I want to throw up writing this to you, but I know that’s what I have to do – I will contact Complaints in Wellington on Monday so I can get another email to send this too as not sure if I can trust you to do anything.
What happened yesterday is as much a result of the two previous complaints I have made about inappropriate cruel behaviour of police officers not being dealt with – as it is with discrimination on the basis of my disability and trying to stand up for my rights.
Firstly, under the Privacy Act and as part of this complaint can I please request a copy of the CCTV footage from inside & outside Carterton Police Station between 1.45pm and 2.45 pm, when I went there to make a complaint about two police threatening me at my home over Misuse of a Telephone complaints ACC was making.
I arrived to make a complaint about police turning up at my house yet again threatening me with misuse of a telephone, when only a matter of weeks ago charges were dropped, my lawyer gave me a list of reasons – one being the Alan Doris report detailing my tourettes/insulting/swearing stuff. According to your staff it was because the person died. For at least 10 mins I got every cliché in the book, including the lie that people had tried to help me but me but I refuse care. Comments about me being mentally ill which is why I protest all the time and make this my job. Derogatory comments about how I take police to court when I know my rights have been violated.
I was so upset that Alan, who I thought understood as he had been so nice to me in the past, actually thought the same as ALL the other officers about me being a time waster, liar, etc etc. It is getting difficult to remember what they said as my brain rejects discrimination and that sort of hatred and ignorance – its just too painful and causes me to become highly suicidal – why would anybody want to live in this hell hole country with a stress disorder and reliant on abusive unprofessional mental health services.
I left the station very upset at many of the things that had been said – but at least I know what is being said – I just never understood why you refused to protect me under the Crimes Act, now I do. The only way peaceful way I could react to what I had just been subjected to was go back to my car, get my chalk pen, go back to the station and chalk a swastika and CORRUPT on the front window. I didn’t think oh this is going to get me arrested, or oh I’m going to be violently hurt by those police, I just do it – I know it is not against the law to protest in this way. Bill of Rights law and the right to protest has a measure of reasonableness and what is justified in a civil society. What happened next was out of all proportion to what I did.
The Maori policeman – same one who reluctantly took my complaint against High Court Security last week – came out grabbed me and proceeded to assault me and throw me on the ground. I was freaking out, I never resist arrest and yet this man was really hurting me, he was digging his fingers into the tops of my hands so I was screaming, my hands are all bruised and sore. He also grabbed my ear and twisted it, along with my left arm being twisted and thrown to the ground. I have a bad bruise up the inside of my right arm, I think caused by the chalk pen somehow – when I showed them the bruise they kept saying it wasn’t them it had been there for ages – it was really strange. I can appreciate they didn’t realise what they had done but to vehemently deny it was. Alan was also part of assaulting me, I remember him with his knee on me on the ground. I’m sure the CCTV footage will show you what happened.
I was tightly handcuffed, which cut into my wrist really badly so by the time I got to Masterton station my hand was blue and tingling – its now 4am and I havn’t been able to sleep and the bruise on my right wrist and hand are really sore.
I was put in the police car and taken to Masterton, Alan talked the whole way, his words dripping with sarcasm and obvious hatred, it was very distressing. Every question about why I couldn’t get care I answered or explained but he refused to believe anything I said – I’m mentally ill after all – he just got nastier and more insulting. Threatened me with finding out just how nasty he could be if I didn’t co-operate fully or said anything to defend myself. Said something about pulling the victim card.
I mentioned there are several other things happening in my life at the moment that are causing me huge stress, particularly my flatmate who has a dog and been breaking things but not repairing or replacing him – he is very strange and I need him to leave but as usual I can’t say anything because my disorder kicks in and my mouth just won’t say the words. Alan just became angry with me about it. I also mentioned my uncle had died and all my family were in Nelson for the funeral but I couldn’t go mostly because I couldn’t trust my flatmate, plus the cost and the fact I am so fragile at the moment and it is not safe to be around my family – they insuilt me for not working. I find being away from home very difficult – I find being at home very difficult when I get continuous visits from police for whatever reason.
When at Masterton police station I started to go into survival mode and curl up in a ball rocking backwards and forwards – I asked for a woman officer and was refused. After what happened in Wellington last week I’m starting to freak out about being around men bullying and standing over me. I ended up curled up in a ball in the cell or rocking backwards and forwards to try and calm myself. I was so cold as I had gone into shock. I asked for a doctor as my arm was really hurting and I thought it might have been some clot as a result of the handcuffs, the pain was shooting all the way up my am to my chest. The ambulance was called and it was another man who said the bruising was from a blunt instrument and offered me pain relief, which I refused.
He left and CATT team turned up, I started swearing at them – as I do – and they left, why anybody would expect me to deal with the man who has rejected me from mental health services for over a decade is beyond my comprehension. The stories people have told me about that man and he still has credibility and a job – even though it is only ACTING head of mental health for the past decade.
While I was waiting I became very cold, I had only just got over the flu and shock had set in, I asked for a blanket repeatedly but was refused.
I asked for a lawyer because Alan said he was going to keep me in the cells for as long as he chose and I was really frightened – I know you can’t hold someone with mental health issues longer than six hours, which is why I asked for a lawyer. He bought me in a laminated piece of paper with the names on it – I knew my last lawyer Susie was away and I don’t know any of the others so I said he could choose anybody. I also told him I only wanted a lawyer because he was going to make me stay in the cells. I thought Alan went away to call a lawyer but he didn’t.
He came back and said I would have to sign for my things and then leave the building. I completely freaked out, apparently I was to catch a bus back to Carterton in the pouring rain – it wasn’t the rain that freaked me out – I can’t catch buses when I’m a mess like I was. That’s the reason I havn’t been able to see the counsellor because ACC refuse to pay for a taxi, I can’t drive myself because I become too upset when going to counselling and I can’t catch a bus either. People would see me crying, I would be completely humiliated, I wouldn’t even know how or where to catch it from as I become quite disoriented when that traumatised. I ended up curled up in a ball in the corner under the counter with my hands over my ears mostly, rocking, repeating over and over I can’t catch a bus, I can’t catch a bus. He just got angrier with me, threatened me with being forcibly removed from HIS station and went away to get others to help him. I was so scared I just curled up in an even tighter ball in the corner.
At one point I said something about how scared I was after they assaulted me – he got really angry at that and told me he had not done anything of the sort and there was no way he was going to give me a ride anywhere after accusing him of it. I explained that I thought it was mostly the other officer that did it, caused the bruising, but I didn’t really know, because he was involved in what happened outside Carterton Police station but I don’t remember what part he played. I just remember being hurt for no reason and trying to do everything to make them both stop – ie being completely passive and silent and defending myself by curling up in a ball.
I’m going to be sick.
All those horrible things they said come back to me in flashbacks which make me really unwell. Like their comments about me making a career out of protesting etc – if I had the care I am entitled to I wouldn’t be protesting. I make it my job because I am so unwell and I don’t want to die, I want my care back so I can heal and return to work. What person would choose to live in poverty with no job and a future of homelessness and dysfunction. I have a report saying I’m intelligent, without the care I need I will die and suffer for the rest of my life – I’m only 51 of course I fight for what I am entitled to. Also it keeps my mind occupied – I’m not the sort of person that reads fiction all day, watches movies and spends there days asleep, wandering around, drugged or drunk – like most mentally ill people rotting on welfare that I know.
I also have a skin cancer that has returned and am worried about it because last time I had the money to have it removed, this time I have to rely on health system and it will take months – it has already taken four weeks just to get on the waiting list.
Alan eventually offered me the option of going to get my car across from police station in Carterton, which I agreed to – my car is my safe place when I am away from home and I thought I would be OK to drive home. While waiting for him in the reception of the police station, I was so so cold, I was frightened of all the people around me and cowered when someone came out from inside the building. I sat there mostly rocking backwards and forwards with my hands over my ears. I remember becoming really distressed, sobbing and crying, whimpering that I wanted to go home, please I just want to go home, please I just want to go home.
I was arrested around 2pm and got home around 6.30pm. I’m exhausted and tried to sleep but it only lasted 2 hours and I woke up crying because my hand/wrist was aching and I can’t believe what happened – all this for begging for the care I am entitled to under ACC, health, disability, criminal, imperial, human rights and bill of rights laws. Last week I couldn’t sleep on my right side because of the bruising from High Court Security and this week its my left. I have won two ACC reviews and still they refuse to reinstate my care – they offer me things knowing I can’t act on them because I am now so unwell. I have the support of Dr Doris and Jenny Kirby, plus I am sure all those people who worked with me in 2009 when I did have the beginnings of a professional rehabilitation plan.
If you think like those two officers think about me being offered heaps of professional care etc and refusing – then you are very very wrong. I can explain everything and I am sure these two would back up what I am saying about the ‘phobias’ after everything that has happened.
I am tired now, its 5am and I think my flu is returning after being so cold yesterday and so traumatised, I’ll see if I can sleep.
Please make this stop I am begging you, please uphold the law, I just want to get better and go back to work so I don’t have to live with people who take advantage of me and steal from me – or attempt suicide.
Please make this stop – I am begging you – I’m going to be contacting the United Nations about what is going on. There are rules and laws, you just can’t treat a disabled woman like this – especially one who knows her rights and is non-violent.
Please note also my screaming at ACC is not a threat of harm, it is more a warning about what spirit is going to do to them if they don’t provide the treatment care and rehabilitation for people mentally injured by abuse and trauma. When I am so unwell because of being denied care I am entitled to all I can do is hope and pray what happened to me, at the hands of a badly abused child that never got the ACC care he was entitled to, happens to them – as they are the ones causing this nightmare. As you know I go tourettes on it I am so angry and frustrated – I never used to swear I also know the science of trauma and I know the more we dont’ help people, the more people traumatised around them and it just gets bigger and bigger – which is why our prison population is exploding.
I just want me and others to get the care I know we are entitled to – and the safe homes to live in, which we are also entitled to.
God please help me –
God please help you, I know those officers probably didn’t mean to hurt me like they did, something came over them, it was really scary – they just lost all reason. Its weird, its like they are trying to cover up guilt, or attack something that they know is wrong but also they know is weak. Its like they’re attacking all vulnerable people like me – yes vulnerable, or more correctly fragile, they’re attacking all poor people or disadvantaged people because they want to believe everything they see on TV and the media about how great NZ is – when it is not.
Please help me, there are so many angry people in the Wairarapa and around New Zealand I just know things are going to blow – even worse than they have so far this year – I can feel it all around me – people are so angry and tired of struggling while the very richest make life better for themselves and harder for everybody else.
Can you please advise you have received this complaint and the Privacy Act request and about how long it will take to be investigated and dealt with – please also tell me if you are going to do nothing, rather than me being ignored.
Civil Society Actor