of time I envisage.  My ideas cover mental health and would be eligible for funding from new government investments in this area.  Also charity money could be applied to these ideas.

 

Recently I was on the facebook page created for this public feedback and saw a woman wanting Shop Outlet stores in Carterton.  These are almost all imported, low price items made with foreign sweatshop labour.  I find this morally and culturally offensive and want my own community to again cloth us.  With our point of difference using recycled/upcycled clothing.  Carterton could become known as the recycle/upcycle style capital of the region.   Have clothing designers teaching and working with clients to produce good quality clothing etc. (Through our Local Rehabilitation Centres described later in this submission.)

 

Shops could also sell offcuts etc from building industry, like mats from Flair Flooring.  Artists and crafters could use their skills to design useful items from the waste materials for sale to the public, both in shops and online.  With a group dedicated to creating products and selling internationally.

 

We could run eco-tours for people to plant waterways and give them certificates for their efforts.

 

Carterton could also become a place in New Zealand that built the first Local Rehabilitation Centre for work, training and rehabilitation opportunities for people with disabilities, illnesses and injuries.  Along with a Regional Mental Health Facility based on the same Occupational Therapy and Fence At The Top of The Cliff rehabilitation model I designed several years ago.  These are what I saw as the solution to my own needs for meaningful work that accommodated my talents, abilities and impairments and helped me return to a ‘normal’ life after my mental injury as a result of a crime.  A place where I felt safe and was kept safe.

 

Large warehouses big enough to build a house with associated equipment to support people with disabilities to work on them, along with support people, like physiotherapists, occupational therapists, etc.  Attached to these warehouses would be offices, classrooms and work rooms to provide a multitude of different opportunities for disabled (illness or injury) local people to work, using a part time, currently untapped workforce.

 

A workroom recycling and upcycling clothing for sale online and in local shops.  That would include selling things like buttons and zips.  Because of the rehabilitation (health/welfare) nature of the operation, the labour intensiveness of the work would not need to be incorporated into the selling price.

 

A workroom with woodwork and metalwork resources to upcycle and refurbish furniture etc.  For sale online and through local shops.  I envisage support from volunteers like those at the mens shed, however, people involved in work of all types should receive payment for their labour if they choose.  Current work opportunities for people with disabilities are demeaning and grossly unfair, voluntary work should be a choice.  That includes teaching.

 

An associated market garden to feed clients, staff and the community, especially in times of crisis.  An important meaningful work (and teaching) activity that gives practical skills and resources to a client.  Excess preserves or fresh vegetables etc could be sold in local shops.  Point of difference could be locally made and supporting the Rehabilitation Centre clients, also bringing well paid health jobs into the community.  So people don’t have to travel out of town or the Wairarapa, thereby creating pollution through vehicle use etc.  I’ve travelled to work in Lower Hutt for years, I know what a drain it is on people – they would much rather work locally, so long as they could get the same money and interesting jobs.

 

As part of the Rehabilitation Centre there would be a gym set up with equipment designed to run a dynamo and create electricity.  This would be managed by professional trainers and physiotherapists to build strength of disabled people as part of being fit to work and the rehabilitation.  This would also support the energy needs of the centre, which should be designed on sustainable models using as much recycled materials as sensible for a new construction.  I know there are huge amounts of resources at local building recycling outlets.  I envisage research and designs being patented regarding effective exercise equipment producing electricity.

 

There would be a commercial kitchen for training, rehabilitation and processing excess food from the market gardens and the community.  It is such a waste to not process food from the community as well, private fruit trees etc where owners cannot use the produce, they can give to us to use.

ACC have recently announced they will be withdrawing from investing in fossil fuels etc.  Now is the time they should invest in these rehabilitation centres throughout New Zealand.  The rehab centres dedicated to mental health should cover the serious gap in services for mentally injured sensitive claimants.

 

These centres should be for those who currently don’t have services.  People who have recovered from addiction, not people who are still recovering.

People who don’t have access to IHC services.  It would be for people with FAS  as shown on Sunday programme recently.

The Wairarapa could have as many as six of these centres, one for each town and some regional, either mental health or physical health.

These centres could also be bases for free on-the-job training for public health, and Occupational Therapy, Psychiatric Nursing (I don’t believe in Mental Health Support Workers), physiotherapy, etc.  Upskilling our community (giving Social Workers more skills, solutions and resources, a current topic of news) using local people and formal govt education resources. The government says they are putting $millions into training in this area.

 

So not only do we have a workplace that has employees earning between $80-$100,000+ annually we also have the output of the teams of disabled workers building houses and creating products for sale with clean waste materials.  Looks like a win win situation to me and possibly more wins if research and development in the area of supporting disabled people into meaningful local employment is the success I forsee.

 

There is also the potential to create one or multiple co-operatives of workers under the umbrella of these rehabilitation centres.  Along with teams of disabled people (and their disability support workers) that can be trained and sent away to help during fruit harvest times and vineyard work in different areas of New Zealand.  Perhaps taking our own accommodation if necessary.

 

As you realise a big undertaking but one I know would be worth pursuing, hopefully my application for a TSB Good Stuff grant is successful and I can take this idea about Rehab Centres further.

 

Virtual Tours

 

Another idea I had was virtual tours, while on lockdown I craved to do more professional and interactive virtual touring of art galleries, museums, towns and environment on my computer.   But the quality was poor and navigation difficult, I know there is far superior technology that would have given me the experience I was wanting.

 

We could have people hiring VR glasses at the Events Centre and going on virtual tours, of local artists, local theatre productions, history tours and history plays.

 

There would be an opportunity for merchandising with this idea and artists being paid just for viewing of their work, without having to sell it if they didn’t want to.

 

With well catered to and resourced online virtual tourism, we would have the opportunity to sell internationally.   Create a museum of cultural, historical and creative works of local people.  People would pay to see top quality 3D virtual tours, interviews with artists, interesting stories of history.

 

Work and paid performance opportunities for actors, writers and musicians, both live for people visiting Carterton and online for our national and international audiences.  People who would be available to work on movie and TV productions as well when required.

 

Because of Covid-19 and pollution tourism creates, people could be encouraged to use and pay for virtual tours to save the planet but get a genuine cultural experience of where they want to visit.

 

Another idea to give more work to artists, actors and musicians (as I am one) would be to run a different event in each Wairarapa town over the weekend.  Perhaps 3 times a day, so people can come to the Wairarapa and choose different events to attend during the day.  Perhaps there could be bus and train transport to some of the venues.  Perhaps some could happen at country halls and others making use of town halls around Wairarapa.  Use electric vehicles, make it as eco-friendly as possible.

 

If people cannot go to Disneyland but want an experience that professional, then lets see what our arts and entertainment residents can come up with.  If say tickets for the tour were $200 adults and $100 children (for those events that were suitable for children).  Offer a top class event, something people save up to participate in.  We have a city on our doorstep and within 3 hours of Palmerston North, Wanganui and Hawkes Bay.  Make sure local people have the opportunity to attend events for low cost at regular intervals.

 

There should be a wide variety of cultural events to cater to all tastes.

 

Visitors should have to pay top dollar so as many people as possible can get decently paid work from the venture.  This needs to be professional enough to sell overseas and put on our own virtual reality paid network – museum – gallery.

 

What I imagine for Carterton and New Zealand post-Covid, is a sustainable and wellbeing based new world where a peaceful society and the planet are highly valued.  The question is will we be a world leader in sustainable local development and dealing with the core of issues (ref Norman Kirk) or another follower of consumerism to the detriment of the planet and our society.

 

I have put a more detailed outline of the Rehabilitation Centres on my website, along with other information and scientific/legal support for this idea.   www.jrmurphypoet.com

 

Council Focus

I would like to see council focus on these things above by pressuring and lobbying central government, ‘with support from ratepayers’ to have general taxation cover the costs of the wellbeing and work opportunities we want in our community, like those suggested above.  Along with facilitating charity avenues to support such ventures.

 

I would like to see council focus on educating citizens about politics and democracy and how it affects all our lives and how we can use it for the benefit of all people.  How citizens can have a say in national politics by more than just voting every 3 years.  I would like to see events teaching this to Carterton visitors and schools, community groups etc.  There could be displays of constitutional documents on the walls of the Events Centre Library and with the council information available to read – also online.  Teach people the most basic premise of a civilised and peaceful society as to why we have governments and laws.  Why local council’s exist, some information about our political history would be valuable.

 

Explain how different governments give council’s the responsibility for wellbeing etc but no resources/money to achieve it.  While others take responsibility away from government and disempower local council’s who are at the cliff face of social problems caused by economic theories they apply to our society.  From my observations capitalism isn’t working for more and more people.  This idea that less government is good for society also needs to be addressed.  I know some people may not agree with or understand my position, however I am informed by some very astute global academics in the area of economics, human rights, law and exciting possibilities for the future if we get it right, etc.  One of the advantages of social media.  (Please refer Noam Chomsky, Chris Hedges, Mark Blyth, Richard Wolff, Yanis Varoufakis, David Harvey, Jimmy Dore, Lee Camp and many more.)

 

I have just been watching an excellent documentary on youtube of Norman Kirk, what a man, what a leader.  The core of the matter according to his years of study is every person young or old, family or not needs four things.  To have a home to live in, food to eat, clothing to wear and hope for the future.  With my Local Rehabilitation Centre idea all of these basic human needs can be addressed.  We will be building homes, growing food, recycling/upcycling clothing and giving people we employ hope for the future.  We will be helping the planet and leading the way in sustainable methods while proving practical solutions to the issue of wellbeing of all members of society.

 

That is the future I would like for Carterton, not ignoring the most serious issues, addressing them and offering practical solutions – my kind post-Covid world.

 

Kia kaha to us all.

Welcome to my website, check out my solutions

Look through the information on this page, see what I have learnt over the years I have been studying, educating people and lobbying to get the services and facilities I am wanting to realise through this $30,000 Good Stuff grant.

It just so happens my field of expertise is stress disorders, psychology, poverty, politics, occupational therapy, law, sociology, suicide, I have been involved for almost 2 decades.  I also have lived experience of being a terrorised vulnerable disabled women in our society interacting with ‘services’.   I know where the problems are and how to solve 80% of them.

There is nobody as passionate as me about getting real effective support/services/resources to those who need it, most appreciate it and whose lives would be most positively impacted by it.

My ideas are based on professional health and rehabilitation models, along with disability and other constitutional laws in New Zealand and internationally.

Give me a chance, give this a chance, the extent of my knowledge and experience should be harnessed and used to bring change to the mental health sector – change years of governments and inquiries says need to happen but up until now there was no co-ordinated plan about how this was going to be achieved.  What I am proposing is that plan.

It is important to recognise these facilities are a workplace, health care and training environment all rolled into one, with the support of volunteers – like people from the Mens Shed.  They are not a drop in centre, everybody must have a professional rehabilitation plan and pathway to employment.  This would not be appropriate for people with intellectual disabilities (or others who currently have services).  ACC would be a significant funder of services, especially in the area of mental injury, through the regional mental health facilities (a glaring gap in services will be closed).  ACC have recently announced they intend to drop investing in fossil fuels, so now would be the time for them to invest in housing and service infrastructure for their mentally and physically injured claimants.

I can picture what they would look like, how they would operate, I can see it in my minds eye in operation, functioning really well.  I can imagine myself walking through the large building, with two houses in varying states of completion being worked on by a large team of people , clients and their support people.

Producing a house every fortnight, as teams of people from our working population also pitch in to get these facilities up and running to address the suicide and social issues that plague our society in 2020.

To imagine this throughout New Zealand, changing lives and statistics, taking Wairarapa and West Coast to the regions with the least amount of suicides, rather than the most.  To New Zealand leading the world in this field, creating a more inclusive, equal and peaceful society.

I am so excited and so scared at the same time, after all these years to see something tangible and medically/occupational therapy based would be…………………………  AMAZING.

These facilities would be set up for mental health clients (Regional Mental Health Facilities) and a separate one for people with other disabilities/injuries/illnesses (Local Rehabilitation Centres).

Attached to the house building operation, which would be high tech and even ai support for people with disabilities to build the homes.  I envisage new equipment being designed in this area.

Houses would be designed with people with disabilities in mind and those chosen to receive the homes would get input into their design, as any new homeowner would.  People would do rent to own arrangements with the government for the homes and perhaps when that person has finished with it, it is offered back to the government for another person with a disability.

There would be a large area for a gymnasium with instructors and physios who understood disability.  All equipment would be hooked up to dynamo’s to contribute to the energy needs of the facilities.

There would be offices and meeting rooms for clients and health providers.  Rooms for teaching.  These facilities would also be for teaching, for Occupational Therapists, physiotherapists, Psychiatric Nurses (I don’t agree with position of Mental Health Support Worker), and skills as required for building, upcycling and food production,  It was bought to my attention recently that older, more experienced people cannot afford to get formal training and remain as Mental Health Support Workers, while younger people get superiority over them – and they cannot handle it and often abuse it (I have experienced this).  We used to train people on the job in mental health and that needs to happen again.  These rehabilitation centres offer that opportunity.

Recently I sat on the main road through my small town and say how many cars travelled the hour or more drive to Wellington to work.  All that fuel, all that pollution, all that waste of time.  My idea also provides opportunities to work for people who want to get into health provision.  As well as the output from clients building infrastructure (housing) and recycling/upcycling refuse from industry.  People with stress disorders are often very creative, this needs to be harnessed and innovative useful ways of processing those raw materials we have to work with.  We could produce items for export.

Perhaps a co-operative could be set up outside the framework of the provision of rehabilitation services, so the people participating in the centre would rightly profit from their labour and endeavours.  With the support they needed and were entitled to.

There would be a large area for upcycling and recycling clothing, along with a woodwork/metal work room for repair and upcycling of furniture and industrial waste we can find uses for (eg from the building industry, carpet offcuts etc).

There would be a commercial kitchen to process our over-supply of foods, preserves, drying operation, etc.  Also for rehabilitation and teaching.

There would be a large market garden attached to each facility to provide rehabilitation, education and food, etc for clients, staff and the community.

It is important meaningful work addresses those most basic drives in all of us to contribute and be part of a community.

Private contractors would be bought in to work with clients, health providers would use the facilities free of charge.

This would be an amazing resources for so many communities across Aotearoa New Zealand.  Something the community can be proud of in the future, when the Covid response money has been spent.

 

Terrifying Police ‘welfare’ visit instigated by corrupt cruel bigot at NZ Parliamentary Service

Here is the email I wrote to constable (who seemed really nice and genuine when talking to me at home, through my locked door.  He told me he would call me and I could email him, but when I tried to contact him was told by his boss he was busy and he wouldn’t be contacting me and was extremely reluctant to give me his email.    Why say you are going to call and then have no intention of doing it – that is what I am subjected to all the time, its a form of psychological torture cruel corrupt police use with 100,000s NZers.    Actually I don’t know this was the constable I spoke to, or Rutherford was the person with him saying nothing???  I have seen both Andrew Rutherford and Sgt Wakefield names in statements in the police evidence trashing me for my legal protests about abusive mental health services, ACC, government corruption etc.

I always freeze with any knock at the door, then I go to see who it might be, I have smokey glass in my door.  Saw it was probably a policeman and asked who it was, which he confirmed he was from Carterton police, welfare visit bullshit.  I went up and locked the door, talked to him through it, refused to open it.  Told him about the abuse on facebook and we agreed he was going to phone me back and get the screenshots I had.  When they left I was frozen for at least 10 mins, shaking and hyperventilating – hadn’t expected them and so scared of them now.

Police are told not to reveal the person who contact them about any ‘welfare’ ‘suicide’ issues – wonder why that is you think????  Legally they not allowed to name the person but are allowed to name who they work for because I won a court case years ago that clarified the situation.  Would it be because police are being used to oppress and intimidate people they are purposely driving to suicide and crime because of the inhuman/illegal living situations poorest people now in????  Hell yeah!

Below is the email I sent (which I have also sent to others in justice, human rights etc)  and below that are some of the things the person from Parliamentary Services? said under the fake account.  I have screen shots but can’t put them on here not enough memory on my free wordpress site.


From: Jayne R
Sent: Wednesday, 8 January 2020 5:46 AM
To: Andrew Rutherford > Michael Wakefield
Subject: Are you going to act on my complaint or not? If you don’t respond by end of today I will assume that is NO!


From: Jayne R
Sent: Tuesday, 7 January 2020 2:04 PM
To: Andrew Rutherford > Michael Wakefield
Subject: Screen shots of the facebook abuse I was subjected to

Are you the officer I spoke to through the door and my house??  Because this email is for that man.
I have talked to Sgt Wakefield – who I do not trust and he eventually gave me this email.  He told me someone from Parliamentary Services contacted the police that resulted in your ‘welfare’ visit.  I have been advised police follow my social media to make sure I don’t violate my bail conditions by mentioning certain very powerful people I upset, people I refer to now as Voldamort.  Perhaps it isn’t police, perhaps it is people more closely associated with the ruling political parties/government then contacting police to terrorise me?  Perhaps it is bad people within government agencies who are corrupt and nothing to do with a political party.
After being subjected to some revolting bigotry, discrimination, threats and abuse on facebook yesterday – so bad I took screen shots of it – I believe the person behind this facebook page was the person who contacted police.  This person could be someone from Parliamentary Services.  I have blocked them.  It is quite difficult to follow the conversations because there were two threads going, the last screen shot implies they are going to contact police (for me that is a threat).   The person called themselves Joaquin Guzman on facebook – which I googled and is actually the real name of the Sth American crime boss El Chapo, so the name is definitely fake.
If this is the case, which you need to investigate, there are serious repercussions for the public servant who said those things to me, which were extremely derogatory, insulting, degrading, abusive and blatant bigotry.
Parliamentary Services are instrumental in discrediting me and have some team they set up that targets activists like me.  I have a psychiatric report by Justin Barry-Walsh that outlines this group and what they do.  You should be able to access it via my current case because it was the first psych report that labelled me insane for what I rightly do.  If someone from that office has set up a fake account and knows they are ‘fishing for an adverse reaction’ for pleasure, that has criminal ramifications.  I made a formal complaint about this assessment to the medical council because it violates their rules around lack of bias when doing Independent 3rd party psychiatric reports.
You will have to ignore my derogatory comments assuming it is someone within the police who was doing it – I have every reason to be suspicious of motives of some senior police.
I have had an extremely difficult and traumatic Xmas and New Year, of course I feel bad when I am terrified of what police are going to do to me end of January.  Have me forcibly locked up or drugged up!!!!  Because ACC are still refusing to reinstate my IA of over $10,000 they are withholding or any services I am entitled to after winning 2 ACC reviews in 2010/11.  I am terrified I have no lawyer, knowing Michael Bott was a candidate in the 2011 general election for Labour, so obviously bias.
Also there is a possibility this person is being manipulated or instructed by a politician or person from a political party who doesn’t like my social media criticism of our current government and Prime Minister, because Parliamentary Services are located at Parliament Buildings.  If that is the case that would be a crime and gross violation of separation of powers.
Sgt Wakefield got annoyed with me   He didn’t like what I was saying and that scares me, because he will stop you looking into this further, please investigate this, please protect me from very powerful people in our government.  Police are there to uphold the law and act justly, no matter who the complainant or perpetrator is, rich or poor, powerful or powerless.
I made a comment on my vlog yesterday about the person abusing me because of the youtube video, you obviously have seen the video, have you read the comments below?  Have you read my comment below?
Police have been coming to my house for years for ‘welfare’ visits knowing I can’t get services I am entitled to.  Senior police refuse to listen to my complaints of crimes by those causing me harm by depriving me of ACC, health, welfare and justice entitlements.  I know its not usually the officers who come to my door but my brain is terrified of all of you now after the really bad things some police have done and never held to account for them.  I will have nightmares because of the visit today, it now triggers me because of all the unresolved ‘stuff’ I have to deal with.
I am instigating other legal challenges through the courts at the moment, one of them involves Parliamentary Services, perhaps they know and are motivated to hurt me because of this as well?
Why would Parliamentary Services be following my youtube channel in the first place?
Sincerely
Jayne R
Civil Society Activist
HUMAN SEWAGE
——————————————————————————————————————————-
The comment I made on my facebook page was:   Police know reporting me to fb makes me want to top myself! That why they do it! All 4 Depression Line staff English immigrants.
I wrote it after having someone making several complaints to facebook over the past few months and me getting kicked off for a month for talking about suicide, government corruption etc.  Telling people the current system was abusive and targeted some people for persecution, depriving them of all health care and justice in the process.
I am not allowed to phone govt Depression line and yet facebook repeatedly gave me information TO HELP ME – NOT – that said I could call this number and would get all the help I needed.  The complete and utter bullshit facebook is sending to people who are suffering and want to die because they don’t have health care or necessities of life are insulting, perverted, elitist hatred and bigotry.

Here are some of the things Joaquin Guzman (ie evil neo-liberal terrorist murderer at Parliamentary Services New Zealand) said on facebook before carrying out his threats to make sure I got services whether I liked them or not.

POLICE KNOW REPORTING ME TO FB MAKES ME WANT TO TOP MYSELF! THAT WHY THEY DO IT! ALL 4 DEPRESSION LINE STAFF ENGLISH IMMIGRANTS – newly arrived with accents.

Firstly my friend Lyn posted – Your voice is important to me.  Police need to back off and allow you the same rights as everyone else… The right to participate in the conversation.  You are constantly persecuted for telling your truth.  Its disgusting that cops play this game.
JOAQUIN GUZMAN  reporting you to Facebook makes you want to top yourself, what the hell lady, get over it.
LYN –  what a stupid insensitive comment
JOAQUIN –  Have you watched the videos, she got a few screws loose, no wonder police don’t take her seriously, they prob thing whats this crazy bat on?  lol
LYN – so why comment?  If you think she is crazy then why pick on her?  Is your self esteem so low that you feel better by bullying someone you think is vulnerable?  That’s very sad and you need to get some help.
JOAQUIN she needs the help not me, shes overthinking the situation and causing herself stress, just pointing out the facts.  There are plenty of ways to get assistance with mental health issues, its not hard, but when people are on here talking shit do they expect everybody to encourage that behaviour and feel sorry for them?
LYN you know nothing about mental health.  Help is almost inaccessible and you’re just making excuses for your bad behaviour
JOAQUIN – you can’t tell me what I know or not lol.  I know a lot more than you obviously. I have had anxiety and depression and other issues in my time, I got help with medication, counselling and psychological services, life coaching, cognitive behaviour therapy, all for free so can’t say that is accessible.  People need the hard work, not allowing that behaviour, str8 tell them your losing the plot cut that shit out, can make them realise they just acting like a fool, attention seeking and making drama from nothing like your mate JR Murphy does
JOAQUIN isn’t acceptable, bad behaviour as your say, yeah I’ve got an attitude, but I know what I want to say and I say it, not a softy like everybody seems to be these days
JR MURPHY/me to JOAQUIN GUZMAN – WTF – I want your phone number you ignorant pig who got all the services THAT I AM ILLEGALLY DEPRIVED OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks for the bigotry and hatred though, got screen shots you sick perverted, brainwashed fk of a MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
You obviously looked at my most recent videos after years of being treated like human garbage AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO ME OVER THE YEARS FOR ASKING FOR ALL THOSE THINGS YOU GOT YOU FKN CNT OF A MAN!
Telling me I’m making drama out of nothing and ‘attention seeking’ gee you’re the great psychologist and learnt heaps from all the brainwashing shit that HELPED YOU!!!!! Did you read my website www.jrmurphypoet . com
How would a sick ignorant fk like you get all those services for free?????? Over a long period of time mmmmm Sex or violent offender I bet.  Or issue ridden child abuse victim – that never got over it just turned into a hater of all abused who don’t.  And why don’t some people GET OVER IT YOU SICK FK!
Did you have children to support while you were getting over it – as a single parent??? Did they try and take your kids for asking for services you describe above you sick fk?  Your rich parnets backing you up perhaps, you have a job and a house???? You’re a man WTF would you know about how women function or their responsibilities in the world you sick fk!!!!!!!!!!
Acting like a fool????  That would be difficult when I have psych reports saying I am intelligent, don’t have a personality disorder and am not delusional.  Show me the psych reports that say it about you and I might consider the hatred ignorance and bigotry you just vomited all over me.  Although you have triggered me really badly cause insults like yours are what I get from all mental health services and police and social agencies etc etc etc.  And of course make me highly suicidal – which sick fks like you and your police mates LOVE SOOOOO MUCH.
Wait – bet you’re an addict – they love drunks, junkies and gamblers in MH services.  While they hate people who self-harm, have eating disorders, ticks and phobias as a result of overwhelming trauma nd criminal neglect!!!!!
MMaybe that’s the problem you sick insulting fk of a MAN – you’re low IQ and stupid, that’s why these things work for you!!!!!
How do you get ‘life coaching’ for free?  LOL you are that pathetic you need a ‘life coach’.  I’m 55 you sinsulting elitist pig I know how to live and did well at it until I was 37!!!!!!!  How many times you been beaten up by the police you stupid pathetic ahole????
JOAQUIN and now you accuse me of that type of stuff, showing your madness now, I’m no pervert lol, illegally deprived, they probably hear your ranting and don’t want to hear the shit coming from your mouth, I’m not ignorant, I know of the things you don’t, all it takes is asking for referral from the doctor for an assessment about whatever it is you need, same for physical or mental issues

JR MURPHY Except I’m not allowed to see a doctor!!!!!!!!!! – Why insult me before you tell me the services you get – why do it???   Havn’t been allowed to see a doctor for over three years!!!!! But because you are and do, that means same must be happening for me.  You just don’t realise there are people like me in this country deprived of services because of their public protests!!!!

I had the assesments you fwit – when decent psychiatrist Dr Alan Doris was doing them (over 5 yrs ago now), he was recommending inpatient care I was so unwell, ACC refused to listen to him, now years later I get assessments that say I don’t want services!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I’m being assessed because I was told by some fkn wnkr in the DIRECTOR OF MENTAL HEALTH’S OFFICE – that if I did get another assessment I WOULD DEFINITELY GET FKN SERVICES – BUT I DIDN’T.

JR MURPHY to Joaquin Guzman – hey Lyn just looked up this ahole and I reakon its a cop – Joaquin Guzman is the real name of El Chapo – that criminal murderer piece of shit Mexican drug lord, international criminal.  He thinks himself THE MAN – delusions of grandure and of course an evil sick fk – which obviously from his comments he is!!!!!  Can’t even call himself by his real name on facebook – I call myself JR Murphy because of my art and music but don’t hide my real name
JOAQUIN  Anybody can see a doctor…… this is what I”m meaning by your just nuts ranting on about shit, if I’m doing what the police and MH services say to you too, don’t you think its you with the issues?  If you went to them talking shit like you do here do you wonder why they react that way, if a cop tells you to be quiet and you don’t obey, yes they will physically assault you and arrest you if they feel the need, you don’t know what life coaching involves, it helps you deal with lifes issues you seem to struggle with so bad lol
NOTE:  I have never ever resisted arrest and when am told I am under arrest comply with everything police say – police who know me in Wellington don’t even use handcuffs.  Police in Wairarapa use them to assault me.  I do say no to police when protesting because I know my rights around it, where and what I am allowed to do.  Also police don’t ‘arrest you’ they detain you under Mental Health Act if it is to do with being suicidal/unwell and they are not allowed to physically assault you, no matter who you are or what you have done – especially a disabled mentally injured unwell abuse victim – but also a mass murderer (so long as they are not resisting arrest or in the throws of harming others).
JOAQUIN then posts two screen shots of his phone and website posts from here entitled GOTTA BE A P FREAK TO GET SERVICES IN NEW ZEALAND AND NZ GOVT & MEDIA NOWBLATANT AT INCITING RISE OF EXTREMIST GROUPS.  Also note the spelling of your instead of you’re, the appalling grammar lack of full stops etc – obviously an uneducated or young person who works for Parliamentary Services (probably a politician then).
JR MURPHY Again you insult me you ahole because I can’t see a doctor and you can – the police know I can’t see a doctor, so do WINZ, Mental Health, DHB, the doctor, etc etc.  Yes I have issues, I’m being deprived of services you sick fk!  They know all this stuff, I been dealing with police since ACC illegally dumped me from their services in 2009, sick months into a 2 1/2 year rehab plan THAT I WON TWO REVIEWS TO HAVE REINSTATED AND THEY STILL REFUSE I know what life coaching involves – I told you I’m not fkn stupid – but obviously you are.
YYou don’t know ANYTHING about neo-liberalism or politics do you!!!!!  Go onto my youtube channel and watch some of the videos I do from international experts on the breakdown of society, this is happening in New Zealand.  Unless of course you can explain why NZ has highest rates of child suicide, self-harm, domestic/flatmate violence and homelessness in OECD.  Thanks so much for all the bigotry and hatred I’m getting screen shots of it all, proves my case perfectly.
If you’re not a pervert, never raped or sexually and physically abused a woman or child then why are you so unwell and need all those services??? Were you just born a pathetic whimp who didn’t know how to live in the world????
JOAQUIN look at yourself, crazy bat, no wonder they don’t want anything to do with you
JR MURPHY If you’ve had mental health issues, then why do you keep insulting me by calling me crazy bat etc????   And now the laughing emoji – fk you’re predictable, if nothing else!!!!  You havn’t answered my questions about why you needed all those services????? Were you a pathetic anxious whimp of a man from the beginning???
JOAQUIN pathetic anxious whimp, that’s you lol, face the facts, your clinically insane and escaped the mental hospital ay lol
JR MURPHY Please tell me why you needed all those services – there must have been a reason?  I’m being genuine I want to know?
JOAQUIN see ya later weirdo, youv got big issues I watched your video to start and that was proof enough your fucked in the head, can’t go to the doctor because they will lock you up again
JR MURPHY What’s your real name so I can go to the people who helped you.  I’ve never been ‘locked up’ never been in a mental health unit – HAVE YOU????
JOAQUIN –  for the 3rd time, anxiety, depression and ADHD, not schizophrenia and bipolar like you seem to be
JR MURPHY –  Which video proves I’m fucked in the head???
JOAQUIN  all of them
JR MURPHY  So you hate women crying and distressed, or you have some other psychopathic thing to do with vulnerable people?  Give you have some sort of abusive power issues?
JR MURPHY  why did you want to kill yourself- depression is can’t get out of bed, have no hope for the future and want to kill yourself.  Why were you like that?  And what do you do for a job now?  Are you working?
JOAQUIN  depression isn’t just wanting to kill yourself hahaha your thick as fuck
JR MURPHY  have you ever been raped? Every been violently assaulted by police multiple times?  Ever been declined services? Ever had anything bad happen at all?
JOAQUIN yeah I’m a psychologist
JR MURPHY  So why were you depressed?  YOu can be anybody on facebook can’t you.  I’m guessing you not working, which is why you on here abusing me.   I know depression isn’t just being suicidal but they usually don’t do anything for you unless you are suicidal.
JOAQUIN everyone gets depression at one time or another, you are depressed obviously
JR MURPY  no they don’t and no I’m not but I do know people who are
JOAQUIN go get a life, stop focusing on negative shit, get over that shit, can’t change the past, only person that can make changes in your life is yourself, Nobody elses fault
JR MURPHY Did your life coach tell you that?  Are you working, do you have somewhere safe stable to live?  are you poor?
JOQUIN go for another assessment, be honest this time, you are in denial and blame everyone but yourself, goodbye nutcase, wish you a happy life in future and get those issues dealt with, I highly recommend cbt
JR MURPHY what negative shit, I’m just telling people what is happening now, I know I can’t change the past.  How can I change having nowhere safe stable or affordable to live?  How can I change police terrorising me for asking for health care I am entitled to???
JOAQUIN because you approach them acting crazy and they call the police to keep themselves safe because your mad lol.  your the negative shit
JR MURPHY I am honest, I don’t know any other way of being, I’m not a deceitful person, ask my friends.  I’m in denial of what?  You call me a nutcase then tell me to have a happy life.  Then you recommend CBT?  Like I said before, why insult me then offer me solutions that worked for you – probably because you are in a safe environment to do them?
JOAQUIN I’ll go show my thousands of followers on Instagram your madness, how many friends you got?  What you say doesn’t affect me, but my words sure hit the spot right lol
JR MURPHY Who do I approach?  I’m on Instagram are you under the same name?  You count Instagram followers as your friends??????  And you’re gloating you are hurting me with these comments???  Now I’ve worked out you’re mentally disturbed of course they don’t.  I’m getting screen shots of all this, for the research and activism I do as a disabled Civil Society Advocate.  Getting the underlying hatred those who have trained you out in the open is more proof of how destructive these methodologies are.
JR MURPHY this has been an excellent conversation – thank you – you helped me understand something – a piece of the puzzle of hatred against vulnerable abuse victims that had stumped me.  How old are you?
JOAQUIN the police abused you, go have a cry lol
JOAQUIN  hahahaha another good day out fishing here, very entertaining (happy face & fish emojis)
JR MURPHY –  So you are a sociopath – I guessed as much, you did all this to hurt me on purpose, just like EL CHAPO – do you think you are him???  
JJOAQUIN  go take your pills now, think you stopped taking them ay, keep typing I’ll be back to read them and show my workmates haha
JR MURPHY  Where do you work?
JOAQUIN  CATT Team  (which is name for emergency mental health teams)
Jr MURPHY  I have all I need, thanks for that, I do really appreciate your comments, its essential to understand the hatred society has created towards people with mental health issues as a result of trauma and poverty
JOAQUIN I’ll be making a recommendation and passing on your videos and comments, you can’t get help so I’ll do it for you k
JJOAQUIN then goes over to other facebook posts, one of my youtube video entitled Happy New Year Jacinda Ardern, God please stop them hurting me.
JOAQUIN  Crazy lady here, you need some assistance from mental health alrite, your torturing yourself with those thoughts, let it go from your mind and focus on something else.
As you will see I”m badly triggered and angry to start with, until I realise what this disturbed abusive sociopath is doing.  Notice how the abuse and comments get worse and more threatening, the more genuine and calm I appear.   I was testing this person out to see what his reaction would be whatever my approach, angry or calm and it validated other evidence I have seen of people being distressed and abused for it even more (like what security guard at court did when I became extremely distressed.
From what I can tell this person is young because they don’t spell correctly or use correct punctuation and grammar.  Or could be a Labour party member/supporter with a low IQ and poor education who has phoned the Labour party and made a complaint, who passed it on to Parliamentary Services?  Won’t know unless police do the investigation I have asked them to do.

Graeme Tulloch of international company (major importer of farm machinery that puts 10,000s farm workers out of work and indebts farmers) Tulloch machinery told me once every country/culture’s workers have a certain trait they are known for.  New Zealanders are now for covering up when they make mistakes.

NZ also has the highest rate of bowel cancer in the world, which I think psychologically relates to most people NOT DEALING WITH THEIR SHIT.   It is deeply ingrained in our culture because we are a country of people running away from their problems.  Then we were looked after really well by our government for a few decades, then neo-liberal global elites took over and now we’re being completely fkd by them!

This is the reason majority of people just cannot deal with what I tell them.  Especially if they are doing well, or they are in positions of power over us peasants.

New Poem – TAKE HEART

Take down those crusty paintings
Refined heART upon the wall
Take down those crusty paintings
In office, house and hall

Take stock of our priorities
Remember why we live
Take stock of our priorities
And what we have to give

Take heART the world is waking up
Peace and justice will soon reign
Take heART the world is waking up
To the class war game

Take over our courts and parliaments
Put new heART upon the walls
Take over our courts and parliaments
Until this Oligarchy falls

enD

 

Amazing Idea about Lotto funding regional rehab & mental health facilities

Been having a really hard time of it, Monday morning was horrific as you will see from my YouTube channel and what I was chalking on the street.  When I go through these severe traumas (suicidal episodes alone because I am refused entitlements under law), which are as significant as your best friend trying to kill you, I often become highly creative.  That is one of the only advantages of my CPTSD, this creativity not only inspires my poetry and art it inspires me to find viable solutions to the situations those in power say they want to repair in our dysfunctional society.

Anyway, I make phone calls, that’s my thing, police must hate me cause I sure they get a few calls when I lose it at people who become insulting and patronising – note I do not threaten harm I just become insulting and swearing, ie I go tourettes (it is a recognised aspect of my disability now – it distresses and harms me too).  Anyway I phoned Lotto about their current advertising campaign about everybody caring for each other and pointed out this was not true in the darklands I live rotting on welfare thanks to ACC etc.  I became distraught, it didn’t go well, but the girl said someone would phone me back.

I got a lovely phone call from a young woman and they going to look at the advertising, considering the state of housing, violence, crime and suicide at the moment, based on my comments.  I also asked her how I could have a voice and tell her my ideas about refocusing charity on to people in need.  Look up ANY DICTIONARY – MINE IS THE OXFORD I GOT WHILE STUDYING LAW AT VICTORIA IN 2001.  Providing for people in need was the dictionary definition until our Orwellian government changed the law to change the meaning.  Which included extravagant sports, arts and business promotion projects.  All for the middle class and rich, while people in real need of the necessities of life, like safety, a safe stable affordable home, a dignified life, valuable jobs, food (without begging for it) became more and more persecuted and impoverished.

This is what fuels our violence, self-harm, addiction and suicide statistics and I challenge anybody to a debate on that topic.  This is what makes wealthy immigrants able to buy land in New Zealand while those PURPOSELY IMPOVERISHED locals cannot.  This is what creates homelessness, domestic violence and trauma in the local population.  There are very bad people involved in our government that do this purposely because of their extremist neo-liberal beliefs.

Since I spoke to her the ideas have been rushing through my head as to how it would all work.  Being built over a short time by each community, using resources diverted from commercial business and local businesses and volunteers that just want to help.  With Lotto leading the way it could be co-ordinated I know it could.  Once people got the concept.

Am referring everybody to my solutions page, please share with everybody you know.  Print out my information and take it to your local MP.  Send it to the Minister, send it to the Lotteries Grants Board and say you support my ideas.

I envisage the money from Lotto might only  need to be diverted for a limited period of time (the America’s Cup team might have to forego their millions in charity money for a while).  This would be something you could really call HOPE for 100,000s disabled and poor New Zealand victims of crime.  Homes created for these people, which is required under law, will mean other houses are left vacant for working families AND THE COSTS OF RENT WILL COME DOWN.  The I Am Hope campaign is nothing more than an insult to those who have been purposely disenfranchised and persecuted by neo-liberal extremism.  Please educate yourself about neo-liberalism, Chris Hedges and Prof David Harvey a good place to start.

The more I think about it the more excited I get, how could anybody argue with my reasoning and the benefits to our communities in so many ways.  Do we continue to lead the world in domestic/flatmate violence, youth suicide, self-harm and homelessness or do we actually show what it means to be a New Zealander, a Pakeha and Maori.  More than that to be a citizen of this planet and adhere to constitutional laws and United Nations treaties/contracts we have signed, to reject neo-liberalism as a failed economic and social experiment.

I can picture it all coming together in my head, I’ve always been very good at seeing the big picture and as I have far more of the picture as to where the problems are with THE MARKET,   charity, the law, mental health, health and government this makes me very valuable.  I reakon we could lead the world in rehabilitation of victims of crime, teach other countries what to do, including extricating themselves from the grips of cruel immoral elitist neo-liberalism.  IT IS NOT OUR CULTURE AND I WILL NEVER ACCEPT IT EVER.

If I can pull this off and convince Lotteries Grants Board, woah the positive impacts are going to be massive.  It would help those perverting the charity system at the moment, like Trust House, to save face a little, if they turned their attention to my ideas and housing – not buying more pubs.  It would stop the plethora of really really bad, offensive, unprofessional, inappropriate MAN UP – stopping (creating) violence businesses – groan.

I can picture big warehouse type facilities where houses are being built by teams of people with all types of disabilities.   Surrounded by cranes and hoists, teams of people being supervised by professionals and volunteers (like at the mens sheds). Houses would be for people with all types of economic social and cultural NEEDS and disabilities.  Must be sustainably made.  This is after the banks (giving free loans for business who participate) and private companies muck in and help build the facilities I envisage.  Once these places were set up I know we could pump out 100,000s of houses in a matter of months if the entire country got involved.  Including university students.  Got to use the fit and healthy too.  Not so much big equipment, wouldn’t be safe with so many people on site.  (Have you ever seen Mormons put up one of their churches over a few days, its cool to watch.)  An initial national combined effort, that would create the resources and infrastructure to be sustainable – COMPLETELY WITHIN THE BUDGETS and resources we currently have available.

It is imperative however we ensure (as required by international and NZ law) the cultural rights of Pakeha and Maori who want to own sufficient land to support themselves in times of hardship.  I am a firm believer in the quarter acre section for those who have been bought up in those environments.  If we grew our own vegetables and shared them, we could send more overseas.  At the moment our foreign trade in food (eg dairy, kai moana and meat) is happening at the expense of the poorest in our society, THIS MUST NOT HAPPEN, for scientific reasons.  Te Tangata Te Tangata Te Tangata – It is triggering those affected most basic instincts of survival of the fittest and tribalism – it is uncivilised and our laws were designed to stop that.

Under Libertarian beliefs they supposed to be using charity to support people in need, how did that get perverted into supporting sports, arts and business projects, cycle trails for tourists, etc.  It was the Charities Act  http://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/2005/0039/latest/DLM344368.html  (Note: arts for people who suffer trauma is a recognised medical therapy, extravagant arts projects like the giant screw installed across from Trust House at the roundabout in Masterton, is an insulting offensive $350,000 abomination.)

Surprise surprise, those in power went mad and started using charity to advance the rich and persecute then exploit us peasants.  Like that hasn’t happened many of times since the beginning of recorded history.  The most disturbing part now is HOW HAVE INTELLECTUALS AND JUSTICE SYSTEM LET IT GET THIS BAD, it is beyond me how an intelligent society with laws and universities who do record history let this happen.  It is terrifying to me, that someone as insignificant, powerless and disabled as me is the one saying WOAH this isn’t right and this has to stop.

Lets hope my 17 years of dogged determination, research and knowledge pays off.  Knowledge is power they reakon.  And what does not destroy you makes you stronger.  Two sayings I have on my wall.   The years of knowledge I now have and the times I have almost been destroyed by criminal neglect/negligence inciting suicide – I must be the most powerful person on the planet.

I want those who being hurt like I do and feel like I do to remember NON-VIOLENCE is the only way to defeat those in power who incite this HATE.  To all those who don’t understand what incites violence, suicide and crime I AM SURE you will understand what I am suggesting is definitely going to provide HOPE – real HOPE – real SUPPORT – real PEACE in our society.  Not just talking and marketing that changes nothing, as we have seen for the past 30 years, groan.

Kia kaha and aroha to us all – Pakeha and Maori – lets make this work – lets show the world it can work.  Capitalism and Democracy I mean, not the opposite of that, neo-liberalism – definitely not neo-liberalism – definitely definitely not.

Medical Council complaint, proof of New Zealand government corruption & cruelty

3 May 2019

 

Medical Council of NZ

PO Box 10509

The Terrace

WELLINGTON

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

This letter is to form part of my complaint about Justin Barry-Walsh and others using psychological abuse/torture in an attempt to drive me to suicide.

 

I am not sure how to talk about the background to this as it is very traumatising for me, I have communication impairments and need someone to insure I relate all the relevant information needed for the Medical Council to make a decision. Can you please help me work out how to do this, I am not sure myself, whether phone or face to face. I have no support to do this from anybody else.

 

This is in regard to being in court for my legal and valid protests about police violence, being illegally denied health care, punitive use of the justice system, government corruption, gross injustices in mental health and housing sector, etc. Legal Aid refused me legal aid, even when the judge said they were required to provide it so I had a lawyer.

 

On 1 May I heard from Nelda Day court officer that the second psych assessment would be 24 May, THE DAY AFTER I was due in court. The date of 23 May was made four weeks ago, the Forensic Service was required to provide a suitably qualified culturally appropriate ‘impartial’ psych assessment as requested by Judge Morris before the next court date – not the day after. The 23rd was chosen because I have a long term relationship of sorts with Judge Morris and she is determined to do whatever she can to get me the health care and justice I am entitled to under law – so I don’t end up in court repeatedly for my ongoing protests. She was going to be there on 23 May, she may not be there 10 days later.

 

I was advised the assessor was going to be Dr David Chaplow, ex Director of mental health and one of the people I have spent the past 17 yrs complaining/protesting about.   The first assessor was not who the court staff were told it would be, it was a very gay sounding man called Peter who only 18 months before wrote a report saying I didn’t want services – which was a horrendous lie.   Then I got Dr Barry-Walsh who I thought to be trustworthy, but obviously wasn’t from his report. Now they want Dr Chaplow, when I had requested Mason Drury or ANYBODY he recommended who knew Whare Tapa Wha and assessed on a culturally appropriate basis, ie as a Pakeha New Zealander. The judge supported this in her formal request to Forensic Services, it was ignored.

 

Finding out the court had organised the psych assessment for the day after I was due in court made me very angry and I challenged court staff about this.   I was told to contact Forensic Services as they were the ones who organised it, there was nothing they could do. Giving consideration to my extremely poor mental health what they were doing was psychological torture, vindictive, punitive use of the justice system and criminal under Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act. It is also a perversion of justice which is a crime and subject to 7 years jail if convicted and of course many other human rights and disability rights laws.  I looked on the website and tried to phone head of Forensic Services Dr Emery-Palmer http://www.mhaids.health.nz/about-us/directors-of-area-mental-health-services/ given the seriousness of what was happening.

 

I went through to a call centre, the person asked me who I was because psychiatrists did not talk with patients who phoned, I told her I was not a patient. She phoned through to Dr Emery-Palmer and returned to me saying the doctor had said I was a patient and not to put me through. I reiterated I was not a patient and tried to explain the situation, the woman hung up on me.

 

As a writer I have a pretty good grasp of the English language and just to make sure looked up the word patient.   I am definitely not a patient by definition of the word, I am not registered with any health provider (am not allowed to register, the waiting list is 600 people long – mostly wealthy immigrants), I have not received any services from mental health for many years – no matter how many times I begged for professional health care I was entitled to. I have not received anything from public mental health services, except some counselling 25 years ago and the odd bit of social work (which is not health care). I did have some interaction with an Occupational Therapist in 2009 but when ACC illegally withdrew my actual professional rehabilitation the OT couldn’t cope and rejected me also. I had been working with a very professional and amazing OT Glenda vandervenLong at the time who was funded by ACC. The interaction with Hugh Gaywood-Eyre OT was more a therapeutic interaction, there was no ‘health care’ involved.

 

The last interaction I had with Hugh was at Masterton police station, I was on the floor with my arms around the ankles of the social worker sitting beside him begging for health care. Hugh told me to get up and stop embarrassing myself, that I knew as well as him there were no longer services in mental health. He left the service not long after that, I knew him through a club I belonged to for a while, we have discussed what happened, he left MH services as he couldn’t cope with how badly they treated people.

 

Being a patient would require some sort of regular interaction with the same person, I can’t recall that happening for a very long time. It distresses me greatly that other people appear to get professional health care and I do not. I have never understood why and people treat me like I’m a liar and delusional when I tell them what is happening to me, because it doesn’t happen to them. Hopefully the Medical Council and police can work out what has been happening to me. The only possible reason I can think of is my public protests and formal complaints, it is illegal to harm or disadvantage someone who makes a complaint.

 

With everything the media and government say about mental health services and the horrendous ‘suicide promotion’ propaganda we are all subjected to day after day, my mental health is denigrated even further by my experience of EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE to what is expected.

 

It appears to me Dr Emery-Palmer may be part of this appalling abusive behaviour by Forensic Services, I truly believe only a police investigation would be able to explain what is happening and how many it is happening to. I know from the laws I read it is not allowed to happen to me or anybody else.

 

Mental health services have more power over people and the opportunity for more abuses of power than police. What is happening to me might explain New Zealand’s world leading suicide, self-harm, domestic violence and eating disorder rates. Perhaps I am part of a targeted group of disabled people who are prevented from accessing professional health care, using professional health and rehabilitation models and whose valid complaints are illegally rejected.

 

Please make this stop, please, I have never hurt anybody, I barely drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t steal, I don’t rip people off, I don’t bludge off people, I don’t gossip, I don’t gamble, I am not a sexual deviant or pervert of any sort. I am an honest good person just wanting health care I need and am entitled to so I can return to work for wages, so I can live with dignity and in safety without having to beg for food. My house is tidy and clean, my gardens are done, I share jars of jam & pickle I make with others, most of it goes to waste (when I get given fruit or produce people don’t want). I don’t want to live like this as an outcast of society, I am intelligent, I have reports that say it, I have a report from Justin Barry-Walsh 6 years ago that said I was intelligent, didn’t have a personality disorder and am not delusional. That is still true, unfortunately I don’t know if Justin is as sound minded.

 

I am 54 years old, why are they doing this to me, I am going to be destitute the rest of my life if they don’t help me, there is no point in living if this is what my life is going to be like.   Please I want to meet my grandchildren, please I don’t want to be despised by my family and the community, please I havn’t done anything wrong and I don’t understand why this is happening to me when every law and report I read says exactly the opposite should be happening. Please if I don’t work I know I will be raped, harmed and exploited again, please help me, this is what is happening in the ‘darklands’ where I live every day. Its very hard to avoid junkies and being told repeatedly to interact with very self-righteous wealthy Christians is extremely offensive. The times I have gone to churches for support I have ended up being the one supporting them, working for them for nothing, often doing things for people who were getting health services and had safe stable homes to live in.

 

Did I tell you about them cancelling an x-ray the doctor at A & E said I needed, so I went there and was told there was no appointment?   Did I tell you about mental health staff gossiping to people in the community about what a bad person I was (who then came and told me). If I was a patient of mental health services then I would be able to make formal complaints about this gossip and the horrendous violations of my most basic rights, I am not so I can’t.   How can somebody be a PATIENT of a health system that completely rejects them?   They treat sex offenders and abusive thieving junkies better than they treat their victims, I know that for sure.

 

What is happening to me is a criminal act and a deliberate perversion of justice

 

 

Yours sincerely

 

 

JR

HUMAN SEWAGE

 

Complaint about Masterton Hospital’s abusive health processes A & E

This is a complaint about services at Masterton Hospital A & E, I am writing them on my blog and sending the link and a copy to the PATIENT EXPERIENCE (laugh out loud) person at the Wairarapa DHB, who always refuses to address any complaints,  This is not about the A & E doctor and nurses I dealt with on Monday 1 April when I presented with my badly grazed hand full of footpath grit I couldn’t get out myself, they were kind and professional.

This is about what happened on Wednesday 3 April when I went back to have the x-rays the doctor at A & E ordered only to discover the request had been removed and I was severely traumatised by the series of events that followed.  What should have taken 20mins to get an x-ray took 2 hours due to the negligence and unprofessional behaviour of unknown medical staff who cancelled the X-ray.

As part of the impairments I must deal with regarding my Complex PTSD, when stressed my flight and freeze response is set to extreme, so it is very difficult when that feeling you don’t want to be somewhere comes on, because your homing beacon goes off and the feeling to run away is overwhelming.  I missed out fight response because I can usually deal with that now, but I do believe it makes the other two much worse.

On Monday I fell over, I hurt my hand, I tried to get the stones under my skin out, but they were lodged and the pain was excruciating, I had no Panadol or alcohol to dull it.  The only way to get them out was the hospital A & E, I currently do not have a doctor and the Carterton Medical Centre is extremely hostile towards me, also I am not registered I would have to pay $75 to see a nurse – maybe more.  I don’t have $75, I live terrorised and poor on invalids benefit in a rental I can’t afford.

It was a huge decision for me because the last few times I have been at A & E were extremely traumatising.  There is a TV screen at A & E that constantly says not to go there if you can go to your GP, which makes me feel really really bad.  It says other things that are very upsetting about suicide and violence, about how there is support when I know what they offer is worse than no support at all.

The last time I was there for myself was when the police violently assaulted me with handcuffs and caused permanent damage to my right wrist.  I can’t talk any more about that as it is triggering me again.  Because my injury was again my right wrist I became triggered by continuous flashbacks to my hospital visit after the last two acts of unwarranted criminal violence towards me.  Both I made complaints about, both ignored, two officers even lied in court about what happened.  And my visits to A & E were both traumatic because SOME staff were unprofessional, did not know how to accommodate impairments related to my disability and made the experience worse.

Even now I am starting to became distressed about what happened and I really don’t want to write this because I HATE BEING UPSET AND CRYING, but I know I have to and I know I am not going to have to write it again.

I had to wait less than an hour, the receptionist didn’t like it but allowed me to stay to have the wound on my palm dealt with.  I was doing all I could to not be triggered by the flashbacks I started to have and being surrounded with government propaganda of police and threats to be removed if you become abusive.  As I now have a tourettes type response with triggered it is very distressing that might happen and staff wouldn’t understand and have me removed or police called – I am terrified of most police.

I managed to not cry and not tick for most of the time I was waiting, thank God.  Where once I could have easily dealt with such an event, with my disability I am unable to cope (without the health care ACC were supposed to reinstate in 2010, or the services mental health say they provide but just not to me).  I was seen by Dr Smith, I had to wait 45 mins for a numbing cream to work before he started to remove the skin and grit, I was also given gas.  I asked him if there was a hospital volunteer or someone who could sit with me while I waited alone in the cubicle as I was trying not to freak out and resist the urge to run away (leave the hospital), cry, rock and curl up in a ball in the corner of the room (which had happened after the first police assault and threats of worse violence when I was left alone for a long time by health staff).

They couldn’t get anybody like that so the nurse sat with me and talked for as long as she was able.  I was very grateful they had listened to my request, this is what I do to manage impairments related to my disability so I am not further traumatised/harmed (my disorder is compounding) and my life extremely stressful anyway.  When Dr Smith finished dressing the severe grazes he felt around my wrist and I winced when he touched the inside of my wrist.  This was very painful, but had remained sore to touch since the police assaulted me in August? 2018.  He suggested I have an x-ray, I told him I had one last year when I hurt it and there was nothing, he wanted me to have another anyway.  I told him I had not been able to have any follow up after the wrist injuries last year because of my stress disorder and not being able to stay in A & E, as well as having no doctor, or being able to go to a doctor.

I started to cry as I wanted to have the x-ray but I had been fighting myself for the entire time I was there so I didn’t run away, now he added on some more time my psych just couldn’t cope.  Dr Smith understood why I couldn’t stay, he understood I wanted the x-ray but had reached my coping limit, he suggested I come back for the x-ray when I was feeling better.   I cried again because he understood and offered me an option that accommodated my impairments and would allow me to get the health services I needed.  So few hospital and health staff ever do this, or even know they should.   The continuous propaganda about EVERYBODY HAS CHOICES seems to make most people callous and cruel towards people who can’t do things out of extreme fear (based on past experiences), and of course serious mental health & psychosocial issues.

Dr Smith was so nice, he did a great job, hurt me as little as he could, though it did hurt.  He reassured me several times that he would leave the x-ray request at the x-ray department and all I would need to do was come back to there, without having to go through A & E (which traumatises and triggers me).   Can someone please make sure Dr Smith sees the x-rays as I think they gave me some other person to view them and I don’t know if that person is trustworthy.

My discharge summary says under Advice to Patient.

Jayne we have cleaned and dressed the abrasions – all the sand has been washed out.
Keep the dressing on for 5-7 days – replace as needed
You can get it wet – just dry it gently.

Your urine tested positive for infection – herewith the script

You are still tender in the wrist – I have put in for an xray – attend when suits if you don’t want to today.

Come back any concerns

I had been trying to make myself go to A & E for months about my ongoing bladder/kidney infections as I havn’t seen a doctor for years due to my disability and appalling unprofessional behaviour by Carterton Medical Centre and others.  I now also can’t afford to see one as it will cost me $75 from my invalids benefit.  I have had these infections getting worse for years, corresponding with my period on a monthly basis.  I have to wear a pad every day and have humiliating experiences with wetting myself, especially when my bladder is infected.  About five years ago, while living in Wainuiomata I tried to have the worsening incontinence addressed and was supposed to go for ‘invasive’ tests.  My mental health was very bad over there due to my dangerous living situation at the time and ACC continuing to reinstate my care from 2009.  The nurse I was working with organised for the tests but when I said I needed my mental health care reinstated so I had psychosocial support to attend she was very callous and cruel.  She said if I didn’t want to go that was my choice, also there was nothing she could do about getting me the ACC or mental health care I was asking for, no  matter how many tribunal hearings I had won (I had won two).

This current infection has lasted more than three weeks so far and I manage it with parsley tea a few times a day, I can’t drink coffee or even a small amount of alcohol or it sets it off.  I had to go to the toilet to pee twice while waiting at A & E.  I desperately need to see a doctor, mental health know this, the Minister of Health and several MPs know this, Kieran McAnulty knows this, Stephen Enright at Director of mental health’s office knows this, DHB mental health services know this, Carterton Medical Centre know this, police know this, court staff know this, Simon Watt from Compass Health/Bell Gully knows this, so do Masterton Medical and Whaiora (who both said they weren’t taking more clients, which I don’t believe is true, when at MMC with my sick friend recently I watched a young man come in and sign up on the spot, he wasn’t told they weren’t taking patients – which is what emails from MMC told me).  I have made previous complaints to the DHB about not being able to access health care and being discriminated against, all are ignored.

I told the nurse about the infection and she did a urine test to confirm, Dr Smith gave me some antibiotics but I didn’t really want them because I knew this was an issue that required surgery, not continuous antibiotics.  My bladder doesn’t empty properly due to a kink in my urethra (this is an hereditary condition), I already have a pelvic sling, put in 17 years ago.  Bacteria builds up and causes infections, which move up into my right kidney and cause me pain.  My right kidney doesn’t work properly from being sick when a baby, my left kidney is 1.5 times normal size to compensate – according to ultrasound tests done before my pelvic sling operation.  I tried to have this health issue addressed years ago but failed due to ignorant cruel negligent health staff.

I went to have the xray on Wednesday, I don’t like going to the hospital because of what the DHB have done to me in the past (ie they had me arrested and dragged through court for wilful trespass for doing a legal protest about abusive negligent mental health staff) and because of my flashbacks to police violence I have had to go there to get treatment.  I had prepared myself, I was relatively calm (although a good friend of mine is very sick at the moment and I have been having to support her, spent hours with her at A & E the Monday before my accident and every day since – she refused to stay in hospital like they wanted – she also has a stress disorder).  I have also become very isolated and terrified of being around people as I am subjected to a lot of discrimination and have little money to go out due to the grinding stressful terrifying poverty I am being subjected to.  I never drink much alcohol, I go out to socialise with people, I can sing and used to go to karaoke every week but I don’t do that any more after several horrible bigotry events at the venue.

I got to the x-ray department, I said Dr Smith has left an x-ray request for me.  I had to get money out of my very small savings account ($55) to pay for the petrol to get there.   I am too terrified and unwell to catch public transport in Wairarapa, most people in this region are horrible to people like myself, it is very sad and completely ignored by our community leaders.  The woman at the desk said there wasn’t a request and I became very upset, being told there is health care and being refused it at the cliff face is the story of my life since I was hurt in a crime in 2002.

She was very nice and said she would sort it out when I told her what Dr Smith had said.  The sorting out was horrendous for me, I was forced to go back into the A & E department and wait to be seen again, which took a long time, I was very unwell and traumatised, rocking, ticking, crying, almost curled up in a ball at times.  The posters and TV screen were subjecting me to constant flashbacks and it was all I could do not to run out of the building.  Then one of the advertisements on the DHB controlled TV THAT CANNOT BE SWITCHED OFF BY STAFF came up as Speak out about violence towards women.  The same words on the banner in the Masterton police station I threw red washable poster paint on in January 2018 in response to police lying and getting away with violently assaulting me and threatening me with ‘as bad as police could be’ – eg Louise Nicholas I assumed.  The same banner I am currently in court for, that I still can’t get a lawyer for and have strangely and illegally been denied legal aid.

I became distraught when I saw that on the screen, I asked the receptionist to turn it off, begged her to turn it off.  She came and turned off TV that was on some TV show off, I told her it was the other one that was triggering me, she said she couldn’t turn that one off.  That screen was also showing advertisements for how great mental health services were and to go to your doctor, all things I know are not true.  Anybody who has read George Orwell’s book 1984 would be horrified – I was horrified, they were even advertising the private hospital as better than public hospital waiting times – ie driving privatisation by illegally causing unnecessary suffering and death.

Under the Official Information Act can I please have a copy of all the advertisements that were playing in the morning on Wednesday 3 April in the A & E department at Masterton Hospital.

Several nurses came to see me, through my distress I told them Dr Smith had requested the x-rays.  Nobody would tell me why they had been cancelled, nobody would tell me who cancelled them, because I know Dr Smith wouldn’t have, he was quite adamant I was to have the xray and I would be seen at the department when I could make myself go there.

I want to know who cancelled the xray and why they would do that knowing I was going to come in, they had verified all my contact details with all their forms on the Monday, they could have phoned or text me to say not to come.  They also would have had to give me an explanation why  Dr Smith had changed his mind, which I bet they didn’t have.  The person who cancelled the xray was a cruel ignorant spiteful person who violated my rights as a disabled person by refusing to accommodate impairments related to my disability.  Impairments Dr Smith had recognised and dealt with so professionally and SOMEONE had removed which will make it even more difficult to go to A & E or the hospital.  My Complex PTSD is compounding, so trauma on trauma just makes me more unwell and being denied mental health, ACC and other necessaries of life by our cruel corrupted neo-liberal controlled health system is killing me.

Note I have not taken the antibiotics and Dr Smith said I should keep the script if my bladder infection gets so bad I can’t stand it and parsley tea doesn’t work.  I havn’t picked up the script for paracetamol either and don’t have any in the house, because it would be $5 through the chemist.  I don’t have spare money for things like that, plus I self-harm and going through pain unnecessarily is part of my disorder.  Its to do with being suicidal, knowing there is absolutely no hope for my future and wanting to die – you don’t want to care for yourself if there is no reason to live.

I would also like to note from being with my friend at A & E the Monday before and my visit, that the time until we are seen by a nurse is different to that put on the Discharge Summary.  Also both of us said we were smokers and it says we don’t smoke, what’s that about?  Funding perhaps?  I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I do hardly anything I used to before I was hurt and my life is extremely stressful so sometimes I smoke.  I wish I didn’t but self-harming to cope is really really horrible & smoking is less and of course social.  The friends I have now have disabilities, can seldom get work and all smoke, dying slowly at least will end our lives early.  Living poor in New Zealand is a living nightmare after 30 years of illegal austerity, advancing of rich and persecuting of poor to profit rich.  I’m sure DHB Chair Paul Collins knows exactly what I am talking about, he has been instrumental in driving Wairarapa to No 1 in NZ for suicide, No 1 for compulsory treatment orders and psychotropic drug prescriptions, No 1 in NZ and the world for self-harm and youth suicide, etc etc.

 

 

The Amazing & Kind Jacinda Ardern is a marketing phony

Was so disappointed with the budget- even worse than I thought it would be, wish I had money to get to Wellington I would be chalking every day! Grrrrrr  Singing, reciting poetry and protesting.  these filthy neo-liberal Labour scum – I knew they were bad but this is worse than I even imagined????  Where the fuck did the 1800 police come from???? I never heard that mentioned once coming up to the elections, I heard lots of promises about mental health services that they desperate not to provide.

What planet are these people on, they are continuing to grossly violate international treaties on the way you treat disabled and poor people.  They are allowing a grossly unjust and abusive economic system replace constitutional law.  The people who believe in it are radicalised extremists – they infect our media, our political institutions, our business world, our banking sector.  They leech off us peasants and then blame us when they screw up.

No reprieve from punitive welfare requirements, no reprieve from housing crisis.  It just gets worse and those in power continue to trivialise it and perpetrate it.  Karma coming, end of days I reakon from where I’m sitting, not long now before armageddon? or whatever it is going to be.  They promise all those greedy scum will be gone, so hopefully.

This can only be a good thing as people will realise this government weren’t going to save them and they have to get out on the streets and start fighting for their rights!

2nd night in Wellington police cells in New Zealand

Been avoiding writing this, don’t want to recall what happened it hurts too much, but I know I have to, then I won’t have to look at it again if I don’t want to – better out than in.

My arrest and night in Wellington police cells was going fine until the last three hours, then it all turned to shit because I was transported in a very cold NEW van into cold court cell, further delays and an arsehole guard looking after me.  People with stress disorders (in stressful situations) must be treated the same as people in shock, first thing you do is keep them warm, being cold adds to trauma/stress.  That is what should be on my court transfer papers not that I make vague threats of self-harm – WTF.  The design of that NEW transport staff were gloating about is absolute crap and harmful to those inside the boxes.

Start from the beginning

As I didn’t turn up for court on Monday, as I had been turned down by the OT for health services and still didn’t have a lawyer I knew there would be a warrant out for my arrest.  Chickened out doing a protest in Masterton so I would get arrested, too scared of police here.  Went over to Wellington chalking and then started on my mission.

Headed for Supreme Court to do some chalking about justice and how I completely blamed the judiciary for discrimination against mentally ill people and allowing government to criminalise and persecute them, deny them professional health care.  Then headed up to Treasury building and left a message for Treasury wankers – photos on my facebook page.  Held them to account for the appalling mental health stats as well – did a few swastikas and called them murderers as well – I know they hate it.  Then headed for Human Rights Commission, from which I am trespassed.

Nutted off at this old guy in reception and a group of people having a meeting about some bullshit.  I was in total fire breathing dragon mode, told them exactly what I thought of them and their responsibility for mental health crisis, suicide, NZ being No 1 for child suicide, self-harm in women and family violence.  Left before police arrived heading for my next target – didn’t make it 🙂

Have photos on my facebook page /jrmurphypoetmusician did a couple of videos of the chalking a few photos at the Human Rights Commission.  Its like lala land up there, those people are completely out of touch with reality and refusing to accept the seriousness of what has gone on in mental health due to an economic theory taking over from constitutional, health and justice rights.

Was arrested on Lambton Quay with my large naked torso painting a couple of cardboard signs and my big over shoulder satchel with chalk pens paper etc in it.  Was funny knowing they were coming, saw them to my left, I was heading towards Willis Street across from Midland Park.  They put on their lights, quickly did a u turn and jumped out of their car to aprehend me lol.  Told them to calm down I knew I was going to be arrested, that’s why I had come to Wellington – strange to them of course.  I was picked up on warrant for breach of bail for not attending court.  Not for nutting off at the dick head at the HRC and breaching a trespass order.  WAs prepared for it to happen though.

Tried to talk them out of handcuffs but couldn’t, managed to get them put on in front of me which is so much less oppressive/scary/vulnerable than behind your back.  She also did it really loosely on my right wrist cause told her I get arthritis in it.

Male officer told me handcuffs were for theirs and my safety – lol – brainwashed.  Not in my situation they’re not – its one thing I hope the UN can look at having a restriction on police using handcuffs, particularly in a public place.  They were OK, just following the book and treating me like any criminal who had a warrant out for their arrest.

Got back to the station and got processed, almost everybody was nice, were surprised to see me back.  The woman I had a run in with last time came and talked to me a few times, said she was pretty stressed with work etc last time I was there and sort of apologised, we made peace – that’s the main thing.

Didn’t sleep all night but was able to read a book, which I couldn’t last time because my stress levels were too high.  I can’t hold the story in my head when very stressed, even this time there were a few times I had to re-read paragraphs because I hadn’t absorbed what I just read.  Its a horrible part of Complex PTSD and a lot of people don’t understand it, can make you feel really stupid and like you going mad.  I worked out over years, it comes and goes depending on my stress levels.

I was OK with going through the police process I had gone over it in my head many times.  Had all the same guards as last time just in a different order, they were really cheerful and nice.  Told them I was in a much better state than last time and just wanted to get through the process and get things sorted out.  Last time I was self-harming and really distressed, this time I was really chilled out.

Had a guy come into the cells about 6pm who banged and yelled most of the night, then started up again in the morning – when I get stressed too, cause you don’t know what time is and all the guards disappear to organise transfers etc.  Handover is at around 7am.  So in the morning he sets off sprinkler in his cell and flooded something else by the sounds of it, lol, all the male prisoners were put in the female section – was weird seeing the guys – cause you never do.  They have it set up so people can’t see each other – I’m all good with that, few of them looked dodgy as.  They handcuffed him and put him in the Female Day cell that I can see from my special window/mental health cell.  Gave him the thumbs up for what he’d done, I was bored too.

As 11pm shift came on I asked if I could go in the bigger cell to prepare myself for going in the van in the morning, like I had spoken to Stuart about – when I made a comment about my first visit and how they could improve it.  He was a pommy guy with a bald head, manipulative power tripper.  So a group of them are outside my cell and he makes a comment about me being a Human Rights activist in a mocking tone then tells me he will think about the change of cell and tell me in the morning – he didn’t.  I worried about it all night, because had a bad feeling I would have a meltdown in the morning – which I did and are really horrible.  He purposely denied my request and kept me guessing to exert his authority and disempower me – and it would have had even more impact if I didn’t understand psychology of abusive power relationships.  so I’ll be making a complaint to police about it.  That is the sort of person who SHOULD NEVER BE in a position of power over others.

Got to have a shower at around 4.30am and had an early breakfast, 3 weetbix milk sugar & a milo.  Should have asked for something to take with me, didn’t realise how long it would be until I had food again – and I have diabetes issues if I don’t eat reguarly – especially having been up all night, when your body needs extra food.  I learnt that years ago, if you want to stay up all night at a party you have to keep eating throughout the night, its your body running out of fuel that makes you tired.

Reluctant to get in the van in the morning, they just turn up to take you, it freaks you out, I need to know what is going to happen to mentally prepare – fuck them!!!!

Van to Lower Hutt was really cold, 2 metal boxes in back of a van, 4 men sitting close together in one side and 2 women in the other.  First time I’ve had someone to talk to during transport, she was a regular visitor, knew the system well, but we avoided why we there.

We change to the NEW truck for trip over Rimutakas, it has about 10 metal boxes with individual windows – the staff were gloating that it belonged to Wairarapa and Hutt were jealous they didn’t have anything that flash.  Obviously they  have never spent any time in the back – I have got to get something done about the design or they going to have lots more people flipping out like me.

I refused to get in this van, he had to take my arm, but I did’nt resist past that, these metal boxes are only as big as your body and solid except for small windows.  Killer on your back, when you get jolted over bumps, there no padding its just a stainless steel bench about 1m square – FREEZING COLD AGAIN.  Not only cold thick metal there was a blast of cool air blowing down from directly above that you couldn’t get away from, it either went on top of your head or if you sat hard up against back it went onto your body and legs, which felt even colder.

Someone yelled out to guards to turn the fans off at about Upper Hutt, guards told him they were for ventilation, I chimed in that I wanted them off too, I was fkn freezing.

I got colder and colder – sooooo bad for my stress disorder – people under extreme stress are supposed to be kept warm.  Got angrier and angrier too.  When I got to Masterton refused to move – couldn’t move – I don’t know, but didn’t get out of van for about 5mins – they didn’t know what to do.  When I finally did because I thought they were going to get more physical two women were standing at end of truck.  I angrily asked WHAT ARE YOU – they were detectives, one of them said how she had heard about me in a nice enough voice –  I have got lots of supporters in the police – my response as I went past was a vicious GET FUCKED.  Was angry at the police for putting me through this shit, through all of this shit letting ACC manipulate them and refusing to investigate my complaints about them.

Was put in women’s holding cell at Masterton Court – it was fkn freezing as well, blasting cool air and a vent that went directly outside I could see through.  We had arrived about 10.30am from what I can gather, I wasn’t feeling very well coming over but was so fkn angry ignored it.  Got there was so cold put x2 on my ReFuSe tag I left two weeks ago.  They wouldn’t give me my shoes, eventually they gave me a museli bar at around 12pm – I had breakfast at 5am – they were told I had diabetes issues, it should be on my transfer notes I have to be offered food at regular intervals, they know the time I don’t – WTF.  Grrrr  That’s what those notes are fucking for – not a pile of disgusting offensive bigotry.

I sang Why Am I Arrested, Human Sewage and I wish I was dead with all loud drumming required on the walls – which went through the whole building I now know tehehehehe.  Some young people in other cells made comment about me ‘that protester’, also came to look at me through the window when one of them was wandering around.  Said something about me being Crazy – not me the crazy one dumarse – sometimes young people grrrrrrrr.

After singing revolting old white guy guard came to tell me I was embarrassing myself – trying to degrade me – oppressive and wanting to make me feel even more marginalised.  Again, lucky I know these sorts of tactics and can shake off most of their shit – but always a bit that sticks and makes you feel like shit.  Those are the comments that go on a loop in your head when you sink down into the well/darkness and consider all the good reasons you should kill youself.  I’m sure I’ll have to deal with that in the next few weeks – I’m sure there will be fallout from Thursday’s meltdown.

Then the arsehole said I was up next, ie first after lunch,  They called out 4 names before I STARTED LOOPING OUT – I was so distressed and so cold started losing it, started ticking by banging my whole body back against the door making a really loud noise, felt sooo good, calms me, its like a heartbeat and because its so violent on your whole body you can’t think of the anything else and it calms down the ‘panic attack’ you about to have – that happened later when outside.  Telling someone something is going to happen and then it not happening is another psychological torture method and what the guard in Wellington did.  An abuse and perversion of power – it is very common but should not be tolerated in people working in police etc. (Have found out since guards were pissed off with delays too, it was court staff who delayed my appearance – same court staff I gave shit to recently for not providing CCTV footage.)

Guard came along trying to get me to stop, turned the fan on full blast so I was even colder, turned the light on and off several times.  I was freaking out because of what had been happening and him lying to me, then he didn’t know what to do when I started freaking out more than he expected and the judge knows about it, cause the whole building can hear me.  If I’m causing that much fuss, then he has failed his job and EVERYBODY knows it.

I knew bus back to Carterton was at 1pm and it was 12, I got out at 1pm, with no time to walk to the bus stop 10 mins away.

My old public defence lawyer Susie turned up, which was a welcome sight as I was in full freak out mode pacing around the cell.  She spoke to the judge when i was up, told judge not-guilty and case now set down for 25 June.  They kept saying the police don’t oppose bail – because this is the third time I havn’t turned up for court and violated my bail conditions.  Of course police don’t oppose bail – that might be a bit much considering they put me here – they wouldn’t want to be reminded of what they have done grrrrrrr.  Police prosecutor in court looked ashamed, wouldn’t look at me.

After Susie spoke I made sure I had my say, without following any rules – except trying not to swear, it was pretty obvious I was really pissed off and really freaked out.  Not many people get to address the judge like I do but there was NO WAY I was leaving that courtroom without her knowing about Geneva Healthcare refusing me OT services and still not having a lawyer – which Susie told her anyway.  It was Judge Morris, I Know her and she knows my situation quite well, was still all I could do not to swear at her for allowing this to go on for years.  Like I said, I have never hurt anyone, they hurt me.

I reakon they left me until last so there weren’t many people in the gallery, they don’t like the public seeing me go through the system because I have no respect for the judge or the process and give them shit – using their own laws.  Quoted Magna Carta several times and reminded her I said two weeks ago when I saw here I wasn’t voluntarily participating in teh justice process until I had health care I need and lawyer I need.

They know at court making me wait stresses me out – they’ve accommodated this aspect of my disability before – why not now, when I’m in an even more stressful situation do they now ignore it?  They could have changed the order, they knew I was going to arrive the night before. grrrr, will be bringing this all up in my complaints to police AGAIN – that they will never listen to but I have to do because nobody else does grrrrrrrrr.

Told court staff to go get my painting and bag etc because I would not be going to the police station to pick them up like last time – I don’t want to see those motherfuckers at the moment – especially that dark headed bitch on reception.

Waited in the bail room, at least slightly warmer, but I was chilled to the bone.  NEK MINIT started crying uncontrollably, that heartbroken cry where you can’t even close your mouth and you dribble onto the ground in front of you as you sit there rocking, wailing, in such emotional pain.  Your heart smashed to pieces by what you are being put through for asking for health care and justice you entitled to, for throwing paint on a white ribbon banner after being assaulted and threatened by police  – plus knowing just how cruel and corrupt your government and so many others are.

Was let out, almost ran out of the court, got outside took two steps, stood there shaking, thinking – I had missed the bus, I was now extremely upset and would have to go to the park, find something sharp and spend the next few hours self-harming until next bus to Carterton.  Didn’t have anyone I could call to pick me up.

I became completely overwhelmed, my arms gave way & I dropped my paintings signs & bag just as my legs gave way from under me and I ended up on the footpath curled up in a ball on my side.  I managed to sit up and started rocking and wailing/crying loudly – in a way that would make my broken heart feel some sort of relief from what had just happened to me.  I wasn’t there long and a woman came along and one of the guards from court came out.  They were both very nice, the woman was from Te Hauora, I been screwed over by them several times, so I was scared of her, but when she offered me a ride home I had to ignore that and say yes – I had to get home – my homing beacon was on full strength and causes me huge stress if I don’t listen to it.  I wanted to be where nobody could see me melting down, it is so humiliating when it happens – it has only been this bad four other times in 15 years.

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut with the woman, I tried, I didn’t want to tell her anything, but all my biggest fears and worries were just tumbling out of my mouth, just like the anger does when I go ‘tourettes’.  I kept saying sorry, it was OK, it didn’t matter, I just wanted to go home etc.  She asked all the usual questions about a doctor etc, told her I don’t have a doctor and why – that I havnt’ seen one for over 2 years (1 for WINZ form last year doesn’t count).  Think she was pretty horrified at how unwell and unsupported I was, told her a little about not trusting Te Hauora.  I didn’t’ have any bread or milk at home, was crying about how poor I was and how tired I was of being poor and there of course was not point in living in this shit hole country. etc etc.  She gave me $20 I refused – I HATE CHARITY – she demanded I take it, I HATE PEOPLE WHO DEMAND I TAKE CHARITY, and from an organisation that has ensured I was taken advantage of and traumatised by a flatmate under their care, denied me care themselves and let me down when I was really unwell.  A friend in the community who worked for Te Hauora for a short time told me what they thought of me, that lots of people had tried to help me, I just didn’t want help.  FUCKING SCUMBAG FUCKING LYING PIECES OF FUCKING GARBAGE.  Same people I have made complaints about that were covered up and not dealt with you mean.  They a big part of the bigoted rumour mill round here.

I’m sure the only reason I had that horrendous meltdown is the cold, it was like being tortured.  It has left me feeling tearful and very very fragile, I don’t want to go out anywhere –  I can’t anyway I”m so broke.  I’m hoping I don’t get a backlash in a few days, sometimes that can happen and I get highly suicidal and all the oppressive degrading things staff did/said will come back to haunt me.

At least Susie and even Judge Morris acknowleged that I had been punished and suffered in custody – which is why of course I wasn’t prosecuted for breaching bail ($2,000 fine & 1 yr in prison is what they threaten on bail form for violations).  Given I had sent them an email Thursday last week saying I was both mentally incapable due to my disorder and refused to attend, asking them not to make me into a criminal – they did anyway.

One thing pissed me off about Te Hauora lady, she spent at least 5mins telling me to take medication for my anxiety – WTF.  Terrorised women are being put on medications to deal with teh inhuman and unsafe living situations they are being forced to endure by the government.  Its sick, deeply deeply disturbing, immoral, unethical, unprofessional and ILLEGAL.  I also explained I was a rescuer and helped lost souls pass over to the light, I was told by spirit not to take medication or it would affect my ability to protect myself spiritually.  She didn’t say anything after that – Maori understand spirituality a lot better than Pakeha thank God.  They have a lot more respect for spiritual people as well – most Pakeha ridicule us – sad considering our entire legal system is based on christian principles of fairness justice and us being all the same before God irrelevant of our wealth and status on earth.

I’m having a chill out day today, my daughter is taking me out for brunch for mother’s day which will be nice.  Will try and stay in the present and not feel bad about the fact I can’t afford to take myself out for brunch or anybody else.  I will barely be able to afford to buy my daughter a present, its her birthday soon – my life would have been so different if I had health care and help I needed to return to work after I was raped.  Fkn scumbag government, fkn terrorist murderers 🙁

My back is hurting, so trying to not do anything more to strain that after the trip over Rimutakas in truck, feels like a lower disc wants to move and I know what that means – not being able to sit down at all, only being able to walk around slowly or lay down and in agony for days.  Its happened before.  Obviously justice transport not designed for older people with aches pains & injuries.

People ask me why do I do this to myself, I can assure you it is actually helping me, it is very hard being really unwell at home on my own, its far more stressful than protesting and getting arrested.  I get food I don’t have to pay for, hot drinks, to talk to interesting different people who understand more about failings of mental health system than anybody else – police.

Some police are OK & actually respect what I am trying to do with my mental health advocacy work –  trying to get a better journey through teh system for people who have traumatic stress disorders.  I can assure everybody I DO NOT TRUST THE POLICE and nobody reading this should either – their are some real nasty pieces of work amongst them & most/all of the others will cover it up.  As nice as some are there are others who are fkn aresholes and they all sit back and allow shit to happen. Wouldn’t even be surprised if the cold transport was for my benefit – I would assume the new truck would have had heating.  Police trying all those psychological torture tactics perhaps – when constable French said you’ll see how bad police can be, is this what he meant?