Tag Archives: police

Labour party called police to come terrorise me – a sexual abuse victim begging for her ACC care?

Just had the police call me for a WELFARE VISIT – wtf – apparently someone called them concerned for my welfare – WTF.  That I was going to self-harm, well of course I self-harm, that’s what people do WHO CAN’T GET SERVICES and living in the darklands – its part of my disorder everybody knows that and thinks its a great joke.

Am terrified, after reading those deceitful/offensive psych reports and how I’m labelled as insane for knowing what is happening to me and why it is NOT MY FAULT.   This is terrifying, I was right about Labour – because me being who I am phoned them and left a polite message on their answerphone asking why they were prosecuting me for wilful trespass FOR A PIECE OF ART on their Masterton office.   I got the call from police only 15 mins later – OMG – I can’t stop crying (I have got to stop crying, they do this to me on purpose to terrorise me I have to remember that.)

The cop was ——— (polite, young, confused and brainwashed to the hilt), telling me I didn’t want their help.   I just started crying and got really upset.   Asked him to stop police continually prosecuting me for my art and legal protests.  Asked him why police weren’t investigating and prosecuting ACC and mental health under Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act for them refusing me care I was entitled to after winning two court cases nine years ago and everything they said was available over and over again for years.  Asked him who phoned – he refused to say – asked him who they worked for, which I know by law I am allowed to know, he refused to say.   Lots more I can’t say because I’m so upset.  Check out my youtube channel for more.

This is because I am upset with Jacinda ARderns lies about the arts in New Zealand and the sexual abuse saga at the moment.

Can’t talk more too angry and have to leave the house in case police turn up.  Told the guy on the phone I’m terrified of police and mental health for good reason.   He was threatening to send mental health services around – WTF – those fucking lying murderers can’t wait to get me under compulsory treatment order so they can lock me up and drug me up – so I shut up about the damage neo-liberal economic terrorism is having on us – so I shut up about abusive experimental unprofessional ‘drug company’ based mental health services.

Our govt and corporations purposely drive poor people to suicide, crime, anxiety and violence so they can create jobs and businesses out of us.   The people most affected by the stress of inhuman living situations are those who victims of crime, abuse victims who according to police statistics are subjected to 80% of the crime in NZ.   The sexual abuse saga playing out with one of their own young female members proves very powerful MEN in the Labour party instinctively discredit, trivialise and dismiss women.  Exactly what they do to victims of sexual abuse who are poor and need more extensive health care and rehab than the current EXTREMELY UNPROFESSIONAL RESTRICTIONS they have ACC imposing ILLEGALLY!!!!

Grrrr

Carterton Library staff put the GUMBOOT in when I started crying after a distressing email – WTF?

I at another library writing this but I had to because it was really disturbing.    I’m getting fibre put on at the moment and was just working out how to get my computer to see the link, so went to Carterton Library to see my emails and work out how to do it.

When I had opened my emails there were two, one was from Snr Sgt Jennifer Hansen at Masterton police demanding I organise to be arrested because I had breached my bail again.   See my youtube channel for details of how distressed I have been about days of ‘media porn’/publicity around New Zealand’s worst suicide statistics ever recorded.  Given I am a Civil Society Activist in the area of mental health and suicide it has been very distressing and makes me even more suicidal – which I am sure other people experience as well.

I spent a while trying to reply to her and arrange it, then suddenly the computer timed out and the whole thing stopped.   This triggered me and I started crying and became upset about what is happening to me for ASKING FOR ACC CARE I AM ENTITLED TO AND DESPERATELY NEED.   I went to the desk to ask what to do  about restarting the computer, the woman who offered I refused, explaining her brother in law was the reason I was so distress.

Another woman came over to help me, but by the time I sat down and tried to type I was crying so much I couldn’t see anything – not sobbing, just tears flowing down my face, while I was trying to pretend they weren’t and everything was OK.  Firstly this affluent woman was extremely cold and callous with absolutely no emotion whatsoever.  Considering the big deal Carterton Council did with the government propaganda campaign about SUICIDE – GUMBOOT FRIDAY – WALKING IN SOMEONE’S GUMBOOTS SO YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT BEING SUICIDAL WAS LIKE.

She then proceeded to tell me I should leave to regain my composure.  I told her my distress was caused by the email saying I had violated my bail conditions for my non-violent justified  legal protesting about abusive mental health services and how I needed to organise urgently to be arrested again.  That I would be picked up by police if they saw me – previously I have spent many weeks ‘at large’ with warrants when I refused to go to court until I got health care and lawyer I was supposed to have.

Obviously Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and the neo-liberal controlled Labour party are prepared to do worse to me to stop me speaking out about how abusive and exploitive mental health services are and how corrupted by neo-liberal believes most of our government are.

The comment about me leaving the premises to compose myself is EXACTLY THE PHRASE Masterton WINZ (welfare) office Manager Michele Eades used when telling me off/threatening me for self-harming when I was having to fill out forms there several weeks ago.  I’ve never heard the words COMPOSE MYSELF before from any of them, which makes me suspicious the police or someone very corrupt has been instructing people on what to say to me (and other terrorised and terrified poor people.   That would of course be a violation of my privacy – except there is no point in make a formal complaint to the Privacy Commission.   The PC is only there to protect the privacy of dangerous, cruel, criminal business people and government, not the people they are persecuting.

I think what shocked me about this woman at the library was her complete lack of empathy – it was like I wasn’t even human.  Definitely psychopathic behaviour.   All the wealthy people in Wairarapa don’t want to see anybody being harmed by 30 years of austerity and living of fear due to mass immigration with local and central government ignoring where disabled and poor local people were going to live.

Not being allowed to show any emotion in a public building, so people weren’t made to feel uncomfortable or allowed to know just how bad the situation is for someone like me.  Someone who publicly protests about abusive mental health services and government denying disabled local people safe stable affordable, culturally appropriate housing.

Affluent women who work for the government are particularly bad, it is imperative for them psychologically and to keep their happiness intact to believe women like myself don’t exist and our valid despair is a ‘mental health issues’ because we are ill.   Its not me who is ill, it is the government and the community who are ill and cruel and criminals.  I know this because I know the law, our most basic laws of how elected officials are required to act – which is not to advance rich business people and persecute poor people in order to exploit and degrade them.

I am typing this at Masterton Library where they have up notices threatening distressed people they will be removed – the library was the only place they had left to go and rich people don’t want them there either.   Elitism is rife in the Wairarapa, I was interviewed individually by a lawyer from the mental health inquiry that came through last year.   She told me the reason we are No 1 in NZ for suicide and self-harm is elitism, she asked me how I thought something could be done about it.   My suggestion was making sure complaints were listened to and people were punished for breaches of professional standards and causing people harm when they didn’t do their jobs properly.    No valid complaint I have ever made has been listened to or acted on – I have been ridiculed and discredited every time, while the staff get of scott free and go on to become even more degrading, insulting and abusive.

With so much support for a disabled friend in Flaxmere recently I am wondering if New Zealand’s government and rich people are trying to herd all the poor into certain areas to leave the rest of the country for them.   Just like has happened in England – ewwwwww.  New Zealand culture is based on egalitarian, justice and equality principles, not elitism, hate and inequality which is what neo-liberal terrorists demand!

 

 

 

 

Court today on politically motivated charges for legally protesting

Bit nervous about today, will have to be at court all day cause bail notice says I have to turn up for court at 8.30am and my lawyer from Wellington says he won’t be there until 3.30pm.   I can’t get a Wairarapa lawyer cause they are all bigots and hate intelligent human sewage Civil Society Activists like myself.

Going to take heaps of signs and chalk etc, it is on my bail conditions that I not allowed with 50m of Masterton Police Station except to attend court or see a lawyer.  So we’ll see what happens.  I don’t have enough petrol to go home and come back and I have NOBODY IN MASTERTON I CAN GO AND SEE if they send me away.  I also know from a previous experience, I could very easily go somewhere and start self-harming to cope – which I am sure they are hoping for, they been DYING to get me under compulsory treatment order for years.

Anyway, I never quite know what going to happen in these situations so I will try and not worry about the worse case scenario and take it as it comes.

My new lawyer says he doesn’t want me to turn up and to save my money.   OF COURSE I AM GOING TO BE THERE, like I trust any lawyer in this neo-liberal hell hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The guy could be an idiot for all I know.  The bail form says I must be there at 8.30am and that is where I will be until I am seen by a judge.  For my previous five charges and the latest six (all politically motivated and involving public servants or their contractors!)   The police are required by law to be a-political (ie no politics) I am a-political, I don’t believe in politics at all, I only believe in science, truth and Rule of Law.

I reakon some corrupt neo-liberal terrorist at Masterton Police is doing this purposely in order to terrorise me, after all they are the ones who know so much about human behaviour.  They know what they do to me, especially when they ignore my serious complaints of assault and harassment in my home.

 

 

Had a visit from police today – emails say it all I reakon


From: Jayne R
Sent: Wednesday, 10 July 2019 6:15 PM
To: HANSEN, Jennifer
Subject: Re: Meeting – HELL NO, I WAY TO TERRIFIED AND UNWELL

s Hansen,

You can put it as nicely as you like, you know I am terrified of police and did not have a choice how I responded.  That was pretty obvious from my emails about how I wanted police to not come near me because I had recently started freaking out in the street when I saw a police car.  I’m not a criminal Jennifer, you are treating me like one, but I’m not, me hiding from you has been going on for a while, which is why you knew to come around to the bathroom I had gone to run and hide in, cause I have told you.

 

Ohhhh some matters, that means some really revolting powerful neo-liberal terrorist bigots, who hurt people like me ON PURPOSE AND FOR PROFIT, want me stopped from expressing how me and pretty much 50% of the population of NZ feel about what is happening in our country.  And about how 80% of us feel about abusive mental health services and our INHUMAN LIVING SITUATIONS caused by mass immigration and a lack of government providing for the disabled and poor local population in this hell hole – good on you for playing the game Jennifer.  Keeping all the written correspondence looking like you the good guys and I’m the bad person, Cambridge Analytica/Jacinda Ardern would be so proud.
As you are already well aware I don’t have a lawyer that can accompany me ANYWHERE, I can’t get the lawyer I am entitled to under the Magna Carta.  Alasdair Ross told me in no uncertain terms on Mon/Tues? that the ONLY work he would be doing was related to the criminal charges for legally protesting and being disabled, I was currently facing.  He is a legal aid appointed lawyer only for these charges, he is not MY LAWYER – human sewage like me don’t get our own lawyers.  As I am almost as terrified of lawyers as police and health professionals, after 17 years of gross injustice and not being able to get one.  Did you want to see the Law Society email and Susie Barnes letter about having unmet legal needs – which is illegal.
You are also well aware I do not have a support person, I have nobody in my life that is well enough or strong enough to accompany me in any of the things related to the punitive use of the justice system for my legal protests, police/government do.  Which I am subjected to for protesting and begging to have my ACC care reinstated after waiting nine years and/or a lawyer to protect me from this and other gross  injustices.
You witnessed the state of me when I had to fill out that form, you really think I can go through that again by going to the police station if I had a choice – HELL NO!  Not to mention all the triggering that happened back to the first serious assault by Q Hoera & threats by Allan French.  So still trying to drive them back to the hell they come from, yippee for me aye.  If you are going to arrest me and charge me etc, then I’ll come in, but I won’t be wanting any discussion about it, I’ll start singing if you try justifying your actions.  Or at least phone me first so I know you coming to arrest me, its so much less distressing for me than just turning up unexpectedly – don’t worry I wont’ run away.   That’s if giving any new charges to Alasdair Ross isn’t an option.
I’m crying now, after what I have been sending you, which you are completely ignoring.  There a great quote I saw last year on Aljazeera from a gang in Sth America, the leader of which refused to drive poor locals from their land to make way for neo-liberal terrorist elites.  He refused to do it for the $1million they offered him, but other gang members took the money.   He said THE TEARS OF THE POOR WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU ONE DAY.  I like that quote, makes me feel better somehow, makes me believe karma or God going to take its revenge for all the unnecessary suffering so many of us now experience.  In New Zealand we pay real estate agents $millions to do it legally – groan.  Everything Hitler did I Germany was legal, according to some famous activist guy.

You and your friends will also be pleased to hear I had a bad reaction at the supermarket today.  Saw a couple I know, havn’t seen for a while,  part of Green Dollars – that I no longer participate in cause I to poor and unwell.  She started to come towards me and I involuntarily backed away like she was going to hit me or something, my eyes widened and I became terrified.  I’m sure you all know what is happening to me, but its quite new for me, really upsetting as well.  She said I havn’t seen you for a long time and asked me how I was , I couldn’t speak for a while, then said not good, thanks any way and pretty much ran away and hid from her and her husband rest of the shop.   So supermarket shopping going to be interesting from now on.    Shame I can’t wear a mask or something so nobody knows its me.

 

I can’t bear people asking me how I am, feel like I’m going to burst into tears or fall on the ground and curl up in a ball.  I can’t lie any more, I can’t lie about how bad I feel, how terrified I am and how angry I am as well.  Pretty sure its partly caused by watching all this govt and powerful corporation propaganda show all over our media.  Especially the mental health stuff, that being the most offensive insult of them all.  Went to Warehouse stationery today and there some drivel about At Risk Youth and Salvation Army all over the place – groan.  Just so you know cool people don’t like Christian nerds and ramming Christianity down a disabled suicidal mentally injured poor person’s throat ain’t going to go well.   Would be better if they had the professional treatment care rehabilitation and safe stable affordable homes THEY ENTITLED TO UNDER NZ LAW AND AS A PAKEHA/MAORI CULTURAL RIGHT.

One thing the last few days has taught me, is the corruption and ignorance of what happening in the darklands to human sewage like me, is SOOOOO BAD I am never going to get through to any of these people.  The bible must be right, someone quoted me that bit in Timothy? that says what things are like end of days and I ticked every one of them.  Considering what I do to try and get people to be good and follow the law, its not surprising, is it – even that is predicted in the bible.  Just wish I believed in it more and I wouldn’t cry, self-harm and scream fire and brimstone at people who hurting us.  Ahhh the wood dragon personality, you should look it up – just being real and blunt, its who I am.
I know you and your neo-liberal friends won’t believe this of course, but I don’t intend to bother challenging these people any longer, I’ll just keep sending complaints and being rejected and doing what I have to in order to survive.  I will still send letters etc and tell them they going to hell for what they doing to me and others, its part of the thing you supposed to do before judgement day or whatever might happen – I hedging my bets.  Also I will continue to be real about how unwell I am, why and how we can fix it ie what we are already supposed to be doing according to THE LAW.  Still not convinced the big giant hand going to come and save us like all cowardly & heretic Christians are – still don’t understand that experience at New Year – “All darkness is in light before me.”   Wonder if you can guess what it means. gee wish these righteous ethical spiritual battles/wars had more clear instructions for us soldiers.
As I have said MANY TIMES BEFORE I am a civil society activist as defined by the UN Handbook on Civil Society (that includes the bit about being offensive when necessary – even though my tourettes stuff really doesn’t give me a choice at the moment) and I would never hurt anybody.  I am non-violent and threatening to write a poem about someone who is corrupt and grossly unjust, or protest in front of their home, isn’t a crime.  Or going tourettes at some revolting ignorant power tripping psychologist isn’t either.  Nor challenging powerful violent bullies.  Or whoever the rich powerful person is that wants you to threaten me to stop what I am doing. ie telling the truth.
If they don’t listen to me violence only going to get worse – just trying to stop that from happening – it appears what psychiatrists and lawyers say about me is true and I much wiser than all of you.   Best of luck with that by the way, bet the Americans are kitting you all out right now with the best gears to stop a revolution in New Zealand.  Why cause this when we don’t have to, why do this when it is wrong AND WTF HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH ACC DENYING ME SERVICES AFTER WINNING TWO REVIEWS NINE YEARS AGO.  I wouldn’t even be protesting if they had just given me the care, I got well, got a job and carried on my merry ignorant way.
Kia kaha and aroha to the poor and powerless
Sincerely
JR
CSA
HUMAN SEWAGE

From: HANSEN, Jennifer
Sent: Wednesday, 10 July 2019 3:14 PM
To: Jayne R
Subject: Meeting

Jayne,

As you are aware we attended your address this morning to speak with you however you declined to respond or open the door.

Police do need to address some matters with you however this needs to occur in person, not over the phone. I am therefore requesting for you to come to the Masterton Police Station tomorrow afternoon for this to occur.

Please let me know if this is not a possibility. You are welcome to bring your lawyer and/or a support person with you.

Regards,

Jen Hansen

Senior Sergeant AA93

Response Manager

Wairarapa Police

 

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WARNING

The information contained in this email message is intended for the addressee only and may contain privileged information. It may also be subject to the provisions of section 50 of the Policing Act 2008, which creates an offence to have unlawful possession of Police property. If you are not the intended recipient of this message or have received this message in error, you must not peruse, use, distribute or copy this message or any of its contents.

Also note, the views expressed in this message may not necessarily reflect those of the New Zealand Police. If you have received this message in error, please email or telephone the sender immediately

PLEASE NOTE JENNIFER – I TOOK YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AND MOBILE NUMBER OFF THIS POST – BY CHOICE, to protect you!

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From: JR
Sent: Wednesday, 10 July 2019 11:01 AM
To: HANSEN, Jennifer
Subject: Copy of the email I told you about

Which proves yet again you should be investigating and charging ACC under Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act.  I am assuming those in BS Castle are stopping it, like they stopped Mike Sutton.  Yippee for disabled victims of crime aye!  The 1 million locals who subjected to 80% of it – mostly women I would imagine – which of course made the response to victims of ChCh shootings even more upsetting for those of us who get treated like human sewage by our communities.
Jayne

From: JR
Sent: Wednesday, 10 July 2019 10:32 AM
To: Alasdair Ross
Subject: The psych report will be a waste of time, I am trying to save the taxpayer money

Alasdair,
I am feeling a bit better today and my brain has spent the night processing all the data, so I woke up this morning and hope to explain things that you don’t understand after years working with mentally ill with lesser ability to operate in the  very complicated society we now have.  While I am a mentally injured person and would be quite capable of this level of functioning if I had the professional treatment care rehabilitation and safe stable place to live in my community I AM ENTITLED TO UNDER LAW.
The concept of low and high intelligence is irrelevant to me, as I know from the varied types of people I have associated with over my life, academic intelligence does not make you any more or less a person.  In fact people with more academic type intelligence like myself have an obligation to protect people who are not as good at these things. People who may be practical and good with their hands, natural healers and caregivers or amazing artisans, people I value more highly than those who good at University (who I am quite disgusted with at the moment).
You never answered me when me met if you were corrupt, but I don’t think you understood what I was talking about, and until this morning I didn’t really either.  After your comment yesterday that if I wanted mental health services then going through yet another terrifying and traumatising assessment was the ONLY WAY TO GET THEM.
Coincidentally my mental health file turned up today by courier – because of my disability I am unable to go through it, if I had you here I could, if I had the people and services I am entitled to under law, that I was receiving in 2009 through ACC – I would be able to.  In that file there is a report done 18months ago which says after meeting with me mental health decided I did not want any of the services they provide.   I was very upset about this and almost committed suicide when this report came out – I never have read it, a man from Directorate of Mental Health who promised me I would get services if I went through yet another assessment –  told me basics of what was in it.    When ACC illegally withdrew my care in 2009 and dumped me on public mental health, I was told repeatedly by these people they did not provide services like ACC had – which is deeply disturbing in so many ways – professional health care is professional health care, whoever provides it.
Mental health have continued to reject me for the past nine years and when I have tried to interact with organisations like Pathways or King Street Artworks the services were always grossly unreliable, unprofessional and in my case abusive psychological torture.  I know people within the system as well and I witness repeatedly the same appalling ‘health services’ (can’t even call it care) as I experienced when trying to get anything valuable, healing or caring from them.
It is a waste of time doing another report by public mental health because they do not provide the services I require, that I was receiving from ACC and won two Fairway reviews to have reinstated.
That is why you triggered me yesterday, your offensive comment about if I wanted services I had to go through this and accept what was offered.  What is offered DOES NOT WORK FOR PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF, never has and never will I imagine.  When ACC dumped me I spiralled into a really bad place and became highly suicidal as I lost so many people I was working with and relying on.  Mental health staff told me repeatedly, even when I was on the ground in the police station with my arms around a social workers ankles begging for care – MENTAL HEALTH DON’T PROVIDE SERVICES, YOU KNOW THAT JAYNE.   I know the MH worker who said that too me, Hugh – I knew him through a group I used to belong to and am sure I can get hold of him again if you need proof of what he said and what I am talking about.  He was an Occupational Therapist and intelligent man, he left mental health because he couldn’t stand by and watch people suffer and die.
I am trying to save the court and mental health system time and money.   Yesterday I got Fairway Resolutions to send you copies of the two reviews I won, I have also asked ACC to provide you with the two reports by Dr Alan Doris, one of which I can find and will send you a copy today.  That report by Justin Barry-Walsh was extremely unprofessional, I studied health, rehabilitation and disability, I know what a professional report is supposed to look like.  I also know he violated medical council rules by only consulting with public mental health services who were refusing me care and having a serious conflict of interest in his association with the government – who are also hell bent on denying victims of crime like myself the extensive health care and homes we are entitled to under not just ACC law, but multiple other laws (including international ratified UN treaties).
This is what I want you to tell the judge on Monday.  I don’t want to waste the time of these people, they are busy and as you will see from above, there is no reason to do the next one.  If you can’t get me out of it I will do it, with whoever you choose, but I will be telling that person exactly the same thing and I still want Jason (Court security guard) to be there so I feel safe and in Wellington.
Also when the decision was made by the judge to get those psych reports done, the reason was that I was being refused Legal Aid and needed proof I couldn’t represent myself.  When I told you this when I met you, you acted like I had not even spoken, please explain why you did that?
I have just had the police here – absolutely terrified and can’t stop shaking – I locked everything and hid in my bathroom for an hour or more until I was sure they were gone and was able to take my fingers out of my ears and stop rocking.  Not sure why they came, I’ll email Snr Sgt Jennifer Henson and find out after I have finished this.  I used to answer the door and find out what they wanted, now I am so unwell and so terrified of them after so many unresolved physically and psychologically violent encounters that is the only thing I can do.
Because of my stress disorder I am always vigilant when in my lounge to every car that goes past and every person, always think it is police coming to hurt me again.  Thank God I locked the back door as well as the front, they tried to get in and tapped on my bathroom window – because I have told them how I react when they turn up.  Shame they didn’t phone me and tell me what they wanted, would have saved them time and not traumatised me quite as much.
I am really not sure if I will be able to put myself through appearing in court on Monday, especially now police have been here.  However I might protest outside, it will be busy on Monday, lots of people who like what I do.
If you can’t understand these instructions, or don’t want to do what I ask you please contact me.  Don’t worry I won’t flip out, that was more to do with personal shit that was happening.  I have serious attachment issues you see, part of the cruel criminal neglect I have suffered over the years.  Particularly the serious psychological damage ACC caused in 2009 when they illegally withdrew all my care.
Also I have my file here that you need to see, I can’t afford to photocopy it.
Please advise your address so I can send the Dr Alan Doris report.
Sincerely
JR
Civil Society Activist
HUMAN SEWAGE
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From: JR
Sent: Wednesday, 10 July 2019 10:49 AM
To: HANSEN, Jennifer
Subject: YIPES, WHY WERE YOU AT MY HOUSE?

What the hell, you are never going to get a different response than what happened today, after years of unresolved physical and psychological abuse and my mental health being so bad, that is the only thing my body wants to do when it sees a police officer heading to my house.
I told you how bad it had become and that police shouldn’t approach me if I was freaking out in the street and what did you do – you came here anyway.  WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL, if you are pissed off with something I said to someone over past couple of days or something I emailed, then call me on the phone – you have my number.  Just add whatever to the charges I’m facing, its at your discretion after all.   Even calls upset me but not so much as actually coming to my home. YIPES
Not sure if you understand what a phobia is, but that is how I’m responding at the moment.   I did have a police car go past the other day and I was OK, was hoping it had stopped, you not listening to me probably just made the situation worse.
Also please don’t be so naïve as to think because I have met you and you were civil to me that I trust you one little bit.  I don’t trust anyone, for good reason, I DON’T TRUST ANYBODY. You are still the person refusing to investigate and charge ACC under Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act.  In fact I sent quite a good letter to my new lawyer this morning, I might send you a
copy too – I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
Call me  –  please do not come back – I’m going to be terrified all day if I think you are going to come back – that does not help with what happening – I had just come right.   Even better text me.  If it was a welfare check then I got through this latest suicidal episode alone as usual, by self-harming and a young man on facebook I just got to know, and of course raging ‘tourettes’ against the machine that persecutes me and everybody like me.  If it was about me holding people in power to account, then like I said just charge me and add to the list.  I will probably be outside court on Monday while my new lawyer is inside, you can interact with me there, or give anything to him so he can pass on to me!
Sincerely
Jayne
HUMAN SEWAGE

From: JR
Sent: Tuesday, 2 July 2019 2:36 PM
To: HANSEN, Jennifer
Subject: Please ask officers not to approach me if I’m freaking out in the street

I had a really bad reaction to police today, I was on my bike, havn’t been for ages, I find going out difficult.  Came around the corner from High Street in Carterton into Rexwood Street and a police car was coming towards me.   I pulled my bike onto a lawn stood up, put my head down, closed my eyes and my hands up to my face, listening to the car go past, wait at the intersection and leave.  HE DIDN’T LEAVE, he reversed back and bought the car over and parked near me, I completely freaked out then.
Totally terrified, kept repeating go away and leave me alone, ran away to the other side of the road with my bike and stood beside a shrub  shaking with my back to him for about 5 mins, hoping he would, he did.   I am still freaking out about it, couldn’t stop shaking first few hours, got to my friends and for at least 2 hours was on the verge of crying.  Didn’t want to bike back home but had to, don’t know how I am going to force myself to go out again.  It is so humiliating to have that happen and I’m really upset about it.
The officer did say something but I don’t know what, he wasn’t intimidating or anything, he was probably concerned cause he could see I was distressed.   Please tell them not to approach me at the moment, I don’t know what’s going on, I’ve never had this sort of response before.  I’m hoping if I’m protesting I’ll cope, bit more mentally prepared and empowered.  I’m hoping it won’t last, or get worse.
When I put my head down, shut my eyes and put my hands to my face/ears/eyes it is me responding to being overwhelmed, I can’t take in any more stimuli from my environment I must have total concentration on what is happening so I don’t end up curled up in a ball on the ground.
I’m not sure what has triggered this, but I suspect its just EVERYTHING, unresolved EVERYTHING and meeting my lawyer for first time yesterday and having to recount four years of what been happening that got me to this point.  Also being so isolated doesn’t help.
Sincerely
Jayne

From: JR
Sent: Sunday, 30 June 2019 1:51 PM
To: HANSEN, Jennifer
Subject: Update

Am sick again, my bladder and kidneys again, that time of the month, I desperately need those tests done I supposed to have five years ago, I desperately need a doctor, I desperately need my ACC care reinstated.  But then you know all that don’t you Jen and you enjoy doing nothing about it.
Heard through the grapevine police told those real estate agents to stop whining.  Please advise how police explained away what they have done to me, what ACC have done to me and how the selling off of local housing to rich new residents (everybody who rich who owns and can buy property) and driving disabled and poor locals from their homes, causing suicide, self-harm, violence and addiction?
Still can’t understand why I was not allowed at that meeting, don’t understand why minutes weren’t kept if it was a formal council meeting.  With council members who refuse to meet with me and have done for years.
Also just managed to take myself for a slow walk to see mentally ill friend of mine I worried about, Salvation Army dumped him for two people they liked better and needed paid jobs – he had worked for them for free for over 3 years.   On the way home I reacted badly when I saw a police car coming towards me, stopped put my head down and became petrified, couldn’t move – cried the rest of the way home and still crying now.
How insane am I going to look now if that keeps happening in the street, no wonder I seldom go out.  Wonder why its got this bad at the moment???  Probably because I been let down by several different organisations and people which are obviously corrupt and feel it is their legal duty to refuse any complaints I ever make – because I’m the one who is mentally ill – not the people hurting me or denying me care – I am.
The most horrendous hate going on facebook, from immigrants, when any Kiwi says there is nowhere for them to live they call them fascist and abuse them.   Got really abused when I said how much I hate Salvation Army for what they have done to me and my friend – its all those great ex-junkes, criminals, alcoholics etc.  You say anything against the Salvation Army and they know every way to abuse someone.   I’m sure you’ll be laughing at me telling you this because of my ‘tourettes’ stuff.
WISH I WAS DEAD
JR
HUMAN SEWAGE
I’m wondering do you know why ACC refuse to reinstate my care after waiting nine years – nobody will tell me – someone must know.  You must be making the decision not to apply Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act in regard to ACC and mental health for some reason – I can’t think what – except of course you and the government are corrupt – but I would like to know.

From: JR
Sent: Friday, 28 June 2019 10:36 AM
To: HANSEN, Jennifer
Subject: OIA request

Ms Hansen,
I was given details of two police officers (Scott Millar and Barry Bysouth) who attended a meeting with Carterton District Council staff and a number of real estate agents at the end of May.  Under the OIA request the council were forced to tell me it happened – even when it is illegal/unconstitutional and I was not invited.  They also told me no minutes were kept of this OFFICIAL MEETING and refused to tell me what transpired.
As police are so good at keeping record of these sorts of things can the two officers involved please provide details of what happened at the meeting and what the outcome was????  You never responded to my emails at the time?  After what happened with Chris McGaw recently and 3 Mile I am concerned you are spreading vindictive lies and hate so other people in the community don’t know just how corrupt our government really are.
It has come to my attention recently that because I refer to the bible in some of my correspondence gay people in positions of power are discriminating against me on the basis of the few things I know about the bible and hope they are true in regards to end of days and all the bad people being removed so decent people like myself can get on and live with dignity.   Are you gay Jennifer, why do you HATE me and want me to commit suicide and be persecuted for telling the truth about what is happening to me and other disabled mentally injured victims of crime and ACC.
It has also come to my attention that Freemasons are considerably powerful in New Zealand and HATE all victims of crime rotting on welfare because they cannot get health care, welfare/homes, or justice they are entitled to by law.  According to the horrendous bigot I encountered on the Freemasons facebook page, any health care or welfare I am entitled to under NZ laws and international treaties aren’t valid.  Apparently I have a sense of entitlement that is offensive to ALL FREEMASONS, when I am just asking for Rule of Law to be followed.   You know those laws Jennifer – Sections 150A and 151 of the Crimes Act, plus racism I am being subjected to as a native resident of New Zealand.
Please send the details of what transpired at Carterton Council in writing, it only needs to be a couple of paragraphs about why police would turn up to this in the first place and what happened.  I don’t get to have meetings with council and real estate agents about them violating constitutional laws and accept the fact they are profiting from driving disabled and poor locals out of their homes in acts of HATE and inciting HATE with their never-ending offensive, insulting marketing (that comes right into our homes).
What a disgrace the business and leaders of this community are, what a disgrace the police are – you must be really desperate for work if persecuting disabled victims of crime who being denied health care and homes they are entitled to is what you want to do for a living.
JR
CSA
HUMAN SEWAGE

Complaint about judges comments #metoo “It’s a red tape war & I’m a red tape whore.”

Sent this complaint this morning, couldn’t get it off  my mind, so best to do it and get it sent, letter one of my best I reakon.  It’s a red tape war and I’m a red tape whore (c) ReFuSe

26 May 2019

 

Office of the Judicial Conduct Commissioner

PO Box 2661

WELLINGTON

Judicialconduct@jcc.govt.nz

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

It is with the deepest regret and despair I write this complaint after 17 years attempting to get the health care, welfare, housing and justice I am entitled to as a disabled victim of crime in New Zealand. A United Nations Human Rights inspector I met at Te Papa told me to keep making formal complaints so there is a paper trail to follow. Although I am quite sure this valid complaint will fail and I will never get the justice and protection required as a disabled Civil Society Actor – defined by the UN Civil Society Handbook.

 

Years of study, valid complaints of injustice and experience have shown all laws established after the 1984 takeover by radicalised American neo-liberal economic terrorists in New Zealand are designed to defeat justice for the ‘purposely impoverished and persecuted then exploited poor local population’. Commissions are poor man’s justice – ie no justice at all – in fact I find them more proof of widespread government corruption and injustice in a sector.

 

This complaint is justified, as are the other complaints I have made, all ignored of course. Sadly I found myself, after one year studying law at Victoria University 2001, in a 17 year battle for justice for myself and other purposely impoverished, persecuted, criminally neglected victims of crime and trauma. Mostly with ACC, however in fighting for those things I am entitled to under ACC law I was exposed to the extent of neo-liberal/Libertarian corruption and HATE in our society. HATE that grows every day while our most basic constitutional laws are violated (please refer to the Imperial Laws Application Act 1988) – while multiple UN international laws (signed ratified treaties) are also violated.

 

This complaint has its legal origins in Westminster Statute the 1st – common right be done to all rich as poor and the Magna Carta – no person shall be destroyed and every person shall have access to right and justice. I wrote a poem for the 800 year anniversary of the Magna Carta, it can be viewed online at http://jrmurphypoet.com/2015/06/800-years-a-poem-to-commemorate-the-magna-carta-2015/ I was also sent a copy of the speech by grossly corrupt Attorney-General Christopher Finlayson performed at a government comedy event to celebrate it.

 

I feel quite sorry for Judge Barbara Morris having to be the scapegoat for a judiciary who profit from illegally denying people with mental health issues professional health care and necessities of life (eg safe stable affordable housing).

 

WHAT HAPPENED

 

On Thursday 23 May I was in court again trying to get a lawyer after waiting almost 18 months since my first valid protest against illegal police violence in January 2018. Judge Morris knows me quite well after nine years LEGALLY protesting against ACC illegally removing my entitlements and refusing to reinstatement them after winning TWO ACC reviews in 2010/11.

 

Judge Morris made an extremely inappropriate comment about me receiving counselling for the trauma ‘the rapist’ had caused. Firstly she is well aware from my protests that it is far more than counselling I am protesting about. It was established many years ago by health professionals and ACC that COUNSELLING is not sufficient treatment, care or rehabilitation in my particular sensitive claim. There are multiple reports that say this, along with documents I had sent to the judge prior to the hearing. As I am not allowed a lawyer I have been forced to do what I can to defend myself, even when it is extremely harmful and almost impossible to do it, due to impairments related to my disability – Complex PTSD. Part of my CPTSD involves being highly suicidal, CPTSD has a 60% mortality rate due to suicide – inciting someone to suicide is illegal.

 

Part of my CPTSD includes compounding trauma, so when I start bringing up all the deeply distressing injustices I have been subjected to through the justice system I start to become traumatised, have to self-harm etc so I don’t commit suicide (like I have to do multiple times writing this). It is a living nightmare many people in New Zealand are now forced to live with following introduction of neo-liberalism. Wairarapa, where I live, has the highest rate of self-harm in New Zealand, also highest rate of suicide, compulsory treatment orders and prescriptions for psychotropic drugs. I would imagine it also has the most extreme forms of inequality and elitism in New Zealand as well – they must be training rich children to hurt poor people at the multiple private schools here. The elitist hatred is quite obvious to the youth of our region, my children went through the public education system here and told me what they knew about the kids from private schools. It is even more obvious in our community through corrupt elitist neo-liberal organisations such as Trust House and the way ‘community leaders’ advance the rich and persecute the poor.

 

When I was interviewed by a lawyer from the Mental Health Inquiry last year she identified the worst elitism they had so far experienced, after meetings with local community and health leaders earlier in the day. She asked me why I thought it was happening and I told her about the private schools, bias media, inequality between richest and poorest and lack of housing (ie provision for disabled and poor of this region).

 

Elitism is illegal according to NZ Constitutional laws, I continue to wonder why the courts, lawyers and judges allow it. Although statistics about the punishment of beneficiaries (doing what they have to in order to survive and support their children) compared to the punishment of wealthy tax fraudsters tells the true story, also punishments for rapists/criminals who have wealthy powerful family connections).

 

Although the rape, sodomy and not guilty verdict (even when the rapist admitted in court to the jury of 10 white haired old men, one old woman with a blue rinse and one young woman who looked IHC) were what entitled me to ACC, my life-threatening CPTSD is a result of criminal neglect following the crime. I am/was a strong sensible person, bad stuff happens, I know that, I would have recovered from what happened to me if I had received the professional treatment care rehabilitation, safe housing and justice as required under ACC law – and multiple other laws I have read. I can read and comprehend what I read, my mental health issues since the event don’t make me a liar or stupid. In fact based on my extensive knowledge of traumatic stress disorders I would suggest years of severe neglect makes you more intelligent – fighting for your life does that.

 

Many people have been trying to force counselling onto me when the ACC rehabilitation plan illegally removed in 2009 involved around 12 hours a week with a multi-disciplinary team of health professionals and instructed/supported members of the community. I had an Occupational Therapist 2 hrs a week, Psychologist 1 hour, psycho-social rehab at a gym 6 hours, 3 hours a week with a mental health worker and 1 hour a month with a Buddhist massage therapist. I was six months into a 2 ½ year rehabilitation plan when it was illegally removed by ACC GP Peter Jansen. I have seen counsellors through ACC, they were ineffective, most of them would cry once they heard my current living situation, which they obviously could do nothing about, even though they knew it was extremely detrimental to the healing process for victims of crime (ie there are too many serious current traumas to deal with before they can deal with the rape trauma.)

 

Judge Morris should be completely focused on legalities of what is happening to me and how I am presenting in person and with the information I provide her. Her opinion as to my health needs, which she has voiced previously in a closed court based on the experiences of her beloved daughter, is not appropriate. I am a 54 year old women with children and responsibilities of running a household without support from my wealthy parents/family. (Note: my children have left home but of course still need me. My daughter had a life-changing car accident last week – sadly I was not able to be near her as I can’t afford the petrol to get to Whakatane where she now lives.) Being poor insures I am further marginalised, if I had the $10,000 in unpaid Independence Allowance ACC are currently withholding I would have been able to go and see her.

 

Last year lawyers at Masterton Court attempted to force me into something they referred to as a PINC court. Apparently Judge Morris was instrumental in setting this up for PEOPLE IN NEED (People In Need Court). I vehemently refused asserting I was no criminal, my actions in response to gross violations of my rights were completely legal. Also attempting to put me under the grossly corrupt/illegal Mental Health Act 1992 (at the height of National party neo-liberal corruption) to force me to take medication to control me was not going to happen if I could stop it. I am well aware of United Nations international law about my rights to refuse ‘medical treatment’ and why it was implemented after NAZI legalised experimenting on those they chose to persecute – namely disabled who couldn’t work at maximum productivity, govt rape victims, people with brown skin, homeless gypsies, homosexuals and jews.

 

It is interesting to note during consultations for the UN human rights process in New Zealand last year how 95% of the people participating were there about gross violations of human rights against people with mental health issues – particularly abuse victims. People who were not MENTALLY ILL, people who were MENTALLY INJURED as defined by ACC legislation. A normal brain and a normal person experiencing overwhelming trauma – overwhelming trauma that requires a safe place to heal/recover. With neo-liberalism requiring the privatisation and handing over of EVERYTHING TO ‘THE MARKET’, particularly state housing (which is a legal responsibility of the government under international and NZ law) the government stopped providing state housing and sold off everything they possibly could. In the Wairarapa they sold all state housing to either those people in the homes (if they could come up with the money for a deposit) or the ‘pub/gambling charity’ Trust House.

 

There is no need to say what I think of the grossly corrupted, deeply degrading and fraudulent charity industry after 30 years of neo-liberal economic religious beliefs and American Trump advisor Peter Thiel bragging how NZ is a Libertarian utopia – but I will anyway.

 

As you can see from this complaint it is a small/yet extremely significant moment in the gross injustices I experience in the justice, health and welfare systems since 2002. Currently I am excluded from all health services, I have no GP, no health care even when reports say I am very unwell, am disabled and been on invalids benefit for many years. I am not even allowed to phone Healthline I discovered recently, which is quite terrifying and I am sure related to formal complaints I have made about Compass Health board member, government contracted Bell Gully lawyer Simon Watt. Judge Barbara Morris knows about my allegations against Simon Watt, this is part of the information I have given to her in the past few months.

 

Judge Morris also knows I cannot get a lawyer and Forensic Mental Health assessors with conflicts of interest are being used to pervert the course of justice in my case. I currently have a complaint with the medical council about the last assessment and the three inappropriate assessors who agreed to assess me when Medical Council rules plainly state they should withdraw. I won’t go into that as I am becoming very distraught and had to self-harm again.

 

I am quite sure this complaint will be ignored, based on the past 17 years of valid complaints and rejections but if there is any remote chance ‘justice for the poor’ is returning to our legal system then I ask you to uphold my complaint. It seems strange a judge who has publicly identified that mentally ill and poor people are unjustly ending up in the court system and tried to do something about it is the one complained about – one of those neo-liberal abominations I often talk about in my work as a Civil Society Actor. If I had health care so I could return to ‘traditional paid work’ I wouldn’t have time to do as much as I do, wouldn’t you think those in power over me would do something to help me. Perhaps it is part of neo-liberalism for the government to violate the law in order to create jobs and profits for the justice industry and others.

 

Why ACC etc refuse me services was highlighted following the Christchurch Mosque shootings and the need for $millions in charity to support victims. Muslim victims of violent crimes getting help with money, housing, etc while local terrorised population get – counselling. We are No 1 in the world for domestic/flatmate violence, have been for many years due to illegal removal of state housing and people forced into unsafe unstable unaffordable living situations. I have expressed my resentment to Muslim groups involved about all the money and support they are getting. So far rich people have donated $11million, which is being held by government agency Victim Support. Once distributed to the victims of the mosque shootings, I imagine no more than 500 people directly affected that would be $22,000 each – enough for a deposit on a house (so long as they are not permanently disabled as people on welfare ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BORROW MONEY TO LIVE IN THEIR OWN HOME – a violation of disability legislation).

 

I hope with all my heart my complaint is acknowledge and addressed and in doing so will not only change my situation but the situation for approximately 1 million impoverished disabled victims who currently experience 80% of the crime in New Zealand. Sadly Jacinda Ardern deceitfully used these statistics in her propaganda marketing after the mosque shootings as an excuse for complaints in the news from mosque shooting victims.

 

Kia kaha and aroha to the poor and powerless.

Sincerely

JR

Civil Society Actor

HUMAN SEWAGE

 

 

Wairarapa Police The Devil’s Right Arm

In response to being assaulted with handcuffs by police last week.  I will be writing this on back of wallpaper and stapling up in Masterton and chalking around the streets.  Have asked for a meeting with the local new police inspector here and anybody else of a pay grade that can get an investigation into ACC etc under criminal negligence.

Handcuffs are not a weapon

Police are not there to harm

Freedom of speech is a right under law

Local police now the Devil’s right arm!

ReFuSe

The evil of PASSIVE INACTION in New Zealand mental health – Abuses of Power

This email is to people I have been begging for help from for years (some more recent) the passive aggressives I call them (except my last lawyer Susie Barnes) and have had it confirmed they are evil and their passive inaction is too – the inaction of cowards and people who have blind faith in authority – which I do not and I’m no coward either.


From: Jayne Routhan <jrouthan@hotmail.co.nz>
Sent: Monday, 11 June 2018 4:30 PM
To: Ann Rice; Health & Disability Commission; Complaints ACC; HRRT; hrg@mfat.govt.nz; Human Rights Commission; info@cdc.govt.nz; SUTTON, Michael; Susie Barnes; Auditor General; Independent Police Conduct Authority; lawtalk@lawsociety.org.nz; Andrew Little; stuart.nashmp@parliament.govt.nz; carmel.sepuloni@parliament.govt.nz; Iain Lees-Galloway MP; Trevor Mallard MP; Tracy Adamson; Tracey Martin MP; ron.mark@parliament.govt.nz; kieran.mcanulty@parliament.govt.nz; alastair.scott@parliament.govt.nz; United Nations Association of New Zealand; Petitions OHCHR
Subject: The evil of passive inaction – Philip Zimbado

You people are evil and your systems are too, I do what I do because I am a hero until I die.  I became a hero the first time I was arrested for chalking a poem on a building in Masterton.  When the police officer told me to take my clothes & period soaked underwear & sanitary pad off so I could sit and wait in a short padded suit for mental health team with blood running down my leg for an hour.  I stood their speechless, something snapped and I said “I’ll fight you for them.”  Cop went away to talk to her boss and I didn’t have to remove them and I have NEVER REMOVED MY CLOTHES EVER AGAIN, EVEN WHEN DETAINED UNDER MENTAL HEALTH & NEVER WILL BE EITHER.  I have had it threatened a few times and I end up curled up in corner of the room screaming at them, they are sexual perverts  etc – they usually back off very quickly after that (I don’t do it purposely, its my extreme response when they suggest it, I am so terrified/degraded by what happened.)

After waiting for hours in a cell terrified and stripped of all dignity  (where I had never been in my life) the CATT team turned up .  Andrew Curtis-Cody came, he had been refusing me care for years and that day was no different so he went, said I’m not dealing with her, police looked at each other in disbelief because I was so suicidal and unwell.  After he left they told me to get my clothes back on and let me leave to go back to my car and home with no services to my two school age children – cruelty and evil.  (They pursued a charge of wilful damage for the chalk poetry for next three months before dropping them at the last minute, they have done that many times.)

I looked into this gross violation of my rights, demanding I am stripped naked, I was told it was only a policy and had not been put under Bill of Rights scrutiny – it was also done FOR MY OWN GOOD.  When you watch Philip Zimbardo talking about how evil is done in the name of good you can see how I (all people with mental health issues) ended up having my most basic rights  violated.  That’s what police always said when they came to my home for WELFARE VISITS (dozens of them) DUTY OF CARE required it- even when I wrote multiple letters begging them not to, telling them it terrified me more.  I even had a psychiatrist support what I was saying, police ignored it.  Those people sending them were in health, justice, media & welfare agencies, all the people supposed to help me were sending police to terrorise me.  I made criminal complaints to police under Sections 150A and 151 of Crimes Act, I was ignored – a crime is being committed and police are part of it – that sounds very similar to the abusive power systems in TED talk.

This ‘abuses of power’ information is over nine years old and other studies are much older than this – there are people in power in New Zealand who know mental health systems are abusive and do nothing.   I have known this information for more than a decade because once you understand human instinct – social psychology – it never changes, just like the physiology of a body doesn’t.  I have told 1000s of people what is happening and they have done nothing.  I cried watching this TED talk (which I hadn’t actually seen before surprisingly) I’m the hero and you are evil, I was right and you are wrong.  That can change if you listen to what I have been telling you and start doing something about serious abuses of power in mental health/justice system perpetrated against me and many other vulnerable mentally injured abuse victims.

I am sending this to many of those people who are legally charged with WATCHING THE STORE to stop abuses of power.  It is interesting what Philip says about Iraqui prison and how those in authority put NORMAL/POORLY TRAINED/PEERS into these positions knowing they had created an environment for abuse.  I truly believe from my 15 years of study and experience, there are people within New Zealand government/business community who DESTROYED (not reformed) the mental health system in 1980s to cause harm to both the community and those disabled by mental health issues.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsFEV35tWsg

 

www.youtube.com
http://www.ted.com Philip Zimbardo knows how easy it is for nice people to turn bad. In this talk, he shares insights and graphic unseen photos from the Abu Ghraib …

Watching this, absorbing it and trying my best to stop HATING and LOATHING all of you.  One thing Philip doesn’t understand, is how those staff in the mental health system are hired for the personality trait of PASSIVE INACTION and complete subservience to authority – no matter how many people are harmed.  SOOOO many people I have told my story, they have shown concern, then said they couldn’t do anything – they participated in this evil.  So many mental health prisoners who have turned on me and really hurt me.  The worst people have always been case managers at ACC and senior staff at mental health services – I truly believe Andrew Curtis-Cody is  a psychopath and I know many other people in our community do as well.

The way mentally ill people have/are being treated is evil and those who supposed to keep checks on those in power have completely failed, I believe to the point of criminal negligence.  That is why the idea that Ron Paterson – being a leader in charge of WATCHING THE STORE in relation to health care of mentally ill people is grossly inappropriate and should be removed immediately from the mental health inquiry.  In his position he violates the principles of Natural Law as he is definitely not unbias, especially when receiving $1400 a day on top of his history of failing to WATCH THE STORE.  He allowed the torture suffering and deaths of so many with MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES and often those around them.

It will all be in my report to the government on human rights for the UPR. The solutions will be in the report I do to the United Nations only – as I know how grossly corrupt ‘you people are’. I do not trust you, when I think of the suffering and harm you have caused and how you have all blamed us, the victims, the suicidal, the violent, the child abusers.  There is extensive evidence to prove women put in toxic inhuman environments without support and in the care of children will violently abuse them.  OUr government created that environment on purpose, refuses to provide support these vulnerable powerless women need, then looks mortified when we have high rates of child abuse.  And the stress men are under to provide when they can’t.  Due to requirements of neo-liberalism to have high unemployment and a terrified working class.

PLEASE  STOP IGNORING ME – THIS IS A CRIME – I AM SCREAMING FOR HEALTH CARE AND JUSTICE I AM ENTITLED TO UNDER NZ LAW.  I AM BEING HARMED BY NOT GETTING HEALTH CARE I AM ENTITLED TO – I AM BEING HARMED FOR BEING FORCED THROUGH JUSTICE SYSTEM REPEATEDLY – I AM BEING HARMED – you are persecuting and subjecting me to criminal/medical negligence.  I desperately need it to stop because I don’t want to die, I don’t want to be tortured and tormented until I’m driven mad,  I want to have somewhere safe to live, I want to return to work and not be treated like worthless human sewage just for asking for things I am entitled to by law – God’s and man’s.

Sincerely

Jayne Routhan
Civil Society Activist

HUMAN SEWAGE

PERSECUTED WHISTLEBLOWER

2nd night in Wellington police cells in New Zealand

Been avoiding writing this, don’t want to recall what happened it hurts too much, but I know I have to, then I won’t have to look at it again if I don’t want to – better out than in.

My arrest and night in Wellington police cells was going fine until the last three hours, then it all turned to shit because I was transported in a very cold NEW van into cold court cell, further delays and an arsehole guard looking after me.  People with stress disorders (in stressful situations) must be treated the same as people in shock, first thing you do is keep them warm, being cold adds to trauma/stress.  That is what should be on my court transfer papers not that I make vague threats of self-harm – WTF.  The design of that NEW transport staff were gloating about is absolute crap and harmful to those inside the boxes.

Start from the beginning

As I didn’t turn up for court on Monday, as I had been turned down by the OT for health services and still didn’t have a lawyer I knew there would be a warrant out for my arrest.  Chickened out doing a protest in Masterton so I would get arrested, too scared of police here.  Went over to Wellington chalking and then started on my mission.

Headed for Supreme Court to do some chalking about justice and how I completely blamed the judiciary for discrimination against mentally ill people and allowing government to criminalise and persecute them, deny them professional health care.  Then headed up to Treasury building and left a message for Treasury wankers – photos on my facebook page.  Held them to account for the appalling mental health stats as well – did a few swastikas and called them murderers as well – I know they hate it.  Then headed for Human Rights Commission, from which I am trespassed.

Nutted off at this old guy in reception and a group of people having a meeting about some bullshit.  I was in total fire breathing dragon mode, told them exactly what I thought of them and their responsibility for mental health crisis, suicide, NZ being No 1 for child suicide, self-harm in women and family violence.  Left before police arrived heading for my next target – didn’t make it 🙂

Have photos on my facebook page /jrmurphypoetmusician did a couple of videos of the chalking a few photos at the Human Rights Commission.  Its like lala land up there, those people are completely out of touch with reality and refusing to accept the seriousness of what has gone on in mental health due to an economic theory taking over from constitutional, health and justice rights.

Was arrested on Lambton Quay with my large naked torso painting a couple of cardboard signs and my big over shoulder satchel with chalk pens paper etc in it.  Was funny knowing they were coming, saw them to my left, I was heading towards Willis Street across from Midland Park.  They put on their lights, quickly did a u turn and jumped out of their car to aprehend me lol.  Told them to calm down I knew I was going to be arrested, that’s why I had come to Wellington – strange to them of course.  I was picked up on warrant for breach of bail for not attending court.  Not for nutting off at the dick head at the HRC and breaching a trespass order.  WAs prepared for it to happen though.

Tried to talk them out of handcuffs but couldn’t, managed to get them put on in front of me which is so much less oppressive/scary/vulnerable than behind your back.  She also did it really loosely on my right wrist cause told her I get arthritis in it.

Male officer told me handcuffs were for theirs and my safety – lol – brainwashed.  Not in my situation they’re not – its one thing I hope the UN can look at having a restriction on police using handcuffs, particularly in a public place.  They were OK, just following the book and treating me like any criminal who had a warrant out for their arrest.

Got back to the station and got processed, almost everybody was nice, were surprised to see me back.  The woman I had a run in with last time came and talked to me a few times, said she was pretty stressed with work etc last time I was there and sort of apologised, we made peace – that’s the main thing.

Didn’t sleep all night but was able to read a book, which I couldn’t last time because my stress levels were too high.  I can’t hold the story in my head when very stressed, even this time there were a few times I had to re-read paragraphs because I hadn’t absorbed what I just read.  Its a horrible part of Complex PTSD and a lot of people don’t understand it, can make you feel really stupid and like you going mad.  I worked out over years, it comes and goes depending on my stress levels.

I was OK with going through the police process I had gone over it in my head many times.  Had all the same guards as last time just in a different order, they were really cheerful and nice.  Told them I was in a much better state than last time and just wanted to get through the process and get things sorted out.  Last time I was self-harming and really distressed, this time I was really chilled out.

Had a guy come into the cells about 6pm who banged and yelled most of the night, then started up again in the morning – when I get stressed too, cause you don’t know what time is and all the guards disappear to organise transfers etc.  Handover is at around 7am.  So in the morning he sets off sprinkler in his cell and flooded something else by the sounds of it, lol, all the male prisoners were put in the female section – was weird seeing the guys – cause you never do.  They have it set up so people can’t see each other – I’m all good with that, few of them looked dodgy as.  They handcuffed him and put him in the Female Day cell that I can see from my special window/mental health cell.  Gave him the thumbs up for what he’d done, I was bored too.

As 11pm shift came on I asked if I could go in the bigger cell to prepare myself for going in the van in the morning, like I had spoken to Stuart about – when I made a comment about my first visit and how they could improve it.  He was a pommy guy with a bald head, manipulative power tripper.  So a group of them are outside my cell and he makes a comment about me being a Human Rights activist in a mocking tone then tells me he will think about the change of cell and tell me in the morning – he didn’t.  I worried about it all night, because had a bad feeling I would have a meltdown in the morning – which I did and are really horrible.  He purposely denied my request and kept me guessing to exert his authority and disempower me – and it would have had even more impact if I didn’t understand psychology of abusive power relationships.  so I’ll be making a complaint to police about it.  That is the sort of person who SHOULD NEVER BE in a position of power over others.

Got to have a shower at around 4.30am and had an early breakfast, 3 weetbix milk sugar & a milo.  Should have asked for something to take with me, didn’t realise how long it would be until I had food again – and I have diabetes issues if I don’t eat reguarly – especially having been up all night, when your body needs extra food.  I learnt that years ago, if you want to stay up all night at a party you have to keep eating throughout the night, its your body running out of fuel that makes you tired.

Reluctant to get in the van in the morning, they just turn up to take you, it freaks you out, I need to know what is going to happen to mentally prepare – fuck them!!!!

Van to Lower Hutt was really cold, 2 metal boxes in back of a van, 4 men sitting close together in one side and 2 women in the other.  First time I’ve had someone to talk to during transport, she was a regular visitor, knew the system well, but we avoided why we there.

We change to the NEW truck for trip over Rimutakas, it has about 10 metal boxes with individual windows – the staff were gloating that it belonged to Wairarapa and Hutt were jealous they didn’t have anything that flash.  Obviously they  have never spent any time in the back – I have got to get something done about the design or they going to have lots more people flipping out like me.

I refused to get in this van, he had to take my arm, but I did’nt resist past that, these metal boxes are only as big as your body and solid except for small windows.  Killer on your back, when you get jolted over bumps, there no padding its just a stainless steel bench about 1m square – FREEZING COLD AGAIN.  Not only cold thick metal there was a blast of cool air blowing down from directly above that you couldn’t get away from, it either went on top of your head or if you sat hard up against back it went onto your body and legs, which felt even colder.

Someone yelled out to guards to turn the fans off at about Upper Hutt, guards told him they were for ventilation, I chimed in that I wanted them off too, I was fkn freezing.

I got colder and colder – sooooo bad for my stress disorder – people under extreme stress are supposed to be kept warm.  Got angrier and angrier too.  When I got to Masterton refused to move – couldn’t move – I don’t know, but didn’t get out of van for about 5mins – they didn’t know what to do.  When I finally did because I thought they were going to get more physical two women were standing at end of truck.  I angrily asked WHAT ARE YOU – they were detectives, one of them said how she had heard about me in a nice enough voice –  I have got lots of supporters in the police – my response as I went past was a vicious GET FUCKED.  Was angry at the police for putting me through this shit, through all of this shit letting ACC manipulate them and refusing to investigate my complaints about them.

Was put in women’s holding cell at Masterton Court – it was fkn freezing as well, blasting cool air and a vent that went directly outside I could see through.  We had arrived about 10.30am from what I can gather, I wasn’t feeling very well coming over but was so fkn angry ignored it.  Got there was so cold put x2 on my ReFuSe tag I left two weeks ago.  They wouldn’t give me my shoes, eventually they gave me a museli bar at around 12pm – I had breakfast at 5am – they were told I had diabetes issues, it should be on my transfer notes I have to be offered food at regular intervals, they know the time I don’t – WTF.  Grrrr  That’s what those notes are fucking for – not a pile of disgusting offensive bigotry.

I sang Why Am I Arrested, Human Sewage and I wish I was dead with all loud drumming required on the walls – which went through the whole building I now know tehehehehe.  Some young people in other cells made comment about me ‘that protester’, also came to look at me through the window when one of them was wandering around.  Said something about me being Crazy – not me the crazy one dumarse – sometimes young people grrrrrrrr.

After singing revolting old white guy guard came to tell me I was embarrassing myself – trying to degrade me – oppressive and wanting to make me feel even more marginalised.  Again, lucky I know these sorts of tactics and can shake off most of their shit – but always a bit that sticks and makes you feel like shit.  Those are the comments that go on a loop in your head when you sink down into the well/darkness and consider all the good reasons you should kill youself.  I’m sure I’ll have to deal with that in the next few weeks – I’m sure there will be fallout from Thursday’s meltdown.

Then the arsehole said I was up next, ie first after lunch,  They called out 4 names before I STARTED LOOPING OUT – I was so distressed and so cold started losing it, started ticking by banging my whole body back against the door making a really loud noise, felt sooo good, calms me, its like a heartbeat and because its so violent on your whole body you can’t think of the anything else and it calms down the ‘panic attack’ you about to have – that happened later when outside.  Telling someone something is going to happen and then it not happening is another psychological torture method and what the guard in Wellington did.  An abuse and perversion of power – it is very common but should not be tolerated in people working in police etc. (Have found out since guards were pissed off with delays too, it was court staff who delayed my appearance – same court staff I gave shit to recently for not providing CCTV footage.)

Guard came along trying to get me to stop, turned the fan on full blast so I was even colder, turned the light on and off several times.  I was freaking out because of what had been happening and him lying to me, then he didn’t know what to do when I started freaking out more than he expected and the judge knows about it, cause the whole building can hear me.  If I’m causing that much fuss, then he has failed his job and EVERYBODY knows it.

I knew bus back to Carterton was at 1pm and it was 12, I got out at 1pm, with no time to walk to the bus stop 10 mins away.

My old public defence lawyer Susie turned up, which was a welcome sight as I was in full freak out mode pacing around the cell.  She spoke to the judge when i was up, told judge not-guilty and case now set down for 25 June.  They kept saying the police don’t oppose bail – because this is the third time I havn’t turned up for court and violated my bail conditions.  Of course police don’t oppose bail – that might be a bit much considering they put me here – they wouldn’t want to be reminded of what they have done grrrrrrr.  Police prosecutor in court looked ashamed, wouldn’t look at me.

After Susie spoke I made sure I had my say, without following any rules – except trying not to swear, it was pretty obvious I was really pissed off and really freaked out.  Not many people get to address the judge like I do but there was NO WAY I was leaving that courtroom without her knowing about Geneva Healthcare refusing me OT services and still not having a lawyer – which Susie told her anyway.  It was Judge Morris, I Know her and she knows my situation quite well, was still all I could do not to swear at her for allowing this to go on for years.  Like I said, I have never hurt anyone, they hurt me.

I reakon they left me until last so there weren’t many people in the gallery, they don’t like the public seeing me go through the system because I have no respect for the judge or the process and give them shit – using their own laws.  Quoted Magna Carta several times and reminded her I said two weeks ago when I saw here I wasn’t voluntarily participating in teh justice process until I had health care I need and lawyer I need.

They know at court making me wait stresses me out – they’ve accommodated this aspect of my disability before – why not now, when I’m in an even more stressful situation do they now ignore it?  They could have changed the order, they knew I was going to arrive the night before. grrrr, will be bringing this all up in my complaints to police AGAIN – that they will never listen to but I have to do because nobody else does grrrrrrrrr.

Told court staff to go get my painting and bag etc because I would not be going to the police station to pick them up like last time – I don’t want to see those motherfuckers at the moment – especially that dark headed bitch on reception.

Waited in the bail room, at least slightly warmer, but I was chilled to the bone.  NEK MINIT started crying uncontrollably, that heartbroken cry where you can’t even close your mouth and you dribble onto the ground in front of you as you sit there rocking, wailing, in such emotional pain.  Your heart smashed to pieces by what you are being put through for asking for health care and justice you entitled to, for throwing paint on a white ribbon banner after being assaulted and threatened by police  – plus knowing just how cruel and corrupt your government and so many others are.

Was let out, almost ran out of the court, got outside took two steps, stood there shaking, thinking – I had missed the bus, I was now extremely upset and would have to go to the park, find something sharp and spend the next few hours self-harming until next bus to Carterton.  Didn’t have anyone I could call to pick me up.

I became completely overwhelmed, my arms gave way & I dropped my paintings signs & bag just as my legs gave way from under me and I ended up on the footpath curled up in a ball on my side.  I managed to sit up and started rocking and wailing/crying loudly – in a way that would make my broken heart feel some sort of relief from what had just happened to me.  I wasn’t there long and a woman came along and one of the guards from court came out.  They were both very nice, the woman was from Te Hauora, I been screwed over by them several times, so I was scared of her, but when she offered me a ride home I had to ignore that and say yes – I had to get home – my homing beacon was on full strength and causes me huge stress if I don’t listen to it.  I wanted to be where nobody could see me melting down, it is so humiliating when it happens – it has only been this bad four other times in 15 years.

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut with the woman, I tried, I didn’t want to tell her anything, but all my biggest fears and worries were just tumbling out of my mouth, just like the anger does when I go ‘tourettes’.  I kept saying sorry, it was OK, it didn’t matter, I just wanted to go home etc.  She asked all the usual questions about a doctor etc, told her I don’t have a doctor and why – that I havnt’ seen one for over 2 years (1 for WINZ form last year doesn’t count).  Think she was pretty horrified at how unwell and unsupported I was, told her a little about not trusting Te Hauora.  I didn’t’ have any bread or milk at home, was crying about how poor I was and how tired I was of being poor and there of course was not point in living in this shit hole country. etc etc.  She gave me $20 I refused – I HATE CHARITY – she demanded I take it, I HATE PEOPLE WHO DEMAND I TAKE CHARITY, and from an organisation that has ensured I was taken advantage of and traumatised by a flatmate under their care, denied me care themselves and let me down when I was really unwell.  A friend in the community who worked for Te Hauora for a short time told me what they thought of me, that lots of people had tried to help me, I just didn’t want help.  FUCKING SCUMBAG FUCKING LYING PIECES OF FUCKING GARBAGE.  Same people I have made complaints about that were covered up and not dealt with you mean.  They a big part of the bigoted rumour mill round here.

I’m sure the only reason I had that horrendous meltdown is the cold, it was like being tortured.  It has left me feeling tearful and very very fragile, I don’t want to go out anywhere –  I can’t anyway I”m so broke.  I’m hoping I don’t get a backlash in a few days, sometimes that can happen and I get highly suicidal and all the oppressive degrading things staff did/said will come back to haunt me.

At least Susie and even Judge Morris acknowleged that I had been punished and suffered in custody – which is why of course I wasn’t prosecuted for breaching bail ($2,000 fine & 1 yr in prison is what they threaten on bail form for violations).  Given I had sent them an email Thursday last week saying I was both mentally incapable due to my disorder and refused to attend, asking them not to make me into a criminal – they did anyway.

One thing pissed me off about Te Hauora lady, she spent at least 5mins telling me to take medication for my anxiety – WTF.  Terrorised women are being put on medications to deal with teh inhuman and unsafe living situations they are being forced to endure by the government.  Its sick, deeply deeply disturbing, immoral, unethical, unprofessional and ILLEGAL.  I also explained I was a rescuer and helped lost souls pass over to the light, I was told by spirit not to take medication or it would affect my ability to protect myself spiritually.  She didn’t say anything after that – Maori understand spirituality a lot better than Pakeha thank God.  They have a lot more respect for spiritual people as well – most Pakeha ridicule us – sad considering our entire legal system is based on christian principles of fairness justice and us being all the same before God irrelevant of our wealth and status on earth.

I’m having a chill out day today, my daughter is taking me out for brunch for mother’s day which will be nice.  Will try and stay in the present and not feel bad about the fact I can’t afford to take myself out for brunch or anybody else.  I will barely be able to afford to buy my daughter a present, its her birthday soon – my life would have been so different if I had health care and help I needed to return to work after I was raped.  Fkn scumbag government, fkn terrorist murderers 🙁

My back is hurting, so trying to not do anything more to strain that after the trip over Rimutakas in truck, feels like a lower disc wants to move and I know what that means – not being able to sit down at all, only being able to walk around slowly or lay down and in agony for days.  Its happened before.  Obviously justice transport not designed for older people with aches pains & injuries.

People ask me why do I do this to myself, I can assure you it is actually helping me, it is very hard being really unwell at home on my own, its far more stressful than protesting and getting arrested.  I get food I don’t have to pay for, hot drinks, to talk to interesting different people who understand more about failings of mental health system than anybody else – police.

Some police are OK & actually respect what I am trying to do with my mental health advocacy work –  trying to get a better journey through teh system for people who have traumatic stress disorders.  I can assure everybody I DO NOT TRUST THE POLICE and nobody reading this should either – their are some real nasty pieces of work amongst them & most/all of the others will cover it up.  As nice as some are there are others who are fkn aresholes and they all sit back and allow shit to happen. Wouldn’t even be surprised if the cold transport was for my benefit – I would assume the new truck would have had heating.  Police trying all those psychological torture tactics perhaps – when constable French said you’ll see how bad police can be, is this what he meant?

 

Strongest impressions of my time in custody in New Zealand

Firstly, be nice if they nice to you, try not to let all the BS questions upset you.

Check out my youtube channel for the vlog I made at the Health and Disability Commission.  JR Murphy Poet.

I knew police take about 15-20 mins to get to a job around Wellington, so know when the lift opens its going to be them.  Three this time, two men and a woman, who surrounded me immediately, you have to get used to that – lot of abuse victims don’t like people behind them – me included.  One of them was a newbie who took my details, read me my rights etc.

One asked for me to put my hands behind my back but as I HATE handcuffs and last time I had them on they hurt A LOT (it was after the assault) I didn’t want to.  As soon as I ignored their instructions they got aggitated, I chilled the situation when I started joking about it.  I wasn’t ignoring their directions, I didn’t like handcuffs, they hurt and I was trying to talk my way out of having to put them on.  Sadly it didn’t work, its so much more comfortable and less oppressive when you don’t have them on.  Joked about being able to carry my own stuff out if I didn’t have them on – didn’t work.  He wouldn’t put them on in front of me either which is easier and a less vulnerable position.  He did put them on loosely, made me realise how tight the last lot were.  my hands were blue by the time I got them off and I had bruises for two weeks.

I was arrested on the warrant for not turning up to court, not for doing the protest at HDC even though I swore like a trooper.  I was trespassed and given the notice while I was being processed.  I was also questioned about chalking on the Tribunals building, which I admitted to.  If you knew at protesting don’t say too much when you arrested, I know my rights pretty well and know what to say and what not to say so I talk quite a bit.  If you are an activist keep to your rights and information you know about why you are taking the action you are.  Quote laws.

Organise to speak to a lawyer, but best to have a lawyer who knows consitutional law already oranised to arrange your release.  It is very seldom a judge will keep an activist in the cells overnight, I was picked up on a warrant – or if I had broken my bail conditions – I would have had to stay if I couldn’t get to see the judge.  A police officer told me few years ago to get arrested before 9am in the morning on a sitting day and I wouldn’t have to stay the night.

I am trying to get something organised where as a recognised disabled Civil Society Actor I can’t be held overnight because of my disorder.  United Nations treaties say NZ govt are not allowed to use the process in a punitive way against a CSA- which is what the justice system is being used for.  It is disproportionately cruel to make me stay incarcerated with my stress disorder issues compared with other people.  I am not a threat to anybody and I can be picked up by local police before court when I am set to appear.  (My issue about can’t appear is I can’t make myself drive to court, to get around this police have to pick me up, which I can do – weird I know but its a bizarre and terrifying disorder so you get creative.

They sent two police cars, there is always one of the officers who knows me, lead out in handcuffs and put in the car, you wonder what people are thinking – you wish you could explain to people what was happening and why.

Arrived at cells, newbie was asking me lots of questions, but I started to get upset and cry as my post bollocking melt-down started to kick in.  The woman processing me was a rigid bitch who I didn’t take to at all, usually those people are nice, but not this one, was an older woman.  Argued with her when I was told I would be staying the night as court wasn’t taking any more prisoners today.  Demanded to speak to a lawyer but that was a disaster.

The lawyer Val, a man, to start he couldn’t hear me and hung up (the accoustics in teh concrete box were really bad), they got him back on the phone and he said something to the effect to phone some woman – I don’t remember name – and she was more sympathetic to women in my situation. WTF sexist pig.  They were supposed to phone another lawyer but the small room overwhelmed me and I became claustrophobic and started banging on the door to be let out.  The officers said, don’t you want a lawyer and I just laughed at them, pointing out they knew very well I couldn’t stay in that room because of my mental health and as there was no other options then I got no lawyer.  I’d suck it up if I had to stay, I had no choice I couldn’t go back in that room, not that day – in fact not ever.

They take your shoes jewellery, everything out of your pockets and put them in plastic bags (which I keeping for an art project) – they also had my painting and two signs and my bag of protest stuff, visual diary, laws, pens etc.  I got put into a cell I have been in several times before, in the women’s section – officer told me there 38 mens cells and 9 womens – so when the revolution arrives we only need to get 50 people arrested and Wellington police are overwhelmed.  They can fit about 30 in the day rooms – anyway its not many. 🙂 dreams are free.

By the time they let me out of the concrete box I was freaking out and getting worse, head down ticking, shaking, hyperventilating, on verge of panic attack, but not knowing about to take the violence I was feeling out on myself.  Got back to the cell and started pacing, shaking, ticking, trying to keep a panic attack under control.  Nothing would work, so sat on bed and started banging my head and back against the concrete wall, it is the only thing that will calm me when I’m that traumatised.  Then I started wanting to hurt myself, with slapping beats on my legs and the mattress, beating myself about the head, thumping my thighs with fists as hard as I possibly could.  When its happening its a release valve, its not nice and is distressing for people watching.  Its torment on full blast, but it releases pressure, its me turning the psychological violence I have just endured into physical violence.  I have very little control over if it starts happen, my body is rigid.  It takes every bit of concentration to not completely flip out and start trashing the cell and really harming yourself by punching walls etc – because that’s what you want to do.  I picture every bone in both my hands smashed.

When I start punching my head its because I want the torment to stop, the hurt the extreme hurt about not getting health care I should be and being dragged through court and justice processes so unfairly.  Of being isolated and lied about, discriminated against and persecuted just so a bunch of neo-liberal rich pigs can have lots more money and poor people have less.  So they can make money out of people they deny mental health care to and safe homes.

I’m going to be requesting a copy of the CCTV footage from when I arrived until about 6pm when I finally calmed down.  Once the horrible police guard left at 3pm and next lot took over things got better.  Although I was told I had been a problem earlier, a problem mmmmm.  Best to be nice and make jokes when you first meet them, they’re usually nice and introduce themselves.  I play a game of trying to work out what the time is and I’m usually right – its one of the weird and not nice things about being in cells, you don’t know the time, even if it light or dark outside.  The dungeon they call Wellington police cells which is sub-ground and best earthquake strengthening possible I am told.

Dinner was 2 min noodles – which I refused – I eat too many of them already and butter chicken with rice over microwaved but ok.  There were 3 women there most of the night, one beside me was being checked every 20 mins.  Was given milo and tea over the night, when I couldn’t sleep.  All but two of the police were really nice, respectful and professional.

We got offered a shower at about 7pm which was really nice, you have to do it in front of guard but she way down end of corridor.  An image when I got to the showers has stayed with me – that I want to do an artwork about.  When I got to the showers there were five small soaps in one side and none in the other.  I asked the guard why, she said how people preferred the one that was slightly behind the wall and more private.  Just shows you how modest women are – not like what media portray (I have a theory this is one of the reasons young women drink so much to get confidence to wear things they not comfortable in).

  • Would be an amazing experience for every MP in parliament to be processed through the police and courts, kept in the cells overnight and experience the concrete phone box, showers, restrictions, small spaces, boredom, handcuffs etc.  The waiting rooms, the endless questions, the stripping of your identity, belts and shoes, the transport vehicles, the metal boxes, the other prisoners, the police and guards – mmmm I can feel a poem coming on – maybe a rap song.  Imagine Crusher Collins locked in the concerete phone box unable to get a lawyer and having to bang and yell to get out.  Or Jerry, lol, with his size, what a mission, getting in and out of cars and transport vehicles – I actually don’t think he would fit in the latest transport vehicle I was in.  He wouldn’t have handled the small dinner either and no snacks.

My back started getting really sore and I had to move around most of the night because of it.  Sitting on a low bench/bed was hurting it.  So changed to lying on my tummy, walking around, doing exercises etc.  The pillows are really bad so I got an extra blanket, was OK.  Wish I could have had a scrubbing brush and bucket of hot soapy water for a couple of hours to clean the cell.  Was still hair and stuff from previous occupants, it was Tuesday night, I’m not sure how many days worth – I thought that was a big tacky.  Showers weren’t cleaned every day either and water pooled on floor outside them, looked pretty yuk – at least a few days old – thats unhygenic.

Boredom is the most difficult thing when you have really bad mental health, because you brain always wants to obsess about being locked up, the injustices etc.  So I do things, like sing, good pracitice for remembering my songs, recite poetry and do drum rhythms on my legs, walls, doors, matress etc.  I also rip up paper hand towels and toilet paper – which I then keep and make into an artwork (which I’m doing later today).

I rip up poly cups you get your cuppa tea/water in, I do origami and make water bombs and Which Number Do You Choose game.

The mornings are the most difficult, hard to know the time and things stirring, you getting prepared to go into the metal box in the paddy wagon and not wanting to.  Past two times I spent night in cells I had massive melt-downs in the morning and I could feel another one coming on.  I told my guard what was happening and could I walk around the female day room and have my breakfast until I had to go, just to give me a bit more space from the cell I was in and before I had to go into something much smaller.  He seemed OK with it but said he would have to talk to his Sgt, he never came back and I had that melt-down and it was horrible.

Went on for ages, though it is hard to know when you in that state, rocking, fingers in ears, crying, self-harming, tormented and completely distraught.  I remember starting to babble about being allowed to go to the day room over and over again.  That’s when Sgt I didn’t like came around with breakfast and asked me if I wanted any, in amongst the babbling I said yes.  He asked again and I said yes, he left and went to the next cell.  I wanted breakfast I wasn’t feeling good, I told them I had early stages of diabetes when I arrived.  Want to get the CCTV footage of not getting breakfast as well.

The guards from the previous night and overnight had been trying to help me with my issue about getting into small spaces in the transport vehicles.  They tried to have my case transferred to Wellington, but apparently you have to go where warrant was issued, which was Masterton for me.  There were several other people being transported over to Masterton, obviously a bad bunch over here.

They did offer to get me the CATT team which I refused, what’s the point, I just been turned down by mental health and what would they do.  I would just start swearing at them, I go tourettes when they come anywhere near me, I’m terrified of them.  When they suggested it all I could envisage was me spitting at them and being done for assault.  When I thought about it I could have used the 6hour rule to not have to stay incarcerated in police cells but would probably have had to go into care of mental health AND THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM EVER GOING TO DO THAT VOLUNTARILY – NOT EVER.  At least I know what police are capable of and inmates are locked up so can’t harm you.

One part of it I was whimpering and crying, a woman in another cell was being really lovely and telling me it would be OK and not to worry.  She did this for about 20 mins, its amazing how people come together in these situations – I’ve seen it before, especially with people who are upset.  I’ve also seen upset people be verbally attacked by other prisoners and told to kill themselves cause they were losers.  (same sort of people in police)

Then two new guards appeared at my door telling me it was time to leave, knowing I had been having a melt-down for over an hour.  They tried to be nice and commented on my origami, were impressed they were water bombs I had made.  I had to tell them I couldn’t walk and to give me 5mins after my melt-down, they weren’t too bad, only young.

Had a right audience putting me in the first transport van, was getting flashbacks of the last time, couple of years before and it wasn’t good.  Tried to be brave but got to the door and stopped, I Knew there was no choice and all those people behind me woud make me get in there but I still told them how I felt and that I didn’t want to.  One of them commented on me not wanting to go to court, I threw back some insult that shut him up.

Got in the box and focused on my breathing and avoiding teh claustraphobic feelings.  Looked out the back window.  Started hyperventilating and banging my head against the box to calm down.  Prisoner being bit of an arsehole – one of those who hones in on suicidal and traumatised vulnerable people – someone who attacks the weak rather than protects them.  Guards driving teh van suggested one of the guys sing to me to make me feel better.  It does distress some people when they see me in that state – that’s what many of them have encountered when rescuing abused women, except it is the justice system setting off my traumatic behaviour.

I immediately snapped out of what I was doing to keep from freaking out and said I can sing and started singing Why Am I Arrested, with drumming, the prisoner didn’t like it too much but I ignored him.  Then I did Human Sewage and Wish I was Dead with loud emphasis on SHOT by slapping both hands on the metal wall in front of me.  That was as we drove down the Wellington motor way out to the Hutt Valley, I was in full voice, loud as I sing it at home with just as much feeling.  YOu could hear every word.  Everybody shut up after that.

We arrived at Lower Hutt court to swap prisoners & I felt a bit better after singing and joked with those unloading me that last time I was here I chalked Judge PJ Butler on the building and a big swastika.  They knew about the incident and now they had met who did it.  I had been put in last and let out first which I was EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR – it was one small thing I had talked to my guard about that they did.

They lied to get me in the van to Lower Hutt because they said the next transport was bigger and really it was much much smaller.

You have to bang on the door repeatedly to get any attention which is annoying, made sure I went to the toilet when I could because I know how incontinent I can get with my bladder/kidney issues if I need to go.  The toilet at Lower Hutt court is amazing, shame they don’t give you pens to contribute to the mural of graffiti all over the natural plywood walls.  I so wanted to do a poem in that room – will have to do something to get back in that room and do one.  Maybe another chalk mission, the walls of that building are like a giant blackboard.  I could come up with some cartoon images and words.

So we were put back in the new – state of the art apparently – transport van/truck.  As we were walking out one of the guards started giving me shit about being in custody and being arrested (which I had organised myself when I did the protest).  Lecturing me, I gave him a right mouthful, told him he wasn’t my fucking father and I was there because two policemen assaulted me, lied about it in court and got away with it and I had thrown red paint over white ribbon banner as a result.  He scoffed to others listening how it was only an alleged assault- there were about 6 guards police around during the change over.  I just said YEAH RIGHT of course it was pig and a few other nasty comments.  Which others listening seemed surprised about.  Said something to the effect how I suppose we would get a shit drive over the hill now after what I said, but we didn’t.

The put me in van and of course the enclosure/metal box was even smaller, only the size of a person sitting down – no way Jerry Browlee would fit.  You had a window, which I just focused on most of the time – the view.  There was a camera up in front of you, you weren’t in handcuffs or anything.  Anybody would think you were a terrorist and your comrades were preparing to break you out – the security was EXTREME.  The plug on the bottom of the metal box made me feel sick, you wonder what sort of fluids went down there.  Anybody with really bad claustraphobia would be completely fkd in that metal box.

The imagines outside the window were cool, such a familiar trip for me but not in a police paddy wagon with bunch of other criminals.  Going through Greytown you could see the van/truck clearly in the windows and Carterton where my graffiti from the morning before was still up.  Would be great idea for a music video for some of my songs.  Make the paddy wagon like a tardis inside with me and a band performing, while outside the world watches us go past in a reflection.  We’re a statistic that people who create this neo-liberal nightmare make sure the masses don’t see.

Got taken out at Masterton and taken through to court waiting room where I tagged ReFuSe on teh wall using my finger and rubbing it over someone who had used a pencil to tag.  Some of the shit on the walls was real bitchy violent hate stuff, typical Masterton and a big pencil tag MSTN can’t be trusted – I completely agree.

It was cold, I didn’t have my coat or my shoes, only my socks, I was feeling yuk and needed something to eat.  The guard I had called a pig was still with me and I had to ask him to get me something to eat as I felt sick and had no breakfast in Wellington.  When we got out the guy in metal box beside me was looking back at me, obviously to see who had been making all the noise – pretty sure he was in the van from Wellington as well.

Guard came in and said I had to see Forensic Nurse while I was there – I refused.  Now I realise police wanted that to prove they hadn’t been the ones who inflicted the bruising to my face.  I had not mentioned the bruising even though I knew it was there.  Several people I have seen since have mentioned it and immediately thought it was police, I’m happy to tell them it was me and was THE SYSTEM that drives me to self-harm, not the actual police around me.

Guard came in and said I had to see lawyer – I refused that as well, no point.  This was only another court date until I actually get a PROPERLY TRAINED CONSTITUTIONAL LAWYER.  Judge was a crusty old guy and you don’t fk with them too much, told him my magna carta rights were violated and I didn’t have to follow the law, told him my mental health was too bad and I couldn’t make myself attend court.  Told him until my health care was reinstated and I got constitutional lawyer I needed I wouldn’t be participating.  He pretended to ignore most of what I was saying.  A lawyer in the room volunteered that another lawyer had just rejected me as a client so LEgal Services Agency were trying to find another before 7 May.  So is Wellington Community Law Centre and Ann Rice at the Law Society.  I don’t believe they exist – its just a sick joke they tell people about justice that they don’t actually do.

Given same bail conditions then waiting in bail room told I have to go back to Masterton police station to pick up my belongings and shoes.   That judge said I am not allowed within 1 metre of unless it is an emergency.  I pointed that out to the court staff – who are always nice to me (most of them) so they phoned police station to get it organised.  I don’t trust Masterton police not to have me prosecuted for picking up my stuff.

Walked out of bail room had to go past security, getting a few flashbacks to melt-down I had there couple of months ago, but nothing I couldn’t handle.  Waved and smiled at the security guard I had yelled at and he smiled back – so that’s all sorted thankfully.  Will make it easier to go in teh building next time.

Lucky it wasn’t raining recently and I could walk around to police station in my socks.  Took my time getting sorted in foyer, getting shoes on, took a photo of where white ribbon banner USED TO BE, tehehehehe.  Although I was sitting in that police station after spending the night in cells, it was actually a WIN FOR ME not for them.  Every time this case goes to court it will be explained I threw paint on that banner because of injustice about police assault, threats and cover up.  Everybody who here’s my story thinks I am completely justified, including me.  I did perform an act of wilful damage but there was no injustice in my actions – so I can’t be prosecuted and punished.

A friend was in Masterton and was able to give me a ride home – back to my car I had left at Carterton Railway station the day before.  All the train guards will know I spent a night in the cells, its really cool how they follow what I do.  If I had seen judge in Wellington I wouldn’t have got a free ride home – that saved me $17.

Another successful guerrilla protest mission as the days go on only those things that left an impression are with me and things are fading, which is why I wanted to write it all down.  Hopefully too it will help/validate other people with stress disorders who have anything to do with the justice system and police.  Give them some ideas on how to deal with situations so they dont’ get too out of hand.

Lastly, when I got home I noticed a form attached to my things  –  Instructions for escorts to and from court.  The comment on me being suicidal was absolutely disgusting, full of lies and was just degrading me because of my suidical ideation, calling them vague threats of suicide.  After police had been so nice to read this was disturbing – who had written it, why would they write such a pile of BS that didn’t help guards whatsoever, in fact it made them more bigoted and easier able to discredit me.  I will be making a complaint about this form and some of the other things that happened and I also can’t praise some police staff highly enough for accommodating impairments related to my disorder/disability and making my stay in custody as easy as it could be for someone like me.

For activists, when you do finally get around friends you can talk to, spend a few hours debriefing and telling them about your experiences.  Have a long hot shower to wash away all the bad shit.  As soon as you can write a diary note about everything that happened, sign it, date it and you’ve already told someone about it.  This is important evidence if anything happens in future to address discrimination and problems that arose – like the revolting comment on transport documents – or not getting access to room prior to being moved and not getting breakfast.

When I got home, as I have said before on my website i got the news that all my ACC care is going to be reinstated after waiting eight years.  It seems surreal and I know once I get this care I won’t be having the melt-downs, self-harming and extreme torment I go through now in teh court system.  Wait until they see jayne in action and full strength – then I’ll kick some legal arse.