Dear Michelle & those who control her,
It the next morning after what happened yesterday, I am still incredibly fragile and on the verge of tears, my eyes are swollen I cried so much yesterday. I can’t believe how inhuman cruel and callous you were, what is it about a desperate destitute terrified persecuted suicidal abuse victim that turns you into this??? The only word I can find to describe your appalling cruelty is EVIL.
You are going to give me an extra $7 when my rent is going up $40. I know people living in motels for $150 a night and WINZ pay their rent – why won’t you pay mine??????? They don’t have to pay it back either – or do they???? Its the government who required to provide housing to disabled people, under the law, they havn’t and they show no signs of doing it so more people suffer, suicide, harm and are harmed. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US MICHELLE – YOU ARE THE MANAGER OF WINZ MASTERTON – YOU MUST KNOW WHY THE GOVERNMENT CONTINUE WITH THESE SUICIDE CAUSING HATRED AGAINST DISABLED AND POOR FORCED TO ROT ON WELFARE.
When I phoned you I had been unable to get myself out of bed all morning, I had been trying to cope with the huge increase in my rent, trying to forget it was going to happen, trying to forget that things were about to get much much worse when I already couldn’t cope. Having that sexual pervert contact me though the accommodation sign I put up at the supermarket made me even more frightened.
You do understand my behaviour is related to extreme overwhelming fear after years of medical neglect, criminal negligence, violence and discrimination by ACC, police, MOH, MSD and others. I am not mentally ill, there is nothing dysfunctional about how my brain is reacting, it is completely normal to be terrorised to the point of Complex PTSD after this many years of persecution by neo-liberal extremist economic religious beliefs being implemented. The way people who WERE PURPOSELY IMPOVERISHED were treated after 100,000s became unemployed with this new economic religion was criminal. I still hope and pray one day those who did it and changed welfare laws especially to be cruel and degrading to those who WERE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO WORK will be prosecuted in a criminal court – and of course humiliated in public.
I have a mental injury, not a mental illness and as it sounds my brain is completely normal just my environment causing the damage and ongoing dysfunction – that is what neo-liberals want and get after 30 years, it insures people are kept terrified and they can create jobs and profits for drug companies, lawyers, security industry etc.
Why would you insult me on the phone like that when I was experiencing such overwhelming despair – Tina Hemi would never ever have insulted me like you did. Obviously you have never been around someone suicidal and HATE them like most people do, like our government do, like neo-liberals do. Why can’t you listen to the despair you create, I would imagine every single person who has the misfortune of having to deal with WINZ cries themselves to sleep many many times, your organisation is so degrading and demeaning. Although rich people who turning 65 love it, especially if they are still working at high paid jobs.
How do you reconcile that with the suffering and economic violence you commit against disabled poor people like myself? That old rich people in good jobs are going to get welfare when they turn 65, I would imagine you would do that so would be in complete agreement with it. After all they wouldn’t have made you manager if you weren’t doing what neo-liberals in power wanted you to – and do it with conviction – you are certainly good at that.
If you are not going to hear my desperate screams for health care, justice and decent work, then who is, someone on the street perhaps? A self-righteous Christian perhaps that wants to hug and insult you, telling you its only temporary and things will get better if you are a good person. I am a good person Michelle, I understand the rape was just something bad that happened, but what the government, ACC, my family and ‘friends’ did to me after was worse than being raped. What you are doing to me now is worse than being raped, the trauma I felt after yesterday is like getting over a rape or an attempted murder.
That’s what being as suicidal as I was yesterday is like, being the victim of your best friend trying to kill you, you made that feeling so much worse. I have to sit on the side of my bed rocking backwards and forwards trying not to go to the knife drawer and end it, it is a living nightmare, torment and of course psychological torture. You did that to me Michelle, I am not mentally ill for what happened – I walk around trying to pretend everything is OK and going to be OK, then it just all comes out and I can’t hold it back. You would see this a lot with the people you terrorise, degrade and persecute, I would imagine the more intelligent and harmed by violence they are the worse it is.
Someone told me you have a lot fewer people forced to come in begging for food and money to live, that must make it so much easier for you, not having to look these people in the eye. But then as manager you would seldom see the consequences of your cruelty, easier to keep doing it when you don’t have to face it. That is what I have found over the years of protesting about being denied professional health care, rehabilitation and state house I am entitled to under ACC and other laws. Books on abuses of power and cruelty are filled with it.
Check out the Milgram Experiment on youtube or the Stanford Prison experiment – you are the person flicking the switch to kill people because someone in authority over you says, someone in a white coat says I am mentally disturbed and not to listen to me – but you know that’s not true, don’t you Michelle. You are the violent guard enjoying his power over others, I am the prisoner they keep putting in the cupboard.
Please explain to me why the meeting Tina & Richard at WINZ were trying to organise between ACC, police, mental health, WINZ and myself was cancelled? Don’t I at least have the right to know what happened and what was said, under the OIA and Privacy ACt I am entitled to a copy of my file, please provide that. I would imagine the government is so corrupt they have avoided keeping emails or only done illegal things to harm me by phone, could you please write down WHY this meeting failed. Please tell me why its OK I don’t have a doctor, why I don’t have professional health care when I won two court cases in 2010/11. Please tell me why, please help me understand why I am being treated so cruelly when I am so unwell and all I want to do is go back to work and be safe in my own home.
All WINZ and government talk about is how people should work, I want to work more than anything, please help me be able to do that, please I am begging you. At the moment I am so unwell terrorised being in a social situation wouldn’t be possible. But my art and creativity is off the scale with the amount of stress and trauma I am being subjected to, why can’t we use that? I not only do art about how bad my life is and how bad neo-liberal terrorism is, I do other stuff, lots of stuff, plays especially which could be world famous and perfect for tourists. Stories about birds and races around The Pinnacles, Palliser bay Sweeper, Cook Strait, Harbour Hairpin, Wainui hill, Mount Aorangi, it goes over and over in my head. I can see it as a play done by children in schools, a play done by professional actors at skate parks and other venues and of course a movie on the scale of Avatar. The race route probably goes over James Cameron’s property, not that a worthless piece of garbage like me would ever get the opportunity to develop a story/myth etc like that. One that includes Maori legend and disabled people/birds etc.
Please I have so many ideas for jobs, especially the amount of industrial waste I am seeing come from the building industry, its deeply disturbing and would be an excellent way of trying to earn my own money. Sadly after the last police assault they damaged my wrist permanently this time and as it requires a lot of working with my hands I couldn’t do it for very long, but I’m sure there would be other disabled people I know DESPERATE FOR WORK who would. So many of them expected to volunteer for free – volunteering should be for people who DON’T WANT TO WORK, not for people who do! Exploiting disabled people by making them feel guilty if they don’t volunteer is disgusting – these people are so desperate.
I have been in several businesses in the past, I know what I am capable of now and I know I could not run a business, I NEED HELP AND HEALTH CARE I AM ENTITLED TO SO I CAN HEAL AND RETURN TO WORK. That is all I have ever wanted, I thought that is what you wanted to, that’s what all the marketing and cruel demands to apply for 100s of jobs is about isn’t it.
Please be assured what you are doing for the government is driving people to violence and suicide, that is immoral and cruel. Until recently NAZI were being put on trial and put in jail even in their 90s because of crimes during their reign of terror – only for those targeted for persecution and blame, not the bulk of the population. The similarities about what I have read about pre-WWII Germany and what our govt are currently doing to targeted minorty group I am part of is terrifying. How you cannot see this, when you are one of the GENERALS in this neo-liberal/NAZI persecution and exploitation of poor by insane wealthy elities is beyond me. Hoefully this letter will get through to you and you will turn on those in the white jackets and not perpetrate the cruelty you are.
You text me with a $50 food grant on my card – I’m sorry I can’t use it and I find it extremely offensive you would do that after yesterday – I didn’t beg you for food did I????? You remind me of some rich ignorant selfish neglectful parent who doesn’t want to spend any time with their child and just gives them THINGS to shut them up. Causes a lot of teenage suicide in rich families. I can’t use the food grant because I would have to go to a supermarket when I am really really fragile and offend the minimum wage checkout operator. You obviously completely reject the idea that young people and most older women who required to work in these low paid jobs are resentful of people that LOOK OK and don’t work, getting food for free through the government/through their taxes.
You told me the last time I was forced to beg for food that there was no food grant money left for human sewage like me – now all of a sudden you come up with it – only to make yourself feel better about what you are doing to me. Did the police suggest it perhaps, you phoned them to come intimidate me cause you know what they did to me and how terrified I am of them. Thankfully they know not to engage with me unless they really have to – that’s because most police officers are disgusted in what is happening to me, but like you do their jobs without question.
I’m sure with having corrupt abusive Forensic Mental Health staff in your building they’ve illegally filled you in on all the lies they tell about me refusing mental health care. I HAVE NEVER EVER REFUSED PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CARE, they have refused me multiple times, then say to others I don’t want care. Why do you think I am so screwed up, its because they lie and I can do nothing to stop the lies either. I will be posting my 37 page complaint to medical council and privacy commissioner re Dr Justin Barry-Walsh in next few days. It was interesting how when he is supposed to consult with my family, friends and others I suggest, he instead went to mental health services, police and lawyers that have never represented me. I asked told him he could contact Tina, as she has known me for so long and understands the deterioration in my mental health over the years.
I am very sad you hurt Tina for helping me, very very sad and deeply disturbed. Hopefully if I ever get a legal inquiry into how badly I have been treated, what people in teh system have done to try and help me and been disadvantaged for will be addressed. Hopefully they will get compensation and recognition of the bullying and cruel tactics they were subjected to by their bosses LIKE YOU.
Did I tell you I can’t use the card because I feel so degraded and worthless when I do, I would rather eat my own feces at the moment. Wish I could go to the food bank, I just can’t, those people are as degrading as WINZ, except they can go home and gossip about those people they gave food to – because they were losers who didn’t want to work!
I wish I didn’t HATE you but I do, I really really HATE you and everybody doing this to me – all of it illegal. After 17 years of study I know my rights, I know what is happening to me and I know why, I also know it is illegal uncivilised and cruel. Unlike majority of people who live in the darklands of this neo-liberal hell hole I spend almost all my waking hours trying to get help so I can work and educating myself as to why I can’t get what the law says, keeping myself informed of local and world events. I seldom watch TV, can’t stand the advertising and propaganda, have you seen the neo-liberal propaganda ASB Bank is vomiting all over us at the moment. How we are all one people no matter how many different nationalities.
Its extremely disturbing propaganda, putting so many cultures together who are driving disabled and poor locals out of their homes, jobs, health care, etc and our govt and business leaders committing cultural genocide against PAKEHA, ewwwwww.
Please ask yourself why you HATE me and persecute me, I never hurt you, I never stole your money, I never took food from your fridge and cupboard, I never insulted or patronised you, I never hurt any of your children or your family, I never drove you out of your home, I never made your life a living nightmare – I don’t even know you – so why do you do it to me?????? Is that why you couldn’t handle my phone call and answerphone messages, because I put the blame directly onto you as a human being and woman? You want to pretend you’re just doing your job and hurting/terrorising disabled people like myself is your job.
I cant go on, I’ve started crying again, my heart is broken, what a evil cruel country I live in.
My heart is low
My head is bowed
From the depths the hell does rise
I can hardly move
Nothing will sooth
My broken heart no longer flies
I can see no future
Now a tortured creature
Looking out from blackened eyes
So much rejection
Like an injection
Of the suicidal size
Don’t want to see
How the system is full of lies
The market torture wheel
Doesn’t care or feel
They’re paid to ignore your cries
The money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties
This is dedicated to you Michelle, to you Jacinda and to you William (or more correctly to your mum who is a distant relative of mine).